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was on a roll with reading a book a week and then one fuckass no conflict book ruined it and now no book i pick up is worthy of finishing

and its ruined my good streak!!!

#im mad #i wasnt planning a reading goal this year #but it felt so good to be reading again #until now

LiS 2 from chapter 1 to 3 is quite alright, but damn does chapter 4 fucking suck 😭😭

#abbey plays lis 2 #like this is painful #the game is already a downgrade from the first one but it was still okay-ish #until now #yikes #all that church bullshit felt so forced like please 💀 whose idea was this?#you're telling me that after everything Sean has gone through #his little brother is capable of just. moving on and getting a new ''family'' out of fucking nowhere #to the point of preferring THEM over Sean #and letting them abuse him? right in his face? they almost killed him!#like that's so stupid dude I have no words #this writing...#I hope chapter 5 is worth it #'cause this one has been such a letdown my god

On my way to see the tadc, still have five hours until it starts but i wanna walk around a bit before :D

Also eat something

#stormysol rambles #tadc the last act #tadc spoiler free #until now #hope it stays that way!!

the other day, i was bored at work and scrolling through instagram. i don't watch euphoria but my algorithm is pushing it on me, and i paused on a clip because wasting time watching it seemed to be a better idea than doing work.

i don't know the full context of the clip, but it was definitely the death scene for zendaya's character, and an accidental one, from what i could gather from colman domingo's excellent acting. the clip itself was maybe two minutes long and it ruined the rest of my day; i couldn't stop seeing colman domingo's hand as it cradled zendaya's head, as he leaned down to give her a gentle kiss goodbye.

presumably her character was living a very painful life, one from which she was now free. there's something nice to thinking about it that way, but i couldn't stop thinking about the finality of death. sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere, and my sister has been dead for two and a half years, my brother-in-law for six months; you'd think it would have sunk in by now.

i keep seeing zendaya on that couch, airpods still in her ears, curled in comfortable clothes against a few pillows. my sister was surrounded by a dozen or so family and friends who all got to hold her hand or kiss her goodnight, but she died in a hospital room. my brother-in-law died at home but he was alone. someone should have kissed him goodnight. someone should have tucked him in.

i tell my mom i love her every night before i go to bed, and most nights i sleep. but it's not always enough, even if i could wear her love like a blanket.

#'who lives who dies who tells your story' was also playing while i watched and i guess i never realized #how much i hadn't internalized 'in their eyes i see you alexander / i see you every time'#until now #i wish i could un-watch that clip; every time i even think about it i see morgie and ankur in zendaya #i can only imagine more loved ones will be added as time goes by #sorry for the sad post; i'm trying to exorcise the grief

trying not to break down or make things worse when you’re in panic mode feels like. borderline impossible. or maybe im just trying to justify making a really fucking stupid mistake

#I can’t wrap my head around how I didn’t realize it was stupid #until now #maybe I do deserve this shit #small talk

i have been scouring the internet for TWO YEARS to find this shirt and just secured one off ebay,,,this is the best day ever

#it was sold exclusively in the garden and i couldn’t find anyone selling one second hand #UNTIL NOW #RAHHHHHHH #celtics

gideon is so unserious i‘m obsessed with her

“Dulcinea had the dreamy, confiding manner of someone who, despite spouting grade-A horseshit, was confident you would understand everything she was saying.”

fhdhshshdhdhdhdsjsjdj yeah

#almost forgot i actually like reading books #until now #gideon the ninth #tlt #☆

Just put two and two together that Azzi likes girls with blonde hair…….

#I might have a chance #this is a joke #never been so happy about having blonde hair #until now

i tell my mom i love her every night before i go to bed, and most nights i sleep. but it's not always enough, even if i could wear her love like a blanket.

#until now

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