yes, i am.
My little girl is 6 months today. :)
Looking back at the past half year, I can't help but think of all the memories, the learning experiences and the mistakes that Royce and I went through while trying to raise our first child. Everyone said it would be hard. They weren't kidding.
I've been a mental mess lately what with the overanalyzing and endlessly worrying that I may have screwed my daughter up permanently at such a young tender age. It's hard to admit that you have no idea what you're doing especially when it comes to the most important responsibility in your life. So with all the doubts running around in my head, I found myself drawn to the controversial Time Magazine edition on attachment parenting.
It was exactly the question I had been asking myself for the past 6 months. And in order for me to go back to my original 8 hours of sleep cycle, to stop my skin from breaking out and to release all the stress and anxiety caused by my insecurities, I needed an answer.
The cover caused quite an uproar as all mothers reacted to the idea that their parenting skills were being questioned simply because they chose a different method from one that advocated full breastfeeding, co-sleeping and baby wearing. As a mom who tried them all, I can honestly say that the amount of dedication it takes for a woman to become an attached parent is beyond comprehensible for most. I admire the attached parent. And there is no question that as much as I truly want to, I cannot give that same level of commitment to my child.
Had I not known any better, that confession should have validated my failure as a mother. But the comment of one mom was my revelation:
"It is not that we are against attachment parenting. We are against the question that you pose. "Are you mom enough?" Any mother, willing to sacrifice what she can to the furthest extent of her capabilities, who cares and loves her child and regardless of what method she chooses to apply for her children, for her own sanity, for her marriage, her career should she have one and the overall welfare of the family as a single unit - is mom enough. No one has a right to judge what is right or wrong in parenting. At the end of the day, we are all really just trying our best."
There was so much wisdom in that one message which I will forever appreciate. I will never judge how anyone choose to raise their child anymore, that is their prerogative. And no one has the right to judge me. But more importantly, I will stop judging myself. It is not a competition of who's child will come out better than the rest. It's about my child and doing what I can in raising her to be the best person she can be.
All I know is that I am trying the best that I can. So yes, I guess that really does make me mom enough. :)
