Serious Attempts Only

by emily 😄

[em-uhhh-lee]

TRACKING MY ATTRACTION: AN ABSURDLY CONFESSIONAL POST

The course of my future has dramatically shifted in the weeks since my last post, to the extent that that post is completely irrelevant to me at this point in time. Right now, I feel completely invincible to any and all embarrassment (though I’m sure that I will snap out of this glorious haze within the next two to three months). This current high is probably why I feel comfortable writing about the men I’m attracted to in the first place, let alone posting about them. But what sort of twenty-something would I be if I didn’t take advantage of my current mania by typing my thoughts out for the world to see and judge me by?

I’ve understood that I’ll die alone for a long time now, I’m just hoping I don’t die lonely. In my pursuit of not dying lonely, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is incredibly important for me to understand what my “type” is, once and for all. I don’t expect to actually learn much from this process–I don’t think I’ll behave any differently after this personal investigation as I’m sure all of the thoughts I’m about to write out are constantly bubbling within me and that I already subconsciously act accordingly–but I think it could be neat to see the inner workings of my brain laid out in a nice, easy-to-read roadmap of the men I am, or have been, attracted to. I think that’s enough preamble. This post has taken me over two months to actually finish due to the aforementioned dramatic life changes, so let’s just get into it. 

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SHOHEI OHTANI

Starting with a softball, no pun intended. 

Having a crush on Shohei Ohtani is probably the most like a normal woman I’ve ever felt. He is immensely talented, internationally famous, and an incredibly handsome once-in-a-generation baseball legend. He’s 6’4”, crazy rich, and serious about his sport. Complete jock, complete hunk. 

I can’t pinpoint it for sure, but thinking back, my crush on him started sometime around the 2023 WBC. Certainly during the time he played for the Angels. It makes sense; that era of his career was probably one of the most publicized times in his life. I probably got suggested some tweet about him on my For You page and quickly fell down the rabbit hole from there. 

Picking my brain more and getting to the root of my attraction to Shohei Ohtani, yeah, it’s the arms. Imagining him without the massive biceps and general hugeness, I’m not confident that I’d still be into him. So what if my attraction to him is purely superficial? He’s an athlete and I like that he looks the part. Sue me!

Let’s get this chart started with our first entry:

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ADAM SCOTT

Harsh pivot!

The humor of shifting focus from one of the greatest athletes of all time to a man typecast as "weak adult dork" in every film or television series he’s ever been in is not lost on me. I’m open to all sorts, I suppose.

Really, though, Adam Scott is more in line with my general understanding of my own type than Shohei Ohtani. Ohtani is an outlier, whereas Scott is foundational. This will become more apparent as the list goes on. 

Anyways, Adam Scott. 

This is a Parks and Recreation-based crush. Now, I have not seen a single full episode of Parks and Recreation in my life, but I am a dedicated viewer of the Parks and Recreation YouTube channel which posts compilations of Ben and Leslie being crazy in love every three weeks or so. From my frequent viewing of these various “Ben and Leslie being enemies-to-lovers for 14 minutes straight” compilations, I have fallen deeply in love with Adam Scott’s Ben and am experiencing emotional transference, directing these emotions onto Mr. Scott himself. Ben is employed and falls head-over-heels for Leslie, and my stupid brain is convincing me that this is real and I need to care at all about the actor these lines are coming from. 

I don’t want to discount Adam Scott’s attractiveness though, he is very handsome. He seems quite dorky in real life too, which is probably why I don’t consider my crush on him to be strictly a crush on Ben from Parks. Dorky in a different way, though. I tried listening to his U2 podcast, but I just felt like I was eavesdropping in on the most boring conversation of all time. 

So yeah, the looks and the personality do count, but they’re not turning me blind. Like, am I looking up scenes from movies where I know he has kiss and/or sex scenes? Yes! Am I enjoying them just because he’s there? No. I tried to watch Little Evil a few years ago and my takeaway at the time (courtesy of my Letterboxd review) was: “⭐⭐my lame crush on Adam Scott is not enough to make me like this movie.”

I haven’t seen Severance yet even though I know I’ll enjoy it because I don't have AppleTV and I left a hard drive that a boy gave me after an awkward half-date containing (I think) both pirated seasons of the show on it back home. (I never actually opened up the hard drive. There could literally be anything on there). I bring up my lack of Severance watching both as another funny “I haven’t seen this man’s most famous work” digression, and as a transition into the story of how I knew I had a crush on Adam Scott for real. It was in the spring of my freshman year of college. I saw a poster for the first season of Severance, this one, specifically:

I saw it and I thought to myself, “He literally looks ugly and I still think he’s hot.” And that’s when I knew I was done for.

Chart:

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NOAH WYLE

Now we’re entering the shame zone. 

I can feel readers slipping away from me. And honestly, I don’t blame them.

Let me make one thing clear, I don’t think I would get along with Noah Wyle AT ALL. Of everyone on this list, he is the one person that I am convinced would have a downright sinister energy if I interacted with him in person. I would never want to meet him and I think we would have terrible conversation. 

That being said, I like him as Dr. Robby. Dr. Michael Robinavitch is smart and capable and holds his dark feelings inside him and canonically fucks. He is also yaoi-fiable, though Hucklerobby does less than nothing for me, personally. He’s old-man hot, which is part of Noah Wyle’s charm.

Despite my spiritual aversion to him, I will say, I do find Noah Wyle’s passion for television as a medium to be very attractive. I know a lot of people online give him shit because he comes off as a crotchety old grump who’s pessimistic about the industry, and they don’t like the things he has to say about The Pitt and about its cast members leaving the show, but I think that he’s mostly correct. He clearly cares a lot about acting and about creating good TV, and being known for one role he did in the 90’s for the past thirty years of his career probably informs a lot of his less-than-completely-agreeable statements. 

I don’t want to be too nice to him, though. Like I said, he is actually probably evil and I am convinced that he and I would not get along because he would secretly have awful things to say about me behind my back. Our personalities would not mix well and we would have nothing to talk about. I know this because my mom Hates him. I just figured I'd throw the old dog a bone.

Add the oldie to the chart and let’s move on:

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HENRY FROM UGLY BETTY

Alright, time to round out this inadvertent “TV crush” section. And what a man to go out on!

Now why is this entry “Henry from Ugly Betty” and not “Christopher Gorham,” you might ask. That’s because I’m not attracted to the actor Christopher Gorham in any other context. Thank you for asking, I’m glad I could clarify that for you. 

Henry from Ugly Betty, what a man. He loves Betty, he has a stable job, he’s nerdy and wears cute glasses and has a great smile. Phew! I’m getting jittery just thinking about him. 

I know that I could spend these lines waxing poetic about how cute and dorky he is, and how that is actually the basis of my attraction to him, but I don’t think that would capture why I like him enough to include him in this list. 

Henry represents an entirely new, adult world to Betty. He works in the same building as her new job at Mode, he isn’t her super lame first boyfriend, and he is serious about her and the life they could have together. 

More than anything else, Henry opens up Betty's world. When she realizes she likes him, it pushes her to recognize her own desires as valid and gives her the strength and self-respect she needs to leave her cheating boyfriend. She can want better things for herself and get them. I guess I just hope the same is true for me. I want to want things and I want the strength to accept the things I want. Maybe this crush is a bit more projection-based than I initially thought, but what are crushes if not projections of insecure longing? 

Adding this lovely young man to my diagram, Adam Scott finally has a friend:

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HANK GREEN

See what I meant in the Adam Scott section about my “type” becoming clearer as the list goes on. Ohtani’s looking like a real curveball now, huh? (Haha).

This crush is super recent, and likely not super legitimate. If I’m being completely honest, I don’t get any fuzzy feelings in my chest when I interact with any Hank Green content anymore, but there was a cute three week period where that was the case. A fleeting attraction, but an attraction all the same. One significant enough that I’d feel like a liar if I didn’t include him in this post. 

I think the meat of this crush is based on Hank Green being such a practiced educator. Nothing he taught me through the Crash Course episodes I watched in high school stuck, but he’s such a great communicator and seemingly an even better listener. His new series Ask Hank Anything is better evidence of those qualities than I could ever hope to provide with mere written description. It helps that he seems to be one of the most passionate and sincere men on planet Earth. 

Am I specifically interested in teachers who care deeply about their job and the effects they can have on people, or am I just generally interested in people who care about things, no matter what they are? This is a very real question and I'm inviting anyone reading this who knows me in real life to excuse themselves from voicing their opinion on the matter to me in any capacity. 

Have any of these crushes been weird? Me being attracted to Hank Green certainly isn’t odd by any means, but I’ve always had this understanding of myself as being someone who experiences attractions that others would deem strange. Maybe my final entry will get me back on track in that regard. 

Anyways, it's chart time!:  

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MATT JOHNSON

See, now this is the one that’s actually a bit serious and for that reason is also a bit concerning to me. You’re going to see in the chart that Matt Johnson is the man closest to being the full package of my intersecting attraction elements. A terrifying concept. 

These past two entries stand out to me for reasons that are probably not immediately honest to any normal reader. The truth of the matter is that I am actually sexually prejudiced against blonde men, but these particular blonde men have somehow made it past my mental firewalls. I suppose I like listening to them both talk at length about their respective interests with unrivaled intensity enough that they are able to bypass my defenses. 

I mentioned that I find my attraction to Matt Johnson concerning and I feel the need to expand on that. Part of me thinks that I find my crush on him concerning because it’s current; I’m writing all this while currently crushing on Matt Johnson and am desperately praying for the day when that is no longer the case. Another reason I’m not all too chuffed about this one is that I see it as an ugly manifestation of jealousy more than anything else. Never have I understood the question “do you want to be him, or do you want to be with him?” more than I have at this point in my life. It’s a novel experience and I’m not all too happy about it. 

Liking Matt Johnson makes me feel bad about myself. Maybe that’s just how having crushes works sometimes. I don’t enjoy the idea that this crush feeling worse means that it’s somehow “realer” than other celebrity crushes I’ve had (ones listed above or otherwise)--they are all equally fake. I don’t actually care about any of the people on this list, including Matt Johnson, in any particularly intense or even interesting way. Clearly, I feel comfortable expressing some level of affection for them, but all in all, this rambling post has more so been an exercise in dissecting my own mind and how I perceive others than it has been an investigation into these individuals’ personas. 

So, yes, liking Matt Johnson makes me feel bad about myself. But that has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I don’t like that I’m not as motivated as him. I don’t like that I don’t feel smart or passionate or confident enough to dedicate myself to film like he has. Blah, blah, blah, pity party for me. It’s a comparison game I’m playing with myself, which is an awful game to play, but I’ve somehow internalized the idea that continuing to allow Matt Johnson on my social media feed is healthy because I like looking at his biceps and listening to him talk about homoeroticism and the Epic of Gilgamesh. Basically, I wish I was an effective storyteller with a demonstrable understanding of the world around me and I’ve made Matt Johnson the victim of my envy. 

I will say, it doesn’t help my mental health that Matt Johnson is also probably the nearest approximation of a man I could find in real life. The prospect of that does make me feel a bit parasocial and ill. My only comfort is found in the mental image of any man with Matt Johnson’s energy/demeanor approaching me and knowing that this would likely immediately ick me out. Boisterous confidence (a sign of immaturity) is, for whatever reason, only attractive to me when held by older men. Do any therapists reading feel like telling me why that is? 

Get him in the chart:

________________________________________________________________

CONCLUSION (?)

I don’t believe in hell but sometimes I do wonder if I’m going to end up there. 

Here are my final attraction categories:

TV dork

Adam Scott + Henry from Ugly Betty

Glasses

Henry from Ugly Betty + Matt Johnson + Hank Green

Big arms

Matt Johnson +Shohei Ohtani

Very passionate

Matt Johnson + Noah Wyle + Hank Green

What does this tell me about myself? I appreciate vulnerability–I think that’s what the “TV dork” and “very passionate” categories indicate. You can’t be a dork without being honest about your interests and you can’t be recognizably passionate about a topic without offering a part of your soul up to the public, risking judgement.  

“Glasses”–I’m into guys who look plausibly, stereotypically smart. That paired with “big arms,” I guess I just want the classic “buff nerd” archetype. Is that seriously what all this writing was for? To discover that I’m attracted to jacked poindexters? 

I don’t know if any of this was helpful. It was fun to write, don’t get me wrong. I like my cute little venn diagrams, but yeah, I think I was right to assume that writing this post wouldn’t lead to much other than the creation of my cute little venn diagrams. That’s alright with me, though. Writing this was pretty therapeutic and it made me excited about writing again. So I’ll chalk it up to a win in my book!

[em-uhhh-lee]

Becoming so depressed that the only things I can stomach are child molestation narratives #whatdatmean

[em-uhhh-lee]

On Embarrassment

Embarrassment. Who’s got it? Who wants it? 

I seem to not only constantly be embarrassing myself, but also constantly reliving past embarrassments. Giving presentations in middle school? My face is red. Accidentally asking a friend why her dead grandparents allowed her to have friends over at their beach house overnight a year ago? I’m ripping my hair out. Tripping over myself as I walk in front of a car that’s letting me cross the road last week? My heart is in my stomach. Embarrassment is the most potent and common emotion I feel.

I was recently talking about my plans for the future with my dad and the conversation quickly took a turn for the embarrassing. How, you might ask? Well, when I fumbled with my answers to “What are you passionate about? Where do you see yourself living?” offering a flip-flopping mix of “I don’t know” and “I don’t care,” my dad responded by saying that no matter what I choose to do, both him and my mom will support me, emotionally and financially, because that is their job as parents. Wow! Aren’t they just the best? And aren’t I just the worst for being completely torn down by that sincere offer of future aid. 

My brain breaks my feelings down like this:

I’m embarrassed that I’ve always relied on my parents for help and think that I’m cheating myself out of maturity by not suffering on my own because I know they’ll always be there for me. (Past self is wrong)

I’m embarrassed by my instinct to think that way because it’s completely ungrateful and dismissive of my parents’ love for me. (Present self is wrong)

Neither of these thoughts are useful. Neither light a fire under me to make any change in my life. I just feel like a stupid idiot for the rest of the night and go to bed sad. That’s no way to grow! It is impossible not to fall into this trap, though, no matter what I do. It’s an intoxicating mindset to have. It’s so convenient. “I’m incapable and have always been incapable, so I guess there’s no reason to try.” Typing that thought process out is embarrassing itself, but I’m already in the muck of all this, so why not go all the way? Why not write out my actual embarrassing experiences and my actual embarrassing thought processes? 

Is writing like this embarrassing? It must not be, considering it takes so much time to do and I’m not stopping myself from continuing to write this post. But I’m sure it will become embarrassing eventually–bite me in the ass one day when a future employer pulls me into a meeting to discuss my stupid secret tumblr blog that they found. Or maybe not. Maybe a few years from now, I’ll be reminded about the existence of this blog, look back on it, smile and shake my head at my efforts. That’ll be the good kind of embarrassment–the kind that is evidence of growth. The bad kind of embarrassment–the cringing and stomach-churning kind–will more surely wash over me as I proofread this post before releasing it. 

That’s how it works, right? The more distance between the current moment and the event or action being evaluated on the “humiliating-to-world-ending” scale, the cuter that event or action actually seems upon reflection; the less distance, the more mortifying. It’s impossible to use that framework to comfort yourself when you’re going through it, though. Knowing that you will eventually not be embarrassed does not make you feel any less embarrassed in the moment because in order to overcome that feeling, you have to stop caring about the circumstances of your embarrassing event. Time passing makes it feel less important because it literally is–you’re not living it anymore, you can only remember. But waiting for time to pass SUCKS! I know it passes anyways, but when there’s nothing in your life that you’re looking forward to besides feeling better, it passes slowly. (Could that be the secret to eliminating my chronic embarrassment? Living a vibrant and exciting life?)

Clearly, I have a bit too much free time to analyze my own thoughts. Idle hands. My hope in writing this is to somehow dig deep enough into my own brain that I come to an epiphany; I’ll realize that the way I think is a symptom of some larger, important trauma, and by recognizing it, I’ll be set on the right path for perfect mental health and clarity, free from embarrassment. That dream itself is quite embarrassing, though. 

Embarrassment is a teacher. It teaches you how to act, what is and is not appropriate, what to want for yourself, how to be successful or unsuccessful. Embarrassment is a feeling of shame towards your own failure, but there is no way to learn without failing. That’s the catch. Learning is the thing that we’re all on this planet to do, and it requires that you feel this awful, searing emotion to do it, and if you spend your time trying to avoid that feeling, you’re not living. What a terrible trap!

I guess that’s my epiphany, then. Quite utilitarian, I must admit. Value all embarrassing moments as building blocks and cherish my ability to absolutely humiliate myself in any situation possible. It’s the only way to learn and learning is the only way to grow and growing is the only reason to live. There’s no getting around it. It’s embarrassing to think otherwise. 

[em-uhhh-lee]

well...

This url is too good to go to waste so I guess I'm going to actually start blogging on here.

Let's see how this goes!

[carterkeller1234]

Serial Experiments Lain 4/24/24

And here we have the final post that I'm going to make for this class, and we're ending on a work that wasn't even made in the 20th century but is as contemporary as ever with the themes that it tackles. To start off, Serial Experiments Lain is unique in the sense that it has one of the most fleshed out sound designs I have seen in any anime. There's always a constant whirring in the background, creating a constant imbalance that has you begging for silence, however, when you achieve that silence you're met with scenes of intense discomfort and surreal eeriness. The sound design truly contributes to Lain's unraveling psychologically, with the utilization of characters speaking without sound and the amplification of commonplace sounds like chalk on a board, it all works in tandem to sustain the uneasy tone as we find more about the Wired and the many subsets of it. Speaking of which, for a show made in 1998, it has the most contemporary themes I've seen, with it perfectly capturing the wonder that is the internet, where despite having the entire world at your fingertips and connections everywhere, it can still isolate individuals and contribute to loneliness. Lain is a perfect main character to tackle this theme, with her introverted nature being a relatable trait that I myself can identify with, allowing me to understand her head first diving into the internet and how that obsessiveness can affect one's understanding of identity and reality. This series is just so naturally eerie, with the world being drenched in light and the almost-brutalist architecture further contributes to the anxiety this show induces in you. Even the way this anime handles social interactions are so grounded and based in reality, with discussion of tragedies like suicides being treated as less and less significant as the series progresses. In short, the questions that Serial Experiments Lain raises about technology and its relation to identity still remain relevant in modern day, with an almost prophetic understanding of how the internet and digital communication would reshape human lives through vessels like social media, virtual reality, and even more recently the discussion of artificial intelligence.

I feel like this image captures the tone of this show very well, Lain is a just a young girl who seems to be surrounded by this indescribable sense of emptiness and isolation despite having everything she could desire upon first glance. Her also putting this bear suit on is a visual representation of this lack of control and self, as she has a greater understanding of her place as a child in a world she doesn't understand.

I found this conversation between Lain and her father to be a fascinating evolution from the previous one in ep 1. Lain has immediately become more engrossed in her Navi and is now serving as the technologically consumed reflection of her father, who now stands in her position almost confused as to what his daughter has grown into. I plan on rewatching the whole series for context but just from this few episode display, I can tell this show shall be one to remember.

[em-uhhh-lee]

Not only the sound, but the lighting in this show creates a really strong sense of isolation. I noticed in the first episode, drawn out sequences would have extremely harsh bright white light coming from the environment making it feel like a spotlight was always on Lain (an indicator of her social anxiety and also possibly foreshadowing the attention that the rest of the world will begin to pay to her).

I agree, the themes felt very current. I wonder if it’s because we’re still seeing an unprecedented growth and use of online spaces that seems to only grow larger and larger with no signs of stopping.

[em-uhhh-lee]

4/24 readings

(Me going to my desk to write this blog post ^)

Okay so I loved this. I know that this show is really well regarded and I had some understanding of its "sad-girl online" image but I was really blown away by this.

I love that as Lain becomes more and more engulfed by the Wired, what seems to be a pretty clear interpretation of the internet, her room becomes filled with wires and PCs and screens until we get to episode 12 and it has all overflowed into her entire house. The way that Lain's behavior becomes more uncanny as the series progresses and she becomes disconnected from reality and the people around her--sure, she never had an easy time talking to others, but she evolves into a robotic internet deity that can only proselytize the Wired.

As the distance between Lain and reality grows, and as the separation between reality and the Wired becomes blurred, Lain loses her humanity. I think this form of internet-induced disconnection is actually pretty common in real life. When you have the ability to connect with anyone at any time in any part of the world through the internet, connecting with people offline doesn't seem very logical. That scene where the housewife tells her son that he can just play a game online with his friend when he asks to go meet him in person really stuck out to me. Because yeah, why should he go in person if its so much more convenient to play with his friend online?

We get an answer to this in episode 12 from Alice: it means something to have a body, it means something to physically take up space in the world and have a heartbeat and have feelings. It's a spiritual answer, so it's pretty vague, but I don't think that makes it any less poignant. Existing in the physical world is always going to be more fulfilling than existing purely online, there is just something that physically being with the people you care about that does something for your soul that being online does not. And I think that's the message of the show. The internet is growing, and nothing is going to stop that growth, and its going to become more and more tempting to put all of yourself on the internet and devote all of your time to it, but it corrodes your brain and you lose a part of yourself when you do this.

(If you couldn't tell, I've been heavily reconsidering how much time I spend online recently)

[hjet]

4/22/24

For one of our final classes, we got to choose to watch the anime movie Paprika. Paprika felt like it drew some ideas and inspiration from Inception, although I didn't check when either of these movies came out so it could be the other way around. However, I can definitely see a connection either way. The idea of the shared dream between multiple people and exploring the alternate realities that this dream allows them to experience was something very unique and interesting to watch.

I felt that this movie was focusing on the subconscious and also drew a ton of its themes and ideas from Freudian psychology. For instance, the usage of dreams to explore different realities and to delve into the subconscious thoughts and wants of an individual. We sort of see this through Paprika and Dr. Chiba, at least I did. Paprika, to me, served as an outlet for Dr. Chiba's inner most wants, while simultaneously serving as an outlet for everyone else's inner most desires and lusts. And the fact that this was a giant shared dream would, in Freudian Psychology, mean that everybody was showing off their inner most self, they were at their most vulnerable and had nothing they could truly hide from each other. Overall, I found this to be thought provoking, interesting, and unique.

[em-uhhh-lee]

You're not the first to notice the similarities between Inception and Paprika! Inception actually came out after Paprika, and I know that there's been lots of conversations about the former being heavily inspired by the latter. Funnily enough, Perfect Blue, the other Satoshi Kon film we watched this semester, gets similar comparisons to Black Swan.

I will admit I'm not super familiar with Freud's theories, but I definitely see where you're coming from with your reading on how the subconscious is portrayed in this film. The way that people behave in the dreams often seems so opposite to how they present themselves in real life, so it makes sense that their dream-selves act in accordance to their innermost wants and desires.

[em-uhhh-lee]

4/22 readings

Paprika! So this is a movie that I've been meaning to check out for a while. After I watched Perfect Blue for the first time a few years back, I looked into Satoshi Kon's other works and saw that Paprika was also quite popular so I figured I should give it a watch, but I never found the time to until now.

There are some shared themes in this movie and with Perfect Blue. The blending of reality and nonreality is quite prevalent in both films. In Perfect Blue, Mima, her stalker, and Rumi all struggle to differentiate what is real from what is fake and the dreamscapes of Paprika create a similar scenario. Paprika definitely falls more into the realm of surrealism though, parts of it actually reminded me of Alice in Wonderland.

I did enjoy the dream-like quality of this film, but there were certain points where I got confused by different characters' motivations. Like I'm not totally sure how to parse through the conflicts in the story because it felt like new information was just presented and not really explained. I guess that just makes the movie more like a dream--there's not a complete adherence to logic all the time.

Mostly I just enjoyed the visuals in this film. All of the color and shapeshifting characters and ridiculous imagery was really beautiful and entertaining. A part of me feels like Paprika is a movie that I'd rather look at than watch, if you know what I mean, which is kind of disappointing, but I'm not too cut up about it--it's still a good time.

[vivi826]

Eden of the east pt 2

I legitimately have lost track of the plot. It feels like it comes in one ear and out the other but I’ll try to form some coherent thoughts about it. A plot point I thought was interesting was how the male lead tried to give the neets purpose by having them help evacuate people from the missiles. A seemingly nice deed gets contorted into being something far more sinister by others when in reality it really was just a nice thing that was done. I’ve seen similar things occur online where a YouTuber might donate an exorbitant amount of money to a cause, cure blindness, and feed the needy, but there will still be people who believe they are evil. In the case of this anime, it shows how easily people come to conclusions without proper evidence, another common behavior on the internet. Despite the anime being over 10 years old, made in a time when social media had yet to take over communication styles like it has today, its interesting it was able to portray behaviors that have only gotten worse since then. In the case of the neets, it shows how easy society is to reject others. Considering how this was probably the first time these people contributed to society being met with hostility, it definitely demonstrates how tainted people have become. Rather than a love thy neighbor mentality, or people feeling united by shared characteristics or beliefs, it seems like everyone is disconnected. There’s a lack of unity that has led to people viewing people outside of their group as an “other” or a “them” within an us vs. them mentality. Overall I like how this show highlights several issues people face within society, but dislike how the plot creates more questions than it answers.

[em-uhhh-lee]

Yeah this show definitely wasn't the easiest to follow. I agree with your point about the way that intentions get contorted, especially when people get together online to indulge in conspiracies. I think you make a good point with the "us vs. them" mentality that you pointed out. It's interesting how Takizawa takes advantage of it to make the NEETs band together and stop the missiles that Mononobe and Yubi sent in the hopes that an attack on Japan would make Japanese people unite and rebuild the country in a better way.

[em-uhhh-lee]

4/15 readings

Okay so there's quite a bit more to talk about with these last few episodes of Eden of the East. For one, we finally get some clarification on the Careless Monday attacks and how Takizawa was involved.

There's a lot more commentary on the state of Japan in these episodes than in the former four episodes we watched. Mr. Outside is revealed to be an old and highly influential businessman who helped reconstruct Japan during its post-war era. Because he was a part of its reconstruction and because of how it compares to modern Japan, Mr. Outside is convinced that Japan must somehow return to this era of economic growth and prosperity--so he created the Seleção to hopefully do just that.

Two of the Seleção are convinced that the way to save Japan is through terrorist attacks that will unite the nation--but Takizawa puts his faith in Japan's population of NEETs. The way that NEETs are portrayed in this show is really interesting I think. Besides some of the jokes the show makes at their expense, NEETs are portrayed as this latent population of talented and capable people that are victims of the current job market.

I found the ending of the show to be pretty strange. Takizawa requests to use the rest of his money to be made "King of Japan" and then the show just ends right then and there. Because Takizawa was so connected to the plight of Japan's NEETs and was so concerned with the way that the job market was operating, I expected that there would be some sort of resolution offered to wrap up the concerns that the show expresses over Japan's work culture, but we don't get to see that happen, or even get confirmation that things improve in the future with Takizawa as king (or is he a prince?). It's very confusing, and I'm not sure what to make of it as it relates to the rest of the show.

[hjet]

4/12/24

For today, there were two assigned pieces to watch and read. The first of which was the anime Eden of the East. This anime seemed to be a bit of a joke, or at least it was in my eyes. Its plot was largely unrealistic in a setting that seemed like it was supposed to be realistic. For instance the broken English throughout the show felt weirdly misplaced, like in most anime when there's English it is usually one or two words or phrases that stand out apart from the rest of the dialogue. It's used as a form of comedy, however in this anime it felt like it was an attempt to be serious and that just threw me off. Additionally, an instance in which I felt that the characters weren't realistic when the world was supposed to be someone realistic was when Morimi simply trusted a stranger who had also flashed her. That would not happen in the real world unless both people involved had some sort of mental illness or cognitive issue, so it felt out of place.

Now the second work was called "Work Culture" by Mouer. This piece focused on the postwar developments that led to the extreme modern day work culture of Japan. I believe that this is where the extreme senses of duty and nationalism that were found in the military went after Japan essentially demilitarized and changed its militaristic and political culture. Pay stayed low, high amounts of work has stayed expected and has been applauded. Essentially, the idea of the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few was put to the extreme where the many are the corporations and the few are the workers. The expectation is to put the company before the individual, it is an honor to sacrifice one's pay to help further the goals of the company. Overall, I disagree with this set of reasoning but also see where its coming from in the historic culture.

[em-uhhh-lee]

Yeah I also noticed some of the aspects of Eden of the East that you had problems with while watching. Everything in the show seems to be pretty heightened and not totally realistic, so I mostly tuned out the ridiculousness of the show's comedy. I think doing this actually made it a bit easier to follow along with the craziness that is this show, but even then, it's a lot to keep track of.

[em-uhhh-lee]

4/12 readings

So I had never heard of Eden of the East before this class and really had no frame of reference for what it might be before tuning into the episodes.

What stands out the most to me from the show is its premise. Twelve people are chosen to be "Seleção" and given 10 billion yen and the ability to make requests for anything they please through a cell phone they are each given. They were chosen by a man we don't see called "Mr. Outside" whose only instructions for the twelve is that they use the money to "save Japan." This goal is especially interesting to me because we're never really told in any specific detail what Japan needs to be saved from or what it would look like once it is saved. Saki and Takizawa both make comments about Japan being on the decline at multiple points throughout these episodes, but their complaints are pretty vague.

In episode four, we meet Dr. Hiura, another Seleção, who is focusing his resources on caring for Japan's growing elderly population. Dr. Hiura does improves lots of people's lives by doing this, but with only 10 billion yen to make all the changes he deems necessary, he runs out of money and is killed. It's hard to say whether the doctor "saved" even Japan's elderly (a much humbler goal than saving the entire country) with his actions. So even when a Seleção does have a specific goal in mind, they are still limited in their ability to actually make widespread substantial change, and it doesn't help that they're incentivized to work on their own without the help from any other Seleção. Saving Japan is basically an impossible task.

[goetzjpvis]

4/8/24 "Zipang" JPT3702

Zipang was a fun watch with a quietly grim storyline! I enjoyed what it had to say, and I felt like I was experiencing war through the eyes of a soldier. In that sense, I also noticed many different scenes that made me feel like I, myself was a soldier being transported to the past too! Lots of quiet moments filled with silence, simple conversations, and calm scenes that didn't really feel like they were war filled the show. This all being in an action anime was telling, because it does remove a lot of the valiancy and action that people expect war anime to have. I expected sinking ships, gunfight, etc., and while I kind of did get that, I thought this anime focused more on the inner psyche and experiences of soldiers as they went through the motions of 'soldiering'. I also liked the idea of the soldiers being transported to the past, because it felt like they were both physically and metaphorically confronting their past selves and ideals but in a much more literal setting. The watcher is given the impression that Kadomatsu is an ethical man, as he is literally quoted saying he wants to help as many people as possible, which leads to a lot of inner doubt about his own actions. Sometimes it feels like he was getting lost in himself, because what he was doing didn't necessarily reflect his own morals. At one point he said, interview style, that he didn't want to kill people, but it was part of the job. I could argue this anime is anti imperialism, but it felt like it was something more, somewhat anti war in general maybe? Since it directly calls out the hypocrisy of soldiers. I was reminded a lot of the manga "Onwards to our Noble Deaths", which we had read earlier in the class. Soldiers trudging on meaninglessly, looking for a purpose to their and others' suffering. While everything in Zipang was of a less violent scale, it still showcased a similar sentiment. The kind of "Why am I here?" feeling. The art style also exacerbated the message of this anime. People were drawn in a kind of "gekiga" style, with enough facial distinction such that you feel like they are different, real people. I ended up feeling quite bad for a lot of the characters because I could empathize with them as real humans, and I felt like they were in such a bad situation despite them also being in there of their own accord.

Lastly, Prof. Smith recommended us the articles "Sexuality" and "Media Effects" last minute. These articles had me thinking about whether violent otaku were inspired to commit their crimes from anime and manga, or if they would have committed them anyways alongside the consumption of their ecchi content. I am reminded of the "Do video games make kids violent!?" fiasco of the early 2000s in America, where gun violence was blamed on games like GTA and Halo.

[em-uhhh-lee]

I was also reminded of "Onwards to our Noble Deaths" while watching this show, but I think its significant that the Mirai crew aren't so hopeless. I think because the characters, at this point at least, still have some level on confidence in their futures because they already know the outcome of the war, and they have this guiding goal to get back to the 21st century. That being said, as they spend more time in the past and their actions cause ripple effects that change the future, I imagine they will become less and less confident will come to resemble the soldiers in "Onwards to our Noble Deaths" more and more.

[em-uhhh-lee]

4/8 readings

So I had never heard of this series before and had no idea what to expect from it, so watching it and learning that it was about time travel was shocking to say the least. Once I got over that initial shock though, and things started to pick up as the series went along, I found myself really enjoying the show.

When the characters aren't wondering about the implications of them traveling to the past, they're usually debating their relationship with pacifism as 21st century Self-Defense Force officers in the midst of World War II. In episode 6, a pilot is shot in an aerial battle by members of the Japanese Imperial forces and his co-pilot is delayed in his retaliation due to the SDF's commitment to protecting Japanese lives and not engaging in violence needlessly. The delay results in the shot pilot's death, and the other crew members become angry that they were prevented from protecting their own lives. A high ranking officer calms the crew down by saying that their mission is no different in 1942 than it is in their modern era--to protect lives, not take them.

I think that the show ultimately is an anti-war narrative, at least from what I've seen of it. Especially during episode 7 when we see Kadomatsu and Kusaka enter colonized land to arrange for fuel and food for the Mirai, there is very little glamor or prestige associated with Japan's displays of power in its occupied territories, in fact we mostly hear criticism from Kadomatsu about it. There are conservative vibes to the show, no doubt. The emphasis on the connection between Kusaka and the Mirai's crew due to their shared Japaneseness and Kadomatsu's unflinching commitment to the stances that the SDF has regarding war that we see in episode 1 did stand out to me, but I don't think that the show is presenting any sort of conservative argument for a return to rampant militarism in Japan.

[em-uhhh-lee]

ル・ポールのドラァグ・レース

ル・ポールの ドラァグ・レース エミリー・フォレマン

[kuri-no-tani]

JVC Post #30

Welcome to the NHK

This was one of the first anime I watched on my own, and at the time I loved it. I thought it was one of the best anime I had seen. Now, after watching it again after so many years, I still think it's pretty good, but not as good as I thought at one point. It's part of a slew of important anime that came out in 2006, which was a huge year in anime. Some other big names from that year are The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya(<3), The Familiar of Zero, Death Note, Aria, and Code Geass. There were also some cool OVAs like the Hellsing Ultimate OVA and Dai Mahou Touge. Though this anime is way too pervy. I think there's a lot this series could have done if it didn't have so much perv humor (even if I get why it was included).

Satou is a pretty well written character as well. He feels like a realistic portrayal of a shut-in NEET. This is a common point that a lot of people bring up when they watch this show.

That being said, Satou is also pretty clearly mentally ill (he doesn't have schizophrenia) which is part of the depiction of hikikomori. It's easy to tell someone that you just have to go out and talk to people or whatever, but it's never that easy for that person. For someone like Satou, something that simple is an insurmountable hurdle. Though, it's not just presenting Satou's issues. It also shows you (and Satou) that everyone struggles in their own way. This is harder to see in the 4 episodes we watched but I think the way this show presents mental illness and the complex situation someone Satou is in is something worth noting.

But all of this is really slapped around by the presentation sometimes. Particularly the way it jumps around after episode 11. The anime is a lot different than the manga or light novel, which are more focused. I feel like this anime would be better if it had stuck to what it was building up in the first half of the show instead of going off on a tangent in the later half. It would have been great as a 13-14 episode anime, even if they did change a lot of it from the light novel/manga. While I love MMORPGs, we didn't need 8 episodes about it in the show.

Its hard to get everything out of this anime with just a few episodes. Some of the episodes are just stuffed with great moments. Despite a lot of it being gross and weird, not a lot of shows have this sort of presentation of otaku culture to my knowledge so it's neat to see. It makes me cringe and look away but it's neat.

What I think the main point of this series is, is to tell people who identify with Satou that no one can go it alone, and to get them to realize that people like Misaki don't exist. You can't hope that someone is gonna knock on your door and rip you out of what you're going through. You have to put in work to make progress on your own; No one can do it for you. It also uses the NHK (Nihon Hikikomori Kyoukai) as a metaphor for blaming the world around you rather than looking inward. It's easy to imagine that you're part of some conspiracy or are in your situation because somehow everything is out to get you, but that's not (usually) the case.

However, I think the "message" of the show might be kind of murky and not well defined. Even with it's realistic depiction of an otaku shut-in NEET, it doesn't say enough about it or offer anything for Satou in the end other than a bittersweet, unhealthy relationship with Misaki. People who relate heavily to Satou aren't going to come out of NHK with anything but a lasting impression of that realistic depiction and will have nothing to go off of. It's a bit disappointing.

Lastly I wanna point out a cultural reference I noticed that I hadn't before. Though we didn't watch it, you can see in episode 3 when Yamazaki hands Satou his top 10 gal-games he hands him "Toki-doki Memorian" which is an obvious reference to Tokimeki Memorial (which is a great game you should play it). Pururin is also pretty clearly inspired by Di Gi Charat's Dejiko.

[em-uhhh-lee]

I really liked reading your post! As someone who only watched the episodes that were assigned, it’s nice to read your thoughts as someone who’s already familiar with the series and has seen the whole thing.

It sucks to hear that you think the show doesn’t do much with its premise. It’s hard for me to judge without seeing it all, but I thought it was setting up a lot in the episodes that we saw. I’ll have to watch more of it to see for myself!

[em-uhhh-lee]

4/5 readings

I had heard good things about Welcome to the N.H.K before, and I'm glad to say that I've enjoyed what we've seen of it so far! Something about the overall vibe of the show really resonated with me and I like how all of the characters seem so human.

One thing that stood out to me is the way that gender and sexuality is handled in this series. In episode two, Satou panics when he realizes that Misaki may still be waiting outside for him late at night and we're treated to this sequence where Satou imagines Misaki being sexually assaulted in his absence. He then rushes to the park to meet her so that he can protect her and her innocence (symbolically portrayed as a white flower in Satou's mental spiral). Misaki isn't in any danger when he arrives, and Satou is confronted with his self-aggrandizing image of himself as a protector that will keep harm away from the vulnerable women around him being incorrect.

The way that Satou views the female form is also highlighted by the show. There are moments when we see Misaki through the eyes of Satou, the camera sometimes focusing on her thighs or breasts. In episode 5, we see Satou taking the clothes off of a figure of a female high schooler and staring at its legs and underwear. Most of these moments are played for comedy and I'm surprised to say that while I usually find "perverted weirdo is perverted and weird" gags in anime grating and unfunny, I actually enjoy them in this show. I think they add a layer to Satou's character and isn't strictly meant to titillate the audience (although I'm sure that's also part of the intention of including them). Moments when Satou struggles to get out of bed, believe in himself, accept help, etc. are also often the subject of the show's comedy, but that doesn't diminish their being struggles. I think that the way Satou views women is treated in a similar way, and that casts this behavior in the same light as these other behaviors, highlighting that this too is a struggle that Satou should be working through so that he can eventually correct it and interact with the world in a more meaningful capacity.