i don’t often think about the beginning of charles and erik meeting from erik’s perspective but holy shit?? i should more, we all should!?
cuz so the only thing that remotely gives erik any satisfaction is revenge, which, while badass, is the grim reality of badassness. in his mind he traded out his humanity to eliminate the man/men who wounded it in the first place. that’s it, that’s his life. he doesn’t know about other mutants yet, so there is no greater cause to work toward. he wants to kill shaw or die trying. and after that????????
and then suddenly charles. a total stranger hugs his brain mid-suicide mission like don’t die i just met you. you’re not alone to someone who has felt that way for many more years than he hadn’t. an actual and metaphorical lifeline.
like does erik even know how to process that? well no, because he tries to bail a few hours after getting on land. and charles stops him.
charles just keeps stopping him. trying to be all sure but have you tried not pain and violence? like maybe even just on yourself? he saves erik from drowning, brings him into a community, tries to un-rampage him in russia, and literally pushes his training from ‘shoot me in the head bro’ to ‘unlock your magnificence with the power of love.’
how can erik even handle looking at him? well we see in the cerebro scene and the satellite scene and the beach divorce scene that sometimes he can’t.
charles was this little overpowering whirlwind of giddy affection and confidence swept erik off his feet. he was the first person to love erik in years, who cared for his welfare, and wanted good things for him. and importantly, this happens after a cavalcade of violence has led erik to believe giving up on any kind of personal happiness is the best possible path. he’s just i’m nothing more than a tool of cosmic justice who cannot be loved it’s fine.
meeting charles must have been like getting caught in a hurricane of positivity.
i just wanted to think about that. so think about that. and how those few weeks or months must have been some of the few actually happy days of erik’s life.
and think about that in context of the total grim blankness that slid over his face on the beach when charles‘ response to ‘i want you by my side’ was no.
