you are at the top of my lungs.

// but in a world where battles are won with words and swords, who would stand and who would fall? //

[embersofjanuary]

my life is one beguiling story

still, on chapter three

a novel for the ages

and i'm done tearing its pages

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

“if he breaks your heart, you come back to me, okay?”

— an overheard conversation in a grocery store aisle

[embersofjanuary]

tear stain

you always love like it was loose change

kindness seeping through my fingers as we age

your tears stained the pavements we walked in

my eyes straying to places that we’ve been

but when rain comes pouring down,

time and time again

people wonder

why i always look downward

to the invisible tear stain

that only i can see

but never wash away

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

i will meet you where the sky meets the sea

where the shadows meet the light

a place where youth lasts forever

and everything is possible again.

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

listen,

i know we said “til death do us part”

but if there’s another life after that,

i would still love you

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

Perfect Match (chaos and the calm)

but you and i

we were perfect weren’t we?

i, the calm in chaos

you, waging destructions in your wake

and together,

we take the world by storm

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

i wish i could tell my daughter that she should celebrate the younger days, for they were days when we were happiest. but how i could i tell her this without breaking her heart? how i could i tell this without telling her that growing up is exactly what she should fear?

[embersofjanuary]

“there’s something about her that makes the corners of my heart feel like it’s about to burst.”

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

“don’t give yourself to the world. at the end of the day, it won’t even remember your name.”

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

what a shame that children learn to bear problems and misfortunes like a second skin to the point that happiness feels strange.

[embersofjanuary]

How Does Love Feel?

it’s the gentle lap of waves on your feet. it is the quiet beauty of the horizon when the sun sinks.

it’s the sudden breathlessness when you realize you’re no longer ashore but adrift.

you didnt know how it could take you without precaution and how you missed the process entirely, but yet here you are:

everything around you sharpens and for one sick moment everything seems bearable.

you’re drowning but the sea is warm.

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

her love is roadtrips at midnight,

a warm caress across a cold cheek,

and flickering street lights,

guiding the way home.

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

and suddenly i’m thinking about it:

seven kids in a backyard with a tire swing

a house pale yellow with rusted hinges by the sea

a bedroom where we built our hopes and dreams

and all the things we could’ve been

if only one of us weren’t selfish enough

and decided to stay.

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

i pack up my troubles in a suitcase

and you’re the little square photograph

i stashed lovingly

inside a hidden pocket sewn in the lining

a reminder of all the places i’ve been

and one home to come back to

— c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

and when the sun breaks the night,

suddenly it’s time;

you, a wine stain in my heart

and us, a ghost

in the middle of august

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

i miss the time

when the voice in my head

still whispers of beautiful things.

—c.o.a

[embersofjanuary]

To People With the Invisible Scars

to everyone with the invisible scars, i wish you all the good things in life. i wish you a good cup of coffee, i wish you a save ride to your workplace, i wish you a kind old lady next door who would smile at you everytime you come out the house. i wish you flowers that bloom when your feet kiss the ground, i wish you a warm sunny day or a rainy day if you wish, i wish you good friends that would call you randomly to make sure you’re okay. i wish you a good tv programme.

i wish you know that you’re never a burden. i wish you know that your parents don’t hate you. i wish you know that your friends tell all the good things about you. i wish you know you touch the hearts of everyone you meet. i wish you know that you’re loved, important, beautiful. i wish you know that you’re not annoying, too loud, too quiet, weird, ugly. i say this because you deserve it. because we are people with invisible scars and we deserve to be mended.

lastly, i wish you all the good things, big or small. i wish you the best day today, tomorrow, the next, the next, and the next. i wish you all the infinite amount of happiness to last a lifetime, if not more.

—c.o.a