Embrace Less

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Day 18

So far, I’ve made three purchases against my shopping fast. Sandals, and a shirt + pants for an interview. I knew that I would have to purchase clothes for an eventual work situation (I even wrote it into the rules) so I don’t feel too bad about those purchases. And, the sandals were for rainy, vacation weather and not wanting to ruin my nice sandals. Those ARE bumming me out because I had to just find something fast and cheap, and I probably will not ever wear them again. I WISH that I would have instead purchased a nicer pair of tevas or chacos that I would wear hiking, etc. Lesson learned.

The rub is that I was also gifted a few pieces of apparel for my birthday. The rush of all of this new clothing—and the sweet summer sales—is really triggering my desire to shop shop shop. The pieces feel new and exciting, and I feel good when I wear them. I don’t feel excited about the rest of the items in my closet. How do you embrace contentedness?

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On the flip side, I’ve sold a few items on poshmark and donated a few bags of clothing. I’m continuing to clear out items and my wardrobe is smaller than ever. My true WANT list is small as well, so I know that my casual wardrobe is in a good place. 

I’d like to take some of this time to think about my style as a whole, really narrow down that WANT list, and also think about building a workable professional wardrobe that also feels like me.

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Day 7

Successfully completed the week without purchasing clothes. In this time, I’ve been shopping at the Mall of America and browsed online. It’s been really tempting to buy things, especially online at stores where I have store credit. 

To be honest, I’ve received one clothing package that I purchased before starting this package. As I eagerly opened it, the four dresses that I had purchased looked back at me. The first, an off-the-shoulder floral ruffled number (that I had eagerly hoped to wear to a cousins wedding next month) was straight up trashy. The fabric was thin, the fit was sad. I tore it off and threw it on the bed. Then, I picked up the marimekko cotton dress, about to be the staple of my summer. WAIT—it was actually a beach cover up. Cute, but totally unnecessary for my lifestyle. Then, came two navy dresses that I hoped could work as a bridesmaid dress. I pulled on the bell-sleeved Ann Taylor dress and looked with excitement in the mirror. The pockets that I was so thrilled about did nothing for my hips and the material was thick and scratchy, not ideal for a early-september wedding. Three disappointments staring back at me. I turned to the final dress, a simple tulip cocktail dress. I pulled it on and it fit perfectly, nipping my waist and disguising my soft belly. I wore a normal bra! 

Was I thrilled, dear reader?

No. 

My mind was totally distracted by the three other dresses, the dresses that I had so much hope for that now had to be returned. How I had nothing cute and flirty to wear to the wedding, that my easy dress for the summer would never be, and that I wouldn’t be wearing a fashionable, modern silhouette as a bridesmaid.

Fueled by my disappointments, I immediately jumped online to start browsing for alternatives. A few days later, I can look at the situation newly aware of a trigger cycle. Disappointment, the unrealized ideal outfit, triggers me to shop in pursuit of this ideal. The truth is, I have suitable alternatives for each of these situations. I have numerous summer, wedding-guest dresses. I have plenty of summer sundresses. And, now, I have a perfectly fitting, tulip cocktail dress to wear as a bridesmaid. 

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We pay for our choices with the lives we lead -

When we make a choice we’re saying: “I want this in my life. This is what I believe I deserve.” We’re telling ourselves "This is what’s important."

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Day 1

success!

The only time that I felt the urge to shop was to buy myself a hat for sun protection for our future vacation. Impulse purchases before vacations, weddings, or other events, always sneak up on me. I get very caught up in the trap that I need the perfect situational outfit. But, the reality is, no one cares. I want a hat for sun protection. There are plenty of floppy hats that I can borrow when I arrive. Or, I could bring any one of my husband’s baseball caps. 

NO ONE CARES

why do I care so much?

ETA:

I also realized that my obsession with shopping for clothing really blew up as I followed more and more fashion bloggers. I unsubscribed from nearly all of them. I still follow most on Instagram, but I find that I don’t feel the urge to shop (it’s easier to ignore links) but still get inspiration for putting together unique outfits.

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The Shopping Fast

After realizing that I was spending an uncomfortable amount on clothing each month, and recognizing my cyclical shopping cycles, I’ve decided to embark on a shopping fast. 

Truthfully, I’d like to be a minimalist. My possessions have too much of a stronghold on my life and I’d like to be happy with what I have, and allow myself to live a life in reflection of my values. My constant “need” for clothing runs at odds with this philosophy. I want to break the habit and addiction of shopping for clothes, and find more peace in what I already own.

The Rules

I plan to fast from shopping from clothes starting today until August 31. That’s 72 days without shopping for clothes.

A couple exceptions:

A strapless bra (lol guys, I really need one.)

A dress to wear as a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding

If I get a job with a business-y dress code, I’ll need to supplement onto my very casual wardrobe (probably a pair of slacks and a blouse or two)

Simultaneously, I’ll be selling items of clothing that I no longer wear on Poshmark or donating them. 

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In the last 20 days, I have spent $407.53 on clothing.

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Here’s the thing, to the outsider, I don’t look like a shopping addict. My closet is relatively small (a clothing rack, 4 dresser drawers, and 1 box in storage for winter sweaters.) The large majority of my purchases are secondhand, so individual items usually cost between $20-30. My husband and I are debt-free (except for his car) and have $6,500 in savings. Financially, we are okay, except that I spend the majority of our disposable income on clothing. 

What really outs the problem, is my reaction to shopping. I spend a lot of my time on the internet reading fashion blogs, combing through recommended online shops, and justifying how I can purchase this or that. I get a thrill from a good deal. I can justify any purchase based on it’s usefulness, or it’s longevity, or how it pairs with other items in my closet, or it’s price. Making a purchase gives me an adrenaline rush. I anxiously check and double-check the tracking information. But, upon receiving the item, I stash boxes in the closet so my husband won’t see them. I feel guilty to share or otherwise discuss purchases. I am so ashamed. These dramatic highs and lows are obsessive and problematic.

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It’s not hard to understand why shopping is my vice. I grew up in a upper/upper-middle class suburb, while being solidly middle class. Slightly dorky always, I never had the “right” clothes. I shopped for new clothes rarely; usually just once per year just before “back to school”, sticking to the sales rack at Sears. Painfully aware of being awkward, and not quite fitting in, I desperately wished to be one of the popular girls in A&F or Hollister. I firmly believed that it was my appearance that kept me on the lower rungs of the social ladder.

College was a chance for a fresh start, even though I was attending a community college and living at home. My class schedule allowed me to work more hours. That extra income coupled with a newfound discovery of fashion blogging lead me to totally transform my wardrobe. Suddenly, I realized that I could look like one of the cool girls. And, looking like one was the first step to being one.

Nine years later, I’m still that girl. Despite having a healthy number of close friends and acquaintances and a loving husband, I put a huge pressure on myself to be perfectly on-trend for any given event. 

“If I look like I belong, then I will” is my motto.

But, I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to be comfortable as myself. I want to be comfortable wearing cutoffs and an old tshirt in the summer. I want to be comfortable rewearing a dress to a wedding. 

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So, I’m doing a spending fast to break myself of the cyclical shopping habits. Read more about it in my next post.