shit abusive parents can make you feel permanently guilty and ashamed about:
not reacting immediately and running when your name is called
not showing face expression they want to see on you
not replying immediately to them
not looking a certain way
existing in clothing they would dissaprove of
being anything less than perfect at something
feeling pain in any visible way
showing any emotion that would put attention to you
showing any kind of emotion that is not convenient to them
showing any kind of trace of abuse they inflicted on you
being unable to withstand some kind of pain or discomfort
refusing to withstand provocation
not willing to tolerate insults, humiliation and shaming
defending yourself when attacked
defending yourself against physical abuse
requiring some sort of resources to survive
showing anything but obedience and respect to those who never deserved it
wanting control over your time, your body, your life
wanting to be cared about
having your own point of view