A good piggy is a lazy piggy, so let’s all remember to spend plenty of time on the couch! I know in the beginning it might be hard to stay on the couch all day, but after a few weeks of denying yourself a walk around the neighborhood or a trip to the gym in exchange for the coziest spot in the house, you’ll forget all about exercise in no time!
Just like an athlete, it’s smart to prepare yourself for couch training, but instead of stretches we’ll be gathering supplies to keep us happy, comfy, and fed all day! Remember, when we’re prepared, we don’t have to get up!
Some handy piggy supplies might include your favorite blanket, some nice stretchy pajama pants for when you’ve been snacking, a nice big drink that you won’t have to refill, and of course, enough snacks to last you at least 3 hours! If you’re like me and you like variety, go ahead and bring everything you might want to eat into your piggy pad with you so that you don’t have to get up when you inevitably get hungry for it!
When it comes to couch training, lazy piggies shouldn’t look to accomplish much, but here are some activities to help keep you sedentary! There’s always tv to provide hours and hours of mind numbing entertainment, but don’t forget about movies, feedee podcasts, or even audio books! Having to actually read books might be hard for the lazier piggy, so don’t feel like you need to challenge yourself with any of those! Playing video games, scrolling TikTok, or watching dirty videos are other great options! Doing things that don’t require a lot of brain power is key!
Another good activity for couch piggies is playing with yourself, stuffing, or sexting/facetiming your feeder! If your feeder is home with you, you can always incorporate feedings into couch training, too, as a reward or incentive to not get up!
When you’ve thoroughly exhausted yourself by sitting on your ass and eating all day, it might be time for a much deserved nap! Couch training should include frequent naps so that the piggy doesn’t get too tired to eat!
If the piggy ever gets sore or feels the need to stretch after sitting for so long, try taking some pain meds and massaging your fat rather than getting up! If your feeder is home, ask them to rub you down to help with the soreness. There are also plenty of stretches piggies can do while remaining seated! You know you don’t really want to get up, so don’t!
After a few weeks of couch training, lazy piggies should notice that they’re sitting on the couch for at least 4 hours a day, but optimally 8 or 9 if you work from home! With any luck after a few months, your hips will be bigger than the couch cushions and you’ll be too fat to even consider getting up anymore!
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