hii hi hello loved your fic willing and (accordingly) able !! and the fanart is gorgeous too. It's such a plausible scenario but didn't even cross my mind. I've not seen anyone write on that concept so far. And loved colt and ry meeting, it's just all good things come together. I do love some good hurt comfort it has to be said * nods * thank you for writing and sharing x
AHHHH this makes me so so happy!! Thank you thank you thank you! I’m so happy to hear that you like it💖 there are more chapters coming so stay tuned for more hurt/comfort with the brothers and also some of the kids🥹 and hopefully I manage to make some more art as well🙂↕️
Is there any chance you'll finish Sun Scars story? No pressure at all.
It was just a very promising start and it would be great to read the whole thing 🔥🙏
Hi anon!!! Yeah of course!! I’ve been sketching on the next chapter so hopefully I’ll be able to post it soon (and your lovely ask makes me even more motivated to continue!)🥰 there’s a lot of angst coming your way🙂↕️
I’m so happy you like it and reach out! It means so much to me. Thank you💖
So yeah, I guess I was sad when I wrote this or something. I'm not sure if I'll ever use it in a fic so yeah, why not just post it anyway? It's from an au where Gale is a painter and invites John over to his little house and studio on the countryside. They've sort of ish begun dating but they're also close friends and John gets scared of the intimacy and of maybe eventually losing Gale. Meanwhile, Gale has already realised he loves John with all his heart and probably will for the rest of his life.
John: It's not like I'm gonna find love anyway.
John throws a stone into the water and watches the small waves as they form rings on the water. Gale frowns and stares at him for a moment.
Gale: Why would you say that?
A scoff passes John's lips and he shrugs. He walks a few steps on the beach, kicking a random stone in the sand.
John: It's easier to decide that success, happiness, love whatever the fuck you wanna call it isn't for you than to wait for it and it never comes.
Gale walks after and looks at John, concerned.
Gale: Why?
John stops and stares into nothing, back turned to Gale.
John: Because sometimes, reality is fucked up and no one wants to realise it and instead of saying 'no you're right you're never gonna find anyone' they say 'it'll happen when you least expect it' and you know what? That's a whole lot of bull.
John turns around and gesticulates with his hands.
John: I've been not expecting it for years and the people around me get it right like THIS!
He snaps his fingers and looks Gale in the eyes.
John: And they don't even try. People just want me, they think I'm hot and yeah fair?
He scoffs and shakes his head. The brown curls fly.
John: I mean I am good in bed, I think? No one has complained. I make them come? That's gotta count for something. Doesn't really matter though cause they dont want me, who I am. They don't love me. And no one ever will. I'm tired of letting them try.
Gale: Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
Gale frowns and takes a step forward, attempting to put a hand on John's arm but John moves away.
John: Why? Oh you wanna know why? Because sometimes you just don't wanna fight the darkness and you want it. I wanna feel like shit. Yes you heard me! I want it. Need it, like a damn junkie.
John huffs. It's a strangle strangled sound. He pulls a hand through his hair, tries to blink the tears out of his eyes. A wet laugh passes his lips.
John: But it's not that bad, no. And I laugh it off and I ignore it because surely it's not that bad and I'm just making it up and it could always be worse, someone else always has it worse. I don't even deserve to feel like shit!
He swallows hard and turns away again, dries his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. He can't seem to stand still and shifts his weight over and over. Gale's eyes glimmer in the evening light.
Gale: Bucky...
John looks back over his shoulder and shakes his head.
John: No. Don't you look at me like that.
Gale: What? I don't—
John: Like you care because you don't. As soon as you realise what I am you're gonna leave just like everyone else.
John starts walking away and Gale hurries after, grabs his shoulder to turn him around.
Gale: I could never—
John flinches away as if burned and turns around. His voice cracks.
John: Love isn't for me, Buck. Never was. Just gotta live with it. And I would rather have my friend than mess it up and hurt you and make you hate me and never wanna see me again.
Gale: Bucky, c'mon I—
Something flares up in John's eyes. The setting sun reflects in the wet stains on his cheeks.
John: No. I'm gonna be this body and I'm not gonna be anything else, I'm not gonna hope, pray, cry because I don't have to if I just decide that this is it, right? If I'm single, I'm single and I stay that way. Then it's fine. It's like it should be.
Gale: That's not true—
John: Nothing is true, can't you see it's all lies? All everyone do is lie!
Gale snorts and raises his eyebrows. He gives John a hurt glare.
Gale: Do you think I lie?
John: ...
Gale: Do you really think I'm a liar?
John: ...
Gale: Do you honestly think I would lie to you? Hey, look at me. Do you?
Gale pushes John on the shoulder, forcing him to look up and meet his gaze.
John: Why wouldn't you?
Gale stares at him in silence.
Gale: What's gotten into you?
He sounds hurt. John lets out a laugh. Way too loud and big.
Gale: What?
John: You see it now, don't you? The fucking mess.
Gale: I'm just—
John: Just hold on, give it a minute. You'll realise you made a huge mistake and leave.
Gale: Why would I—
John: Well honestly! Honestly, you should.
John starts walking away and Gale hurries after.
Gale: But I don’t want to! Wanna know why?
He catches up with John and gets in his way, stops him again.
Gale: Cause I like to be with you. I have fun with you. I can talk to you. You make me happy.
John shakes his head.
Gale: You do! You really do. You make me happy, Bucky. I wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else. You hear that?
I think one of the things that really gets me is that yeah, Grace was doomed from the start in multiple different ways, but it was always out of love. He was doomed from the moment he was born because of the coma gene, out of love from his parents. He was doomed from the moment he started studying science and got his Ph.D., out of love for his field. He was doomed from the moment he asked Stratt to give him more Astrophage to study, out of love for his students. He was doomed from the moment he started working on the project, out of love for his planet. And then once he's in space, he almost dies trying to save Rocky from Earth's atmosphere, out of love for Rocky. Then he almost condemns himself to death to go back and save Rocky from the Taumoeba, thinking he will die for it, out of love for Rocky and also out of love for Erid.
And I think that also makes the aroace reading of Grace so much more impactful and important, because you have this person who doesn't love others in the conventional ways his planet expects, but despite that, the other kinds of "unconventional" love that he has, which he has so much of, not only saves him but saves two entire planets and countless lives. All the things and all the love that should have killed him are the reason why he, and also many others, live.
PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW tagged by @hogans-heroes and @magneticghouls <33333
LAST SONG: I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers (can you tell I'm writing angst atm?)
CURRENTLY WATCHING: I'm sort of in between shows but I've been watching Shetland for a bit
CURRENTLY READING: Project Hail Mary (Weir) and The Trial (Kafka)
CURRENT OBSESSIONS:
Masters of the Air (as always)
Project Hail Mary (Ryland Grace has entered my heart and is there to stay for all eternity)
Drawing (I've really gotten back into my art and it feels amazing)
Lemons (lemons have become my personality - someone send help)
CURRENTLY WORKING ON:
Hmmm well, I have a Coltland twins fic I'm working on, but I also have a few MOTA fics I need to update. I have so many more ideas for both PHM and MOTA (all angst ofc), but so little time. I'm also writing a short film and trying to write a children's book, but it's going very slow hahah.
CURRENTLY WEARING: red flowy summer pants that look like a skirt, a white tank-top and my dala-horse necklace.
LAST GOOGLE SEARCH: cream or egg whites in tiramisu
FAVORITE FLOWER: DANDELIONS
tagging if you want, no pressure: @stars-remain2 @onyxsboxes @jortpendle @9hiraeth @liamthesnail @fbi-angel-in-a-trenchcoat @rylandgraceisace @mazikeen
Song: 'Sound the Bugle' by Bryan Adams (from the 2002 soundtrack for Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron)
Y'all can thank @magneticghouls for talking me into playing horsies with y'all, except I can't draw so may I offer you an angsty edit to the saddest song on the soundtrack in this trying time?
And if you haven't seen it yet: @johnbottoms' og art that seems to have woken up every horse girl (gender neutral) sleeper agent in this fandom for a one-hit K.O.
andulkaphoto
origamiaround
ellievsbear
dailybridgerton
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turnnoffyourmind
