Emm.

Lyrics, letters, ideas.

[emmgryner]

Aonarán

2016.

What a storm. Since January, we have been plagued by loss, reflection and remarkable events in the news - all underscored by a push to rush, accomplish, understand, keep up. 

In many ways, like you, I have felt it has been too much.

I am once again without a conversational, human place to empty my words, my worries and the spikes and crashes of my heart. I strive to keep a pure heart, use kind words and keep waving my familiar flag of blind optimism. 

Just a few months ago, it was summer and I felt darkness instead of the beautiful Canadian heatwave. 

I thought to myself as I felt like an amateur skier on a black diamond, ice under my feet, throttling down the darkest decline - what do I need? And what would my daughter or my son need if they hit the same difficult place? What do you need, my friends and fans who have been with me for two incredible decades? 

I made “Aonarán” in November. Pronounced AY-nur-awn, the word comes from Old Irish, and means “a solitary person, or loner”. We are all alone and the sooner we know this, the more liberation we can experience. But in our loneliness we can find strength in each other, in the things we create, in the inspiration we offer one another. 

I made a record that is intended to slow our hearts and calm the mind. I’m not an expert on the subject of meditative music but I wanted to create something that is like an ethereal embrace, for ears, for aching hearts, for stressed-out minds. For some reason none of us can put down our phones. 

The lyrics and vocals are intended to be textures. There are no pop songs. What lyrics you can decode, and perhaps you’ll just need to read the booklet, are meant to uplift, to help you - and me - and anyone you else feel needs it - see the crack of light in the cloud cover of what has been an absolutely, unforgettable twelve months. 

I’m offering this album as handmade, signed and personalized because I feel it’s something you need to hold, something you need to reach for if you need it and not have to go flipping through your device or your computer to find it. That’s what I would like to get away from. 

Each album is numbered and there are only 95 copies available. Once they are sold, I’ll put a pre-order page up for a manufactured copy. Thanks to Karen Baer for the artwork, Frank Gryner for mixing and Owen Drumm for some title inspiration.

On a separate note, something new (and exciting for me) is coming in 2017 and everyone who ordered any or all of my last 4 albums will receive an announcement in the mail towards spring. If you have moved or changed your shipping address, drop me a note at [email protected] so I don’t miss you.

Also, thank you to so many of you for your support on the new Trent Severn record, the writing of which has brought me immense joy as well.

UPDATE TUESDAY DEC 6 11:45 EST: Since the handmade album has now sold out, you can pre-order the manufactured copy, (shipping in the new year) here:

http://www.emmgryner.com/store/aonarn-pre-order

With love,

[emmgryner]

David, and beyond.

I have collapsed into myself this week. Slid down the memory lane rabbit hole. At one turn, I feel joyous that David is finally being celebrated. At another, I know I will never hear from him again. My little inbox won’t light up again with an email from him. No chit-chat about the newest indie music. No x’s or o’s. The correspondence was minimal, but every time I heard from him, there was some comfort in knowing Daddy Stardust (as I called him) was happy and well.

Since I sang backup with him at the turn of the millennium, I’ve hung onto certain memories more than others. The shows, the audiences, the energy of David in a room. Whizzing through the streets of NYC in a taxi cab, him telling me in confidence what he thought of other rock ‘n’ rollers. Taking the elevator up to his penthouse, where he joked to me about some music stuff. I remember the band, our good times together. My bandmates and I were bonded by the unique aspect that we were in the company of a legend, who didn’t act so legendary around us all the time - who brought in ice cream cake to rehearsal when I turned 25, who just sat around at airports joking with us as though we were old friends. I remember the night we ran off the stage from Glastonbury Festival into a bus that was intended to get us out of there ahead of the exiting crowd of over 100,000 fans. We ended up caught in the same traffic jam as everyone else - all of us, coming down from the high of the night.

I’ve been, as my friend Ashley calls it, drunk for a week. Not hearing what people are saying. Distracted, quite pleasantly, by the demands of my toddlers. Walking through life like a hologram. Heart dug out. No one to relate to. 

About 35 news people contacted me on the day we learned David died. I talked only to 2 people, because they were essentially people I knew and trusted. I needed to talk to somebody strangely enough. Holly wasn’t awake yet. I felt better after I talked to Tom Power on Q. 

I realize now the experience of singing with David - an opportunity that came to me quite out of the blue - was like a cloak of magic and armour that I wore for a brief time, but the after-effects lasted several years. To be in his band gave me perspective - mostly on fame. Singing with David gave me credibility, though I was the least qualified person for the job. The experience threw me into a creative hurricane, at one turn, inspiring me and at another tearing down things I thought were solid. Leaving me with an emotional debt in my heart. An ache, a pull. A confusion. I felt drawn to something greater than me but also completely bewildered - by life, the music industry, by my motivations. As much as I didn’t always want to talk about being a backup singer (not my life’s plan) or David, I was often glad when people would ask me about the experience.

A week later, under this snowy blanket of clouds, I see a crack in the sky. All of the confusion and nostalgia seems to be dissipating. Something is saying to me - “come the f*** out of the fog and the haze!! It’s time to be who you are, finally.” It’s time to let go of that time, that was so beautiful. I thought that I had moved on from that life (of being in the glorious shadow of someone so influential), but only in this mourning of him, do I feel I can.

I know he thought more of people doing things for themselves, than being simply fans of his.

David was incredibly present and joyful. Especially at the time I worked with him, when he was about to become a father again. It’s about time we all found a way to be that too, in a way that only makes sense to each of us. Peace and positivity aren’t found by comparing ourselves to someone else, they aren’t found by wallowing in anxiety and sadness. It’s time to be aware, and find laughter and move forward and create the sorts of art and music that we are excited by. To be brave, once and for all.

This morning I changed my Twitter profile. It no longer reads “Sang with Bowie”. It now actually says something about me.

[emmgryner]

Duped

Lies

All your pretty lies all your tired smiles Can you feel the lake effect Hiding out in Hollywood

I feel duped I wanna say why did you stoop To the core of the earth A chess move that turned so wrong And the worst part of it all is you're all gone

Lilies All your gardens burn Like bush fire Can you mine for hidden gems Laying low in Somerset

Oh I feel small Don't we all Missing you or someone we thought we knew It's so wrong And the worst part of it all is you're all gone

Pull the black car in the semi-circle Pay some last respects Happy Monday We'll be happy one day I want Steven back with the band I want your leather on my hand I want love to win Love.

http://music.cbc.ca/play/artist/Emm-Gryner/Duped