guilty

edward cullen | murderer

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

Carlisle hummed dubiously. There would be no convincing Edward it seemed, and if his theory was correct, it would be proved soon enough. But it wasn’t something to quibble over now - there were more important things at hand, such as trying to navigate this without it become a disaster. After all, it wasn’t as if someone had written a sire’s handbook. No, this would all be improvisation. He couldn’t fail Edward now, not after everything.

He placed a tentative hand on the boy’s shoulder. No longer was his skin hot with humanity and fever, now it was cool. Unpleasantly so, for a human, but the same as any other of their kind. “Believe me, had I the time, the opportunity, I would have. But I could not. A mother’s love… there’s no fighting it. She wanted you to have a life beyond this, don’t begrudge her that.” A part of Carlisle couldn’t help but feel envious, he had never had the chance to get to know his mother, and given his immortality he would never get the chance to. But he had made peace with that, and in time Edward would also.

“I’m familiar with that particular passage.” With his father being a clergyman, how could he not? And was it not those words that had caused him so much hurt in his newborn days? “I have lived long enough now, and if anything life has taught me that the bible is not always correct. It took a very long time to learn that, in fact. But I believe, Edward, that God has a different plan for us than he does for most. Neither is better than the other, what truly matters is the choices we make.”

He cast a glance to the window. There was still some time before sundown. There was no way he could get Edward out without causing a serious issue just yet. “You need to feed. Tell me, have you read Dracula? A lot of it is woefully incorrect, but there is one thing that Mr Stoker did get right even if he did not understand the options there can be. What does a vampire need to survive?”

... couldn’t fail Edward now. Not after everything. Again, Edward heard the doctor speak clear as day, yet this time he saw that his mouth didn’t move at all as he said it. It was possible that he’d been telling the truth before, in that case, but that would mean that he could... what, read minds? Doctor Cullen seemed to have the answers to most everything else he may have questions toward, albeit not having shared them yet, so he might know something about this as well. Edward just had to either ask him directly, or hint at it by answering his innermost thoughts. “What do you mean by ‘failing me’?"

Don’t begrudge his mother for wanting him to live without her? As much as that made sense, it was hard to want to follow it, just as it was hard to not begrudge the doctor for following a woman’s dying wishes. Surely he was lucid enough to have made this decision himself, right? The more Doctor Cullen spoke, the more it became clear to Edward the situation he was in, and the more he felt sick to his stomach (could he even be sick anymore?). A man of medicine, whose father was apparently a clergyman (though he didn’t say that out loud either), spoke as if the possibility of vampirism and immortality was completely normal and logical, and though he wanted to vehemently deny it, Edward wasn’t stupid. He could connect the dots. 

“The bible is the word of God, doctor. To say it’s incorrect is as sinful as being a creature like what you’re implying is.” He exhaled shakily, trying not to think about the fact that he’d gone far longer than normal not breathing while he was thinking everything over a few moments prior, and straightened his posture. “They need blood,” he said quietly. “Doctor Cullen, you’re not only implying that you’ve made me a vampire, but that you’re a vampire as well--a rather old one--and I need to spend the rest of my immortal life killing others so I can live. Tell me, how does any of that say to you that we aren’t damned?”

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

It had happened so suddenly. Had Carlisle been human, he would have missed the move. But the again, had he been human they would not have been in the situation they were now in. Edward was awake - was alive, in some form. Relief flooded through his system, the transition had completed and eternity stretched out before Edward. 

The boy’s words caught him off-guard, Carlisle’s brow furrowing in confusion. He hadn’t spoken those words aloud, of that he was certain. But then…. how had Edward heard them to ask? “Nothing went wrong, Edward. But I didn’t say anything.” Surely even as focused on Edward he had been, he would have noticed if he had spoken instead of merely just thought. Unless… he was well aware of the chance of it being a possibility, but it was too soon to tell. “Edward, please, sit down.” He gestured to the bed as he winced at the destruction of the windowsill. He guessed that it would be a while before Edward would have the control to not break things with the slightest touch. 

“Your mother…” He sighed softly, running a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry, Edward. There was nothing we could do beyond make her comfortable.” Newborns were unpredictable at best, and Carlisle was more than a little worried about how Edward would react. “As for your second question. I’m sure you’ve noticed that you’re no longer at the hospital. Before she passed, your mother asked me to do what I could for you, and to do so I had to bring you here. I can imagine this must all be a great shock for you.” At least Edward had someone here when he woke to guide him through, Carlisle had had to have stumbled through. How different would things have been had his sire not abandoned him? He dreaded to think.

“Tell me, what do you know of Vampires?”

“Yes you did,” he insisted, staring Doctor Cullen down as if he could determine whether the man was lying or not through sheer willpower. He was certain he heard him speak, voice as loud and clear as it was while he denied the action, but what if he was going mad? Edward stared at Doctor Cullen uncertainly when he was invited to sit, glancing away only once to look at the crumbled windowsill in his hand before making his way over to the bed and slowly sitting down beside him.

There was nothing we could do, he heard the doctor say, but anything he may have said beyond that was lost on deaf ears. Edward had barely begun coming to terms with the passing of his father before he himself fell under the worst of influenza’s symptoms, comforted by the idea of being able to see him sooner rather than later; now, not only had he survived, but his mother had not, leaving him utterly alone in the world without either of his parents at his side. What sort of world still existed without his father’s steady presence or his mother’s comforting smile? “You should have saved her,” he whispered, pulling his knees up to his chest as if the action was the only thing holding him together. The world could survive without himself or his father, but without Elizabeth Masen in the world, what was the point of anything?

Every breath he took felt hollow, unnecessary, and his throat still burned with a desire for something he wasn’t certain of. Edward’s mind wanted to connect that to vampire when Doctor Cullen mentioned it, but the thought alone was so absurd that he quickly banished the thought and instead drew on the years of Sunday school drilled into his head instead, the familiar words comforting amid his uncertainty. “There are those whose teeth are swords, whose fangs are knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, the needy from among mankind,” he quoted, looking at Doctor Cullen and clenching his jaw. “Their souls are damned, never tot set foot in Heaven for no matter how merciful God is, he shall forever shun beasts such as them.” He finally looked to Doctor Cullen again, unsure if he wanted the answer to his question.

“Why does my throat burn, Doctor Cullen? I need... I don’t know what I need, but I need.”

[acotars]

—the cullen clan

[bellasredchevy]

carlisle trying to explain to the school why emmett threw alice over the gym, why jasper dunked bella through a hoop and shattered the backboard and why rose spiked a volleyball into edwards face so hard that it bounced off his head and shot back through the roof of the gym

[gxnya]

bella: if you keep saying you don’t have a soul then I guess that means we can’t be soulmates anymore haha

edward, locking himself in his room for the next 3 days:

[cullenfucked]

i love ONE (1) foolish couple ...

[cullensgoingplaces]

Wait, I’m sorry if we’ve already been over this, but Debussy lived until 1918 so he was still alive during Edward’s human life which means that Edward going buckwild for Clair de Lune wasn’t necessarily some deep appreciation for classical music but was actually like,,,stan behavior??? Edward Anthony Masen Jr. wandering the streets of Chicago starting arguments like, “yeah Sousa has some bops, but Debussy outsold PERIODT”

[fiddlesolo]

edward fucking off to volterra in new moon

[twilight-af-deactivated20220701]

I folded the letter carefully, and sealed it in the envelope. Eventually he would find it. I only hoped he would understand, and listen to me just this once. And then I carefully sealed away my heart. (remake)

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

CHICAGO, SEPTEMBER 1918 @emo-vamp​

Lub-dub

Lub-dub

Lub-dub

Nothing.

The silence was deafening. No matter how erratic and laboured the young man’s breathing and heartbeat had been, the sound had given Carlisle something to focus on. ‘You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.’ The words of Edward’s dying mother refused to leave the forefront of Carlisle’s mind as he prayed for forgiveness. Had he done the right thing? Saving Edward in the way that he had was certainly something no other doctor could do, and it was the only option when it came to giving Edward another chance at life. Or some semblance of a life. Vampirism, after all, had its limits. But still, Carlisle told himself that this limited immortality was better than the alternative.

Moving slowly, Carlisle carefully removed the damp cloths from Edward’s forehead and chest, folding them and putting them on the small table next to the bed. The change was complete, now all he could do was hope that Edward had made it through. “Edward? Edward, it’s Dr. Cullen, can you hear me?” Whilst he knew how the change worked in theory, this was Carlisle’s first time experiencing it beyond his own centuries ago. He couldn’t remember how long it had taken him to ‘wake up’, all Carlisle could remember was the burning in his throat and the horror he had felt when he had realised what had happened to him. One difference this time was that Edward would not be alone as he adjusted to his new life. Carlisle wouldn’t leave him. The boy would be thirsty when he woke, and just as well, as Carlisle caught sight of his black eyes in the mirror. It had been too long since he had last hunted. He’d have to take Edward over to Michigan sooner, rather than later, for both of their sakes. 

“Edward, please.” He was growing desperate now. Had something gone wrong? Perhaps this was fate’s way of telling him that he shouldn’t have been playing god, that he would have to spend his lifetime alone.

Pain. 

Brutal, agonizing pain. 

That was all Edward had been able to focus since he came down with the Spanish flu, but this? This was much worse than the dry hacking so fierce he coughed up blood or the pneumonia that made it feel like he was slowly suffocating under an invisible force while he struggled to breathe. He could remember his father passing as he and his mother got worse with the illness, could remember his mother trying to care for him from her own sickbed while she suffered the same fate as him. This is it, he had thought. This is how I die. Then a prick to his neck, followed by an intense burning sensation almost too overwhelming to bear coursed through him, and surely this was Hell, because why else would he have fire consuming his very being? Whatever he’d done to end with this fate must have been deserved, because why else would God let him suffer so?

When the pain began to subside, Edward believed he was growing accustomed to the anguish that would be his new eternity. This would be his afterlife, then. He only hoped his parents weren’t suffering the same fate. 

He didn’t anticipate opening his eyes ever again, but when he did everything was in such vivid detail that he had to blink several times to reassure himself he wasn’t going mad. Edward could see every notch in the ceiling tiles, every dust speck that floated beneath the sole light in the room. Cars drove by and people spoke in droves, but they all sounded right next to him rather than muffled by whatever room they were in. What drowned that all out, if barely, was an intense burning sensation in his throat, craving for something he wasn’t sure of, so when he heard his name spoken he was more than startled. Edward bolted off of the bed he was laying on--how did he find the strength to stand again?--and ran to the opposite side of the room to put distance between himself and whoever was there with him. This certainly didn’t look like the infirmary he was in before he fell into unconsciousness, but the doctor was familiar. Doctor Carlisle Cullen, the man who had been looking over his family among countless others. That didn’t mean he could trust him away from the infirmary, though, and he clutched at the windowsill to make his way out of it when he heard the doctor’s voice, albeit a bit delayed.

Did something go wrong? Perhaps this is fate’s way of telling me that I shouldn’t have been playing god.

“What do you mean?” Edward asked, voice feeling raw in between the burning that wouldn’t go away. “What went wrong? Why are you playing god?” His fist tightened on the windowsill, and Edward pulled his hand away when a crunch sounded beneath it, revealing the now-broken remnants of it. That wasn’t normal. “What’s going on? Where’s my mother?”

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

“But someone must have put the idea in her head.” He insisted. “No rational person’s mind would jump immediately to vampires.” That didn’t make sense. One of the tribe must have told her the story… and Carlisle had his money on young Jacob as the culprit. From what he knew, the Blacks were the family closest to the Swans, although Carlisle did recall Charlie mentioning Harry Clearwater more than once, but neither of his children were close enough in age to feasibly have a friendship with Isabella. 

Carlisle sat, frozen in shock. A switch had flipped in Edward, and suddenly all of Carlisle’s fears had been confirmed. He had often wondered - not in the presence of Edward, of course - over the years whether or not he had made the right decision in turning the boy, in turning the rest of the family, but had ultimately told himself that he had. He had given them another chance at life, perhaps a little unorthodox, but they had all been too young. Carlisle listened quietly, allowing Edward to say his piece. The boy wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t given him the choice. His mind went back to that balmy night in Chicago. Edward senior had already passed, and Elizabeth and her boy were not long behind him. Even without his vampiric eidetic memory, he wouldn’t have forgotten the knowing look in Elizabeth’s eyes as she clutched his hands and begged him to save Edward. What had spurred him that night? Was it the altruistic desire to fulfill a dying woman’s wish, or was it the selfish need for family that Carlisle had done his best to suppress for over two centuries? 

He had been too passive with Edward over the years, which was clear by the situation the family now found themselves in. He couldn’t sit back and simply take it. No, he had to deal with it as the head of the coven - the family - even if the guilt roiling in his stomach was something you wouldn’t need Jasper’s power to sense. Rising from his seat, he moved to stand to the side of the desk. “Have you finished?” He asked, squaring his shoulders. “Your mother begged me to do whatever was in my power to save you, Edward. I can’t say what was running through my mind, the hospital during the pandemic was exhausting even for myself. Perhaps she reminded me of what I had imagined my mother to be like had she lived, but I couldn’t say no to her. You had a whole life ahead of you. I wanted to give you a chance, as misguided as it may have been. I apologise for doing what I thought was right by you. I can’t be sorry enough.” He paused. “Our souls may be damned, but they are there. When the time comes, we are not judged on what we are, but what we have done with what we were given.” 

He took a breath, the frustration and guilt within rapidly gnawing at his temper. This was a subject he had determinedly not dwealt upon, unwilling to reconcile the dubious ethics of his choices. Had it been sensible? No, but it was the only way he could carry on with life. Not that it made it right. “Is that what you want? For me to admit that I made a mistake and to kill you now as if the last century hasn’t meant anything? Has our time together been so unbearable for you? I thought we were friends, Edward.” He shook his head, a disbelieving huff of laughter escaping him. “You know what? Fuck this. Leave, if you’re so unhappy. I won’t hold you back any longer. Forks, Berlin, Volterra.. it doesn’t matter.”

“I didn’t tell her, if that’s what you’re implying,” he sniped. He genuinely didn’t know how Bella had figured it out--he’d been so careful around her, or thought he was. Maybe he gave himself away more than he realized? “I wouldn’t know how even if she were still alive. I couldn’t see inside her mind.” One more mystery to solve.

Carlisle had every right to be frustrated with Edward after his uncalled for verbal attack. Grudge though it was, he did what he could to keep those particular thoughts away from Carlisle’s mind, not wanting to burden the man any further. He couldn’t deny anything he said though: Edward didn’t want to be a vampire, had struggled to accept that was what he was at the beginning, but he made peace with it. At least, he thought he had. Since Bella’s death, though, his emotions were heightened in mourning for who Isabella Swan could have been, horrified by his own actions, ashamed that he brought his family down with him, angry that he’d let himself slip because a human smelled good. Now he was lashing out yet again, and though he knew he should stop, part of him didn’t want to. It was like all that emotion needed somewhere to dissipate, and Carlisle happened to be the unlucky person who got to be on the receiving end of it.

He would assuredly regret this later.

“I don’t think she meant turn me into an immortal being when she asked you to save me,” Edward said tightly, listening to Carlisle’s apology and relenting slightly. It was his mother’s wish regardless, and Carlisle had technically followed through with his promise, as unideal as it was. “You don’t know they’re still there,” he said, voice quieter than the loud ranting he’d been doing moments prior. “None of us knows that for certain. No matter how long we live, that’ll always be the one thing that remains a mystery. You saying they’re still there means about as much as me saying they’re gone for good.”

It was a shock to be on the receiving end of Carlisle’s rage. No matter what happened over their years together, Edward was hardly the one being scolded; rather, he was the one holding back a snicker while Emmett or Alice were told off for their more eccentric personalities and the trouble those personalities brought. His surprise probably showed on his face, and it completely threw him for a loop, so it was a bit disorienting when Carlisle actually swore and told him to leave. This, Edward knew, was the moment he needed to take a moment, calm down, and apologize. To ask for the forgiveness that he certainly didn’t deserve, or even just talk out his issues with the man like a normal person.

His stubborn streak won over that logic, though, and with a shaky breath Edward said, “Fine. I will,” before turning on his heel and leaving the clinic. He had no idea where to go now, but he’d find somewhere--he had a lot of reflecting to do.

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

The more time it took Edward to answer his question, the more tense Carlisle grew. Was he really so lacking self-awareness? God forgive him if that was so. Edward’s eventual answer mollified him somewhat, but the unease was still lingering beneath the surface. He would have to be better, for all of them. “Don’t ask more of me, please.” Carlisle wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he was forced to kill Edward, no matter how merciful the younger vampire intended it on being. Carlisle didn’t have it in him when he was a human, from what he could recall, and he most definitely did not have it within him now. 

“But you said she knew what you were.” He spoke slowly. “How do you explain that? Did she not say how she knew?” If only Edward had been able to read her mind. “Nomads do pass through from time to time, but we can’t pin it on one of them unless the wolves had scented them, and there’s no way for us to know that.” Perhaps they should have stayed longer in Forks instead of making a hasty exit. It was always easier to see how you should have done things in hindsight. “I don’t think they’d succeed in convincing Chief Swan that vampires were real. He used to complain enough about the tribe not wanting to come to the hospital because of me.” An eyebrow raised. “Thank you.” Although he wasn’t sure just how sincere Edward was being with his apology. “Now, would you be okay with working on the front desk?”

Don’t ask more of me, please. As if Carlisle had asked him about turning the first time he faced potential death. Edward half-paid attention to what Carlisle was saying after that, only tuning back in to respond, “She did research, came to conclusions. She... she was rather observant.” 

And the crux of it all lay within that was, as a reminder yet again that Bella was dead by his own hands and they now had to speak of her in the past tense. He was the reason for that. Emmett said he knew couldn’t possibly know she was his soulmate after a few weeks of knowing one another, at least when compared to his relationship with Rosalie, but Edward believed otherwise. He never, in his long life, met anyone who drew him in like Bella Swan did. He knew instinctively that they were meant for one another, and now that she was dead he wanted to be too--except no, that wouldn’t matter. Vampires didn’t have souls, so he wouldn’t get to see her again even in death. The thought stirred the age-old grudge Edward repressed toward Carlisle making him a vampire; not only would he not see Bella again because of his damned soul, but he’d never see his actual parents either. He could hardly remember what it felt like to be hugged by his mother, or the brand of cigarette his father smoked when he got home from work. He told himself he wouldn’t bring up the old wounds, but don’t ask more of me, please triggered something in him, and suddenly he was angry.

“Isn’t asking that of you the least you could do for me, Carlisle?” he asked, completely ignoring his pseudo-father’s question about working the desk in favor of his own rampant emotions. “I lied, you did do something wrong: you turned me in the first place. I--I never asked for any of this, Carlisle. You were my doctor and I was dying, and instead of trying to figure out if I even wanted to live for eternity, you went and changed me anyway. My soul is damned, and instead of being able to see Bella, my parents, or any other loved ones again when I die--” Not if, he thought, but when. “--they’ll be in whatever afterlife exists while I just... stop existing. Why did you do that, Carlisle? Because it’s been over a century and I still don’t entirely know what gave you the idea or the right to decide that for me.”

[emo-vamp]

frozenbarbie‌:

She didn’t think her attitude would be a surprise to Edward. She’d had very little tolerance for his dramatics before the incident, and it wasn’t as though that would miraculously get better because he’d ruined all their lives. Really it was a blessing for him that she’d been avoiding him because she couldn’t have guaranteed his staying intact if she’d had to spend more time with him.

Rosalie sighed in annoyance when Edward caught himself and didn’t end up on his ass, but it had only been a very small hope. She stood with her arms crossed in the doorway to her garage, fury almost burning from her eyes. How dare he come to her garage, her place of work and force her to see him. “Talk? About what? Do you want to rehash how you endangered our whole family by being an idiot with no self control? Or how when I said I’d kill her to protect us, I was overreacting but when you do it - somehow we all have to cover for you?” Rose tilted her head to the side, expression mocking. “Are you having problems wrestling with the battle for your doomed soul? Because I moved out so I didn’t have to keep hearing about that.” Several more insults came to mind as she spoke, but she knew she didn’t need to verbalise them all. He’d hear. “Truly though, I didn’t know that you not hearing someone’s thoughts would drive you to murder. I guess we should all be glad we’re open books, right?”

He knew she was angry. Hell, he’d known that she would be angry the moment he went home and told the family what he did. Knowing about it didn’t soften the blow of her ranting though, justified as it was, and though he didn’t need to, Edward took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to keep himself neutral at the very least. He didn’t deserve to be bothered over something Rosalie had every right to be upset about. Her last sentence, though, combined with some rather creative insults in her head, made him clench his jaw.

“I deserved that,” Edward said slowly, running a hand through his hair as he thought about why he was here in the first place. He trusted Carlisle, really, but with this? Edward knew he’d never pull through--but Rosalie might. “I’m not here to hash out my doomed soul with you, as you so eloquently put, so there’s no worry about that. I, uh, came for a favor, actually, since I know Carlisle won’t do it.” He met Rosalie’s eyes and held them, knowing that his no longer matched their gold color; now his was tinted with red. He hated it. “I can’t slip again. I haven’t yet, but I keep thinking I might with the next human, or I’ll come across another siren and be pulled into this situation all over again without being able to resist it, and I can’t live with myself if that happens again. None of you deserve to live with that either. Just... if you even think I might slip again, or I do and I--” He cut himself off. “Stop me, please, whatever it takes.”

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

“Which means that you could be the first. Under any other circumstances…” Carlisle trailed off, feeling as if it was probably best to leave that statement unfinished, not wanting to make Edward feel worse than he did already. “Have I ever let you down before?” Carlisle’s own father, from what he could remember, had been far from a stellar example of parenting, and though Carlisle could never replace Edward’s biological parents, he had always tried to do right by Edward. His brow furrowed. Had he failed him without realising? Edward didn’t care what Carlisle would do to stop him? What was Edward thinking with that… Even Carlisle had his limits of what he was willing to do should it come to it. “I’ll do what I can.” He replied quietly. 

A pale hand raked through his hear. “I’m not going to lie, but it would have been easier if you had.” A clean kill would only create more questions. Carlisle would have to keep an eye on the case. “The Wolves are sworn to the treaty, or I hope they still would be. Ephraim was a good man, but this younger generation have never been keen on friendship with our family.” Sighing, he turned to the computer on his desk, opening a web browser and going to the page for the Forks Forum. The entire first page was littered with articles about Isabella and the case. “It’s not ideal.” He turned his focus back to Edward. “Yes. But less of the attitude please, Edward. I’m trying my best, here.” Perhaps he would have to have a talk with Alice later that evening, see if she could see anything.

Had Carlisle let him down before? If he was feeling particularly petty, he could probably say something about letting his parents die and not letting Edward die with them, but that was a hundred years gone and not worth bringing up. He couldn’t fault Carlisle for turning him, and was grateful to be alive (even in the loosest of terms), but it would be a lie to say he didn’t miss being a Masen. In recent memory, though? “No, I suppose you haven’t,” he finally said, watching the conflict cross his pseudo-father’s face at his request. Edward wanted to think Carlisle would do that for him if it came down to it, but logically he knew he wouldn’t kill him if he could help it. His I’ll do what I can was no surprise and only made him quietly sigh, letting a moment of silence pass before responding, “That’s all I ask of you.”

Edward laughed humorlessly and crossed his arms across his chest, watching the computer boot up and clenching his jaw. “I--I killed her, Carlisle. Bit, fed, and killed a human. Last I checked, that broke the rules of the treaty. Unless there were other vampires in the surrounding area, they’d take one look at her and know it was one of us. I doubt Jacob Black would let it rest if possible.” The articles that covered the Forks Forum only solidified the idea of the wolves trying to go after them if they could, and Edward clenched his hands into fists. They tightened when Carlisle told him off for the attitude, and he suddenly felt 17 again, not 103. It took effort to not retort with Yes dad, and instead he said, “Alright. I’m sorry. I know you’re doing what you can.”

[emo-vamp]

frozenbarbie‌:

Rosalie was certain that there were no adequate words to describe how angry she was with Edward. Forks might not have been her favourite place in the world but they had been safe. She had been happy. She’d had her cars, she’d had Emmett, and Edward had almost been tolerable instead of the annoyance he was almost constantly. Of course, that hadn’t lasted long and it was all his damn fault. Honestly, it was laughable; Carlisle’s favourite, the poor sensitive soul, and he had ruined everything. One girl and he’d lost it. She’d killed five men and not tasted a drop of their blood. He was pathetic. 

Her garage was the bright spot of living in New Orleans. She’d had to start again on the projects she’d had to leave abandoned in Forks, but she was doing what she loved and it was remarkable the things people would idly say when she worked on their cars. It was keeping her informed. Rose thought it was probably one of her customers’ footsteps she heard approaching the door, and she was halfway to a smile when she heard his voice. She was at the door in a moment, hand on his chest to shove him backwards. “Get out.” It was almost a growl, her eyes narrowed in anger.

Edward expected Rosalie to be pissed. Out of all the Cullens, she was probably the most angry of the lot, which was saying something considering how his leg of the trip with Jasper and Emmett had gone. She was icy and flat-out hostile toward him since they all reunited, and Edward would bet good money on saying she was purposefully making sure she didn’t have to see him (not that she was being subtle about it).

He should have expected the shove against his chest, but whatever small hope that had been in his chest was enough to keep him from seeing the action in her thoughts and ended with him flying back nearly a foot and a half before he caught himself. “You shoved me out, so I’m out,” he said slowly raising his hands up in a surrender. “I’m not expecting you to say everything’s okay, Rosalie, but could we talk? Please?”

[emo-vamp]

bcrncold‌:

“There’s so little known about Singers.” Carlisle’s mouth drew into a tight line. “I don’t believe that there’s ever been any confirmed instances.” If only Edward hadn’t had a moment of weakness, perhaps then they could have investigated the mythical pull. But that’s not possible now. It was a difficult situations, and in some ways it was a testament to himself that Edward was able to resist for so long, but Carlisle knew that would do little to soothe the boy. His brow furrowed. Isabella knew what they were? But how? They had always been so careful to cover their tracks, and it wasn’t as if the image of vampires in pop culture was anything close beyond being undead and needing blood to survive. Had it been a lucky guess? He thought back to the little he knew of her family. Chief Swan was close with Ephraim Black’s grandson and his family. Could it be that the treaty had been compromised before Edward has struck. “I don’t know what to say, Edward. I wish I did.”

“They can’t trace us here. Think logically.” He began. “Forks is a small place, the police department certainly doesn’t have the resources for it. Secondly, as much as I hate to say it, given the location of Forks… bears and mountain lions are a plausible theory.” They had to be pragmatic about this. Or Carlisle had to, at any rate. He couldn’t allow this to splinter the family. “The Volturi will hardly bat an eye. I’m sure they have bigger issues to handle.” Although Carlisle wouldn’t be surprised if they were still keeping tabs on him, even if it was purely for their own amusement. He had been an oddity for many decades, after all. “Edward.” He interjected sharply. “One mistake is not going to undo years of work on your control. Take a breath, tell me, can you smell humans? Because I can. And you haven’t gone after any of them. I would rather you stay here with me.”

“Confirmed or no, this was very real.” And as distraught as being the cause of his own soulmate’s death made him, it also terrified him that he lost control. He hadn’t lost control like that since he was a newborn vampire, still reeling from nearly dying as his parents did only to be brought back to life permanently. Those were a rough few years, but after that Edward regained his control, his careful distance from people until drinking from humans was a pipe dream. All it took was one human to break that completely. “Just... say you won’t let it happen again, if you can help it. I don’t care what you do to stop me, but if it happens again, don’t let me.”

Edward listened as Carlisle spoke, focusing on his voice and soaking in what he knew to be the truth. Logic didn’t want to make itself known to him right now, but it was still there. He knew what the other man was saying was the truth, yet he still went to the worst case scenario or conclusion despite it. “I didn’t maul her, Carlisle, not like a bear or mountain lion would. They wouldn’t leave her drained with incision marks either. It might convince humans, but the wolves in La Push? They wouldn’t buy it.” He couldn’t argue about the Volturi, however; potentially exposing himself to a small, no-name town in Washington wasn’t as severe as, say, a large crowd in Volterra, Italy. His head snapped up when Carlisle became sharp with him, though, and Edward slowly took a deep breath. Of course he could smell them, but he was right: Edward wasn’t reacting to them. “Fine,” he said quietly, nodding slowly and meeting Carlisle’s eyes. “Fine, I’ll stay with you. Satisfied?”

[emo-vamp]

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Carlisle’s mouth drew into a tight line. Emmett had never been one to be shy with his opinion, and this one seemed to be a vocal opinion than most. Although he supposed he couldn’t be terribly surprised as Rosalie was the angriest Carlisle had seen her in a long time, and she had good reason to be so. They all did. But Carlisle, being the man he was, found that his compassion tempered the anger he should have been feeling. The few texts in the Volturi library that had mentioned singers had been incredibly vague, and all had said that they were myth. None of the information he recalled would be of use to them, and he certainly didn’t want to contact Aro with a list of questions. No, that was perhaps the worst thing he could do at the moment when they were desperately trying to avoid the watchful eye of the Volturi.

“What was it about her…” At the last second he stopped himself from mentioning her blood. “that was different? Can you describe it?” It certainly hadn’t been that way for himself and Esme, nor had it seemingly been that way for Rosalie and Emmett. “Edward, no.” His head shook emphatically, reaching forward to place a hand on Edward’s arm. “Don’t cloister yourself away. I’ve been there - and it was not an enjoyable experience. I know it’s difficult, but you can’t let this get the best of you. You’re stronger than that. We can just take it one step at a time. You can work here with me, if that would help.” He offered. “I can keep an eye on you that way.”

Carlisle didn’t have to finish his sentence. Hell, Edward didn’t need to read his mind to know what he was going to ask: what made Isabela Swan different from the rest? He hadn’t succumbed to temptation since he was a newly turned vampire, and no other person in Forks High made him want to break his vegetarian streak in the years he attended there. It was just her. Edward stayed quiet for a moment, staring at a speck on the floor as if it held the answers to all of his problems, before finally deigning to speak. “I don’t know,” he said slowly, head shaking. “No one else at Forks did that to me, you know that, but she... she drew me to her. No matter how much I resisted or tried to push her away, she kept coming back to me, which just made it harder to ignore how--how she smelled. Maybe because she was a human? All I know is that we got close, she knew we were vampires, and then one cut. That was it.” He gripped a nearby box hard enough to crush the corner of it. “Then she was gone.”

And even still, Carlisle didn’t think isolation would be best for Edward. How could it not be, when he was the one responsible for everyone having to uproot their lives and nearly exposing them before they could get away? Edward tugged his arm away from Carlisle’s reach and met his eyes, jaw tightening. “Maybe not enjoyable for you, but it’s likely the best option for me, Carlisle. None of you deserve to get dragged down with me, and everyone has been happy to make it clear that they don’t want to be.” If he was on his own, maybe he could surrender himself to the Volturi. Edward didn’t have to try hard to imagine what they’d do to him for punishment. At least that way the rest of them wouldn’t be considered threats as well. “How would that help? Being around your patients might be the opposite of a solution, actually.”