Ashes to Empires: Origins
Kato Igarashi has been around for centuries and he’s only ever wanted the same thing. Peace and acceptance. This is about his journey towards it.
WARNING: This story has sexual themes and mentions, adolescent bodily exploration, dubcon, abortions, miscarriages, and violence.
———-
CHAPTER ONE: When a Kingdom Falls
Kato’s small toes wiggle against the ground he stands on. Just in front of the very tree his mother pushed him through moments ago. He’s waiting for her to follow him with his father coming in just after her. The three of them would live here with the strange red girl together while they wait for all the bad men to leave.
He feels a hand on his shoulder, tugging him gently until he falls against the body of the girl that helped pull him through. She wraps her arms around him and squeezes, her tightly coiled hair spilling into his line of vision. He hears her weep softly behind him, murmuring apologies into his sharp pointed ears. He doesn’t want to hear that, he doesn’t want her apologies. He wants his parents, his mother and father.
“It’s okay. We’ll be okay love, just you and I together. Our parents will watch us from Heaven now, with our deity, Catriona.” No, that can’t be. There’s only one way to make it to Heaven with Catriona. He remembers his mother explaining this to him very clearly.
…
He watches his mother from the bushes as she kneels on the ground before the marsh. There’s a small gathering of Moor people around her, the wallerbog’s, the tree warriors, and the flower pixies. They didn’t seem like their usual joyous selves, hardly interested in playing which is exactly what he wanted to do right then.
Kato comes out of his hiding spot and his mother peered over her shoulder at him. Her usually bright and happy face was laced with something he hadn’t yet seen before. She beckons him over with nimble fingers and he comes to her like the good boy he is.
There’s a tiny fairy in her hand, a water pixie. He looks sleepy. “Kato, my son, I’m glad you’re here. Our dear friend will need all the comfort he can get right now.”
The little pixie’s breathing is strange and he doesn’t look as bright as he usually does. Like he’s lost his colour and luster. He whimpers a bit and tries to say something but it’s barely understandable. “Is he sick, mother?” Kato asks.
“No, my love. He’s dying. He’s spent quite a bit of time with us here in our home and now it’s time for him to go. And when he goes, we’ll give him to the ground and he’ll bloom a beautiful flower so his magic can live on forever.”
“Dying?” He questions softly. He leans over a bit and touches a finger to the ail creature, careful not to hurt him with his claws. He looks up at his mother, frowning. “Where does one go when they’re dying?”
Finally she smiles. A gentle ray of light beaming from her beautiful face. “It’s different for everyone my love. But when we die, we go to our Heaven where we get to live with our deity Catriona.” His amber eyes grow wide with fear at her words. His mother raises a free hand and pats it over his silver head softly. “Do not worry, sweet prince, I don’t intend to leave you anytime soon.”
…
Months. It’s only been a few months that she’s said that. She left him so quickly, just in the blink of an eye.
The girl behind him heaves him up into her arms and drags him with her, away from the looking tree and towards a large structure that rests in the middle of a vast space. Dead green grass and sick trees surrounding them. There’s a lake of glass blue water in front of the place, but they aren’t going towards any of that. They’re going inside, up all the steps and through the large entrance. She ungracefully drops him on the ground and then collapses herself.
He finally takes a good look at her. She’s older than him, but not by much. Just a few years. Her long tresses are a wild mess, the color of fire orange. Her blue eyes are rimmed and raw and her pale skin is flushed pink. Her dress is much too big for her and so is the shawl that she keeps adjusting on her shoulders.
He takes a good look at his surroundings. Everything is so unfamiliar. He has no idea what to make of this place. It looks nothing like his original home. He doesn’t know what these brown textures are or why they’re so dirty. They’re patterned strangely and there’s these objects in them. They look like weird thrones but they lack all the flowers and moss that his mother’s throne has...had.
His father lived in a castle, he’d never been in it, but he’s told him about it. He imagines it was bigger than this though, and certainly cleaner.
His ears twitch and his direction is placed back on the young girl that has just brought him here. She’s standing up now, still adjusting the shawl on her shoulders and nervously fumbling with her fabrics. Her bottom lip is tucked between her teeth and he notices the lack of fangs.
Kato himself stands and his toes curl uncomfortably against the feel of the ground beneath him. “Are you hungry?” He hears her ask. Hungry...no. But..
“Who are you?” He asks her quietly.
She smiles at him, brushing her messy hair behind her ear and holding out her hand to him as she hurriedly approaches. “I’m Merona Mickle. I’m your best friend and..when I’m old enough, I’ll be your new mother.” He’s seen his father pull displeased faces before, like when the wellbogs tried having mud fights with him. Kato pulls one of those faces now and tries to make it as mean looking as possible. Baring his small baby fangs and puffing out his cheeks. He smacks her hand away.
“You aren’t my mother! And..and we’re not friends! I don’t know you! I want to go home!” He shouts, stamping his feet. His parents would chide this unruly behavior, but how dare she try and insert herself into his life with such an important role.
“You can’t go home, Kato. Your mother sent you here and I have to take care of you now!” She declares, shouting back at him. “She wants me to protect you.”
What’s that word his father used once? His mother was very unhappy with him for saying it around Kato. He’s said plenty of ‘bad words’ around him, but there’s one in particular that he used quite often. Oh yes, it was.. ‘fuck.” It feels weird on his tongue and it doesn’t seem to have quite the power coming from him as it did coming from his father. He doesn’t even know what it means and maybe Merona doesn’t either because she doesn’t react the same way his mother did. Clearly this already just proves that she isn’t fit to be his mom.
“What does that mean?” She asks. He’s too embarrassed to tell her that he doesn’t know so instead he pretends.
“It means what I said. Fuck. Let me go home!” Merona merely sighs, shaking her head. The girl approaches him and grasps his hands in her own.
“Kato...listen to me. My mother and your mother knew each other. They spoke often through the looking tree...last year my mother died. I was left all alone because all the others are dead too and I didn’t want your mother to stop talking to me because she was the only person I had left so I pretended that my mother was still around and just really busy all the time and your mother made us, made me, promise that if anything should ever happen that I would take care of you. I promised her Kato, I can’t break that promise. So you have to stay here now, you understand?”
He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why his parents left him and he doesn’t understand why his home was ruined. What had his family done wrong? They were good to him, they loved him and took care of him and they did the same for their kingdoms. This is just like the little water pixie that died. He hadn’t done anything wrong either, but he died anyways. Was it just their time?
Merona starts to take him on a tour of what she confirms is in fact her castle, correction; their castle. There are three floors, each floor has these things called ‘rooms.’ Bedrooms, study rooms, and bathrooms. The bathrooms are where they relieve and clean themselves. The study rooms are where they study. Study what he isn’t sure, but he figures he’ll be here for a while so he’ll figure it out eventually. There’s one study room that is particularly small. She calls it a library. There are these things called books inside and the books hold knowledge and information.
The last room she shows him is just one of the bedrooms. “This is our bedroom. We can sleep here together and that way you won’t be scared at night.” He has never in his life slept on one of these before and this place is making him uneasy. He’ll take her up on her offer, but first she declares he must have a bath. He’s dirty and there’s mud in his hair and on his face. He needs to be cleaned.
He isn’t opposed to bathing in the lake, he’s done it all his life, but Merona says that isn’t necessary. They are civilized people and they’ll use their bathroom like civilized people, whatever that means. Using the lake certainly would’ve been easier than her hauling buckets and buckets of the lake water from outside, up the steps and into the bath, dumping it into the tub where he waits, naked and cold. She’s made six trips and his feet are barely covered. By the time she tires herself out, his ankles are submerged and that’s as good as it’s gonna get. The water is cold, there’s not nearly enough, and worse yet, they have to share it. Kato usually loves bath time, but tonight he doesn’t.
Settling into his new bed is less of a hassle. Merona uses a chair to crawl up onto her side and she teaches him to get up there too. Once they’re up there, they’re up there. The candles are blown out, the sun is set and there’s just darkness. He’s used to the sounds of pixies and little fairies scurrying through the night off to their grass or mushroom beds. He’s used to hearing the owls coo and birds chirp, but in this castle there’s nothing. Just him, Merona, and darkness.
—————
Merona is ‘cooking.’ She’s got potatoes in a pot sitting on top of a flame that they’re watching. There isn’t much here for them to eat and Kato’s powers haven’t yet emerged so this is their only option.
They’ve been eating potatoes for three days now, morning, afternoon, and evening. Dear Catriona, he can’t wait to get his powers.
So far he has learned that Merona is a seven year old nymph. He doesn’t know much about nymphs, except that they grow big like he and his mother, they’re playful, and they’re supposed to live here, in Ellay. According to Merona, the nymph populous started dying years ago. “I think we made Catriona mad, she cursed us and we simply haven’t been fruitful ever since.” Merona had said. “I wasn’t the last born nymph, just simply the last survivor.”
She didn’t know why they were all getting sick, but one by one they just started dropping off and going to Heaven. She had two younger sisters, Elsbeth and Colina who died months before her mother.
“What makes you think you won’t die?” He asked as she, unnecessarily, mushed up his potatoes for him.
“Ugh,” she scoffs, “because I have you now silly. Someone has to take care of you and Catriona wouldn’t just leave a babe such as yourself all alone.”
When she’s done mashing his food up, she starts to mash her own. She prefers to eat it this way and he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t like the mushy potatoes. He doesn’t like the potato period. They taste...well, bad. “I’m not a baby. I’m going to be three soon.” He tells her. He begins scooping mouthfuls of the potatoes into his mouth anyways. They can’t afford to waste anything. “Merona-“
“Call me Meri, oh or Rona...maybe Ona?” She blurts with her usual grin slapped on her face. He stares at her, blankly. She’s always doing things like that. “When there were more nymphs here, they would call each other by their nicknames...I never got one so if you could call me by a nickname I think it would help us both.” How would it help him? “I’ll call you plenty of nicknames too.”
“How long do I have to stay here?” He asks, ignoring her.
Merona tilts her chin up, tapping a finger against it as she hums thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I don’t know how fairies age. You seem a lot smarter than my sisters were at two. They could barely form full sentences, but you can hold basic conversations.”
“It’s because I’m a different kind of fairy.” He tells her. According to his parents he was a very different fairy. His father was a demon, a dog demon. He’s only seen his true form once and he would never forget how large his lovable father had become. With snow white fur, so soft and smooth. Large, massive paws and a long tail that he would wrap him and his mother in.
‘I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to become like me, son. I also don’t know if you’ll ever get wings like your mother. Nevertheless, you are the son of gods and goddesses, you’ll be great no matter what.’
His bottom lip trembles at his father's words. He sniffles and rubs his eyes, determined not to cry again. He’s cried at least every single day and it feels useless. Crying isn’t going to bring his parents back.
“When nymphs turn 16, we get sent out to the human villages to bring back babes. So I guess when you turn 16, then you can go to the human village and bring back a babe.”
“Why would I do that?” He sniffles, tilting his head to the side.
“Because babes make the world go round!” She giggles.
“No, I mean why would I come back?”
His question catches her off guard. She adjusts that oversized shawl and nibbles at her fingertips. “Well because...we're a family now...Kato.”
—————
Merona has her own way of keeping track of the time. She tells him the year now is 1434, he’s been here for five years and he’s getting panicked. In his five years of living in the Ellay Castle, he’s wandered through every inch of the place. Every nook and cranny within the walls has been exposed to his eyes. His feet have padded across every floorboard and his hands have touched every object reachable.
He has trekked through the surrounding forest dozens of times and he has by now learned that it’s essentially a labyrinth or more accurately, a mirage. The trees are real, you can touch the bark, pull the leaves and even climb them. But there is no real out, there is no real depth to the forest. You can go in and run for hours and come back out at the same spot that you went in at.
The looking tree is charmed with magic. He cannot go through it, he can’t even get a finger through. `It's to protect you’ is what Merona always says. He’s starting to feel like it’s doing more harm than good for him however.
He wakes up in his bed each morning, itching to leave. His heart thuds mercilessly in his chest and his lungs constrict. The only thing he can do to prevent crying is to pinch himself with the sharp tips of his claws; he does this until his skin breaks and he bleeds. It always heals, always, so he doesn’t worry too much about the aftermath.
Being stuck here in Ellay gives him anxiety. Kato tries to counteract the anxiety by doing other things around the castle. Like reading more. He has managed to read every book in the small library so far and now he’s cycling through his third time. His favorite books to read are the ones written by and about humans. Such fascinating creatures they are and he clings to their stories for dear life. Their love, their anguish, their happiness, and their sadness; it all creates such wondrous dreams for him. Sometimes he has to tear himself away from those books because they leave him longing for interaction.
When he’s not reading, he’s playing with his magic. He can bloom things now. He makes the grass out there green so it’s not so ugly and pathetic looking. He raises vegetable bushes and fruit gardens so they can eat more than just potatoes which, honestly, he’s starting to become quite fond of.
Merona loves watching him use his magic. She giggles uncontrollably and enters a dreamy state when he makes the flowers bloom. She says it’s because his flowers give off a serene scent making her feel giddy yet calm. It’s quite the contradiction and he doesn’t know how one can feel both giddy and calm at the same time, but he won’t waste his time telling her otherwise.
They’re friends now, good friends he agrees. It’s a hard thing not to become friendly with someone you share a bed with every night. She’s doing her very best to take care of him and he appreciates it. She washes his hair for him every night and brushes it down softly. She’s not the best at braiding, but they’re learning together. He likes to keep his hair back and done half up in one singular braid. It reminds him of his mother. It’s the only thing he has from her that he can say is truly hers, one single braid. The shade of his amber eyes are from his father. His pointed ears are on the longer side, like his father. His fangs are getting bigger with age, again from his father. As is the silver hair and the black markings on his shoulders, wrists, hips, and ankles. He still hasn’t gotten his wings and it’s painful for him to realize that they may never sprout.
Merona has turned 12 and she’s getting a bit taller but her dress is still too big for her. He’s already told himself that when his powers advance, he’ll make her a new dress the way the pixies used to make.
The sun is preparing to set in the sky which means dinner should almost be ready and like he does now, Kato is filling the tub with water. By the time Merona gets done cooking, he’ll have the tub filled and when they get done eating they’ll be able to jump straight in for their bath before bedtime. He hasn’t yet stopped thinking of ways to make this easier for them and he unfortunately hasn’t found one yet.
He’s carrying his last bucket into the castle when Merona comes out to wave him inside for dinner. It’s time for potatoes again and he can’t wait, but this bucket can. He sets it down in the hall, next to the foot of the steps. He can take it up when he’s done.
The first bite he takes into his potato has him frowning. It’s cold and hard, not at all like what he’s used to. “Did you cook them long enough?” He asks. Merona doesn’t respond, she’s just fussing with the frayed edges of her shawl, not even touching her own food. “Mer?” She looks up this time. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Oof, I’m sorry Kat. I haven’t been feeling too well. I’m all out of sorts and I don’t know why. One minute I’m happy and I want to play with you or read books together and the next moment I just wanna cry.” She sounded as if she wanted to cry right now and that made Kato uncomfortable. He has only seen her cry a handful of times before. Like when she falls and skins her knee, or bruises her elbow. But never just out of nowhere.
“Are you ill? Not feeling well, are you?” He asks.
“I’m really not sure.” Kato sighed and slouched in his seat. He doesn’t want to think about what could be wrong with her. That secret nymph disease that killed her people?
“Well,” he starts slowly, “just at least try and eat your potatoes, quickly. We don’t want the bath water to get too cold.”
She nods solemnly and does her best to swallow down her potatoes as does Kato, despite it being his least favorite time eating them. After they make quick work of their dinner, the two of them headed upstairs, Kato carting the last bucket of water with them.
The first time they bathed together was years ago now and it’s been a routine for them ever since. Sitting in probably waist high water, scrubbing their skin and trading imaginary stories that they’ve made up. Maybe Merona would sing, horribly off key, and if they had time they would play a game. He has started to notice differences in her body though and he doesn’t quite know what to make of them. She’s starting to look more like his mother. Her chest isn’t flat like his anymore, now there’s tiny masses there. She’s starting to become hairy, her legs, her arms, even the area where she pees from. He thinks this is a sign that she’s preparing to possibly become a mother herself. He also thinks that maybe he’ll start to look more like his father. He’ll become unbelievably tall, his hair will get longer, his body will get wider, and his voice will get deeper. ‘Maybe I will have to bring a babe back?’
Something tickles his nostrils and he sniffs the air. He smells iron and he knows he’s not supposed to be near iron or else it will hurt him. That’s what his mother always said. Merona is very well aware of his affliction to iron and she is kind enough to take protective measures for him so he knows there should be no iron in their washroom. The water rocks loudly as Merona stands and gasps. The smell becomes stronger and Kato looks at her, his eyes traveling down her strangely changing body to the red that flows slowly down between her legs.
“Kato!!” She shouts, crying immediately. He feels his own eyes well up with tears. Oh no, Merona is dying.
—————
Merona in fact, did not die. Kato insisted she be on bed rest during her last moments and he tended to her as best he could during that time. Catering to her every request, feeding her his own best fruits and potatoes, and reading her own favorite books to her. But after seven days' time, Merona stopped bleeding from her lower regions and miraculously returned to her old self.
They credited it to Catriona deciding to let her live and were both very thankful. But then it happened again and again two more times before Kato stopped thinking this was about some nymph illness and more just about a womanly thing. He’s never seen his mother bleed, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t. He remembers when she would leave him in the care of another fay while she would go away for days at a time before returning. Maybe she was leaving because she was bleeding and she didn’t want him to be scared. She probably thought she would have more time left on earth to explain it to him.
He tried looking through the library to see if maybe there was something in the texts that explained it, but there was nothing. They would have to figure this out on their own and little by little they did. Once a month she would bleed, for seven days at a time and during those days she would become emotional, extra hungry, tired, and sometimes rude. He hated those seven days. Dying or not dying though, he decided they would definitely never bathe together again, which made lugging buckets even more troublesome.
The whole bleed dibackle did get them thinking about Kato’s own changes. Like when would they appear? Would he bleed from his lower region too? They received their answer six years later in 1440, when he was 13.
By this time he’s also decided to take his own room after Merona bled on him one night. And he’s thoroughly happy that they’ve made this decision when he wakes up and there’s a rise in his bottoms. It’s almost like when he has to pee, but he doesn’t have to pee now.
He touches it and flinches immediately back from the contact. He’s very scared because he has no idea what’s going on.
He spends the first part of his morning waiting for his thing to go down and then the rest of it is spent tossing the books around again. There has to be something in there, but again, nothing. He doesn’t tell Merona about it. He’s embarrassed and confused and he hardly wants to know about her bleeds so he certainly doesn’t want her to know about his personal affliction.
The next morning he wakes up and it’s back, but that’s not the only change. He’s feeling restless and a bit agitated and he doesn’t know why. He thinks his frustration is based upon his unexplainable bodily changes. “I need you to get more books.” He tells Merona as they’re gardening.
She smacks her hands down on the soil, digging her fingers in the dirt messily. “More books? Well how do you suppose we do that, Kat?”
“I can’t get through the looking tree...but you can. Just go through, straight through the Moors and...and go to my father’s castle. I’m sure he has to have books there.”
“I don’t know your father's castle!” She exclaims quickly. “What if it’s not even his anymore?”
“Merona you have to. I...I think somethings happening to me. A bit like you, but just without blood. I need books about bodies. I need to know if this is a fairy thing or a demon thing or maybe even a human thing.”
“Well I doubt it’s a human thing since you aren’t human, Kato.”
His nose twitches. “I know that, but I need whatever you can get your hands on so that I can learn. Maybe you can too.” Her hands go still in the dirt and the redhead nibbles gently on her bottom lip. He knows she’s apprehensive about going through the looking tree. She’s scared about what’s out there, in the human villages and towns. She’s already two years past her babe time.
“Mer, you know you’ll have to do it eventually. You’ll have to go out there and get a babe from someone so you can try and rebuild your people. How do you expect to do that if you’re too scared to leave?” She whimpers next to him.
“I can’t do it.” She whispers, sniffling. “I’m sorry Kato, but I just can’t. Your parents never told you stories about humans and how cruel they can be to people like us. I’m just a young nymph, I don’t want them to hurt me.”
‘Hurt her?’ Why would they ever hurt her? She said it herself, she’s just a young nymph. Why couldn’t this have happened in three more years when he’d just be able to go by himself. “I’m scared Mer.” He whispers quietly. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. We’ve done well, taking care of ourselves, but there are some things we have to be more resourceful about, yeah?” He swipes his tongue across his lip and sighs heavily. “You’ve been a good mother, don’t let your fear stop you now.”
Her tears stopped and she froze there on the ground. It’s the first time he’s ever called her his mother. She goes immediately to prepare herself for her trip to the village.
She returns hours later and he’s glad because he was starting to get worried. He’s surprised by the amount of things she has when she returns because he only sent her there for books but she comes back with more packages than anything else. There’s meat in the packages and he has no idea how she got them.
“I stole them!” She squeals elatedly. Well...he isn’t disgusted. She was going to have to steal the books anyways. He’s never eaten meat before but he can smell it and it smells divine even despite not being cooked. Merona begins telling him all about her trip. The people live in tiny castles lined up next to each other on the streets. Streets are what they walk on, move the carts on. Carts are what they carry their things in and horses pull those. Horses are four legged animals, much like dogs except apparently ‘nicer,’ whatever that means.
“I didn’t know how to get to your father's castle.” She also tells him, which he doesn’t understand because it’s not far from the Moors and he’s sure it has to be the biggest thing out there. At least he thinks. “Ohhh it took me many tries to find the human library. It’s a lot bigger than ours but when I did I just walked right in and just took whatever! I put them in my shawl with the meat and then ran!”
“Did anyone get upset with you?” He asks her as he rummages through the books.
“They didn’t see me!!” She giggles and cheers with excitement. Crafty little thing she is. “Do you wanna eat this meat with potatoes? I think it’s a cow. I don’t know how good a cow tastes…but I think it would taste swell.”
“Yes. They eat a lot of cows in the books so it must be good.” He agrees. He continues rifling through the book as Merona tries to figure a good way to cook their meat. It’s pointless. There’s not a single text here telling him about what’s happening.
He excuses himself from the cooking hall and to his room. He’s angry because he didn’t get the answers he sought and he’s angry because his father isn’t around to explain it to him. It’s unfair, cruelly unfair. He doesn’t even want the stupid meat anymore.
The third morning he wakes up with the rise, his mood has also changed drastically. He doesn’t quite understand what he feels, but his body is warm and that rise is tempting him. Tempting him for what exactly, he isn’t sure, but he’s determined to find out today.
He tries to touch it, just poking and finds that it doesn’t bother him. He touches it again, just lightly grazing his hand over it and he finds that he actually likes that. It’s a brief fleeting feeling, but it felt nice. He takes a good hard long at himself, analyzing his body. It’s gotten bigger than what it used to be, and like when he has to pee, the inside has revealed itself from its hiding spot. It’s red, almost like when he gets angry and exhausted and his cheeks burn with the color. And there’s something strange there that he hadn't noticed before. It’s white, off white, clearer than the white pages of a book, but not completely translucent.
He tries to imagine what his parents would say to him about this. Probably that, like Merona, it’s just something he has to roll with...so he rolls with it. He allows himself to act on curiosity, experimenting with his body in the privacy of his own room. There’s no else here that’s going to help him figure it out so he has to figure it out on his own. He’s not hurting and he doesn’t feel bad, but when he’s finished he feels gross and a little ashamed, embarrassed for some reason. He doesn’t get the purpose of this, but he just figures that with time and age it’ll start to make sense. Hopefully everything will start to make sense when he’s older.
————
On November 12th, 1443, Kato turned 16. It’s what he’s been waiting for for 14 years and now it’s finally here. He can leave Ellay.
He has an entire list of things he wants to do when he gets out and the first thing he wants to do is see his father's castle. The next thing he’ll do is mingle with the townspeople. Learn about them up close, see how they work in person, make friends with them. Catriona how he wants friends so bad.
Merona has her own list of things she wants him to do before he goes too. Rule one, keep his hood up and don’t let anyone see his ears. Rule two, don’t smile with his teeth. Rule three, don’t show his hands to anyone. Rule four, don’t sniff people at random. Rule five, no fairy magic in front of the people. And about a hundred more rules like that. It’s so daunting and he’s over it, he just wants to leave, but he understands that she’s simply trying to protect him so he entertains her and waits as patiently as possible for her to finish.
When she does finally finish, she wants to feed him. “You have to be well fed, they may not feed you out there.” She tells him as he leans against the counter, scowling.
“Fucks sake Merona. I don’t need them to feed me, I can feed myself.” He grumbles. She’s regressed a bit. She’s not as terrified of the human villages as she was when she was a child, but over the years she’s become unsettled again. She would never tell him what exactly happened, but he knows it has something to do with her lack of babe. Maybe no one wanted to make an offering.
“No no, I know you can. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, I just..can we go? I can’t wait any longer.” She sighs and she fiddles like she does when she gets nervous or upset, but much to his happiness, she’s leading him out to the looking tree. He could practically jump for joy. She gives him a final cursory check. Making sure his hood is of course up and making sure his satchel is packed full of potatoes.
Her hands linger on the fabric of his cloak and her blue eyes can’t meet his. “Mer?” He whispers, gingerly touching her shoulder. “It’s time. I promise I’ll come back, we’re family.” He reassures her, but she doesn’t move away from him. Her grip on him gets tighter and she starts sniffling, shaking her head slowly, her red locs swaying with each motion.
“I can’t.” She chokes out. “I can’t.”
He swallows thickly and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He has to be careful about what he says because if he says the wrong thing she will never let him leave. “Mer, please.” He pleads softly. “You can, just...please, just open the gate Mer.”
“No.” She sobs, shaking her head more now. She looks up at her with wet blue eyes and a red nose. “No! No no no! I can’t! They’ll be so mean to you! They’ll make fun of your cute ears and say mean things to you!”
“No they won’t. Stop it, Merona. You’re being moronic!” He snaps. “You’re projecting your fears into me and I don’t want them, I don’t want them! I’m not scared, open the gate!” She blubbers, tearing herself away from him and starts running back towards the castle.
He’s entering full panic mode and he feels bile creeping up his throat. She can’t do this, she can’t keep him here. He looked at the base of the tree and dropped to his knees. His hands press against the bark, clawing away at it. He’ll get through here, he’ll get to the other side and he’ll have his freedom.
“Merona!!” He shouts over his shoulder. His anxiety is peaking. “Merona, please!!” How long will she keep him here? How long can he survive here?
He scrambles quickly to his feet and sprints back to the castle to find her. She’s locked herself away in her room but that’s not going to keep him out. She has to open that fucking gate. He grabs her by her thin arms and hauls her easily back down through the castle and across the yard to the looking tree again. He ignores her screams, her worming doesn’t deter him. He needs this, Catriona, why doesn’t she understand that this is what has to happen?
“Let me go!! Put me down! I won’t do it, I won’t do it! I’d sooner burn that tree to the ground than send you away!”
Kato has never been purposefully aggressive towards Merona. He’s never in his mind imagined handling her with such carelessness, but in that moment he handles her just as such. He doesn’t think of how tough he’s being when he tosses her to the ground, all he’s thinking is that this woman holds the key to his freedom and is keeping it from him. But she can’t do this, she promised him.
“Open it!!” He shouts at her, pointing towards the tree. “You told me, when I was 16, I could be free!! I’m 16, Merona!!”
She persists, shaking her head as she lays there on the ground. This is killing him, it is eating him up from the inside out. She has to know, she has to know how much he wants this. How much he needs this.
“Selfish.” He spits through gritted teeth. “You’re so fucking selfish. All your life. You selfishly lied to my mother to get me here and now you’re being selfish and not letting me leave.”
“No. That’s not it.”
“Yes it is. I hate you, Merona. You’ve trapped me here and I hate you for it.” He cries. “I can't breathe here! I wasn’t meant to stay in one place like you were! I’m a fairy, dammit! I’m supposed to fly! Dogs aren’t supposed to be locked in cages!” He buries his face in his hands and falls to his knees again, his shoulders tremble and his heart rattled inside his chest. “Please.”
He doesn’t watch her leave, but he can hear her scurry away from him.
Things are tense between them in the months afterwards. Kato stops coming to dinners and he stops lugging up her bath water for her. There’s no more reading together and he can barely even stand to be in the same room as her.
He spends most of his days staring at the looking tree much like he did when he first came across.
The near escape has made his anxiety skyrocket and he has to find new and better ways to cope because the old ways just don’t work anymore. He works more with his magic, but not in a beautiful and peaceful way. Now it’s more violent and angry. Decaying nature as it grows around him, cutting down trees and creating caverns in the ground. Everything always resets itself come the next day though and he gets to start all over again.
Six months after being denied his freedom, he finally gets his wings. They’re large and dark, much like his mother’s were. It should be a moment of rejoicing for him, but it’s bittersweet. He always thought that when he got his wings he would spread them and fly all across the world. The only place he can fly now is across the skies of Ellay. He vows that if he ever gets out of here, he won’t come back.
One night, Merona comes to him. Knocking lightly on his door and pressing her way in despite knowing he would rather her stay on the other side. He keeps his back to her, and doesn’t acknowledge her presence in the room.
The bed barely dips with her weight as she sits down next to him. “Kat.” She whispers. He closes his eyes and promptly ignores her. “Kato it’s been months. My heart hurts because you speak to me.”
He isn’t interested in hearing about her pain when his own pain still feels fresh. “I love you Kato. I’ve loved you since the day...your mother...sent you over to me. We’ve grown up together and taken care of each other and I want n-nothing more, than for you to be happy.” She takes a moment to collect herself. “I’m sorry that I didn’t let you go. I just..I get so scared. You don’t know what it’s like. Not having anyone here. It gets so lonely. I get so lonely.”
“I know I’m not the greatest person. I’m a bit crazy and annoying I bet, but I always have the best intentions for you. I just...I worry that because of the way I am, you won’t want to come back home. You’ll leave me like everyone else did.”
Oh dear...when she puts it like that. She was here in this place by herself for a whole year. No family, no friends, the only person she could talk to was on the other side of a tree. He can’t imagine how envious she must’ve been. Listening to his mother talk with such joy in her voice. Joy at her happy life, her loving family, her beautiful home. And then there’s Merona. Alone, scared, and starved for attention and companionship. So maybe she is like him in a way, she has exactly what he wants and she’s terrified of losing it whereas Kato is petrified of never having it at the maximum capacity.
He rolls over slowly, onto his back and blinks up at her. She looks nothing like his mother at all, but she’s like a mother in her own way. She didn’t teach him anything of educational value, but she taught him how to cook and how to clean. She taught him how to laugh again and how to breathe through his pain. She may have no idea what it’s like to be a fairy or a demon, but she’s taught him to be proud of his blood. She’s not conventional in any way, shape, or form. But she’s there for him.
He takes her small hand and cups it in his larger ones, resting her palm on his cheek. “I’d never leave you like that Merona.” He whispers as he rubs the back of her hand in a soothing manner. “You’re...my mother. I could never leave my mother alone. I love you too much.”
“I ruined it for you though. I said 16 and I didn’t do that.” It was true, she did say sixteen and that day had long come and gone, but he could of course just go...now? But he knows that it’s still sensitive and she’s still sensitive and leaving right now would make her a mess.
“Mer, we have a second chance at 16.” He says. It’s not what he wants, but it’s what she needs. More time. “I’ll be 18 by then, but I’ll...have been here for 16 years. It would be like...like you never changed your mind.”
She wipes her eyes with her free hand and sighs wearily. “I know you want to leave quickly.”
“I do, but I want you to be comfortable or I won’t be comfortable leaving you. Why don’t we make a deal?” He offers. “November 12, 1445, I’ll be 18 and it’ll be 16 years here. I get to leave and I will come back. In the meantime though, Mer, you have to do things for me. I’m running out of ideas here. I need something new to occupy me.”
“What? What is it you need? I’ll do it, I’ll get whatever, I swear it.”
“I don’t know honestly...but just... I need something fun. A new skill or a new hobby. Something to entertain me while the time passes.”
He isn’t sure what he wants her to get him, but a few days later he awakes to her bounding into his room with a new ‘toy’ as she calls it. It’s a bow and some arrows. She tells him he could practice archery and so he does. Maybe with this new skill he can catch prey outside so they can eat more meat. It isn’t much, but it’s enough to get him started. For the remainder of his time, he’ll be focusing on Merona. Mainly trying to curve her separation anxiety so that it’s not so bad next time. He has no idea if it will work, but he knows it has to. It just has to.