One Day Closer

....to figuring out me

[emptychaotic]

Why does family have to be so frustrating?

I’m so tired of all the manipulation and veiled threats.

[emptychaotic]

So much life has happened since I posted here last...

I still haven’t figured out ”me”, but I keep getting closer. Honestly, just needing a space to feel heard right now.

[emptychaotic]

So what....if being together makes them happy and I want to see both of them happy, why the fuck should I care if they are together? Why should that idea bother me? Why is it such a bad thing that I might introduce people to one another that just kinda work for each other? Why can’t I be happy about this?

[emptychaotic]

Most of my body is sore (thank you new workout plan!). I don’t feel like eating. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t even feel like sleeping. I just want to be numb for a little while... Had whiskey for dinner last night...definitely something I can’t tell anyone, but it happened. Didn’t want to be around my roommate and once I thought I maybe could handle it, the smell of what she made for dinner decided for me that I would just stay in my room. I really hate that I feel like I can’t talk to ANYONE right now. I’m not ready to talk with him about this stuff, but I thought that she would understand enough to keep it between us...apparently not. Whatever. I’ll deal with it.

[emptychaotic]

Hurting today. Trying to stay positive, but I can tell there is more you aren’t telling me. I’m not scared, I’m just hurt. You aren’t hiding things, you just aren’t ready to talk about them, and that’s okay. Maybe we really are supposed to grow apart. Maybe I was wrong about staying near you. Maybe in a few days everything will feel different and more back to normal....but things have changed. We can’t take that back now.

[emptychaotic]

Pain to the point of jealousy

I'm sitting here crying to the point of nausea. Nothing is "wrong"....I'm just seeing a friend spend time with their family and I am so sad that I don't have that. My family isn't close and never has been. At this point most of them don't speak to each other. I see my friends spending time with their families AS A FAMILY and I just wish that I could join in and pretend I belonged too... I hate feeling jealous over something that seems so normal. #ithurts #brokenhome #family

[kushandwizdom]

No regrets about the past but I definitely want no repeats.

- Meggan Roxanne

[emptychaotic]

I am moving on. I am moving forward. I’m not going to be held back by any of it.

[emptychaotic]

Now it hurts....now it isn’t just sadness. Now, instead of a fear that I may lose you, I feel like I have to. I don’t know if I have been actually angry with you like I am now since we started talking again. I wish you would say something. I wish you would apologize. I wish you would understand where I’m coming from...but I feel like I have done all that I can. If you do nothing, then I guess I’m losing you...again.

[quotemadness]

For a tough kid I had a bad habit of getting attached to people.

S.E. Hinton (via quotemadness)

[emptychaotic]

Nothing hurts more than being hung up on. If one party has said goodbye, you say something. You somehow acknowledge them. I would rather be told to fuck off than to just hear that click. Maybe trying was a mistake. Maybe we can’t exist like that.

[just-shower-thoughts]

The most unrealistic thing about science laboratories in TV/movies is the lack of computer instruments still running on Windows 2000 or XP.

[just-shower-thoughts]

I wish websites posted their password requirements when I logged in so I could remember which variation of my standard password to use.

[emptychaotic]

I miss him still. Things have changed so much, but I still miss him. It doesn’t hurt as badly as it used to, but hearing from him still makes me cry a bit. It seems like I’m losing him. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m so used to him always being someone that I can turn to and suddenly, I don’t want to turn to him.  He doesn’t understand how hurt I feel...how much it feels like he has changed my very identity. There is so much that I have looked back on with regret and I’m afraid of falling back into the same trap.  I don’t believe that he wants to cause me harm, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t. Which way do I turn? I need the way out...

[emptychaotic]

Tumblr.....help distract me?

Not talking to him for a while. I decided this all of 5 minutes ago and it already hurts. I just need some space for me and my own thoughts and feelings right now. I need to refocus on everything going on in my life....everything that doesn’t involve him.

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[just-shower-thoughts]

America is not a “melting pot”, it’s a house salad, and people are constantly trying to pick out the parts they don’t like.

[fuckyeahfelines]

My beautiful otis 😻😻😻

(submitted by ich-liebe-dich-suda)