A quick and easy guide to joining the local scene
Ah, I see you’re curious about your local music scene. Maybe you’re looking for some new friends, or maybe you have a love of repetitive, sad boy music andyou know how to posi jump, and maybe you’re just intrigued by this “Centennial Lanes” place everyone is always talking about. Well, you’re in luck! Follow these quick and easy steps and you’ll be “pitting” with all the local tough kids in no time!
Step 1: Discover the most popular local bands, and support only those bands. It’s only cool if it’s already hyped by a ton of people, right? Make sure to brag about living in the same town as these bands to everyone you know, including your own parents. Don’t forget to thank good old Mom and Dad for choosing to raise you in such a fantastic, musically-legendary place.
Step 2: Befriend people in the scene. Pretend like you’ve known about every cool new local band since the day they were all formed. Give your new friends an apathetic attitude while spitting out information you memorized from the bands’ “about me” sections on their Facebook pages. Compare them to bigger bands they essentially rip off of. Gush about how they are the next big thing, even though they haven’t brought anything new to the table, and all of their material is taken from circa 2004 Fall Out Boy.
Step 3: Pretend like you’re “so over” Fall Out Boy.
Step 4: Only attend a show to see your favorite band. Do not, under any circumstances, watch any of the bands playing before or after them. Stand in the back with your arms crossed, talking loudly to your friends during every set leading up to your favorite band, and leave immediately after they play. Make a point to post how great they are on every social media platform you have an account for as soon as you leave the venue.
Step 5: Make sure to pit every single time you see any of your friends’ bands play. Every. Single. Time. Even if the crowd is only made up of your friends’ family members, and great granny is front and center, you best be throwing those elbows.
Step 6: If you join or start a band, make sure to create a surplus amount of merch. Make sure to wear that merch everywhere you go. Put that merch on your dog, your grandma, your pet rock. Wear that merch to high publicity events, like to your own shows, or to your friends’ shows, or to huge music festivals. Post as many selfies of yourself repping yourself as you can manage.
Step 7: If a local band from your area has made it big in any way, shape, or form, make sure you remind them about it often by trying to be just like them, going out of your way to be their best friend, and by doing anything you can to gain attention just from knowing them. If you’re in a band, beg them to play shows with you. If you’re a fan, make sure you bother them whenever you see them, wherever they may be. If they’re wandering the mall-SELFIE. If they’re hanging out at a park-SELFIE. If they’re out to eat-fuck, you might as well just grab some fries right off their plates while you’re there. You’re from the same scene, you’re practically siblings!
With these easy tips, you’ll be a valued member of your local music scene in no time at all!
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