It's 3 am and I'm really enjoying writing random Ethel stuff so here's more!! :) @tankhall may not be fully lore accurate sorry :((
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I was nothing more to Isiah than a tool, I know that now. At the time I knew it wasn't love, but I wanted it so badly to be.
Those nights in the motels took me back to my old days with Willoughby. Back to that house in Nebraska.
Although my life has succumbed to death, he still won't see me.
I was shocked to find out Willoughby's still alive. In fact, the thing that hurt more was finding out he lives in Nebraska. With a wife and kids.
I know that I left him, I'm aware. I didn't mean to. I wanted to be strong. I wanted him to be strong. But he didn't see it that way, instead my actions became something of a traitor, a coward, a devil.
Our relationship didn't even get the chance to end between us, it ended on its own terms. Willoughby's terms.
I should be happy for him but how could I? Will he ever love me again? Does he still hold love for me?
Questions constantly flutter through my mind in a perpetual whirlwind, just like the one I left him in. Life recreates itself constantly.
His kids are named after the ones I picked out for our kids. I'm glad to know that he keeps me alive somehow.
Most of the time I say I forgive Isiah for what he did to me, but do I really? Sometimes I wish I killed him and ate the meat right off of his bones before he even had the chance to lay his dirty dull eyes on me.
But that's not right- I know, I forgive everything- it's not Ethel. It's not me, but deep down I hold those who did wrong close to me, just close enough so that they can feel the burning graze of my presence in hopes that it'll summon waves of regret upon them.
One day Willoughby will return to my arms, young or old, happy or sad, warm or cold, I will feel the weight of his soul arrive to mine and we finally be one again.
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