emrydrling

Emory darling, you look so tired.

[getlost0p]

I'm a weak man

[theohohmoment]

A parallel I haven't seen much is Steve Harrington and the Flashlights.

At the Creel House, everyone is holding flashlights and Steve asks 'Where'd everyone get those?' and Dustin's reply is 'Do you need to be told everything? You're not a child.' Before he hands him his backpack and tells him there's one in the pocket.

No one thought beforehand to check Steve had a flashlight or ask him, he's the one that has to ask, and even then he only asks where they got them (which is honestly a fair question because they were all at the wheeler house before this and apparently the wheelers had 4-6 flashlights sitting around?) and the response he gets is a sarcastic insult. He isn't even given a flashlight, just told where to get one himself.

Cut to the boat scene and Steve preparing to swim to the gate. Eddie immediately begins pulling out a plastic bag he can empty and wrap the flashlight for Steve to use. And just gives it to him.

Eddie doesn't ask if he needs one, he just sees what Steve is about to do and supports him, no questions asked. He knows he's going into a dark lake so he finds a way Steve can use a flashlight underwater and gives it to him. There's no sarcastic comments, no condescending explanation, no disagreeing with him, he just hands him the flashlight with a 'Good Luck'

It is such a big example of the difference in the way Steve gets treated by Eddie compared to the others. And Eddie continues to treat him that way. Supports him no questions asked. Sees he's vulnerable in a hostile environment, here's my vest, no questions asked. Steve doesn't ask about Dustin but Eddie tells him 'Kid worships you', Steve doesn't talk about Nancy but Eddie tells him she loves him. He never questions Steve's ability or treats him like a dumb jock, instead 'Harrington's got her' and 'Make him pay'. Just support and trust.

[emrydrling]

“Why am i so upset? She didn’t freak out, none of them did, they took it well! Better than expected even! So why am i  so fucking angry, why am i so sad? You know how many people have had their lives ruined, kicked out and alone because of the same thing  I did? I should be grateful just to have the courage to tell them!”

I watched as tears formed in her eyes, I didn’t have an answer, I could only watch as her heart bled into my arms, soaking me with her hopelessness and fury.

“Why can’t it be enough? Why cant I be grateful? When I told my mother… I had planned in my head the days before all the possible scenarios, I knew she wouldn’t be angry, I was expecting her reaction… I.. I told her that I’d want her to give me a new name, you know? Because she gave me the first one.. I thought that it would be sweet, shed get to have a part in this discovery of myself… she told me she'd have to think for a couple days, really give it some thought, and at first I was excited, I was happy she was really putting an effort into this. The days turned to weeks, and then months… I was really excited to know what she would’ve picked. She didn’t even have the energy to think of a new fucking name. For all I care she could’ve just picked one from a fucking website. At least she would’ve given effort! And yeah sure I could have just asked her again but why should I have had to This was something so big to me so important to me something i didn’t think needed reminders like a fucking homework assignment but i can’t be mad at her i cant be mad at her because she didnt shame me or berate me or kick me out she accepted me she didn’t care about what was on the outside because I was always a good person who had a good job so it doesn’t fucking matter it never fucking matters its always okay or fine or just fucking not there!

Her eyes had glazed over, her words no direction, she didn’t want a response or a solution, she just wanted to be heard, she wanted me to feel as she felt, but it was impossible, I sit here clawing at my insides trying help her. I just stared, I stared and tears streamed down my face as I stared, my arms were thousand pound weights and my mouth glued together as I stared. I stared as her face reddened with anger and misery.

[389]

Musings from Anna Fusco

[emrydrling]

I wonder if I should even come out to my family like would it even matter lol

[emrydrling]

I feel too fat to care about presenting femme, I know thats... like insane, and crazy, just between having no money and having no sense of fashion, I feel like I just can't start. And everytime I try to wear something feminine I end up staring at my skin and feeling too disguting to wear anything anymore.

[emrydrling]

I'm finally at the point where I'm having my friends call me she/her and getting a lot of "Girl your (this)" and it's honestly so weird but so nice... I've never really felt that sorta way before.

[emrydrling]

I think I have an actual idea for a story, or well a couple, I want to do a semi horror/suspense drama about the relationship between a human and robot, alongside the gay romance story I'm writing right now, it's the first time in a while I've felt able to write haha

[emrydrling]

I'm so tired of getting up to the computer just to have every single good idea and jolt of inspiration just leave me, I want to be productive so bad and I just Can't.

[emrydrling]

Blurry Sap

Why are my thoughts always there but never clear enough to grab them and put them down. I feel like I’m an overflowing fountain of creativity and talent but when I try to tap the tree and sap the knowledge it’s all blurry, the sap isn’t pure and nothing is salvageable.