The Fuck is This

Free Palestine 🇵🇸 ~Cassie, 27

[enchantingredhead]

You could say I have an interesting dating life

Constant on and off

Why after all of that chase

As soon as they capture me

They let go

One week

One month

Each time

This one has built

For so long

One year

Sixish months

Life continues on

Boundaries are respected

I can’t be hidden

No secrets

No lies

Clarity on boundaries

Fantastic thing to have

Happy to hear she’s communicating them

My heart is still warm

But it is tired

Tired of the constant up and down

Tired of the open and close

Letting people in

Just to have to push them away

I choose myself again and every time.

Retreating back to myself again

Because at the end of the day, that’s who I have.

Feelings returned

Boundaries

[enchantingredhead]

Missing a friend

She was a friend to me once

Not sure we’ll be able to come back from this

Not sure I even want to

I’m not disposable

I know my worth

I know how to keep myself safe

You opened your home to me

Gave me a safe haven

Then just like that

It was gone

No warning

I’m not codependent

and I won’t be with you

Or anyone else

I went through the depths of hell

A place I’ll never visit again

The lesson was learned

[enchantingredhead]

It’s always “everyone needs a Cassie”

It’s never “what does Cassie need?”

[enchantingredhead]

Everywhere I go

I am told

“Everyone needs a Cassie”

I need myself now though

I give

And give

And give

Until there is nothing left

No safety

No respect

Nothing

They stop treating me like a person

I am the vessel who

Takes care of their kids

Takes care of them

Gives

And gives

And gives

Until there is nothing left to give

Only things to be taken

Say goodbye to safety

As they welcome in

Anything that isn’t me.

[enchantingredhead]

“Stand up for what’s right”

Okay well I’m doing that and you’re gone

You decided you like your definition of “right”

Not what’s actually right

By all means, be gone

But don’t look down at me when I’m the one

Standing up

Putting in the hours

Raising awareness

Being a good person

I put my olive branch out there and you stared at it. You didn’t say a god damn thing. Only when I said something offbeat did you say anything.

There are people in this world who deserve your gods forgiveness. I don’t think you’re one of them.

[enchantingredhead]

Slept with my vibrator on my tummy bc I fell asleep waiting for it to warm up

[enchantingredhead]

Everything I’m about to say might sound whiny but I don’t care at this point.

I love you so much Juan. I wish we could be something more than friends. I know I’m not going to hear from you tonight but I think of you every single day.

Fuck I love you so much

I wish you were here to hold me. Put my legs on your lap and make little noises when you tell me about what you’re doing. I miss your gentleness.

How much you loved making me feel good.

So many firsts with you.

A pregnancy with you.

An abortion with you.

All you’ve ever done is keep me safe.

You picked me up off the bathroom floor that night and you picked me up two hours away from home the first night.

I will always have gratitude for you.

I will always love you.

I miss you so much and I hope you’re having so much fun.

[enchantingredhead]

Hi I would like for a girl to pin me to the wall and kiss me again. That night was fun

[enchantingredhead]

Not all of us are here to procreate

I take pride in being an aunt of the world

I love my nieces & nephews

That said

There was a part of me

That wanted to keep it

To experience that part of life

While not being built for it

He- at the end of his masters

Me- life had only just begun

He would have been a great father

Lost a lover

Gained a friend

I love him in a way that goes far deeper than anything anything on this earth. It is written in the stars. It’s almost bittersweet

[enchantingredhead]

I love him so much

[neckkiss]

Laurence Anyways (2012)

[enchantingredhead]

I want to tell you all of the details

Are you too busy?

You're writing your thesis I understand

I don't even ask

[enchantingredhead]

I'm in love with him.

[iwasntreadyeither-deactivated20]

Take me back to the time when you were riding me.

When you were almost looking past me, half lidded, your cheeks a deep red. The way your lips stayed parted, the way you were panting at every movement of your hips, the way you kept rubbing against my thighs.

And the moans you were making, the whimpering and when you started to get close, “oh fuck”

Watching you, gripping your hips, grinding back into you.

I couldn’t fucking take my eyes off you.

[enchantingredhead]

Chained

Chained to a statement

Chained to a mindset

Chained to a life without you

Changing

Changing statements

Changing mindset?

Won't be a life with you.

[enchantingredhead]

Hardly an hour goes by without you on my mind

While time chips away at both of us

Separated

Years since we met

Years since we spoke

Yet you're still there

Do I still love you, do you still love me?

It's easy to imagine a perfect world

Tangled in you

[enchantingredhead]

I miss my sweet girl so much.