I originally tried to leave a post like this in the asks of an archangel kin i wont put here so i dont spam him but i havent gotten a reply and honestly that’s understandable because it was a long post and my technical difficulties could have resulted in accidental spamming but i asked God about this and my foggy/glitchy brain blocked the response again so ive gone back to asking around.
how is an angel supposed to go about finding out what choir theyre in? Im not good at what i do since my body doesnt look traditionally angelic at all and i constantly fuck up. All ive found so far aside from basic angelic traits is:
basic humanoid, if i have a “biblically accurate” form i dont remember it. Im basically a skinnier, androgynous version of my earth body.
i get protective of my loved ones or their friends when they get mistreated/abused and often want to even the scores to the abusers learn not to do that. Ive acted out in anger when i should have just talked things out. Thankfully im a pacifist now but i still cant help but offer loved ones to let me give their enemies laxatives or something so they face consequences for their cruel actions. Thankfully they always decline my offer.
On that note, i feel like im somehow responsible for anything bad happening to loved ones, as if its somehow my fault. I feel like i gotta help as much as i can and prevent harm coming their way but theres no way one winged dumbass can do all that. Especially when my depression makes me fight demons every day, how am i supposed to fight OTHER’S demons all at the same time? Its not like i have a celestial machine gun laying around.
not handling loss well, when my best friend(also an angel) passed over half a decade ago i cried for at least a couple hours when i couldnt even comfort her in her final moments because i arrived too late. I cant even visit her grave because i dont even know the address. I still feel like it should have been me who lost my earthly life that day so she could have a long and happy life on with her family.
wing vary in size but i only have one confirmed pair, lately theyre usually big. Shoulders reach the top of my head when folded while the wingtips/ends reach mostly down my calve(calf? I cant spell it). Theyre silver/white and shaped like a mix between active soaring and passive soaring wings. If you dont know what those mean then think of the difference between a hawk/falcon and an eagle. There was some blue at the inner bottom area in one dream but it hasnt shown up in others so its not likely the blue’s really there.
i have my wings in most of my dreams. Even in mundane settings like a mall.
Two of my more intense nightmares took place in some sort of war so im assuming i was a soldier of some sort when needed? Guess that explains those weird times ive won swordfights(NOT with real weapons) when i was little with absolutely no training. Ive only lost one and that was against my cousin who just f—in swung it everywhere instead of aiming for weak points like a sane person, she could tire herself out and be more prone to injury like that but i cant really talk since i couldnt block her… and then i felt bad like i couldnt do the one thing i was half decent at.
Wore armor in one of my nightmares? There wasnt even a war going on in the beginning of it and i didnt change. I just… walked around like that while babysitting a hatchling, why? Im terrible with children why did the Lord have me watch one that kept wandering off while trusting me not to teach them swear words? Hes seen me with kids. Maybe i was in my armor so the hatchling wouldnt punch me in the stomach like another one did a few years ago…
so. Many. Dark. Dragons… theyre f—ing everywhere, why do they keep popping up in my dreams? Crustacean a—holes wont let me buy groceries or have flight zoomies in peace. One had the audacity to put me in its nasty stupid mouth, shake me around like a bloody chew toy, then spit me out, i beg your finest f—ing pardon??
why do i keep wanting to buy swords knowing ill never need to use them in this body?? Home decor?? Nobodys gonna take me seriously if i have a pretty weapon or two on my wall it will look like my room is a knife store.
Having some kind of mild elemental magic in dreams, im not strong compared to most others but at least wind/starlight manipulation can be helpful somehow, right?
my brain seems to like harassing me by thinking about archs a lot, the first time i was just watching a boring detective show with my granny that had nothing to do with angels but for some reason a tiny voice in my head told me i secretly was one?? Why?? With my OCD my brain tends to make thoughts that arent mine like this but this is very unusual for my brain because it usually calls me insulting things. Im not plural so it cant be a headmate. Maybe my brain thought it was a good joke because my mom simps over one(shes got a big crush on Michael but i have no clue why).
aaanyway, @endearing-tear(he seems to be a power?) thinks im a guardian and thats the most likely outcome but im still trying to figure stuff out in the very TINY possibility i might be an arch, i dont want to accidentally make anyone look bad from my stupidity, ive already had that happen when i thought i was a seraphim only to find out theyre ALL high ranking and theres no way i could qualify with how s—ty i am
" though i cannot offer a *ton* of knowledge , since i am a nonreligious archangel/deity(?) that does not belong to a choir , i can definitely see if any other angels / divines can help ! "
" i agree with your friend though , it definitely sounds like you're some form of guardian to me — the protective nature , the armor & sword-wielding , more humanoid appearance , it all sounds very guardian angel to me ! and regardless ; if you are wrong or take a few missteps figuring out your angelic identity , there is not harm done in it . it takes time and patience to figure out , and nobody will fault you for learning . i do hope you figure it out soon , interstellar <3 "
