EnderLaith

I got a brain and it does things and I put it all here because I am an ailen who doesnt have anyone to talk to

[enderlaith]

For a while I was upset that I probably couldn't date both a girl and a boy at the same time and then I ended up falling in love with a verity pack of a person who is half the races on earth, intersex, queer, and multi-lingual. Like I hit the jack pot and I fricken love them. <3

[enderlaith]

I present to you, the pros and cons of naming yourself after a demon.

Pros: you're named after a demon its really cool mythology behind your name cons: if you tell a preacher your name they are highly likely to recognize it and they might think of you as the Antichrist. This however definitely isnt something im experiencing and is totally hypothesized. In no way did a preacher recognize that I have the same name as a demon.

[enderlaith]

So so beautiful...

I have a memory of when I was 4. My mom sat down in a chair at the kitchen table and her thighs jiggled from side to side a few seconds afterwards. I told her that I liked how it look and she got a bit offended but told me that it was rude to comment on the jigglieness of someones body. I didn't understand at the time but late I understood that being fat was frowned upon. Considered ugly. Now days there's a bit more acceptance of it but sometimes it forces people to be happy with their bodies. If they feel bad they are attacked with compliments and it feels more invalidating than uplifting. But even then I can't understand. The only persons body who iv'e ever had any disdain to is my own. Something that I have every right to feel about how ever I want. And when it comes to others... so so beautiful. The beauty of every body, how wonderful how beautiful. Women plump and round like the angels in renaissance paintings. Skinny people like the great dancers of ballet, so so beautiful. Brown eyes rich like the earth; green eyes wave like the ocean; blue eyes wide as the sky; hazel from cloud to plants, all of colors; and gray like a stormy sky. And the best of them all black. Black like obsidian, like the eyes in ancient Egyptian mask, black like a starry sky. So so beautiful. Light skin like a glistening moon, copper skin shining like the sun, deep skin running like chocolate, so so beautiful. Hair soft and brown like the branches of trees, blowing in the summer wind so wonderful so great. And red hair spinning and curling like like the never ending ticking of time. Blonde hair like the mystical elves of the north. Black long and silky hair like the free spirited, black and wire like those in the mountains, black with thin curls and kinks proofing and spinning and dancing in the wind, the beauty of it all, so so beautiful. Noses strait and small, wide and low, arches poking out farther than the others. So much variety brought upon us simply to breathe. Bumpy and large, wide, narrow, long, short, all of them, so so beautiful. Eyes, eyes, eyes. Narrow and hooded, doubled and tripled, almond, and round, wide set, close set, down turned, deep set, protruding and wide. All a frame to the window of the soul, looking in and reaching out, everywhere you look, so so beautiful. Lips large and small. Jaws wide, sharp, narrow, soft, small, and large. Limbs spindelly and long, wide and short, boney, and soft. All of it, just out of virtue of being human, so so beautiful.

[enderlaith]

My first comic!

[enderlaith]

Quantum physics have proven that the universe itself has anxiety and I don’t know whether to find that comforting or existentially horrifying

[enderlaith]

I just realized that ive spent most of my teenage years training myself to be more like the people around me so id fit in, and all the habits I picked up made me an ass. I copied the people around me and became an ass.

[enderlaith]

Im so tempted to make a drawing of an alpha male but instead of what you generally think of as an alpha male its just a lean guy with a bunch of leash kids swarming around him and hes wearing a back pack and a fanny pack full of snacks, and then a massive weapon attached to his bag. 

[enderlaith]

Kick the bucket? Go out  with a bang? Nah! Ima run across the yard before absolutely launching that bucket into the stratosphere. I want to dislocate my hip when that bucket takes of. The light up sketchers on my 67 year old feet will be the glorious countdown before I collapse like one of the skeletons from Mario as a loud “dong” rings from the bucket turned church bell. 

[enderlaith]

I have a legit question,

If your teeth are turning clear: a) what does that mean b) what should one do c)why

[enderlaith]

I need to scream but not in words.

There are people who draw on a white canvas with their blood. I used to be one of so, but even then it was not enough. There was hunger for more pain.  Piano piano, they told me to be quiet.  Piano piano, I cried for the melodic tune. What I would do to get my fingers to dance on the black and white ballroom floor.  All the classics filling the room at the drop of my fingers. Tapping tapping, tapping until my fingers are no more.  Till the ball has a massacre, till my skin starts at my knuckles. A massacre id do to play piano with such forte, to just have a chance. 

[enderlaith]

I can’t tell if ive been dissociating for the past year or what but my body has been left unsupervised and I desperately need someone to keep it from falling down the stairs. 

[enderlaith]

In memory of chilli

[enderlaith]

[enderlaith]

Sometimes people tell me that i’m shameless and don’t have social anxiety and I have to remind myself that i’m not shameless, i just don’t understand why people don’t want to talk about operation mince meat at dinner. And I know i have anxiety because one time i had an internal infection so bad that I could barely walk to class and my friends had to carry my bags because they where to heavy for me. Even though they weren’t even 10 pounds. This continued for a whole month before I became so sick I couldn’t move. I was literally paralyzed for five days and I still didn’t go to the doctor or tell my teachers. I just drank a frick ton of water and when back to school like it was nothing. To this day I begin to feel it again and chug water. 

[pukicho]

Im not even on the planet earth right now, I’m a moon man

[enderlaith]

OH GREAT! Where are you at? We can meet up and have a tea party. I’m in the mare crisium and I have black tea, jasmine tea, green tea, and some sugar. I just moved in a few weeks ago so im pretty new to the lunar landscape. So if im going to you I might need some directions. 

[enderlaith]

[enderlaith]

If you just tell people that your chosen name is your name people dont question it. I literally named myself a variation of Leviathan and NOBODY questions it, and I live in the south.