You're making the same mistakes. You're falling back again to victimizing someone who has so much better things to do. When all the shared interests run out and you're stuck to realizing real love isn't about liking the same things, you're going to let go and leave another poor soul in the dirt. But that's probably fine, as long as it doesn't sit in that people have died for less. Takes a lot for that to happen anyway. By God am I glad I dodged that bullet. So much was done to me not because of love, it was akin more to boredom. I was letting those to happen to me because there are bigger things than me, only for them to explode in my face. Discarded like a game you're bored of. I'm seeing the same patterns. Excuse my curiosity, but this is no longer about me or you. I'm praying you do good, because once you mess this up, I will never forgive you. So much things I can excuse, though it has been difficult, but I don't see myself excusing this one. This is all in my assumption of how you felt. I'll never truly know exactly what you really think. Maybe I'm an exception, I hope I am.
Anyways I had a sweet dream this morning. Sweet enough for me to endear, but not as much that I dreaded waking up from it. I'm worried I'm losing my yearning, but that was just a pleasant sequence with a cute premise. It goes like this.
I am living in my actual house in reality with two other mates. It's grey because we're all working on a collective project which is a movie made up of different shorts, all prompted around horror. I can recall what the movies in the end were about and I can remember our short being this absurdist comedy that had grim undertones, giving the emotion that makes people nervously laugh. I think it's a weird approach to the prompt, which I enjoy doing. Being in a sharehouse with my two mates, we were approached by a woman that seemed around the age of 21-23 to temporarily stay with us. She is small, adorable, cold, but nice enough as gratitude for being let to stay. She is also part of the same project and working on the same prompt, which we worked seperately. Me and my two mates working in different places and parts while she works on hers alone. A lot of bickering comes from her in what we're doing, which I took offense from because she verily hides hers. At the time of submission, the four of us celebrate. Her being slightly jollier than before, but not enough to actually be called jolly. At the time of the movie's release, we all watch it. A really messy and incoherent stockpile of "horror" movies, many being not of note. Eventually, our short came on. We were flabbergasted by how different ours was, but from what I saw, I didn't think it was half bad at all! I kept peering to the woman, just a peek for the reaction by someone who wasn't involved in the creation. I saw someone enjoying our short, and I felt relief. My friends on the other hand, they were exploding in excitement, shame, and regret, all mixed together, but I'd like to think we liked what we made, I know I did.
A few more shorts came up, all of them with nothing of note. Hers came up, and she excused herself, which reminds me of how I almost never wanna see or hear anything I make. We excused her, and her short came up to be the most gritty and gruesome horrifying short we've seen. Very abstract and graphic, like it was Mad God but more vicious. It didn't use real humans, but it wasn't as cartoonish as Mad God's claymation. Me and my mates were speechless. She comes up and sits back down with hesitation on her short's last few seconds. Us three having a shocked reaction as we look at her, as if we were sat next to a demon. She doesn't react to our reactions, and the final few shorts come up next. We end the night immediately after the movie. Not much words towards each other, just me and my friends bantering about, as per usual.
Days passed by and she gives me her exit note in the form of an E-mail. She signed it with her real name, which is meant to be a reveal since we actually didn't ask her name, but her E-mail address basically saying [email protected] doesn't really conceal it that much. I checked the e-mail of the project's invitation, which is sent to a dozen e-mail addresses, and her name is there.
She bears my ex-girlfriend's name, but there are like 5 other women I can recall with that name, so at this point it doesn't really matter anymore. I dreamt about my actual ex last week and it was a very notable dream, but I couldn't give it enough weight to write about it. The past few weeks and months have involved me with friends, horror movies, and E-mails. It seems like women have always been just a staple in all of my dreams. I hope this doesn't dilute the pool. All these conceptual women, some nameless, some faceless, others both. I'm getting way too used to it, but that's not a complaint. Keep 'em comin'.
