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@enfpdiaries
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Being an Introverted Extrovert
is debating if quarantine is great cause you finally get
that recharge, or if you’re losing your marbles from not enough social interaction and mental stimuli.
I’m an INTJ and I’m in a (sorta) romantic relationship with a ENFP. By that, I mean that we are close but haven’t put a label on anything. This has been going on for about three months (I’ve known him for ~2 years) but lately he has been more and more distant. I’ve tried to reach out constantly, but have recently been told by him that I’m a nuisance and irritating. He’s been going through some tough times lately and I want to help, but I don’t want to annoy him. What should I do?
Hey there!
Sometimes we don’t feel comfortable being that vulnerable with other people. I find that it’s simply one of those paradoxes regarding enfps, we crave deep personal connections but we may not feel comfortable about opening up about our inner struggles.
Honestly, all that I can advise you is to stay patient. Don’t force him to talk about it if he doesn’t want to. I think pushing would do more harm than good, as that would just make him lash out even more and he would say things he doesn’t mean and hurt your relationship even more.
However, please stay aware! If you find that it’s constantly getting worse, and if (hopefully not) starts to get toxic then please take care of yourself as well!
Hope everything gets better soon! :)
hi, enfp here with a Big Question! so, from what i see, it seems like the whole personality type community here is very... blanket-y. is there a tendency to sort people by categories, like astrology? also, i've seen people explain themselves and their behavior by their personality types, i.e. "oh excuse my rudenes im wxyz" or whatever. Is that kind of thing normal, or toxic? it seems kinda weird and like people use it to make themselves special to me, and i just wanted to know what you think!
cont. - (sorry this is the Big Question anon) by blanket-y i mean like large generalizations and blanket statements, like "oh yeah we're all like that haha sp funny" and "every wxyz type does x behavior lol", thought that might be a tad confusing
YES. Honestly, I feel like in any personality typing-related communities (zodiac, enneagram, mbti, etc etc), there would always be some blanketing. I think this has something to do about a sense of belonging. I mean, the appeal of personality typing itself is a craving for a deeper understanding of oneself or to categorise oneself, so to speak. And to some degree, it’s great! You get to understand yourself better and be a part of a kickass, like-minded community!
However, I agree that sometimes it gets kind of toxic. Stereotypes are all fun and games, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really reflect the behaviour of everyone with the same type. And it especially doesn’t excuse toxic behaviour.
With that said, I find that a lot of posts regarding mbti/ astrology posts super fun. Some are hilarious (omg especially shitposts) and some can actually make me feel understood :). I also tend to take posts like the ones you mentioned to have a sarcastic/ sardonic tone to it, so maybe I’ve just been really naive? eheheh
Hi! Two months ago I went out with an ENFP guy (ennatype 1) whom I met randomly a few weeks earlier, and we fell in love. Then I went home and although we still chat, we live 7 hours away. He has encountered various problems in his family and he didn’t go into detail but I know he feels alone. I'm worried about him, and I don't know what to do to help him now. Thanks :) an infj girl
Hey, there! First of all, let me say that it’s very nice that you care so much about this guy! Now, I would advise to just try to be there. Don’t force the guy to talk if he doesn’t want to, maybe he would prefer to deal with emotional stuff by himself and that’s totally valid.
However, if he does decide to talk, please try to be a good listener. We may seem really optimistic all the time that we may not get to talk about things that bother us that much. If you can’t offer up any advice, that would be okay. Just listen and be there for him. Especially since you mentioned that he feels alone, I would say that your intention and attention would mean a lot.
Lastly, don’t forget to be mindful of yourself too. I know that some infjs might feel drained because you guys are very empathetic. Just don’t forget to take a breather sometimes if it gets too much. You can help better if you yourself are in a good place!
Hope your enfp feels better soon! :)
Hey, how are you doing?? :D
Not too bad! A bit restless because I can’t go out and a bit burnt out from doing a lot of uni coursework. But all things considered, I’m doing great!
How are you doing today?
I believe we ENFPs are ambivert(?). I try to explain to people that even if i socialize a lot and talk to like everyone, I love being alone. I get tired, and NEED to be alone and spend time by myself to recharge. But they look at me with a strange expression and as if I'm talking gibberish lol. Is it really that hard for non ENFPS to understand what I'm saying?
Yes! I believe so as well. ENFPs are known to be the most introverted extrovert (interchangeable with ENTP, depending on who you’re asking lol). I find that ENFPs enjoy socialising, but more towards more personal connections rather than the assumed “oh, I want to socialise with everyone and get smashed and party everyday!” stereotype of extroverts.
Honestly, I think most extroverts also need alone time to some degree. I mean, nobody can socialise THAT much, right? However, I will second you in saying that sometimes THIS. IS. SO. HARD. TO. EXPLAIN. TO. PEOPLE. :’)
ENFP problems
- people not realizing that you want to be alone, but don’t know how to say it in a nice way.
- always ending up in the middle of arguments because you see both sides, causing your friends to get angry at you for not choosing theirs.
- not being able to stick to one thing because you’ll forget about it later.
- feeling like a “therapist” to people because they always vent to you and ask for your advice.
- wanting to be a leader, but dealing with conflict with your friends stresses you out. So you can’t give constructive criticism.
- your energy comes from people, but too much will overwhelm you. Always being in a cycle of surrounding yourself to isolating yourself.
- wanting to help people, but not knowing how.
- worried that you’re being manipulative all the time.
- not being able to let people go, leading into destructive relationships because you think about how they used to be, and they can be like that again.
- when your social energy is at 0% and you need time alone but you can’t get it.
- when your social energy is recharged and you feel horrible for pushing your friends away.
- getting ideas all the time for random projects, but never going through with it. Leaving a ton of papers all over your desk that you don’t want to get rid of.
- worried you’re not yourself. That you’re just someone that changes around every personality to fit their aura.
(These are just some of my experiences)
“After a while of being holed up in the darkness of your own making, you become numb to everything that happens around you. Good news are only good as long as it takes you to realise that they pave the way to more bad news. A smile only stays as long as it takes a frown to catch up. Even when a little burst of kindness comes your way, you think you can’t possibly be deserving of it. That there must have been a mistake, some kind of wrongness, a bend in time and space. You might be afraid: this darkness is what you know. You have learned your way around it. You know how to navigate it with your eyes closed, with your feelings on hold. You think that things don’t last, that they never do, and that this is the way of things. You claw at your skin because you are desperate to let the light in, but the cracks in your body are filled up with bitterness, impenetrable. Or so you think. You think that it is impossible to escape from this prison - whether it was you or someone else who put up the bars. You might feel like you can’t move on, that you can never leave the darkness behind you. But please think back: there probably was a situation you could see no way out of three months ago, or ten months ago, or two years ago. But you found a way out. You always did. You chose to break out of your prison, to be open enough to let the light in. You chose to get up in the morning. You chose to let go. You chose to move on. You chose the way past the hurt, past the memories, past the fear of falling back into old patterns. You chose to step into the light. And you can do it again.”
— step into the light / n.j.
Headphones
intj headphones:
enfp headphones:
speaks for itself lol
How Talking to the MBTI Types Feels Like
ESTJ: You’re sitting in a train, staring out the window. The air in the cabin is cool and smells a bit like lavender. You pull your coat tighter around you, and it keeps you warm despite the chill. The landscape goes on for miles out the window, with the sunlight highlighting fields of flowers, framed by mountains far in the distance. Sunflowers close to the window blur together as the train speeds by. The friction between the wheels of the train and the rails is almost nonexistent, and it barely feels like you’re moving. You sit there for hours as you watch the landscape fly by.
ESTP: Car after car zip past you, scaring leaves into the air. Dark clouds cover the sun and provide no counter to the cold of the wind. Your legs are folded in front of you, decorated with water droplets from the rain that has been coming and going for the last hour. Neon signs of the stores across the street glow curiously at you. People pass you and pay you no mind. Your mind is clear.
ESFJ: The air smells like saltwater and warm pretzels, the latter smell wafting down from the boardwalk. Sunlight warms your shoulders and your back. Waves crash against your ankles, stirring up sand below your feet. The water is as clear as the air, and you can see your feet slowly sink into the ever-moving sand. Small white shells catch on your skin and the sand below, going nowhere.
ESFP: For a moment the trees flare passionately, briefly illuminated by the rose-colored firework bursting above. You lay on your back with the heavens above, hair and fingers intertwined with the blades of grass below. As more flares take to the sky, the night is filled with loud bangs echoing one right after the other. The ember sparks blaze and flicker out as though they’re sinking into an endless pool of ink. Your hands clutch the ground in the overwhelming amazement at the spectacle before you.
ENTJ: The sound of raindrops hitting your umbrella seems to echo, surrounding you with the noise. It blends in with the indescribable smell of rain, and the serenity of the battered sky. People on the streets impatiently hurry by you in an effort to stay as dry as possible. Your boots move you along with the crowd, ignoring the puddles and small rivers running on the roads and sidewalk.
ENTP: Sounds of the busy street below carry up to the rooftop where you stand, unmoving. Wind explores your hair and up your sleeves. You trace your fingers along the concrete barrier between you and the world. Buildings on every side of you tower over your frame, casting long shadows on the city below. Fire escapes and graffiti climb them like vines. Down below, people and cars weave in and out of each other, just trying to get where they’re going.
ENFJ: Perfectly trimmed orange trees socialize in rows stretching as far as the eye can see. The sounds of carefree children dancing in the orchard are intertwined with the persistent roar of rustling leaves. The sun smiles over the scene, causing the cool drink in your hand to condensate and drip over your now-chilly fingers. Your arms rest on the picnic table you’re seated at with a few other people, all of whom are smiling and untroubled.
ENFP: The car of the ferris wheel gently carries you as you stare over the side. Lights of the ride and the surrounding buildings shine proudly all around you, conversing with the stars gathered curiously above you. As you inhale the unchecked windy air you can almost feel yourself waking up and your mind clearing. You lean over the rail and see people wandering below you, fish in a sea of smoky darkness and city lights.
ISTJ: The bark digs unevenly into your back and your legs as you sit in the uppermost branches of the tree. The sky is within your grasp. Leaves quiver as wind brushes past them, enticing a few to explore the heavens with it. Your eyes wander across the landscape at the near-identical trees all gathered together just for you. The scent of pine and fresh air helps you clear your head and forget about time.
ISTP: The screeches of the subway car are barely audible over the music blasting from your earbuds. Your body sways as the car slows to a stop, opening its doors to the station. Your hand tightens on the cold metal bar keeping you standing. You absentmindedly watch the people moving in and out of the doors. They’re the only dynamic thing about the car, which has had the same hard seats and crackling speakers for as long as you could remember. You brace yourself as the car closes its doors and rumbles away from the station, taking you and the others for the ride.
ISFJ: You absentmindedly stir your drink in front of you with your straw, and listen to the ice move and clink against the glass. The bell by the front door of the cafe jingles as people walk in and out as they please, bringing the heat of the summer day with them. The sun shining on your shoulders through the window is the only thing warmer than the scent of pastries wafting over to you from the display.
ISFP: The sea happily rocks the boat back and forth, eager to make you smile. You squeal with glee as water droplets fly up to meet you. The bright pattern on the sail stands proudly, supported by the wind. Light dances across the waves and onto the glossy white hull beneath you. You can hear the soft squeaks of dolphins starboard, curious and energetic. Boredom is as absent here as loneliness is.
INTJ: Lights glow warmly from inside the building across the street, illuminating the snowflakes lazily drifting to the ground. You pull your legs to your chest, covering them in blanket. You’re leaning close enough to the window that your face can feel the chill seeping through the glass. Familiar music plays from a speaker on the desk behind you, and you can sing all of the words. A mug of hot chocolate sits on the table beside you, the steam making patterns in the air before disappearing into nothingness.
INTP: The consistent sound of raindrops pelting the roof of the greenhouse echoes around the room. They seem to come from nowhere, materializing out of the inky black sky. An abundance of plants and flowers sit scattered around on tables and a few are suspended from the ceiling, swaying with the rainfall. You sit cross-legged on one of the tables, careful not to disturb any of the plants. You absentmindedly play with a leaf that had fallen on the ground, lost in thought.
INFJ: You dip your fingers into the cool, clear water beneath you. Across the lake, the sun is slowly approaching the horizon, causing the sky to twist into shades of orange, pink, and purple. Water laps at the peeling dock you’re resting on, the only source of sound for miles. The dock rocks up and down with it. Boats pace in the distance, admiring the sunset with you. You’re glad for your sweater, as warm to the touch as the sun is to the eye. As the sun inches closer, you look up expectantly; stars are coming.
INFP: The most obvious thing about the night is the silence. It’s as if you’re the only human for miles. Lightning bugs glow and dim, bringing warm patches of light to the rough curves of the tree’s roots and trunk. Its limbs, heavy with leaves, reach to the sky, cradling the constellations above. Blades of grass sway with the wind. The occasional leaf catches your eye for a second as it sails past, into the night. You feel as light as air as you exist here, far away from your problems.
Hello. Emotionally confused INTP speaking. I have an ENFP friend, and, just not to go too much into specifics, we are of the same
HI THERE!
"emotionally confused intp" i'm cackling 😂
Hii! I’m an ENFP, I seriously agree with some descriptions of us, but I sometimes feel like it’s not really me. I don’t really know if I’m that bundle of joy that everyone believes that ENFP’s are.. Idk byee
hey, theree
honestly, i don't feel like all of the depictions are accurate either! i thinkk some descriptions/ posts about enfp tend to focus on our ne dom what with the "yay possibilities" stuff but sometimes they tend to overlook how moody we get a lot of the times. it's okay if you don't feel like every description about enfps describe you cause i feel like sometimes they can get a little stereotypical.
Hi enfp here! I used to date this ENFJ but he was very intense and needy so I broke things off with him but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him! It’s been a while now and idk if it’s just an enfp thing that we have a hard time letting go?? How do I move on and stop fantasising that we will get back together!?
hey, anon!!
don't worry, i think it's completely normal for people who just broke up to still be thinking about their former partner. HOWEVERRR, it is not good for the enfj and most importantly not good for YOU to constantly dwell on the past and continue fantisizing about getting back together. (but I mean Ne is so annoying sometimes, amirite?)
anywhoo, i'd suggest giving yourself some space from your ex. try to not talk to him OR about him for a little bit. also, try to fill up your time. sometimes recently broken up people find it difficult to get used to filling up the time they used to spend with their s/o. sooo, do productive stuffs, take a walkk, talk to your best friendss, maybe visit that place that he didn't really wanna visit (?).
most importantly, give yourself time. it's totally normal to take a bit of time to move on, especially since the relationship was very intense. i wish you the best of luck!
whaddup intj here. i think my bff is enfp but I just wanted to check and see what some other enfps are like. he acts like a golden retriever and dances for 10 minutes straight while doing work in class once, so I’m p sure enfp is accurate. love y’all good work keep emitting sunshine or whatever. this is not an actual question. sorry
hey there!!
well, i'm pretty sure you got the typing right! eheheh
we love you too, intjs 😊
I’m an enfp and I have this huge crush on this enfj we’ve never actually meet but we text ALOT And we are both gonna probably spend the summer together and I’m soooooo scared about meeting him since I’m scared he won’t live up to what I made in my head, I know how he looks and everything btw. We met kind of through a mutual friend on social media and ughghhhhh It’s soooooo great and lovely to talk to him and not be scared.
Hey, there!!!!
A little piece of advice, don’t let fear get in the way of something that can make you truly happy. I mean, if you have managed to have this major crush on the enfj, I’m pretty sure it indicates that you know him pretty well. And you know, sometimes us enfps tend to get a little idealist, so what you need to do, is stop comparing him to what you idealize, just enjoy the reality.
Enjoy the moments with him to be exact.
Anywhooo, if he’s not who he says he is (in a negative way like... having a profile picture that he looks like Shawn Mendes while he looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame or something...) then you’ll know that he’s not a good guy and to cut of contact with him.
Thing isss, there’s absolutely nothing to lose here, so there’s nothing to be afraid of. Most likely, you’ll just have a blast!
Hope this helps!
(P.S fun fact, my ex was an enfj, they’re nice i promise)