All the Jack Zimmermann Headcanons No One Asked For
Jack listens to music like a moron. He loves singles but he can’t be bothered to remember any of the artists. He has never sat through an entire album in one sitting.
Jack is hella bisexual.
Jack struggles with his bisexuality.
Like, he can’t always figure out if he’s attracted to someone or jealous. And liking men is inconvenient for his career so he leans towards jealousy as a rule, and he comes off as a total asshole.
If you think Jack is stiff and robotic now, imagine how bad he was before he lived with Shitty.
It took some trial and error for Jack to get on an anxiety med that worked for him, and the growing pains are well documented on Shitty’s blog.
Because Jack doesn’t talk much about how he’s feeling, but Shitty could kind of guess based on his bizarre behavior. Like the time Jack did half a semester of homework in one sitting because he could actually focus on it. Or the time he talked exclusively in French at minimal volume, because the inside of his head was too quiet. Or the time his meds messed up his time sense so he set alarms on his phone for everything, including timers so he wouldn’t spend four hours brushing his teeth.
Jack has actually said the words “I don’t think you realize how much I like hockey,” in that order.
Jack is aggressively Canadian for the entire first week of July.
One time, while they were chilling on the roof, Shitty asked him what his deepest fear was. “Moose,” Jack told him without hesitation.
“Really? Because I thought failure would really mess you up. Or, like, a bad knee injury. Something like that.”
“Moose,” Jack said, voice soft with horror. “Their eyes don’t reflect light, Shitty. They haven’t bothered evolving since the Paleolithic era because they don’t need to. They have reached their final form.”
“Jack you’re freaking me out.”
“They can tear through cars like tissue paper.”
“Okay. So. Subject change…”
Jack will swear up and down that he’s a Slytherin, but every online quiz he takes sorts him into Hufflepuff.
(When he finds out Bitty keeps getting sorted into Slytherin Jack actually has to leave the Haus for an hour before he’s fit for company again.)
Jack will seriously tell people that not everything has to be a competition, and then he’ll make everything a competition. So far, he has won Christmas, three birthdays, a prank war and several grocery trips.
