OMEGA FAV ---- SHE SAVES THE INTERNET: Episode #1: Skirmish of the Skirt 1/3
Before she can finish her game of Snake, the Emergency Transponder emits a ferocious MWACK, like a swan about to take its mate.
OMEGA FAV, glancing up from her Palm Pilot, looks out over the beautiful moonscape from the deck of the Fortress of Fortitude.
“Computron, status report!”
“Energy signatures located in Sector 12,” responds the metallically-synthesized voice of Alan Rickman (the fortress company got him to do all their voice work.)
Omega bites her lip and frowns for a moment, getting a little Toxic Orange lipstick on her teeth. “Which one was Sector 12 again?”
‘Earth, Madam. If you’d simply read the literature you were given, you’d know—“ Omega slams her fist down on the captain’s chair, switching off voice mode. “Omega Fav has no TIME for manuals!” A toss of the head sends her NANOHAIR flying, shimmering as it slowly revolved through all hues of the rainbow and some known only to bees. She uncrosses her legs and stands commandingly, smoothing the sides of her lime-green skirt, with included POWER HEMLINE.
She fiddles with her palm pilot, debating whether or not to text her. Also debating whether or nor her ironic palm pilot even HAD texting.
The circular hatch in the ceiling swings open with a gasp. A graceful gray shape swims down through the air, stethoscope around its neck.
A sharp serious of clicks follows: <<Did you hear the alert quack?>>[1]
<< Doctor Dolphin, I thought you were still on your moon base!>> responds Omega in almost-perfect dolphin, only a slight trace of an accent.
<<No, I’m afraid the regolith was too funicular today. Not good, not even slightly good. I just heard the alarm, did you call-- >>
Omega slams the palm pilot onto the floor and stomps it with her high-top platform boots. “No, and I’m not going to,” she says in humanlish. Doctor Dolphin looks on with eyes wide and blowhole flaring in alarm.
Omega continues, <<Anyway, where’s Cyber Bubble?! He hasn’t brought me my morning .>>
<<W-w-well, Miss Omega Fav, I think he said something about flying to Pluto and taking more pictures. He said that NASA didn’t ‘use the right filter’ or something t-t-to that extent.>>
Omega throws up her perfectly manicured hands (with Toxic Orange nailpolish as well). “Sidekicks! The lowest form of galactic garbage. No, Doctor, I don’t need Cyber Bubble and I don’t need her.”
“I’ll save the planet by myself.”
For reasons of alphabetization, the airlock is right across from the armory, allowing Omega to grab her trusty LASER TRIDENT from the shop. Cyber Bubble hadn’t finished polishing it, yet another fact to be added to his Demerit Sheet.
Fully suited-up, Omega Fav steps in to the airlock.
<<On my mark, Doctor!>> He squeaks, and begins pushing multicolored buttons with his beak. Activating her PICO-GAUNTLETS, Omega begins a carefully choreographed transformation sequence that would be the envy of the intergalactic cheer squad, if they hadn’t fallen prey to an untimely asteroid:
“Stronger than a series of tubes,
Faster than a hurtful rumor,
Smarter than Neil deGrass-Tyson,
And whenever a like, reblog, or upvote is in trouble, I’ll be there!”
The airlock swings open, and OMEGA FAV, INTERGALACTIC JUSTICE WARRIOR shoots out into SPACE with trails of rainbow-flavored victory!
[1] Translated from Dolphinese.
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
theartofmadeline
vaporwave
stormborns
