AQUAMARINES WOULD ALREADY be aglow with his nature as zacharie rounded the corner. typically they would meet inside somewhere , a dive or a shitty corner bar. but that scene wasn’t right for what sinclair intended tonight. this wasn’t about business. . . this was personal.
he’d been the one contending with zaiden’s temper since that night at the rose. he’d been the one to hold magdalena as she’d sobbed in his lap. he’d been the one pushing the lycan pups back into their territory , only putting them down when he absolutely had too , like the night with lilit. sinclair was starting to feel that with every other step , he was cleaning up a mess that , at the end of the day , should have fallen on zac’s shoulders.
& he had enough bullshit to deal with -- his typically endless patience was beginning to wear thin. fingers flicked his cigarette away into the alley as zac’s scent hit his nostrils , the sound of of it sizzling out against the wet pavement barely being registering as the liberation’s leader came into view.
it was childish , he knew it , but he also felt like the two of them were almost friends , & zacharie needed to know how he felt about it. hands came up , perfectly timed with the lycan’s steps as they made contact with his chest , shoving him against the wall that was now at his back. he didn’t pin him there , but he did take a small sliver of satisfaction out of the way he bounced off the brick with the force of the push. the words were all but growled out , his frustration & anger obvious , even to someone who could be as dense as zac could.
“ really ? in front of zaiden at the rose ? do you know how fucking difficult you’ve made my life , zac ? do you know how tortured lena is ? she is so young -- you should have taken some goddamn responsibility instead of thinking with your other head. ” he paused , only to shove him again as he tried to step away from the wall. “ let me hear you try to justify it. look me in my face & tell me how much you fucking think things through before you act. ”
HE HUMMED A LITTLE TUNE to himself as he turned down the hallways of the manor. clair didn’t particularly enjoy coming here anymore , but he’d do just about anything if a certain bratty death dealer demanded it ; & he had demanded. one hand hung at his side comfortably , the other holding the last pouch of a positive in the manor’s public kitchen. he couldn’t help the stupid grin on his face as he turned , the door to zaiden’s room entering his sight. even though it’d been awhile since he’d taken this path , the familiarity of walking it brought a positive wave of contentment through him.
or perhaps he was just excited to see zade , to tell him he needed to come home to see what clair had stumbled across for him.
they’d been texting up until a moment ago , so he didn’t feel the need to linger or knock once he reached the door , softly pushing it open & slipping in. boots were silent on the carpet , the space looking as not - lived in as his rooms had , save for the bedroom at the back. before he made his way to zade , he took the time to dig out a glass & warm up his blood for him , grabbing a straw out of the drawer for good measure , knowing how zade liked it this late in the morning.
the door was open , the tv was on , & zade looked like a damn teenager curled up in the comforter , sapphires already on him , his expression passive in spite of the way blue hues shined with his approval. clair moved to sit on the edge of the bed , holding out the glass to the other. “ one warm a positive , as requested. ” he paused long enough to let a pout float over his features , his smile twisting but not fully disappearing , “ hurry up & drink it so i can lay with you. i missed you. ”
If there were an award for the most abhorrent diner in New York City, then Joanie’s would be it. It was indiscernible what color the walls were before, but now they was a grimy gray with an odd glow from the buzzing fluorescents above. His feet stuck to the linoleum floor with each step. had it ever been cleaned. No one in the right mind dined here, and that was exactly why it was one of the few safe meeting places. The headache that had started behind Chris’s eyes when the baby vampire was found dead had only gotten worse since. He had yet to find out the information he needed. He knew that it wasn’t Liberation; nothing he’d signed off on anyway. That was too sloppy, to convenient and they weren’t that stupid. But Christopher needed some forward motion on this, something to stop his head from splitting in half.
He grabbed a booth at the back of the restaurant, sitting with his back to the wall so he’d see the whole diner from the vantage. The upholstery below him was cracked and ripped. He’d have to burn his clothes when he got home to get the stench of decades old grease out of them. He’d been around worse. Something about the stained table, the dust covered windows and— was that blood on the ceiling fan. Anyway, something about the place rubbed him the wrong way.
An aging waitress came to his table, dressed in a bubble gum uniform, off-white apron tied around her waist. She looked about as happy to be there taking his order, as Christopher was on a regular basis. He ordered coffee, a slice of pie, and strawberry milkshake for the kid. He leaned back in his seat, arms cross over his chest. If the guy wasn’t here before the milkshake melted, then Chris was leaving.
A HAND CAME AROUND THE OLD & STICKY handle to the door , lips downturned around his cigarette with his minor twinge of disgust at the smell of the place as he entered. last damn time he allowed a lycan to pick the venue. . . he understood their need for secrecy , of course he did , but this was just gross. he spotted the leecher easily , painting an easy grin on his lips as he approached , sliding into the booth opposite chris , inhaling heavily on the last drag of this cigarette , sea - green hues focused on the sugary nonsense on his side of the table. his words would be filled with smoke as he leaned over & put his butt out in an ashtray , “ what are you playing at , getting me a milkshake ? did you find out about my sweet tooth ? or are you just lucky ? ” lips curled around his straw as he took a heavy sip , pulling the ice cream up through the straw , groaning as the sugar hit his tongue.
“ that’s the good shit. you think you’re funny -- the shirley temple ? really , chris ? you’re not even trying anymore. ” if he were shorter , sinclair felt like he could swing his legs in the booth he sat at , a literal child with his ice - cream on a hot & muggy summer night. considering current scene & current company , this was about as good as it was going to get. nostrils flared as he inhaled , enjoying the lingering flavor on his tongue , ignoring the way his stomach clenched as he filled it.
gaze lifted to the other , finally ready to talk business. “ now that you’ve buttered me up , give me the run down. how are things ? i can’t seem to get a straight , honest answer out of zac. he always downplays things. ”
OH , CRUEL FATE – how deceivingly gentle her delicate caress could be ; to lie to a beast – what is one expected to glean from such a fruitless endeavor ? had zaiden not been forged from the white-hot iron of his own humane demise ? had he not been carved from the darkness of his own trauma , molded & fashioned with the steadied hands of a king who hungered for salvation in the form of a living , breathing weapon ? how could something so robbed of his own humanity be deserving of the truth at all ? the thought alone is almost enough to pull the quietest laugh of cold , empty pain from parted lips – but all that manages to escape is a trembling exhale of a ragged breath. when fangs click together with enough force to jar his already-blurred vision , zaiden is forced to do nothing more than inhale a sharp breath through flared nostrils. he can feel clair shift in his position , moving from his crouched bow to pray at the altar of his own mercy in favor of studying him with darkened hues – but he remains motionless , himself. like a statue chipped out from the finest of ivory marble , unmoving & unrelenting as vacant eyes gaze off into the distance.
it is almost as if the elder vampire has forgotten who waits before him , silently pleading for his mercy – like he is the harbinger of death , the angel of divine judgment & retribution. how foolish it is to think that the most soiled vampire of them all is poised to deliver swift judgment on anyone but himself. the harrowing wave of emotions rages in the depths of sapphire irises – dark & turbulent – and as he thinks , zaiden cannot help but consider just how ludicrously out of bounds he had come.
how had he , the king’s dutiful weapon , become so divinely enthralled with the coven’s very own heretic ? how had he allowed himself to grow so weak of heart that the tender embrace of a traitor alone is enough to tear the centuries-old walls that guarded his already-scarred heart ? zaiden cannot even begin to fathom it , fathom how far from grace he had fallen in that singular moment. he had fallen victim to the sweet-nothings of a creature who had lied to him only to give him whiplash in the form of an unadulterated truth , one clair insisted is what he deserves to hear… and rather than following the instinct to execute the unspoken kill-order he knows hangs over his head , he feels frozen. rooted to the spot , unable to move or otherwise raise a hand against the vampire waiting so reverently for his intervention.
the tense silence hangs thick like smog , smothering zaiden with each kerosene-soaked breath he takes – and when he finally parts his lips , his voice feels hollow & empty. ❝ you think this is what i deserve ? ❞ words are almost harsh , but the jagged edge that typically laces itself through baritone drawl is severely lacking. he sounds almost boneless , exhausted – like the weight of the worlds he had promised to destroy are hanging upon his withering shoulders. ❝ to make the choice between my loyalty to the coven that raised me and my loyalty to the person whom i believed to be the only one who understands me ? ❞ there is no acid marking his words , merely the exhaustion of centuries of pain , loss , and hardship. lashes flutter & when his gaze focuses , he levels clair with critical eyes. lips press into a thin line & the conflict , the war , that rages in ocean depths is almost palpable.
when he speaks again , his voice splinters & it frays , unraveling like a worn thread. ❝ do you know how unfair that is to me , clair ? ❞ oh , how his breath catches & how he hesitates when the pain bleeds through his tone. ❝ i – need some space. i need to think. about … everything. ❞
IT WAS TOO MUCH , the moment was entirely too much , & yet clair couldn’t find it in him to move. he felt zaiden’s need for space through the air between them , always so tuned into whatever he needed or wanted ; but he couldn’t make himself pull away. he was stuck , rigid with the tension & simultaneously boneless under the weight of what he’d just done , under the weight of sudden & raw truth. his shoulders ached more & more with every word zade uttered , & finally clair was able to move , even if it was just tightening his fingers into a fist at his side. the sensation of his nails biting into his palm felt real , & somehow the small pinch gave him a little footing in the void he was falling through.
there was nothing else for him to say. there was nothing else for him to do. the finality of zade’s last statement rung through him like the bells in his old cathedral , every wave of vibration & sound less & less until it was gone & he was empty all over again. some space. clair was finally able disengage at the words , registering them a beat or two late , but his body still moving automatically & without effort to give the other what he asked for. like he always did , like he probably always would.
he was briefly aware that he was nodding ; understanding. he wasn’t the type that ever wanted space , or time , or anything to himself apart from zade -- & he already hated this but , it was what it was. knees popped as he stood , brows coming together as he wondered just how long he’d been situated on his knees , elbows on the altar , hands folded in prayer. clair had taken the step to begin to turn away , only to retrace it & bend back down , plump lips pursing as he placed the gentlest & barely there kiss between those drawn together brows.
everything that came next was auto - pilot. he finally did turn away , only sparing one last glance as before he turned out of view down the hallway before he reached the threshold of their flat. clair slipped into his boots , slid on that evening’s jacket , grabbed his bike’s keys , & silently slid out the door , locking it as he left. zaiden wouldn’t be there when he got back , & he didn’t have it in him to sit & watch him leave again. fingers dug into the pockets of his slacks , fishing out a cigarette , intent on choking one down before he got to the parking garage.
smoke filled his lungs , & in spite of the shitty , daunting , heavy feeling now settling over his skin. . . he felt better. no longer hypocritical in lying to the one person he strove for the truth for. it’d be a rough few days , but he felt it in his bones that he’d done the right thing. & oddly enough , at least where zaiden was concerned , clair knew that was the only thing that actually mattered.
“Listen, I don’t want to hear about how hammered I was that I night. The blackout of the century topped off any and all idiotic behavior I displayed and since it was erased from my memory, I think you should do your best to erase it from yours.” while not overtly apologetic, she held her hand up to suggest that she wasn’t at all finished with her words, “I’ve been told I can get obnoxious when I drink, and I do remember your face the most, so I’m sorry for whatever stupid shit I said.”
it was a crapshoot in the dark with a proverbial set of sunglasses to block out any light, but it was worth noting that she was sorry for her jackassery, if that were the case, but the feeling of having her slate wiped clean did a number on her insecurities given the hard exterior she tried to present to him. “We can just forget about it, right?” she didn’t exactly know what she was talking about, but she didn’t wish for the other to assume they were now friends or friendly… right?
THERE WAS NO EFFORT PUT INTO hiding the shit - eating smirk on his lips , his amusement & mirth oh so clear in the expression & in his sea - green hues. sinclair took a heavy drag from his cigarette , staying silence after her words for an intentional beat too long , letting her dangle there in her obvious discomfort before he replied. “ oh no , i won’t be forgetting that night for quite awhile. & i’m not going to let you forget that i got you to take of your mask , & visibly enjoy yourself. obnoxious isn’t the right word , just enthusiastic. it seemed like you needed a good time , & i’m always happy to hold witness. ”
another inhale filled his lungs with acrid smoke , thick & heavy , before it passed through his nostrils & left him , tainting the air around them instead. “ but , i digress. i don’t plan to hold it over your head. promise. ” he leaned down , head tilting her way with his award - winning smile , the expression itself filled with friendly sarcasm. “ as fun as that night was , there’s no excitement to be had without some drama. i think i’m tapped out for partying for awhile. ”
Her legs were still trembling beneath the weight of the entire ordeal. She hadn’t came off the rush of adrenaline just yet. “I forget you are more experienced that I am in some things. I must be growing softer in my age, looking to pups with sympathy as if they deserve it.” Lilit twisted her gaze away from Clair, teeth biting into her cheek to keep the whimper from escaping her lips. Pride, it was a powerful motivator for her. She refused to let the world see past the stoic exterior. Inside there was a rush emotion and pain dammed behind the face etched in marble. Still, some statues can show signs of life if the right offerings were laid at their feet.
“Hesitation, yes, perhaps that is the minute part of myself that is still clinging to humanity… even after 900 years. Have you not grown tired of senseless death and destruction? If not one of ours it is one of theirs sacrificed to a war that we almost have forgotten the true meaning of.” Lilit refrained from expounding further on the war. She was ready to wield it to her advantage and yet she knew the stakes were higher than ever. She had to choose her words with caution, even in the company of those she might come to trust.
“Do not mistake my words for treason. I have seen many wars and the consequences are always heavier than expected. Tonight is only proof of the destruction yet to come.” Lilit placed her arm in front of him as they exited the elevator, her eyes full of serious intent. “When I tell you my thoughts, I do so in confidence that you respect my private opinions I have entrusted to you. I shall do the same in return.”
After she cleaned herself up, Lilit exited the bathroom still drying at her hair. She was swallowed by sweat pants, draw string pulled tight to keep them over her hips. The Shirt was large, but covered her enough to feel at ease. “Everything is exactly as you left it. Now, what do people typically do during a sleepover?”
LIPS WERE PURSED IN HIS CONTEMPLATION as he considered the words she’d dared to say aloud before they reached his flat. sinclair didn’t give a shit about the violence , & as much time as he spent around lycans as of late -- there was no denying the way fangs would throb in his gums , the way aquamarines would glow , the little instinctual shimmer of excitement down his spine at the promise of a lycan kill. no , he didn’t give a shit about the violence of it all. but there was something behind the words , floating in the darkness & begging to be seen , about a war they’d lost the true meaning of. he could taste it on the tip of his tongue , even if he lacked the facts to give it life. sinclair couldn’t help the bitter flash of amusement at the irony of the fact that treason always seemed to follow the word truth when it came to matters of the coven. . .
& it only served to steel his determination , only cementing the fact that in spite of the tension his chosen course of action was causing him , he was on the right path. he didn’t make a sound as he pulled out a blood bag & a glass , a small grin of amusement that o - negative was the only thing he had left in the fridge ( he’d need to remember to grab some a pos from the manor before zaiden came back. ). he popped it into the microwave for thirty seconds , the unfamiliar tightening of impatience in his gut. to hell with tact & timing -- he was going to just out - right ask lilit to help him. he just needed an opening , an opportunity to get in ; the rest would be his sin alone.
her words pulled him from his thoughts , the microwave dinging in the same moment. lanky fingers pulled out the glass , turning to place it within her hand , giving her a good , long , once - over. she looked much better , her wounds smelled as though they were healing nicely , & the offered blood would only help the process. “ thank you , ma dame. i’m picky about my things. ” he paused , a well - manicured brow inching towards his hairline as he considered her answer , “ well , i’m not particularly in the mood to gossip about boys at the moment , so i suppose there’s always movies & games. i did just pick up a few new ones , if that’s your thing. drain that glass , because you need it , & i’ll show you what i’ve got. on one other condition. . . that you humor me with a conversation on true meanings & treason. consider it my quid for keeping tonight our little secret. ”
michel wishes he could lie and say that he didn’t see it coming, if only to make clair feel proud of his joke and so he tries. “oh shit.” is all he can manage to see, mock shock written across his face before he chuckles at the attempt. hey, he supposes it was worth a shot. he snorts softly at that, out of fondness for his friend more than anything, as he pulled out his rolling papers, nudging him. “alright, alright. let me roll you one. you know, since you asked so kindly.” friendly sarcasm seeps in his tone as fingers maneuver paper, rolling and twisting before sprinkling in the tobacco. “it’s good to see you though. i mean, took a couple unannounced visits, but.” the sentiment makes his lips twist in a smirk, tongue darting out to lick across the paper as he continues rolling.
the memories of it makes him laugh internally, because a part of him almost felt like he’s been able to catch zaiden a little more than the other frenchman himself, always seeming to be absent from the apartment each time he showed up. “where’ve you been, anyway?” he asks a couple beats later, genuinely curious as the question had been at the back of his mind for a while now. after all, he sort of missed their mischief as of late. and there’s an excuse there — it not being the most ideal that the second most important death dealer was spending time with the coven’s number one traitor. but truthfully, something told him that wasn’t the case.
PLUMP LIPS PURSE , clair doesn’t bother with the effort to hide his pout. michel ought to know the look well enough , even if it had been awhile. “ oh , c’mon , i know you could pretend better than that .” his tone was short & clipped , but lacking his usual sarcasm. he hummed as michel gave in to his childishly - delivered demand , before lips were pulling back & he was all but hissing at the mention of his unannounced visits. fangs were throbbing in his gums , tempted to snap out at michel to echo the wave of annoyance those adventures of his had cause him , kept in only by sheer force of will. instead , he took a breath , pointedly exhaling , nostrils flaring with his reply , “ you like making my life harder than it has to be , don’t you ? you should be more supportive of my dangerous habits , michel. like the good ol’ days. ”
long legs fell into step easily beside his friend , one of the only ones ( shit , maybe the only one ) he’d ever had , outside of zaiden. head canted back , aquamarines catching michel’s gaze for a whole step , deciding in just that moment to throw caution to the wind & say , fuck it , michel could be added to his ‘ trusted enough to know what i’m up to ’ list. “ i’ve been busy being a blasphemous bastard , plotting against my coven , while being entangled with the king of said coven’s right hand -- the usual. what about you ? what have you been up to when you’re not harassing my boyfriend ? ”
“ i don’t care , honestly. if they were to keep it hidden , like people should do when they’re up to things they ought not , i would be happy for them. i might even help them meet up , because i’d be able. but the events at the rose made things messy , & they were already chaotic. i understand that the heart wants what it wants , but you still have to be smart about it. ” // @rosewilts , @wlfbitcs
do you think the twins are likely to get along a little better now that you've told zade what's been happening?
“ words are tricky. i’m not sure if get along better is how i’d put it. zaiden is still very determined to hate zac , so until that changes , i think the most i can hope for is that they put up with each other’s presence for my sake. . . without killing each other. something will give at some point. ” // @kingspavvn, @wlfbitcs
FALL WAS FAST APPROACHING , which meant that they currently found themselves in the hottest & most humid part of the summer. the heat was holding onto the city with white knuckles , & while clair would’ve preferred to stay inside , he could only stare at the walls in his flat for so long. zaiden was at the manor , needing time with his thoughts , after their most recent talk. it hadn’t been a full twenty - four hours yet , & sinclair figured he needed to kill a few more before he went to check on him.
he hadn’t realized he was turning towards brooklyn until he recognized the front of michel’s club , said vampire coming outside & locking the door , reeking of alcohol & sweat. clair had a little bounce in his step as he approached , doing his part to stay silent & sneak up on the elder vampire. he was at his shoulder , out of nowhere , leaning in with a --- “ boo ! give me a cigarette , i accidentally left my pack at home. ”
OH , THE ACHE IN HIS HALLOWED BONES – it creaks & churns & burns with each subtle shift in his position , as if his seven-century old body had finally given way to the cracks and splinters addling through it , unraveling and coming apart until he disintegrates into burning ash. how much easier it would be , zaiden realizes ruefully , to become nothing but dust in the face of treason. how the rage brewing in his chest burns & scorches his insides until the trembling of his broad shoulders quiets with the slightest of inhales. when his gaze drops to survey the man he calls a lover , a partner , a home for the first time properly since the confession was spit out between them , something akin to heartbreak lingers in the depths of a darkened sapphire gaze. zaiden cannot tell whether that disappointment is meant for sinclair & his stench of treasonous horror – or for himself & his own desire to hold & protect , to dig his claws deep into clair’s flesh until he can burrow into his bones & never , ever leave. to commit heresy against the crown that has sheltered you is a sin on its own – but to look at the one committing the crime & feel the visceral need to shake them free of the punishment that is sure to follow … that is an abomination.
zaiden knows – knows far too well that he should be executed for even entertaining the thought of taking clair’s words , his actions , & stowing them away into a dark place far , far away from those who may find him worthy of death by sunlight. and yet , the elder vampire chews thoughtfully upon his words as pensive expression hardens & jaw unhinges to click his fangs together with sudden force. he chews & he chews & he chews before finally , he swallows the bile that rises in his throat in response to the bitter taste of his reality. ❝ they’ll kill us. you for doing this – and me for knowing. ❞ oh , how he’s already confessed to keeping him safe , to keeping him locked away from the horrors of his own demise were word to spread that the beloved sinclair portier is trying to tear down the king they had so dutifully served. he does so begrudgingly , low drawl heavy with exhaustion & worn ragged as he swallows the lump that lodges itself within his throat.
it feels foul – and the deeper the reality settles into his ribcage , threading itself through his veins like the spindly , gossamer fibers of a spider’s web , he can no longer ignore the nausea that twists itself in the pit of his stomach. another long silence ensues as zaiden tilts his head back to stare blankly up at the ceiling hanging overhead , studying the smooth white surface with hollow hues as he tries to chase away the screaming demons that threaten to unleash at a moment’s notice. he should hate clair – should tear out his throat and let him bleed out then & there for confessing to such a fanatical crime. he had been trained , conditioned to pick off the non-believers one by one – until nothing but the devout & faithful remained. and yet , there he sits , with one of the coven’s heretics sitting on his knees with aquamarines wide in a silent plea. how could he throw away the only person who has ever pieced his splintered heart together ?
keep reading.
THERE’S A MOMENT --- clair isn’t actually sure how long it , that the silence is too much , the air around him too still. they didn’t have to breathe , he simply did so out of habit ; but it was oh so easy for him to quiet his entire being , to automatically & unconsciously pull away & turn to stone at the way the anxiety & out - right fear became solid , thick , sinking through him in his entirety , every cell in his animated corpse form pausing with the way it swallowed him whole. he’s frozen , on his knees , hands still at his love’s side , not holding him in case he wanted to pull away --- blatantly reverent in the way that he prays for his destroyer of worlds not to turn that sharpness around on him , to deny what had become his nature & spare him his fury.
then comes the coldness , that always followed after the initial stillness. at first , it’s a tick in his throat , then an icy wave of pinpricks against his bones as they protested at the shock of the sensation ; at the very real possibility that zaiden wouldn’t hear his plea , that he’d numb himself to whatever was between them for the sake of his king , his coven. sinclair was a particular brand of masochist , he’d always known that deciding to follow his impulse to love a weapon , somewhere along the way , he’d end up getting cut. it never scared him , never forced him away ; even now , wouldn’t hold any injury against the other. if you didn’t properly handle it , it would snap back at you. the stillness stretched out , & the coldness became complete lack of sensation with every passing moment --- had he made the right call to come clean ? had he accurately guessed at which outcome would favor him & what they had more ?
sinclair can feel the way zaiden is tense around him , & he’s motionless , neck craned , holding his pose & waiting for his judgement , supplicant & willing & ready for whatever death decided of him. finally -- after truly what felt like an eternity , but might have only been a matter of moments -- do the words finally come. he’s aware of the way his mouth falls open , the way everything in him , was kicked back into motion & some sembiance of life with a puff of his breath being forced through his nose , nostrils flaring , some sound cracking in the back of his throat that he felt more than heard at the word ‘ us. ’
& he knows the truth of the words that come next , oh yes , death would be swift if the wrong ears picked up on what he was up to. though part of him doubted that aleksander would actually kill zaiden with him. . . but surely , zaiden would become something more than death if clair were to meet his own. he can’t make himself speak yet , the tongue in his mouth far too heavy & filled with lead -- & really , what could he say ? -- there was another beat of silence , & clair couldn’t stand it , his form warming from the nothingness it had begun to seep into , all sensation coming back to him in waves. he understood the next question might have been rhetorical , but he nodded , aquamarines wide , wet , reddened with the struggle he was undergoing.
the hand in his hair feels like reassurance , like acceptance , & though he knows it’s edged , lined with the fact that there were still consequences to his actions --- at the very least , zaiden would stay. the next words flooded his ears , & zaiden held his gaze , & clair knew he meant it. he should kill him , aleksander would want him to kill him , here & now , his last moments being upon his knees at the only altar he’d ever kneel at again , but he wasn’t going to. clair would eventually be able to rise , & things were irreparably different now , but it became obvious , undeniable , blaringly clear that zaiden was going to stay.
eyelids slid shut , & clair was briefly , barely , & uncaringly aware of the single , solitary tear that ran down his cheek , the foreign but known sensation not able to stir any further shock from him in this moment , the sentiment so lost & relatively small against all the rest. his head hangs , & he’s inches away from zaiden , so close that he feels the soft why against his forehead. lips pursed , as he inched away once more , fighting to do just the opposite every milometer of space that fell between them. he met those blues unflinchingly , a feeling of solidity sinking through his feet & up his legs. his answer was automatic , & though it was just a whisper , it was much more sure than his previous words. “ because you deserve the truth. i’m a liar , & i instantly know a liar & his lies. i never cared before. but i can’t. . . just stand by & let something happen to you. even if i don’t know what. i’m not going to ignore the persistence of the gut feeling anymore , not if it’s at your expense. ”
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