— if you don’t pull me back, it wakes a thousand eyes
GRIEF WAS A parasite , a greedy little creature festering in the wound of her broken heart , devouring whatever it could find & always hunting for more . it spoke in eerie little whispers , sinking its talons into even the happiest of memories ; what’s this , it would ask , and without waiting for an answer it would tuck in , giving magdalena little time to beg for mercy . nothing was sacred . anything could be taken , twisted & destroyed . the leech never went hungry , especially when it had memories of michel to feed off of — endless , they were , each one as vivid as the day they’d been made . it wasn’t rare for her to reminisce on them only to find herself doleful & aching , or burning with anger , never quite being able to enjoy them for what they were after his exile .
and she was still heartbroken . still angry . still confused . but beneath the corrosive layer of mourning , she was still left wanting : wanting to see him , to hear his voice , his laugh , to glimpse the little crinkle of his eyes when he smiled . seeing his occasional quip in the group chat wasn’t enough . equally as important , of course , were the answers she needed . what had really happened the night he left ? why hadn’t he said goodbye , or anything else , for that matter ? the night at the rose had been the catalyst that led to her reaching out to him separately , arranging this meeting in the hopes of … something . preferably some sort of resolution . it nearly felt like treason , to seek him out like this — but she’d been committing quite a lot of that , as of late , so what was the difference anymore ?
she watches michel with a hint of hesitation when she spots him , stomach knotting anxiously . seeing him still causes a spear of pain to lance through her chest , but the hurt is almost desperate as it throbs , begging please , please don’t turn away from me again , please don’t leave . with an unsteady inhale drawn , lena approaches him , the quiet click of her heels echoing across the night to announce her presence . ❝ … michel — ❞ and before anything else can follow , she’s in his arms , face pressed into his shoulder as she tries not to break & cry at the gentle embrace . it feels like coming home . like all the days when , as a child , he’d spent countless hours reading to her , or coaching her as she recited passages from the books he’d bought her . like all the little crayon drawings she’d made of them , together , wide fanged smiles scribbled on their faces . the monsters under her bed he’d fought off without a moment’s hesitation . it fades as soon as the embrace is broken , and lena tries not to cling to his shirt as they pull apart , focusing instead on how he fishes in his pockets . dainty fingers rub at her throat as he produces the necklace , the bob when she swallows shifting her fingertips . a smile splits anxiety worn features , ocean eyes dotted with little stars as they shine . ❝ it’s so cute … ❞ her touch is gentle when she takes the necklace from him , marveling over the little fox charm a moment longer as he continues to speak . lena tucks the necklace into her chanel bag , careful not to tangle the chain , another secret she intends to keep from the coven’s ever present prying eyes .
there’s still a gaping schism between them , rippling with uncertainty as they shift awkwardly in the pause . she’s not sure where to begin , and evidently neither is he , as the question catches her on uncertain footing .
❝ how have i .. been ? ❞ she parrots him , whispering his question to herself incredulously . how is she expected to answer that ? it leaves a bitter taste on her tongue , a tacky film over the roof of her mouth , the back of her throat . her anger clamps its teeth around the bait , and she’s flooded with reminders of how betrayed & abandoned his departure left her feeling . ❝ you disappear , you don’t say anything to anyone , you don’t say goodbye or i love you or i’m sorry … you pop up every so often when you feel fit to — how have i been since when , exactly ? since you left ? since the incident at the rose ? since , i don’t know , last tuesday ? ❞ she can already feel tears beading at the corners of her eyes , burning until she closes her eyes and releases a tense , shaken exhale . ❝ why didn’t you … why didn’t you at least say goodbye , michel ? ❞
the questions she asks are fair but the pain behind them absolutely crushes his heart. his heart drops to his feet knowing this pain must have weighed on her soul since that night and although his angst matches hers in that regard, michel has always been better at deflecting painful emotions, painful memories. his ache to return to her manifested in simple, overlooked texts, choosing to remain in a groupchat he’s unwanted in because he refuses to leave her side once more. even if it’s only virtually, at a distance, and especially if it proved to be harmless. but as she closes her eyes, tears threatening to break past its fragile barrier, the sight destroys him and before he can process it, he brings her into another embrace, wrapping his arms around her and tucking her into his chest — clinging to instinct, gnawing at him to console her as he’s done time and time again.
“shh... shh. lena, please.” he whispers, almost in a plea, resting his chin slightly against her head. “i’m sorry...” he releases weakly, guilt washing over him completely and for a moment, it’s the only thing he can manage to say — his heart coaxing him to repeat it like a mantra. but he strings his eyebrows together, sucking in a needless breath because she deserves more than this. it’s too late for a sorry and too stupidly naive to think a weak bandaid could heal a gaping wound. he swallows down his emotions, mustering all his strength to not succumb to the ache in his chest — she needed an explanation.
“lena... look. i’m... that night is hard, okay? it happened too fast. i had to leave... immediately. it was overwhelming.” and despite his instincts wanting to hold her for many moments longer, he pulls out of the embrace if only to remain at arm’s length so she could see his sincerity. so she could see that this wasn’t some walk in the park for him, to see that he has pain similar to her own. “look, i didn’t know what was going to happen. i thought i could have died if i didn’t just... go. immediately.” and maybe he’s repeating himself a bit, but the pain and the knacking guilt is scrambling his brain and expressing coherent thoughts is the least of his problems right now because lena is upset. her sadness falls on his shoulders and perhaps, that’s what hurt the most. the thing that rests at the back of his mind and nags in his mind when all he wants to do is take away her angst.
the whole situation is its own level of overwhelming and he brings his own gaze to his feet, unable to deal with the intensity of the tension and the sentiments he wants to express. “you are the best thing that’s happened in this stupid immortal life for me. i would never... absolutely never just leave you without a goodbye for no reason.” he shakes his head at that, half upset she would even think that but he’s not dense... how could she not? he could only imagine how she thinks of him now, too. i mean, his abrupt absence combined with her prevalance in the coven... he almost doesn’t want to know what she’s been told or if she believes any of it. “tu es mon bébé. of course, i wanted to say goodbye.” he lifts his head, meaning the phrase more than ever. more than when he would use it when she was a child or whenever he would tuck her in at night. no matter the circumstance, she would always be his baby. “and if i could, i would choose it every time. but truthfully... i feared that if i didn’t leave as quickly as i did, i wouldn’t still be here today. i wasn’t going to put you through that either.”
his breath becomes shaky and now it’s his turn to close his eyes, licking his lips as he inhales once more. he reopens his lids, bringing a careful hand to her cheek, thumbing any stray tears rolling off. “the fact we are meeting in private like this is enough to know the situation we’re in, mon petit chou. i never... i didn’t want to ever hurt you like this. je t'aime. tellement.”