I’ve mentioned this on my facebook page a while ago. I keep coming back to this idea of gratitude. I’ve been in therapy since 2014. It seems so long ago but also like I just started. One of the first exercises my therapist had me do was to write down three things I liked about myself every day. It was so fucking hard. I wasn’t used to thinking positive things about myself at all. Last week, she was very direct in helping me in another way. Whenever I encounter a toxic person or a situation that makes me uncomfortable, try to think about the opposite of that. So the opposite of my very mean aunt, is my very good friend Kristen. When my mother passed away, my aunt said some very horrible things to me. My friend Kristen drove me to the probate court in the town we grew up in. That’s about a three hour drive from where we currently live. She also helped me move into my new apartment and buy furniture. The opposite of one of my superiors that has not been constructive, is my new boss who is so calming and nice. She tells me how to improve. The opposite of my stepbrother who blew his tax return instead of saving for his kids future college degrees or a house, is me who used the inheritance I got from my mother to pay off some debt and which I still have a huge chunk to pay rent while I’m in school.
Right now, I have a paper that is overdue. Sickness and snow days really threw me off. I’m a little stressed out about the paper mostly because I have to have it peer-reviewed. I wanted to take a tiny break from writing that to write this little memo to myself (and for anyone that may read this). The opposite of stressed is the big picture for me. Today I organized a workshop where I helped teach people how to handle film. My paper is about experimental film and access. These are things I love and hold dearly. I’m very grateful that I can participate these kinds of activities and I get to write about them again.
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