more speed, less love ââ§âşâą park sunghoon
pairing: childhood friends! sunghoon x f!reader
angst? no slowburn, they kith ; fake family dynamic for hoon ; reader is an orphan ;
so lost in the sauce that I titled the req đââď¸
â0912âŚâ you mumble, walking down the corridor as you pass the apartments that donât match the number given to you.
You could have avoided the trouble; apartment 0912 is the door at the very end of the hallâthe last door on this floor.
To say youâre nervous is an understatement.
You touched down at almost 6 in the morning and spent an hour in your hotel room contemplating.
Everything from your outfit, to what time youâd get there, to the first thing youâd say when you saw him was either second-guessed or actually altered to something you felt was better.
But now that youâre actually standing here, you get the feeling that you should leave.
The truth is that you have no reason to be hereâyou probably shouldnât have even been in Suwon to see his dad in the first place.
But his mom kept in touch with you; and when she moved to London herself, you were the first person she went looking for.
So maybe you do have more solid ground to stand on even if you arenât actually related to the Park family and didnât grow up around them for very long.
If he doesnât recognize you, or he finds it weird, you can always say his mom sent you looking for him.
She has always said that losing contact with him was her biggest mistake; you can hide behind that.
Not too hard or too fast, and you only do it twice before you wait a minute.
You thought this part out too; 8 in the morning is just early enough that you wouldnât miss him, and itâs not so early that youâd be waking him up.
Well, one of them had to be true, because the door doesnât open.
And as expressive as you are, your disappointment shows almost immediately once you check your watch and find that itâs been three minutes since you last knocked.
âShould I come back in the afternoon?â You mumble to yourself, turning away to start walking, âor in the evening?â
You only make it a few doors down before you hear a door open behind you; you slow down because it might be the door you thought was his, but you donât turn around to seek him out.
âExcuse me.â A voice calls out behind you; your Korean might be out of practice, and you definitely donât know Japanese, but you can assume.
Thatâs when you turn around; and peeking his head out of the door you just knocked on is a man who youâd love to say is him, but you canât actually be sure of.
âHelloâŚâ you say softly, suddenly forgetting how you were going to start.
You make your hesitation a little obvious, but youâre also a little awkward.
âIâm looking for someone,â you begin, then you seem to remember that he just spoke to you in Japanese.
âItâs fine, I speak Korean.â He assures, convincing you just a little more that this might actually be him, âyou said you were looking for someone?â
You nod, trying not to make it obvious that youâre staring at him a little hard.
âA friend of mineâŚâ you trail slightly, âPark Sunghoon.â
The name hangs in the air for a bit, and the man in front of you doesnât react in any way that would tell you if youâre at the right or wrong place.
âRightâŚâ he finally says, looking you up and down, âand you areâŚ?â
You canât be so unrecognizable, maybe this isnât him.
âOh,â you say softly, realizing how weird you must look now that youâve been questioning him without having introduced yourself.
You tell him your first name, and your first name only.
The last couple that adopted you gave you their last name, and it stuck, so whether this is Sunghoon or a friend of his, the last name you have now wouldnât make sense to either.
The manâs expression softens, but he doesnât do it warmly, more so in familiarity.
âMy name is Park Sunghoon, but Iâm afraid I donât know you,â he says apologetically.
But he doesnât make an effort to turn you away or close the door on you, so maybe he just doesnât recognize you.
Now youâre going to have to use his mom, only now itâs as a way to identify yourself.
âYour motherâs name is Park Seo-ah,â you say, repeating your name a second time after this, âyour parents fostered me for a few years before I was sent away?â
To your credit, you insisted more than he expected you to.
Unfortunately, that means he canât continue to play dumb.
And in order to sell his confusion to you, he uses a sweeter, shortened version of your name; as in, the way a 7-year-old Sunghoon used to call on you.
And when he does, you get this embarrassed, almost sheepish look on your face as you try to get away from that.
âI mostly go by my first name nowâŚâ you say, making it less awkward by chuckling about it.
âOf course,â he acknowledges, noticing how things are getting a little awkward with him still just peeking his head out of the door.
âIt might seem a little sudden,â you admit, âyour mom sent me looking for you, she wants to know how youâre doingâŚâ
Now the awkwardness is replaced with a bit of tension; you know something he doesnât know about his own mother, and youâre going to have to be the one to tell him.
âObviously, I canât force you. But Iâll be staying at the Keio Plaza in ShinjukuâŚif youâd like to have dinner with me.â You continue, handing him a tiny slip of paper that has your phone number and the room number of your hotel, âIâll be here for three days.â
You look back up at him, looking for any indication that heâll look for you or maybe keep you with him now and have breakfast with you or somethingâanything.
Instead, he pulls the paper inside and seems to stuff it in his pocket after a small nod.
âI have to go to work pretty soon, and Iâll be busy these next few days.â He begins, setting you up to deny you, âbut it was nice to see you again.â
This went better than you could have hoped, so you donât make a face or anything at this response; youâre going to stay the three days regardless.
âIt was nice seeing you tooâŚâ you say, a small smile as you tuck your hands under your arms.
Maybe it was a little foolish to believe youâd spent the entire day with him after youâd introduced yourself.
But you would have canceled everything if he showed up suddenly like this.
At least, youâd like to think you would.
Now you have an entire day to yourself in a country you didnât do nearly as much research on beforehand.
And it has to be near your hotel in case he changes his mind.
Surprisingly though, it isnât so hard to distract yourself.
Breakfast takes a chunk of your morning; the hotel has a spa/sauna situation which you buy a package for and waste the entire afternoon on; lunch is shorter but it gives you a chance to look into restaurants nearby which youâll pick from if and when Sunghoon decides.
So despite everything, your day alone is very productive.
Because youâre saving the restaurant youâre most excited for, you order room service and spend the night in your hotel.
Even if nothing happened today, itâs sudden so you can understand it; tomorrow might be different.
The only thing different about the second day is what you chose to do with it.
You really should consider expanding out, but you stay in Shinjuku the entire day.
You visit a shrine; see a building with a Godzilla poking his head out of the top; and you linger until itâs dark out to get the full walking experience.
Besides your three meals a day, this is the extent of your day.
No calls from unmarked numbers; no text messages; and no notifications from the hotel indicating anyone tried looking for you.
To say youâre sad and disappointed is a stretch.
Itâs been over 15 years since you saw Sunghoon, and it should have been clear after he chose not to respond to your letters that he wanted nothing to do with you.
But after reconnecting with his mom about four years ago, you had hope; if she wanted to see you, maybe he did too.
After all, the letter thing could be explained by a change in address and miscommunication.
So this does upset you, and you canât help but feel disappointed.
Both of these feelings grow by the third morning when you wake up to an empty phone.
Itâs your last full day here; tomorrow youâll check out of the hotel in the morning and get on a flight shortly after.
Youâve exhausted yourself.
You donât want to go anywhere, and you canât find the energy to find something to do to entertain yourself on this last day.
Breakfast this morning is room-serviced, but you have a commitment to the restaurant you found that first day because you decided on the second day that you couldnât leave Japan without trying it.
But the rest of your day?
Itâs spent packing and wallowing; youâre returning to London with nothing except the knowledge that Sunghoon exists in the world but wants nothing to do with you or his mother.
Why avoid you for three days if he would just end up in the one place he shouldnât be?
The truth is, part of him canât help himself.
By being this late, heâll confirm it in his mind that he missed you and it will be easier to forget you were here in the first place.
And he gets closeâso close to coming to terms with itâbut he gets stuck in the valet line, and just as he comes up to the front of the line and gets out of it after telling the worker that heâd made a wrong turn, he spots you sitting just outside the hotel.
Youâre on a bench, alone and dressed up in a way that makes him self-conscious of the way he looks right now.
Of course, he recognizes you even in this quick moment under this lightingâhe recognized you when you appeared in his peephole the first day you showed up; youâre unmistakable.
Keep driving, donât stop.
The car that pulls up in front of you doesnât catch your attention.
That part goes to the face you see once the window opens and youâre taken away from your phone by a simple call out.
Itâs still unusual to see him like this; youâve always just imagined little baby Sunghoon as a taller man as his adult version.
But Sunghoon looks nothing like he did when he was a child; especially not while most of his hair is hidden under his cap.
âThis is unexpectedâŚâ you comment, leaning forward slightly to peer in through the window.
âI tried calling, but your line was busy.â A lie, but it makes him look like less of a creep, and he needs that.
âAre you waiting for someone?â He asks, wondering why you were outside.
âA car,â you explain vaguely, âIâm going to dinnerâŚby myselfâŚâ
This makes it a little awkward when you consider that you asked him to dinner indirectly, and he never once agreed.
Yet somehow he shows up exactly when youâve decided to go alone? Embarrassing.
âI came looking for you for the same thingâŚâ he says, still a lie but heâs committed to it now, âif youâre going alone, do you want some company?â
âYeahâŚIâd like that,â you nod, a small smile that does more to him than it should.
The doors unlock and Sunghoon reaches over the center, pulling the handle from the inside and pushing the door out for you.
He doesnât know youâ not as much as heâd like toâbut it almost doesnât matter because there are hints of the person he conjured up in his mind.
And seeing you in his car, sitting beside himâit gives him the material necessary to imagine a different life; one where everything turned out perfectly and he grew up to be more like you.
Not because of envy, but because heâs ashamed that his life turned out this way, and he wishes he were someone more worthy of your time.
You tell him the name of the restaurant, and somehow he knows exactly where it is.
He doesnât tell you how he knows, he just tells you that he does.
And the five-minute drive it takes to get there is quicker than you would have liked it to; you get no chance to start getting comfortable with him before getting to the restaurant.
But thatâs mostly your fault; you were too busy staring at his side profile to come up with a decent opening to a conversation.
You check in with the hostess; sheâs polite and friendly with you, but she actually eyes Sunghoon up and down with a less friendly look in her eyes, but you assume itâs because of the clothes heâs wearing.
It isnât until youâre left sitting in front of him that you finally notice it; a light bruise on his left cheek and a dry cut on his bottom lip.
And he can tell exactly when you notice it, but he tries to get away from that topic quickly.
âYou said you were only here for three days, are you leaving soon?â He asks, clearing his throat gently as he shuffles in his seat.
âTomorrow morningâŚâ you answer, a little distracted by the small injuries.
âYou must be busy,â he suggests, prompting you to talk more about yourself.
âI uhhâŚjust finished my last year of undergraduate.â You admit, âIâll take an internship with a law firm while I wait to start my first semester in law school.â
You donât hold back because youâre expecting him to outdo you in this aspect; if someone like you could get their bachelorâs and be accepted into prestigious schools, Sunghoon is probably involved in something even better.
âThatâsâŚâ he trails slightly, âvery impressiveâŚyou must feel accomplished.â
Your nod is where that part of the conversation is left; youâre interrupted by a waiter taking drink orders.
But no matter how hard you try to get back to it, youâre the only thing you both actually talk about.
He asks about the name change; pointing out that your last name is different.
He assumes you have a family after you tell him the last name belongs to the last family that adopted you; then he apologizes when he hears that you were emancipated as a teenager and have been alone since then.
You try asking about your letters and why he never responded to them, but he lies and says he never received any.
But you recognize that dinner will end once youâre done with dessert, and you havenât told him the most important thing, which trumps your curiosity over his life for the moment.
âI have something for you.â You say softly, reaching behind you into your jacket; you brought it with you because you were going to leave it at his apartment after dinner.
But this is a pretty good time.
He watches for a moment as you pull a cream envelope from an inside pocket; but Sunghoon knows what this is, and it ruins the nice night heâs had so far.
âItâs from your mom.â You explain, holding it out towards him.
Sunghoon doesnât take it; and youâre left with your hand extended out for a little longer than necessary.
âI have one.â He says simply, his voice less kind than it was when you spoke about your life in London not even a minute before.
âOh,â you pull the invitation back, keeping it on the table, âshe was worried it mightâve gotten lost in the mail. I can imagine it could happen, going from England to Korea must be hard.â
You try to pass it off as a joke, but he doesnât seem to take it too well.
âWhen you come to London, Iâll host you.â You add, getting yourself excited with the idea, âIâd consider myself an expert, I mean, I have lived there for almost 10 years now.â
You didnât ask if he would go, you just assumed.
âIâm not going.â He finally says, firm on this and the way he looks at you when he says it.
âWhat?â You ask, your brows furrowing slightly, âI mean, you donât have to attend the wedding I supposeâŚbut sheâs using it as a chance for you both to reconnect, you wonât take it?â
Sunghoon crosses his arms, his tiramisu now forgotten on its little plate in front of him as he leans back in his chair.
âI havenât spoken to my mother in almost 6 years. Why would I do it after she sends me an invitation to her second wedding with a man I donât know?â He says.
âYou could have asked me about him, I could have told you that heâs a good man.â
This makes something in him switch, and suddenly youâre starting to look a lot like his mother when she left him.
âMy father was a good man too, that didnât stop her from leaving him.â He says, his expression shifting into something more serious, âIâve accepted that she can toss him to the side, but you? It was my fatherâs name that allowed you to stay with us when your first adoptive family abandoned you, but you came all this way to vouch for another man?â
âI came all this way because I was curious to see that man youâd become, and because your mother misses you.â You correct, becoming defensive yourself.
âYou both have a funny way of showing that.â
He almost believed youâd get into it here at the restaurant, instead, he watches you gesture to the waiter behind him by signing your palm to ask for the check without the waiter having to come up to ask what you needed.
Sunghoon scoffs, starting to wonder if youâve been acting a certain way up until now and are showing your true self in the way you canât even handle this conversation.
âYou should go, Iâll order a car to take me back to my hotel.â You say, finding your wallet and then your card.
âAnd to think, we were having such a good time.â Sunghoon says, shaking his head while he looks for his own wallet as he buys himself time.
âWere we?â You ask, stopping for a moment while the waiter takes your card.
The waiter recognizes Sunghoon has his wallet, and assumes youâre splitting the bill, so he lingers.
âDonât take his, Iâm paying the entire check.â You interrupt; just before Sunghoon can ask for half of the amount.
The waiter looks at you both awkwardly, he tries to look at Sunghoon for guidance, but heâs more inclined to listen to you, so he rejects Sunghoonâs cash and walks away with just your card.
âI knew you were too good to be true.â He says, slowly coming up on his feet, âIâm guessing this is how my mom and her fiancĂŠ convinced you? Did they pay for your little trip? Is it their money that youâre trying to rub in my face?â
You donât acknowledge him in this, staying in your seat with your head kept low in front of you while you wait for the waiter to return.
Sunghoon doesnât say anything then either; he takes this at face value and turns around to walk away.
It takes a while for the car to come around, but eventually youâre entering a small SUV, completely unaware that Sunghoonâs car is still parked nearby.
You donât even notice it as it tails the car youâre in all the way back to your hotel.
You make it back by 7, which leaves you with so much time before you can even think about going to bed.
But you donât have much of a choice, so you make your way up the large building despite yourself.
The way things ended between you and Sunghoon as children was bittersweet, but you would have preferred that over this new ending where you argued so suddenly over something that doesnât even really involve either of you.
And it does offend you on some level that heâd talk about you like he did; you always meant to pay the meal because you were the one inviting him out to dinner.
But if Sunghoon came to understand that you were some spoiled brat, that came from him pushing to talk about you and only youânot once did you ever do anything to suggest you were otherwise.
You wrack your brain on this for almost two full hours before you realize you wonât allow this to be the impression you leave on him.
But itâs more for your pride than it is for the sake of whatever your relationship to him is.
So you call another car, one that will take you to his apartment.
Youâre less considerate about how you knock this time.
You do it loudly so he canât ignore you, and you do it a few times until youâve gotten an irritated Sunghoon opening the door to tell you to stop.
âI spent three full days waiting for you to come looking for me.â You say, launching into your argument despite his disinterest.
âYou could have gotten to know me better, but instead you tried to cram three days into three hoursâand after the first thing I did wrong, you decide you know me well enough to argue with me?â You add, loud enough that it annoys him to think his neighbors can hear you.
âKeep it down.â He says, face scrunching up slightly as he leans against his doorframe.
âWhy? You didnât care to do it at the restaurant, why should it matter if I get into it here?â You question, crossing your arms.
Whether you did it on purpose or not, the fact that you got louder at this point leads him to believe you wonât calm down.
So he takes the matter into his own hands; reaching out and taking your arm to pull you inside his apartment.
But you donât really understand that until youâre face to face with a towering Sunghoon who looks every bit as frustrated as you do.
âI donât owe you anything.â He says clearly, âif your feelings were hurt, Iâm not responsible for hearing you out so youâll feel better.â
âMy feelings were hurt.â You agree, âI thought Iâd come back to meet some great guy, like your mom had describedâ instead, I have to go back with the fact that heâs nothing more than an asshole who canât even give a little.â
You pause for a little, and then you get right to it when you see he wonât say anything else himself.
âI mean seriouslyâ you couldnât give me anything? Not a day? not a decent conversation? not a single chance to ask you anything about yourself?â You continue.
âyou came here unannounced.â
Oddly enough, despite him using his height against you, you arenât really intimidated by him.
âIf you or my mom actually cared, you would have done something else instead of appearing suddenly and expecting me to act like I know either of you.â
But thatâs the point of showing up; this part would have happened regardless of how you showed up or at what point in his life you did.
âBecause thatâs the truth, isnât it?â He prompts, âyou and I arenât anything to each other.â
âYouâre not my family, youâre not my friendâI havenât thought about you since you left when I was 11.â
Your eyes narrow at this.
Sunghoon sent you the first letter when you first separated.
And you know he received at least one of them because you were told he did.
So why is he pretending like he doesnât care?
âWhy were you in front of my hotel then?â You ask, using this as an excuse to measure him.
âWhat?â He asks, mostly because he needs time to find out a good excuse.
âI didnât call you, you didnât call me.â You remind, âso how did you know Iâd be there?â
Itâs barely coming to him.
âI didnât.â He says, which is technically true, âI was nearby and I was considering it.â
âListen, I didnât open my front door to stand and listen to you berate me in my own house.â He says suddenly, recognizing that he has nothing more to lie on and that heâll crash if you go on long enough.
âWhy did you open it then?â You ask, clearly onto him in his attempts to seem more detached.
âBecause you paid for a meal I didnât ask you to.â He says, grabbing his wallet off a table in the hall behind you.
âAnd one thing is for sureâyou are not going to have any to hold over my head.â He finishes, folding up a few large bills and taking your hand to stuff them in your palm.
Close to $300, what does he think this is?
âI donât want your money.â You say, pushing the cash into his chest.
âWhy? Is cash beneath you?â He scoffs, keeping his hands down so you canât force them in his hands.
You donât know how to continue and make it less about the money and not sound like a prick, so you fall into a weird silence after this.
But it doesnât last long before he turns away from you to grab his jacket and keys off a rack behind the door.
âWhat are you doing now?â You ask, a small sigh.
âIâm taking you back to your hotel.â He says, opening the door and walking ahead to try and force you to follow.
How he thought that was a better idea than just dragging you with him is beyond you; all it did was give you a chance to leave the money on the first thing you could find.
Thereâs a shoe rack near the door with a table top, and you leave it under a pot with a small plant before your gaze naturally looks ahead in front of you.
On the wall above the rack is a pin board with a few papers and reminders pinned to it.
What really catches your attention though, is a picture tucked into the border on the corner of the board; itâs you.
Well, little you; itâs a school picture in which youâre wearing your uniform and have your hair tucked behind a chunky white headband.
You donât even process what that fully means before you take it and follow behind him after tucking it into your jacket.
âWhatâs your problem?â You ask, unable to keep up with him as he stays ahead by multiple feet.
âYou donât want to talk to your mom, you donât live with your dad, you canât stand me,â you list, âI mean, who can you tolerate? Do you even have friends here?â
He leads you down the street to where cars are parked off to the edge until youâre reminded that his is a white Supra.
And itâs once he gets here that he stops and gives you a chance to catch up.
âAre you in some kind of trouble?â You think to ask.
Maybe that was the wrong question; he turns to you so suddenly that it actually startles you.
âGod, youâre relentless.â He says, âit wasnât cute when we were younger, and itâs even worse now that youâre a grown woman.â
Youâd believe it if he could make himself sound more sure of what heâs saying.
And somehow, it infuriates you more than if he were being cruel on purpose.
âAnd youâre a liar.â You retort, taking your picture out of your pocket to hold it up so he can see that you have it.
âI sent you this picture in one of the last letters I sent youâIâm 17 in this photoâyouâre telling me youâve known exactly where Iâve been for the last 5 years and you chose to keep to yourself?â
His eyes widen for a moment in surprise, probably because you found it.
But somehow, that gives him the idea to double down.
âYou seriously need to goâ genuinelyâ start planning out how youâre going back to Europe.â He adds.
So he HAS read your lettersâhe knows more than heâs tried making you believe he knows.
âIâll leave once you tell me why youâre like this.â You say, a small shrug as you cross your arms.
âLike what?â He asks, a little frustrated.
âLike thisâ this isnât living.â You repeat, gesturing to him and the car behind him, âthe cuts and bruises, the car, the living in Japanâ what could possibly keep you here when your dad still lives in Suwon?â
âHow about, itâs none of your business.â He suggests, a gesture with his hands to enunciate his point.
âI didnât ask you to come here.â He reminds, âI didnât ask for your concern, I donât care for your opinionsâyou have a good life in Europe, right? Stop making yourself miserable by being here.â
Your face scrunches up a little; now heâs just putting words in your mouthâhe hasnât asked about how you feel or what you think about all this.
âI never said I was miserable here, all I said was that this wasnât living.â You defend, but he just waves you off.
âOf course youâre miserable here. Look at yourself.â He says, gesturing at your entire self.
âI want you to try to tell me your life isnât everything you could have wished for and more.â
âWhat? Just because I wear nice clothes and have a bit of money to spare, Iâve automatically made it in life?â You scoff, âI came here with a purposeâof course Iâd make sure I came well prepared.â
âItâs not just the clothes,â he corrects, âyouâre the definition of a pampered girlâeverything down to the way you act when you talk tells me you havenât struggled in a VERY long time.â
âI vaguely remember thinking the same about you when I lived with you and your family for a few years before I was sent away to another country.â You call out, now a little frustrated yourself.
âYou had a wonderful childhoodâa luxury I wasnât able to enjoy seeing as no one ever wanted me longer than a few years at a time.â
This is a touchy subject, and even you can recognize that itâs a low blow considering at you at least know that his parents separated a long time ago.
âSo no.â You continue, âI will not apologize for making something better of my adulthood. And youâre bitter and selfish if you think that makes me pampered.â
Things stop here just while everything you both said settles in your minds.
The bottom line is, you canât be here, and he needs you to leave now before he lets you get in his head.
You watch sunghoon as his hands come up to run over his face, but then your attention drifts to the sound of a car getting closer.
It distracts you because you can hear how fast itâs moving, and it almost sounds as if there are multiple cars driving at this speed.
Sunghoon doesnât pick up on this until the cars are on the street youâre both in; and when he does, his first instinct is to walk closer to you to keep you by his side.
You donât understand why until the cars come to a screeching stop around you both; one in the front, one in the back, and then one parallel to Sunghoonâs car.
Suddenly, the drivers of each car come off them, and only one of the passengers follows behind, this one has a bag in his hands.
âItâs not a good time right now, Jae.â Sunghoon sighs, turning his focus away for a moment to get this straightened out first.
âItâs a perfect time actually,â the man corrects, walking over to where you and sunghoon stood.
âwhich you would know if you bothered to pick up the phone or look at my messages.â He adds.
Now that heâs close enough, Jae finally looks at you; one full look up and down as if he were taking you in to try and figure out who you were.
âPretty,â Jae points out, offering you a small smile, ânot your usual type, but I can see why youâd keep her around.â
Itâs not necessarily crude or meant to make you uncomfortable, but sunghoon doesnât like that they can see you.
âGive me a chance to see her home,â he finally says, coming between you and Jae to block you from his view, âI know where to find you, Iâll be there.â
Jaeâs attention shifts onto sunghoon, and he finds it amusing that sunghoon would care this much.
Still, they arenât friends, and sunghoon has his obligations.
âCanât take that chance,â Jae says, a small shrug as he scrunches his face in a fake apologetic way, âand who knows? Maybe having a little motivation sitting beside you will help you win.â
Thatâs when he starts to back up, slowly making his way back to his own car as he waves down people in the other two cars to do the same.
âWeâll follow you.â Is the last thing the man calls out before he sinks into the drivers seat.
Sunghoon has no options here.
If he takes you to your hotel, theyâll find out where youâre staying at night.
And because heâd be disobeying them, theyâll also have a reason to increase his payments or add onto them.
âCome onâŚâ he says softly, his head a little low as he walks to the passenger side to open the door for you.
The three cars sit idle around Sunghoonâs, and now that youve established that heâs in some kind of trouble the argument doesnât matter.
You might go along with this by getting into the car without asking questions, but you donât intend to talk to him.
Whoever these people are to him, theyâre strict; they donât start to drive until sunghoon has pulled out of the space he was in and drives ahead.
The further out he drives, the less people you start to see on the streets.
But whether thatâs because thereâs less people, or because the lighting in the area heâs driving in is poor and underdeveloped, you wouldnât be able to tell.
Eventually, youâre pulling up to a crowd just beneath a winding road up a mountain with curves.
A few cars here too; some with girls wearing outfits that match that of the look of the car sitting on the hood.
And behind sunghoon, the three that followed you here start to pull into the sides to park alongside those already here.
Sunghoonâs is the only one in the middle of it all aside from this one car thatâs lined up just a little ahead.
âStay here, donât get off even if youâre asked to.â He says, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaving you in the car with the ignition still on.
You try to look around you without making it obvious; there are a few signs up that warn about construction work, but you donât see any around you.
A few people are drinking, but it doesnât look like they have a car.
Actually, it almost looks like this is some kind of event where only a select few have the cars because theyâre the main event.
Your eyes eventually land on sunghoon after you sweep your eyes around the entire car and make your way to whatâs in front of you.
The man from earlier is beside sunghoon, and in front of them are two other guys, discussing something.
They donât seem tense; one of them makes a joke and claps Sunghoonâs shoulder as if they were friends.
It puts you at ease, but it also makes you wonder why Sunghoon is so adamant on keeping you away if these people are relatively harmless.
Youâre not supposed to care.
âI need you to do something for me.â He says, sliding into the drivers seat as he fixes his rearview.
You consider being immature and ignore him, but you get the feeling that it would just drag this night out for you further, and you just want to go home.
So you acknowledge what heâs saying with a nod; keeping your silence while still giving a little.
Sunghoonâs eyes linger, but he wants to get this over soon too, so he doesnât get into why you arenât talking to him.
âOnce we get up the mountain, I need you to pick the fastest route and get me to this location.â He explains, typing something into his phone before he turns it over to you.
You stare at the screen for a little; the location says itâs only five minutes away, but if you cross the mountain itâll probably take longer.
âGPS systems come with an automated voice system, what do you need me for?â You ask, eyes coming off the screen to look behind it at him.
âLook at the car youâre in. I donât have a lotâ He says, drawing your attention to the center which has no stereo.
You canât help but look slightly inconvenienced, but you take the phone regardless, and once you do, he drives the car forward to line it up with the other car ahead.
Youâre startled by the sound of people starting to cheer from the sides, eyes coming off the screen for a moment.
âDonât mind them.â Sunghoon warns, reaching over to flip your visor up.
You do it, but are taken away from it a second time when you see a girl come between the cars.
Suddenly, this is starting to look like a smaller, less exciting version of a fast and furious movie.
Youâre cut off by the feeling of being in a car thatâs been launched forward into a speed of 30 miles per hour in a second only for it to double over itself in the seconds that follow.
You can feel yourself being pushed into the seat at the speed the car is moving in; and whatâs worse? The car that was previously beside you is ahead, which means theyâre going even faster.
This isnât the only thing you can feel though.
Thereâs also the incline and how you feel yourself being tipped back while sunghoon makes his way up the mountain.
But all this is forgotten when you see both cars approaching a curve.
The car ahead breaks a little in preparation, but sunghoon changes gears and speeds up, ignoring your confusion as you approach it.
Maybe itâs from a lack of trust, but you donât know what to expect as you get closer and closer.
So you brace yourself; one hand on the arm rest of the door and the other pressed into the center console on your side.
You donât close your eyes, but you do squint once youâre finally in it.
Your gaze comes down instinctively when you see his hand reach over; you almost think heâs going to hold you in some way to secure you, but he actually reaches for the handbreak and pulls it back.
The back tires lock up as the steering wheel kept them angled out, which also causes them to screech as the car starts to drift with the curve.
The handbrake comes down, the tires unlock, and sunghoon launches the car forward a second time, this time getting ahead of the other car significantly.
You donât know how many more times it happens while youâre on the mountain.
And youâre unsure if itâs worse sitting in a car thatâs drifting every single corner on the way down the mountain as opposed to up the mountain when you first started.
But you can feel yourself relax once you see the clearing signifying that youâre coming off the mountain.
Sunghoon is still ahead of the other car, but he isnât so far that you can assume sunghoon will win what you now know is a race.
âI need you, remember?â He says, gently bringing you back into focus as he looks over at you for a moment.
You donât look so stable, and he almost considers that youâre about to throw up.
But you straighten up anyway; movements slow as you pick his phone up a second time and stare at the screen for a moment.
âThereâs aâŚâ you trail, head tilting to the side as if it were heavy, âturn into that roadâŚthe one on your left.â
Sunghoon checks his rear view, waiting until the last second to turn into where youâre directing him and then checking to see if the other car follows.
He already second guessed you when you told him to go in a direction heâd never gone in; but his doubt grows when he sees his competition speed past this street.
If he commits to it, itâs because turning around and going in the direction he thinks is the right one will take more time.
âThere are stop signs the entire way down,â you explain, âyouâre going to pass three of them and turn into the right at the third one.â
As you approach the first stop sign, you prepare yourself for a break from the constant movement.
Instead, youâre seeing nothing but a small red blur as you pass the stop sign without stopping; and then the second sign, then the third, and then the car turns sharply into the next road.
You slouch into the seat for the rest of the ride; checking out for a bit as you keep the rest of the directions fresh in your mind by repeating them.
You got him on a bridge; one continuous straight line that leads back into the city with a divider and a clear road ahead.
Whether it was your intention or not, sunghoon feels very good about your chances here.
âJust a little longerâŚâ he explains, switching gears flawlessly as he starts speeding up again.
You can only manage a small groan as a response; is it possible that your insides are suspended in your body because of the constant moving force?
Thatâs what it feels like anyway.
Once sunghoon gets into the city, he recognizes where he is and can take over the directions.
You still try though; mumbling the same things he already knows to do while you sit in the passenger seat with your eyes closed.
In less than 2 minutes, sunghoon is turning into an empty lot where the same crowd is now waiting after having taken the original route to and from the mountain.
And heâs the only one there; a ridiculous, almost stupid gap in time after it takes another full minute for the other car to pull into the lot.
By then, sunghoon has people crowding his car and tapping the front window and the roof of the car, causing you to groan in a slight annoyance.
âIâm sorryâŚâ he says softly, hand on your head to try and ground you a bit, âIâll be back,â
He comes off the car to try and get peopleâs attention away from it and therefore you; something he manages to do by walking away from the car to come up to Jae, whoâs leaning against his car in the center.
It takes sunghoon a bit to convince them to let him go early; they try going on a ride as a group and include him, but he reminds Jae that he never intended to stay in the first place and needed to get you home.
You watch the end of the interaction; an envelope is tossed at Sunghoon as he walks away, he pockets it and slips back into the drivers seat.
He decides to keep you, just a little longer, just so he can make sure youâre okay.
And heâs doesnât tell you what he means to do for now, giving you the short drive to collect yourself.
Youâre taken back to the outskirts, away from most of the city and others as he parks the car in a dead end street so no one will bother you on the main road.
He gets out first; coming around the car and to your side to open your door for you.
âCome on, you need some air.â He says, voice low.
He offers you his hand, and when you take it, he helps you up and out of the car.
You lean against the side of the car, realizing then that youâre taller than it and can actually lay your head back against the roof.
âI wouldnât have wanted you in this position,â he begins, feeling compelled to explain what you were just in, âI tried taking you back before I got caught up with them.â
You probably donât even remember that bit, do you?
âCan you at least tell me what youâre feeling?â He asks, âI canât help if I donât know.â
Youâre just about over the multiple personalities he seems to have;
can he stick to one so you donât change how you feel about him every time he opens his mouth?
âIâm fineâŚâ you finally say, straightening up slowly.
You open your eyes and are met with another towering sunghoon; this one has no concept of personal space and looks at you with very intense eyes.
âPlease tell me thatâs not âworkââ you sigh, rubbing your eyes gently to get them adjusted.
Sunghoon hesitates; this is exactly what he wanted to avoid, now how is he supposed to get you to leave without feeling guilty for the kind of life he leads?
âI have a real jobâŚâ he assures, âI work in an auto body shop.â
âBut this is where the real money is?â You ask, slightly mocking before you realize how it sounds, âsorryâŚâ
It prompts him to reach into his back pocket for the envelope, opening it up for you and angling it so you can see it.
Itâs stuffedâso thick that it looks hard to pull the stacks of cash pushed inside.
âI could spend half of that and still have enough to send my dad something that will last him two months.â Sunghoon says, pulling the envelope back to tuck the opening back into itself.
âWhat good is money if youâre not with him?â You ask, building on this so heâll reveal more about himself, âdo you think your dad would appreciate this more than heâd appreciate your presence?â
But maybe you found Sunghoonâs dad in a good state just before he got into a bottle, and sunghoon doesnât want to ruin that illusion for you.
âNothing good would come from me living with my dad again.â He says simply, âit hasnât even been that long since I moved to Japan, heâs only been alone for about four yearsâand I visit all the time.â
It doesnât seem like a satisfying answer, but itâs the truth, unfortunately.
âIf itâs such good money, why does it look like you canât catch a break?â You ask, storing it in your mind that this quantity would only last him and his dad a few months.
He seems embarrassed to continue, and he drags out an answer while he pockets the envelope a second time.
âHe came up with a pretty large debt in Seoul.â He admits, âI paid it and brought him here, but he just did the same thing to some guys I donât know. Whatever I do make has to go towards a monthly payment in addition to both my finances and his.â
Now he makes more sense, but surely there are better ways to go about thisâespecially the one where he leaves his dad to figure things out in his own.
Except nothing about sunghoon suggests heâd leave his father.
âThatâs not fairâŚâ you say softly, your gaze lowering.
Is your world full of âfairâ?
âIt isnât,â sunghoon agrees, âwell, itâs what he deservesâ he corrects quickly, âbut itâs unfair to my sisterâŚâ
That last part comes awkward, and itâs met with the exact reaction he expected.
âMy dad had another kid after my mom left him,â sunghoon explains, âI have a younger sisterâŚyouâd like her.â
âYour mom didnâtâŚâ you trail, hand coming up to hover over your mouth.
âShe doesnât know.â
Neither of you say anything for a bit, and he takes advantage of this to try and ease you into going your separate ways.
âCan I have my picture back?â He asks, crossing his arms in a nervous gesture.
You almost forgot you still had it.
And you havenât actually discussed what him having it means.
But you donât want to ask; youâre slightly afraid of the answer.
âYeahâŚâ you nod, reaching into your back pocket to pull it out.
Thereâs no creases in it; he never folded it, and heâs kept it in nearly perfect condition this entire time.
âI didnât believe this was really you at first.â He says, unable to look at you as he says this while he pockets it.
âI reversed searched the crest on your uniform to find your school, and I found you on their website.â
Why heâs admitting this he doesnât know; but maybe it will explain why he still has it without looking like a creep.
âYou were on a debate team, I think?â He says, picking his gaze up for a moment before it wanders, âI saw your name listed under a photo of you and the rest of your team, and you looked the same in both pictures.â
Your expression softens slightly; everything heâs saying is true, but it doesnât help your mixed feelings.
âAnd, wellâŚâ he adds, gesturing towards you, âyou still look like thisâŚjust grown up.â
Now you canât help but ask.
âWhy did you never reach out?â
He actually frowns, maybe because he thinks back to that time and it saddens him a bit.
âI didnât think it would work outâŚâ he explains, âmy dad said it would be hard, especially when you got adopted again and lived wherever your new family did.â
âAnd by the time I got this, my parents had already split up and I wasnât doing well in schoolâŚIâm sure I was embarrassed to talk to you and have to tell you what my life was like when you seemed to be doing well.â
Is it weird that you want to hug him?
To be fair though, hugging him was the way you originally wanted to greet him when you first appeared in front of his door, itâs not entirely out of pity.
âI wish you hadâŚâ you say softly, âif I would have knownâŚI donât know, maybe you could have left with your mom and we would have met in EnglandâŚâ
âIâm sure my mom has been good to you, but the reason she left my dad and the way she left us was selfish. There isnât a world where I would have ever left my dadâs side.â
You nod; you only really said that to get him to understand that you wanted him if no one else did.
âIâm sureâŚâ you assure, a small smile meant to sell that bit.
What youâre doing to him right now, whether intentional or not, itâs bad.
Heâs less than one more heart to heart before he breaks down with the only person heâs ever allowed himself to be this vulnerable.
The one thing youâll never know, is that heâs used you as a baseline in everything he does; always asking himself if youâd be okay with it if you knew what his options and decisions were before he makes them.
how if he ever felt alone, heâd read your letters to make himself feel less lonelyâbecause of course he kept them.
And now that youâre standing in front of him, he can assume that youâd comfort him exactly how heâs imagined you would in the past; youâd probably make a lot of his life easier just by being nearby after years of wanting nothing more than that.
That doesnât make you any less dangerous.
You got him to think about everything heâs forced himself to ignore in the last 12 years in just a few hours.
And it led him to the one thing he can swear that he never imagined; kissing you.
Even in this youâre sweet; youâre slow, considerateâand it isnât some weird clash like heâs been involved in with others before.
Your hands come up his neck and they donât do anything except rest against him.
Itâs almost as if you just want to touch him in some wayâreally touch himânot conforming with anything over his clothes like his arms which are covered by his sweater.
But as nice as this is, itâs not for him.
You deserve someone better than anything he could ever offer you.
âPleaseâŚcome back with meâŚâ You beg softly, cupping his face so he canât turn away or walk, âI have a lot of money saved up, you wouldnât have to work at first.â
No decent man would take that offer, especially not sunghoon whoâs already made a living for himself like this.
âYou donât have to go back to school, we can just get you into a trade,â you continue, âitâs shorter and youâd make good moneyâclean, legal money.â
He just told you he wouldnât leave his father; and thereâs a sister that would make it even harder; but you canât help it.
âYouâd want that?â He asks softly, unable to keep himself from dropping his defenses now that itâs truly just the two of you.
You nod, conveying the eager naivety heâs come to understand is your personality now.
Unfortunately, had you been any less idealistic, he would have compromised and given you more.
But now that he can confirm that you arenât thinking about this rationally, he canât accept.
âOf course youâd want thatâŚâ he sighs, backing up then, âyou canât help but try to fix things.â
Yet another complete 180, even in the way his expression hardens slightly as he walks away from you to make his way around the car and into the passenger seat.
You get the hint to get in the car once he disappears into the drivers seat.
And when you do, heâs back to the distant, stone faced man you met when you knocked on his door.
So the kiss didnât matter then?
And the things he said not even a minute ago, did he lie?
âI need a favor, are you guys at the garage?â Sunghoon says, phone held up to his ear.
Whatever the person on the other end responds with has Sunghoon starting the car and driving off without an explanation or second thought.
About 10 minutes later, youâre pulling up to a pair of garage sliders that open once heâs close enough.
Itâs late and it looks empty, but thatâs because all the cars and their owners are inside the garage.
You pass a few by a set of chairs near the front, occupied by four guys; and once Sunghoon gets deeper into the garage, there are two standing over the hood of a car.
âWait here.â He says, shutting down the ignition and taking the keys with him as he gets out of the car.
Considering how he acted earlier, he isnât making you stay inside because heâs concerned with your surroundings, he even took his keys with him.
âIs there someone in your car?â Sunoo asks, watching the car behind sunghoon, wondering why no one has come out of it when he saw someone in the passenger seat.
âI need someone to drive her to her hotel.â Sunghoon explains, half ignoring the question by answering it indirectly.
âWho is it?â Jake asks, equally as curious as Jay and Ni-ki who are joining up then.
Sunghoon hesitates; itâs just better if they donât have a reason to like you or want to get to know you.
âA friend.â Sunghoon says, making it as cold and unfamiliar as he can manage it so it sounds like he barely knows you.
The guys exchange a few looks, but ultimately decide to do him this one favor since heâs never failed them.
The responsibility ultimately falls on jungwon, who was just about to leave himself.
While jungwon grabs his car, sunghoon makes his way back to you; coming up to your side and opening your door for you.
Only he blocks you from stepping out just to have a last minute with you.
âI need you to go home.â He says softly, leaning forward to meet you at your level, âreally go home, back to Europe.â
you donât respond, by now you find it pointless to talk about it if heâs just going to repeat himself.
The lack of a response affects him a little though, but he has no choice but to continue on his own.
âIâm glad youâre doing well,â he says suddenly, his gaze lowering slightly, âi know I said some things, but please believe me when I tell you that Iâm glad youâre doing so wellâ
And just like that, heâs backing away with his hand held out to help you out of the car.
In the other side of the garage, the guys watch from afar as sunghoon helps you on your feet.
They have yet to see you face to face, but they can tell youâre pretty; almost as tall as sunghoon in your heels, well dressed, your hair well maintained.
And itâs confirmed once youâre pointed in their direction, seemingly told to walk to them by sunghoon.
You walk over alone, which is the weird part when they can tell youâre a little upset; surely sunghoon will see you off, right?
âHelloâŚâ you say sweetly, your voice soft as you offer a small smile.
Itâs genuine, but as sweet as you might look, you canât get rid of the lingering sadness in your expression.
The guys either mumble or respond weakly, and eventually jungwon is back with his bag.
He stops near the group behind them once he spots you; youâre unfamiliar so he can assume youâre Sunghoonâs friend, but he didnât expect to see someone like you.
âHiâŚâ jungwon says softly, almost distractedly, âIâm jungwonâŚâ
In his lack of knowing, he can only think to extend his hand out to shake yours; thatâs just the vibe he gets once heâs looking at you closer.
You shake his hand and tell him your name, confirming that youâre not either of what would be expected.
âA-are you ready? We can leave now.â He says.
You nod, watching him scramble a little to walk ahead.
âGood night,â you say as you pass the rest of the guys, following jungwon once you realize he means to open your door for you.
As you come around the other side of his car, you spot a wall with a section of it designed to keep car keys.
âI used to really like this cartoon,â you smile, stopping at the wall to look at the set of keys dangling off one of the hooks.
Jungwon stops just a little after you do, turning around to find you pointing at Sunghoonâs key.
if there were a light bulb floating above his head, the sight before him would cause it to flicker.
âI was so little though, I canât believe itâs still popular enough that they still make stuff for it.â You add, a small smile as you turn away from the hooks.
Jungwon smiles at you, only because itâs not necessarily something he has to respond to.
âDonât you think sunghoon kinda acts like the ninja character?â
Heâs the only one who hears you, and last part stores itself in his memory for being familiar.
But in real time, jungwon agrees just to agree with you before he continues to lead you out to his car to take you to your hotel.
His curiosity grows more once heâs entering the valet line of a fancy hotel; if sunghoon has someone like this, why is he involved in the things he is?
It doesnât help that he has yet to actually know who you are to sunghoon.
you might be family, but not only do you not look like sunghoon, youâre also foreign, so itâs almost impossible for you to be blood relatives.
You canât be an ex or a current girlfriend, if you were, why wouldnât sunghoon bring you himself?
That last part applies to so many things thoughâif youâre close enough to him that heâd have you with him like this, you should be close enough that heâd would have driven you himself.
But jungwon doesnât ask you himself for some reason.
Just a pretty girl near sunghoon at the wrong place at the wrong time.
A pretty foreign girl whoâs apparently watched pucca before.
âPucca is a kids show, it was popular in the early 2000sâ sunoo chimes in, âforâŚgirls, i thinkâ
âDid you hear that, sunghoon?â Jay calls out, âit IS for girls.â
He ignores both, staying under the hood of his car as he continues to tighten the last bolt on the bumper heâd just installed.
âJust because the main character is a girl, doesnât mean the show is for girls,â Ni-ki suggests, spinning in his chair nearby.
âActuallyâŚâ jungwon trails, unsure if continuing would cause a little argument, âall pucca really does is do things to get the attention of her crush, Garu.â
Jay turns to Ni-ki, gesturing at him to make a decision then on what he thinks that means.
Ni-ki sighs, âokay, maybe it is for girlsâŚâ he admits.
By now, sunghoon has come out from under the hood of the car, and he looks just as unamused as he always does.
âI distinctly remember being told to find a keychain for my keys so we wouldnât mix them up.â He says, coming around Ni-ki to put back the tools he used.
âAnd if you think about it a little harder, we all got matching keychains that ranged in color.â Jay adds, âguess who STILL chose the main character of a kids show?â
He doesnât give anything away, just continues to put things back where they go.
And sunghoon never actually explained why he did, did he?
If youâre close in age and grew up together in some way, then you would have seen pucca because of him regardless of whether youâre a foreigner or not.
Childhood friends, maybe?
In his curiosity, Jungwon canât not go back to the garage.
And because the drive to and from wasnât that long, everyone is still there when he returns, including Sunghoon.
âI thought you were heading home?â Jake calls out, watching Jungwon as he approaches the table.
âWhereâs Sunghoon?â Jungwon asks, whispering to Jake and Jay.
âPutting money in the safe, why?â Jay asks, both him and Jake leaning towards Jungwon.
âI think theyâre closeâlike maybe sheâs his girlfriend or his ex-girlfriend or something.â Jungwon explains, piquing their interest.
By then, Sunoo and Ni-ki have recognized how the guys are huddled up and join in to be nosey.
They come in at the middle of Jungwonâs story.
âAnd she pointed to Sunghoonâs keysâlike, without even knowing that they were his.â
âThat makes no sense, if she didnât know they were his, and sheâs never been here before, why would it matter that she could point them out?â Ni-ki says, brows furrowed tightly.
âBecause,â Jungwon groans, âmaybe Sunghoon bought the keychain because of herâ yâknow, because she likes the show or thinks Pucca is cute?â
The guys pause for a moment, unaware that Sunghoon is now out in the common space again and noticing their little huddle.
âYouâre from the same province, arenât you?â Jake calls out, gesturing to Sunoo.
âFrom two completely different citiesââ Sunoo says, almost offended.
âBut youâd know if he had a girlfriend, wouldnât you?â Jake corrects.
âI met Sunghoon like a year before we met any of you, when I did, he was alone.â Sunoo shrugs.
Sunghoon appears beside them in the only gap in the huddle, too late to actually hear anything.
âThis is a bit ridiculous, donât you guys think?â He asks, breaking the huddle up as the guys pull back into their own spaces.
âWhat is?â Jay asks, trying to bait him into saying more.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, walking away towards the mini fridge under the nearby desk.
âYou know what? I donât care,â Ni-ki mumbles, a small shrug before he follows behind Sunghoon.
âIs she your girlfriend?â He asks, meeting an unamused sunghoon as he cracks open a can.
âNo.â Sunghoon answers, but the guys feel like it was too quick.
âEx-girlfriend?â Ni-ki continues
âNo.â Sunghoon repeats, leaning against the desk.
After Ni-ki, Jungwon is more comfortable insisting.
âIs she related to you?â He asks, starting with the least likely of his theories.
Sunghoonâs face scrunches up a little at the assumption, and it gives the guys something to go on.
âWait, seriously?â Jake asks, âDon't tell me sheâs like a cousin of yoursâ a sister?â
Screw Jake and Jungwon for putting that thought in his head not even an hour after he kissed you.
âAbsolutely not,â Sunghoon says, a small shudder.
If he doesnât say something plausible, theyâre going to continue hounding him on this.
And he isnât so sure the guys arenât so dramatic that they wouldnât go looking for you at your hotel before you left.
âWe went to school together for a while.â Sunghoon says, âelementary and middle school.â
Kind of a lie, but if he got into details and said his family fostered you for a bit theyâd focus on that and not the part where you two arenât actually close.
Thatâs a little underwhelming, at least for Jungwon whoâd come up with an entire elaborate plot.
âWhyâd you ask Jungwon to take her to her hotel then?â Sunoo asks, not entirely convinced.
âIâm still getting some heat after the last time I cut up with Jae, thereâs a big department near her hotel, didnât you see it?â He asks.
It could explain why you seemed sad; a short reunion that you mightâve wished to be longer.
But sunghoon canât be that interesting, and middle school is a weird time period for it to be a meaningful reunion.
The keychain thing feels more significant, but no one will acknowledge that more than Jungwon whoâd seen you talk about it firsthand.
Unfortunately, in true sunghoon fashion, he gets the last word in and this is the last time the guys talk about this for now.
enha tl: @kristynaaah @bloomwinx65 @la-choiblog @teddybeartaetae
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