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  Socialist media

  I started a writing blog using an employer’s old lecture title as the handle. More forthcoming than usual and using names. Admitting to the city I am in. See how long that lasts. Shit like that. The only expletive I use on it is shit. I started _ing _s again with a c_ that _ recommended. I use it with a dinosaur screen transporter so that I can’t control the i_s, or is it output, too much. It’s a lot of fun. I sometimes wish I had an outlet for it.

 My new job is a lot of work, but we get stuff done and everything feels like teamwork. People dump work on me sometimes and I’ve really mastered just nodding my head, saying yes (but more like my typical dumb yeah, sure) and getting their work done faster than they or an intern can. We’re starting a books division, which I am excited about. I also got a raise this past week, which is something. So far (and in the context of the past 3/4 year) I’m okay at navigating what reality must be like for other people. I don’t know where is the project is going ((Navigating) Reality), but it at least has some direction.

 It’s supposed to be in the 70s tomorrow. I’m trying not to let this aggravate me.

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Anxious to hear back from anyone at Omitted about the omitted. I think it’s going to happen. I think my parents will be the most proud. Whatever.

I bought a pair of omitteds for Omitted (new instance). I doubt Omitted will acknowledge them or any of the other messages I have sent. This makes me impatient, angry at times.

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 A distant pal whose message was really kind & a big old NUDGE.  I may have a new job by February.  I worked on a publication which shares its title with the initials of my favorite person in the world. The publication has a lot to do with him, but isn’t explicit about it.  When my real world employer is an asshole, I leave work at #pm on the dot. He can’t do or say anything about it because he knows he is not being fair most of the time. The way he manages his anger confuses me.  I realized that S., a former omitted of mine, may only be trying to get close to me in order to get back in contact with L., a former lover of mine and a former student of hers. This bothered me on the walk home with a giant package that had been waiting for me at my old apartment. I had to borrow one of those dinky blue wheeled carts from the corner halal mart in order to bring it home.  I get really frustrated at work that is overworked that is included in shows curated by people who think curating is arranging shit they like on walls. I talked to one person at Omitted’s opening. Her work was fine, but someone just needed to tell her shit doesn’t always need a participatory component.  Tonight, I told the person I pay to listen to me to cut the objectivity (in listening, in responding), that it wasn’t productive for me.

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I am not afraid of my affections for omitted.

Making Work at work. : )  : ) Belgian girl is ski kid too.

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New omitted writing strategy: being direct and peripherally critical and dealing with the consequences (which can be summed up as staying in the same dead-end omitted where pushing paper is prioritized over a_). 

I don’t think about what shit 2016 has been when I work my normal job. I doubt I think period. I doubt I’m being paid to think.

When omitted leaves the office, I’m a bandit on the printers.

I spent a fair amount of my adult life with someone who (sentence aborted).

I was late for one of the jobs I enjoy this past Saturday bc I had to schedule an emergency session with the person I pay to listen (to me). That feels pathetic to write. I paid him 2 hours of real job wages. I felt like he listened. I’m pretty sure he has flush stone countertops in his kitchen, and a mirror behind the desk where he sometimes writes.

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I want to tell him happiness is not general unspecific kindness.

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Library category with16 titles but 0 shelved: Books friends took or were lent and never returned that I purchased additional copies of to gift to other friends. 

Major category to deal with when I go home for the holidays: Books I am not returning to _.

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Building a bookcase around my bedroom window has helped to calm me down. I can’t wait to finish the project. In another life, I studied furniture design and (repeated sentiment:) all my friends have me over to space plan and everyone worked productively because their spaces worked productively for them.

I think I emailed a quasi ex’s-ex, but don’t know why I’m thinking twice ab it.

No word from the C. 4 blocks south.

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Dear _, I read your email and didn’t know what to think of you, our time, etc. Yours despite this,

- C., I woke up from a dream with a question for you.

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Psycho batshit detached email Re s right now. I can’t tell if I am being cold, demanding, ambivalent, etc. Lol.

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u can just fill in the blanks and finish this for me: Everyone’s got something to say / about my _ / it’s making me hoarse ge / tting back to them [Repeat 1x]

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Surfatial changes and personal changes imbalanced, but working on this (and sort of happy to have (created the) the chance to).

Biggest issue since the move: not anywhere near the Farmers I like going to. But that’s a lie: at 13.4 x 2.3 everything anywhere on the island is nearby.

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Reality: 5am to midnight days, updating my ability to exercise assertiveness, wash and fold Saturdays with color separation, etc. The fuck.

Nosy questions to the only former-lover I speak w. Whatever, he gets it (namely use of yr grl). Fuck.

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I learned a lot about navigating Reality over the past 4 days. I now work a job where I can demand what I need when I want it (NOW, etc.).

The importance of all the god-fearing people in my life. The importance of asking my sister for help with all of the Reality BS. She gives really sound advice and sends me care packages filled with snacks and contributions to my Reality uniform.

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The importance of a benefits package.