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@ephraimthatass
" god-, you’re such a charmer. do enrique lyrics usually work or…? i’d hate to ruin your game. “
"More than you'd think. The Ping-Pong song's gotten me laid twice. 'Course, drunk girls confuse me for Mexican, so sometimes it's easier to pretend I'm Enrique and hope they don't remember my promise to write a song for them in the morning."
’ I’m sure your potential, would-have-been teachers are all very thankful that they didn’t have to spend time kicking you out of class for being… well, you. I guess we both turned out okay, huh? We’re both high-functioning members of society, right? Please don’t laugh at members. ‘
" Teachers loved me. I was polite as shit. Wasn't allowed to eat red foods in fourth grade, teach had a superstition it made me crazy, y'know? Used to hide in the trash can and spring out when somebody walked by. But I think you're right, man, we got fuckin' lucky. So stop stressing, grab a drink, let's play some COD. If you want, I can help with the paper in the morning." "---Wasn't gonna laugh, but you brought it up. Haha. I'll show you 'high functioning members'."
" you’re actually my hero… but that has more to do with the coffee than your taste in women. “
"Those go hand in hand -- I like my coffee how I like my women. Hot, bitter, and blond. But I get that a lot. I can be your hero, baby."
" have you even thought about them. two pumps equals dead fish. might want to skip those ugg boots after all, sweetie.
you deserve at least four. “
"Maybe I'm an ass, but between getting laid and saving a couple fish, I'm getting it in. But you're right -- I could do better. There's probably a dozen girls on Craigslist looking. And I'm exactly what they're looking for."
’ Your reasoning is as impeccable as ever, Eph. Hey, man, it’s like every professor here’s got some sort of failing quota they want to meet. Don’t blame me for giving it that good ol’ college try. I know you believe in me, but that just means I can use you as my guinea pig. ‘
"Never had to do the college try. Barely gave it the Pre-K try and look'it how I turned out. I got a job, I got beer in the fridge. Food, too. Fuck it. You're smart, you got brains, that's all you need. Don't waste your time and effort on these lesser minds. You're gonna snap."
" love yourself, remy.
if it takes two pumps of pumpkin extract to get them in bed imagine how bad they’d be in it. two pumps. “
"Fuckin' shit, Caden. I don't even know where to start answering that. Except reminding you it takes me way more than two pumps." "Four, if I haven't been drinking."
’ That’s called dreaming. Dreaming. I wasn’t going to mention it, bro. I mean, Anna made a comment, but I promised I wouldn’t — okay, yeah. Look, it’s more than just an essay. 20% of a final grade doesn’t sound like more than just an essay. ‘
"They're different. If I was snoozing, I woulda been pissed you woke me up, but I'm not, 'cuz I was already up. 20% isn't all that much, man. It's, like, one-fourth of your grade. And you're smart, so we all know that you can freak out all you want, you're still gonna get an A."
" ugg boots? tna pants? over sized sunglasses?
i’d say game on…. but you should probably just…. really think about your choices. in the mean time - i’ll take that. “
"You make those sound like bad things. Girl keeps giving my signals. Think she's DTF. All I gotta do is seal the deal. Her body's all 'yeah, baby', but her mouth's all 'Sir, your iPhone's so old it knew Jesus, you sure we can't convince you to upgrade?'"
“ looks to me like there’s two coffees in your hand there, friend. either you’re double fisting that for a reason best discussed with good ole caden ….or we’ve finally established that psychic link.”
"Uh. Yeah. Totally for you. Deeeeeefinitely wasn't buying two pumpkin spice lattes hopin' to get down with the girl who works at the Apple store."
’ Annnnnnd, you’re asleep. Okay. Not that this dissertation has me completely by the short hairs or anything. Oh, nice, you’re also drooling. Way to go, Remy — literally just washed that. ‘
"— M'not sleeping. Thinking with my eyes closed. An' you know I got an oversized tongue, short teeth, and more saliva than my body knows what to do with. Stop stressing. It's just an essay."
"Layers" Character Meme
LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE
Name: Ephraim Benjamin Taylor. Born Sinasohn.
Eye Color: Brown.
Hair Style/Color: Short, brown, groomed.
Height: 5'9"
Clothing Style: Whatever still fits.
Best Physical Feature: Abs.
LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
Fears: Losing everything.
Guilty Pleasure: Black and white movies.
Biggest Pet Peeve: Patronizing.
Ambition for the Future: Surviving. Thriving.
LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
First Thoughts Waking Up: Gotta piss, gotta piss.
What They Think About the Most: Colin.
What They Think About Before Bed: Naked women.
What They Think Their Best Quality Is: Resourcefulness.
LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?
Single or Group Dates: Group.
To be Loved or Respected: Respected.
Beauty or Brains: Brawn.
Dogs or Cats: Dogs.
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Lie: More than I should.
Believe in Yourself: Less than I should.
Believe in Love: Sure.
Want Someone: Not really.
LAYER SIX: EVER?
Been on Stage: Juvie talent show once.
Done Drugs: Nah, straight edge.
Changed Who You Were to Fit In: Yeah.
LAYER SEVEN: AGE
DOB: September 10, 1988.
How Old Will You Be: 27, next year.
Age You Lost Your Virginity: 14.
Does Age Matter: Yeah.
LAYER EIGHT: IN A BOY OR GIRL
Best Personality: Body. Wait.
Best Eye Color: Don't care.
Best Hair Color: Blond.
Best thing to do with a Partner: Fuck.
LAYER NINE: FINISH THE SENTENCE
I love: Colin.
I feel: Ready.
I hide: And seek.
I miss: The old days.
I wish: My power'd stay on a couple days more.
WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
Pink Monkey. It's a gentleman's club I'm always too plastered to get into. At least that's what they tell me. I think they're worried that I'm gonna outshine all the dancers.
