all that has to be said is: i hate these grey-scale days.
it is not as if everything was black and white, no. it’s worse. life seems to acquire awkward tones that can’t even be squared down as being one or another. the shades are pretty indistinguishable, as well as their implications.
talking gets more and more tiring as i try to muster the words that can end this internal battle against myself. every single attempt to interact with the outside world hurts me deeper than before. all that’s left is seclude myself, sadly.
besides, what is there to do when i’m simultaneously numb and sensitive? how should i behave when i feel like there’s a live wire inside my body?
being around your loved ones ain’t fun when it makes you sad as fast as it used to make you whole, but, on the other hand, staying alone is gruesome when your mind plays tricks on you 24/7.
social media becomes either dire or addicting. there’s no in between, nothing but the constant feeling of anxiety insisting there’re many more things to accomplish.
i no longer remember what led me to college, for my frustration keeps me down, whispering how worthless my efforts have been. why bother then? let it go.
i don’t want to live like this, but wouldn’t accept dying in this state. this has become a little mantra of mine lately, which shows how bland life is right now. at least i know a grey picture is easier to colour upon. i’ve got a few crayons left.