Eqov's Shitposts

a lovely and delectable collection of the shittiest shitposts

[eqov]

living with adhd can be tough.

you lose a LOT of things

for instance, your will to live

[eqov]

The word Queue

is just the letter, “Q” but with extra steps.

Mind blown

Step 1: Q

Step 2: Cue

Step 3: QUEUE

[eqov]

bitches be like

[eqov]

Hoes be like:

[eqov]

someone told me to listen to Crywank

it sounds like sad music for sad people??? i don’t wanna listen to some dude with a tad bit of an accent going “i am shit nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh”????? good name tho. 

smh i think the entirety of Tumblr was dropped on their fuckin head 

[eqov]

best exotic names for children and Oh Seas

Mocha Sup - “Hope with wings”, Russian origin

N. Slovo - “Child of God”, Russian origin

Igoa Ole Igoa Masani - “Miracle Child”, Somali origin

Tino Suavai - “Fighting Strength”, Somali Origin

Cony Mullat - “Bravery and Sprit”, Catalan Origin

Almizcle Allargat - “Doubt and Bravery”, Catalan Origin

Check back in with @eqov for part two in naming your OCs!

[eqov]

ngl im super hot

i may look like a 5 year old, but at least [insert pedophile here] likes me!!!

i am super hot..... to pedophiles.

[eqov]

people with fidget cube be like

owo!!!! look at me, i am so #quirky using this #fidgetcube.

oh nothing, let me get out my fidgetcube ®

this is a task that DOESN’T require a fidget cube WHATSOEVER?? LET ME GET OUT MY FIDGET CUBE!!1111

[eqov]

someone just called

they asked about some dude named jack and our bathroom wall??

so i screamed into the bathroom vent “jack! are you in there?” 

i heard a faint, echoey yelp in reply.

[introvertedx10]

[eqov]

Cock Tail

A literal nightmare?? imagine if penises had tails (penisi, for all you intellectuals out there)

like??????????? just imagine having straight sex????????????? PENIS TAIL?????????? no fuckin way, i’d turn full-on fuckin’ gay if that happened

[eqov]

Corona-virus

“Corona-virus is a disease caused by under-age over-consumption of warm-ass beer. It’s shit, if you’re gonna underage drink, at least do it RIGHT?” 

~ Some-one (me. it’s me)

“if you’re gonna over-use hy-phens, at least do it right.”

~ Some-one “else” in re-sponse to my-self. (me. it’s still me.)

[eqov]

“Your new boyfriend?”

“Yes, my new boyfriend. The old one stopped working, so I had to replace him with a newer model. The old one, it would always try to smell my hair, so I returned him and exchanged him for a newer model! Say hello to Sterling Jewelers’ child company!”

[eqov]

Worst Names (List)

Beatrice - Who the fuck names their child “Beat rice”? Who the fuck beats rice? Fuckin’..... Divergent series protagonist....

Evan - Shit name, very white-sounding. It’s literally just the word “Even” but with a different vowel.

Violet - If you like purple enough to name your child “Purple”, then you need to take a dip in a vat of Allegra.

Patty - Hamburger patty. Enough said.

Tanner-  Ah, so you tan things now? C’mon, imagine if they worked at a tanning salon. Would be funny.

Oral - Yes, it’s a name. One letter off from “Opal”, but at least Opal doesn’t have the connotation of a warm, moist, flesh cavity.

April - April is a shit month. Too hot to be comfortable and too cold to swim. It might just be me, livin’ in the hottest place in the US though.

Dixie - Dick’s E. Why would your Dick own the letter E?

Jen - Ah, so it’s short for Jeneration? 

[eqov]

POV: hunenana higgadenana diddadenana squash banana hungi-AH!

[eqov]

gonna shake the baby

it’s like a cocktail, but with children.