Hiljaurhe.

© Unless mentioned, all photographs are of my property. Some coffee-shop musician guided my light back.

[erdctdsprt]

i hope people realize that

everything that happens in our lives

are always affected by politics

and that those that are apolitical

our levels of freedom

will always be affected by the people

that we (or don’t) vote to.

a pandemic like this

just says so much about how much selfishness

has consumed our race.

[erdctdsprt]

/don’t find me ep. 6: capital/

[erdctdsprt]

Hey 😁 Pass the happy! 💖 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! 💖

-still on h i a t u s -

1) the nature sounds of earth mother, especially rainy ones2) the feeling of getting quality sleep even if its less than 8 hrs3) actually crying with the ppl that I cared the most (and back)4) when people acknowledge how much of a struggle it is for me to start a proper conversation5) strangers genuinely giving you the consent to take their photos

[erdctdsprt]

Update: Interlude Diaries and Rants

I know, I haven’t bothered posting any content as of late. But, if you read this rant, maybe you might find out as to why I’m having a hiatus

By the time you’re reading this, I’m contemplating somewhere along a beach right now, drinking some coconut juice and reading books after a day’s work of interviewing locals near it with my colleagues turned into internship friends, and my boss is actually treating us food and stories from his stay in Australia.

I didn’t post in April simply because I took a paid internship work somewhere in the streets of Manila. I was working on a lot of things as of late.

Things I loathed for the past two months:

-Efforts to interact or create bonds with certain individuals end up being severed by them through any means, it rattles me so much as it invalidates every single ounce of energy I gave into it. I mean, I just want a few decent people right? Seems I’m getting all the bullshit instead and either silently or throwing me away like I was some sort of single-use tool. How depressing.

-ZERO RESPONSES TO QUERIES, LIKE HONESTLY, DON’T POST A JOB OFFER IF YOU CAN’T PROMPTLY REPLY TO A LOT OF APPLICANTS MAN

-My inconsistent sleep cycles

-THAT ANNOYING 6AM CALL TIME WHERE I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 2AM TO TRAVEL 100 KMS TO MY OFFICE, YEAH?

-Shyness stopping me from asking consent of taking portraits of local people on field days

-Consistently screwing my order of words. every. single. damn. time.

-Doing all I can to maintain or gain weight and yet I lose 10 pounds doing absolutely nothing since January

-An asshole of a father that can’t invest on my future and instead wastes his earning too much on himself

-A mother that still doesn’t understand my decision-making process, and the lack of support to any decisions I have made

-My impulses when it comes to eating food that can harm my already screwed kidneys

-Loss of touch to photography and graphic design for a bit

As for things that I loved for the past two months:

-Having to look at sunrise as I go into the office for field work

-Also the scenery that I get whenever my team heads off to do field work

-Actually having the freedom to work at home whenever I wish (and at least showing up at the office once a week)

-Checking the view of the city landscape from the 11th floor of my current office

-The privilege to work with lenient supervisors that are actually of the same age as I am

-Getting a new and parting gift smartphone as a sign of the end of college life makes me more motivated to live responsibly

-Of course, the music playlist, and my rainfall playlist on Spotify that came along with the new phone

-Being able to slowly crack my own shell to reach out better to people

-Learning new things from the new and current fams outside of work, CORE and AIESEC

- My first college fam actually trying to say they wish to see me again (and in some occasions, I did)

-Actually reading photography references that’s recommended by the pro’s that I had my first portfolio review with

-That tingling donkey that is my graduation march, is actually a month away

-Being able to actually advocate and discuss my advocacy in the real world

-The rainfall within the summer period, as well as the stars that appear in the dark sky at home

-Being able to finally sleep earlier than 11pm again

A long list of thoughts indeed. I had a nightmare of a March, and a roller-coaster of an April. I guess I can’t really do much about it now that the time has passed (UNLESS I HAVE THE INFINITY GAUNTLET, WHICH I DO NOT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE MARVEL COMICS BEING TALKED ABOUT BY MANY)

Guess its time for me to get a bit more serious at surviving reality, even when my doctor expects me to live until the age of 41.

I didn’t expect to see an increase of followers on this small space of mine especially I haven’t said a word or a photo for more than a month. Thanks for that, I guess.

Should you actually wish to see activity elsewhere, my instagram’s open.

I won’t promise this, but hopefully I can deal with my remaining photography projects that I wish to share to this space later this year, maybe within another month. Lets try and stay alive, then.

My ask/chat box is open if you need a last resort talk

Farewell to this tiny space, for now.

[erdctdsprt]

/archives: current emotions/

[erdctdsprt]

Update: Month One of Twelve in 2018

you could probably read the story or just guess it by looking at this random set.

As I have been rambling over the past couple of weeks, I have completed my college degree, and yet....

I’M LOST. I’m in a dimension in which I can hardly tell where to go, what to do, and what path should I take. 

I’ll be honest, I’ve been travelling and visiting a few places back and forth over the end of 2017 and this particular start of the year was pretty much where I left off; escaping reality. I want to enjoy the window of vacation I have until I’m finally ready to do what I must do: contribute to the universe (or earth, at least).

I’ve managed to submit my hard(forsaken)bound manuscript of my undergraduate study recently, and I also got some controversy out of it too. So much so that my adviser believes that I have made a dent of my chances of a decent career. In spite of that, he still is hopeful that in spite of my own mistakes, or rather my own expression of disappointment in the people I worked with last year, that I can somehow pull something off. He knew my study was quite crap in terms of immersion and presentation, but undeniably important because I made so much progress out of what was a incredibly limited amount of information. I have been given a ridiculously high grade for such a crap amount of experience, I guess I’m indebted to his contributions.

As for my objectives so far, it hasn’t gone so well. I got sick enough not to be able to submit an entry on time as well as being restricted to how my mother provides me the necessities, which by the way I have not been able to either go to the gym as I intended to or gather the necessary IDs and documents that I need to present myself for my own career as a professional (regardless if that is from my degree or on my passion). I’ll be frank, its hard to achieve gain those things I mentioned without the needed financial resources since my family apparently, is in a chaotic situation not just with their employers but also with their fellow employees. But I believe that once things settle down, I think I’ll be able to go up and running again, as I need this to improve myself this time, as I have been tirelessly doing so much school and outside side-work for 4 years straight, no breaks, no leisure, and barely significant rest periods.

Along the way, I’ve met new people, and also old ones that I have not seen for a while. I sometimes feel those days are the ones that will remain in my memories for a far longer period. I seem to linger those days. I may have some more in the coming months. From seeing them in a coffee shop to accidentally getting treated by a buddy whose birthday was a few days previously and meeting unexpected people. The conversations that happened though, were totally worth the time I spent with. I learned a lot of things from those days, and I think this month, I might learn a bit even more. It’ll range from meetups to forums to even baptismal events, at least I’ll likely to learn new things from new and old people I’ll meet along the way. So, best of odds to me!

I have to believe that in spite 60% of the time I’m just at my house, either browsing or playing games, I think I’m also learning new from the internet, and 90% of them are practical things. I think some people find it boring but to me if you learn something new and important by just using your smartphones, you’ve made a step in the right direction. Never underestimate your ability to learn new things relevant to you. So, keep going.

Lastly, for my own photographic shenanigans...

1) Elbi Experimentals Part 10/Finale (Disparities) will be released some time before June since I still have to find a person who can lend their digital camera for a while. Though I could do it in classic film so, who knows what medium, as long as I can get this thing done before I leave my college home for good....

2) An Instagram Portrait Project: Fifty Unknown Twists will start its first episode either within the end of this month or starting at the next month. Though, I’ll probably post a summary of these portraits here in one set. Expect my instagram feed to be only filled with those photos once it starts.

3) Migraine Visions: Its currently on a hiatus, but it’ll come back eventually.

4) /don’t find me/ (a travel series): It will have an intermission before the next episode. So far I have five of them and you can check those from the archive page. 

This wraps up January, if you managed to this end of the story, I guess I hope it didn’t completely bore you. Please take care of yourself, alright? 

Later.

[erdctdsprt]

/don’t find me ep. 5: molawin/

here’s my instagram feed 

[erdctdsprt]

My Story of People and 2017

I honestly don’t know how to be alright anymore... 

(read on)

Never have I thought that I one side trip would lead me to the realization that my life will be shorter than I think it is.

I met people along the way, but I probably lost more people than gaining people

Sometimes, it actually hurts, and my soul seems to not move over from such events.

It is as if the universe is telling me to trust no one anymore, because it will only end in pain and neglect.

No matter how good my efforts or my intentions are, to the point of pushing over the limits, I just don’t seem to be...

worthy of anyone’s presence.

I’m just an incredibly shit person just waiting here...

to meet the afterlife.

I hope the afterlife actually greets me sooner rather than later, because I’m getting sick and tired of this cycle happening over and over again with no signs of it ever slowing down.

At least in that side, all of this BS is over in an instant.

I don’t know man, I just don’t want to be alive anymore.

But, thank you to such experiences, maybe.

[erdctdsprt]

/don’t find me ep. 4: luquin/

side note:

Having to fight so much over anxiety attacks, depression relapses, and everything else during the past seven months going back and forth to this place. 

[erdctdsprt]

tell me why life here is such a pain

[erdctdsprt]

The final set of exhibit photos as an undergraduate.

I’m so damn close to ending this “heaven and hell” kind of life called college. 

Maybe the worst part is after it happens.

[erdctdsprt]

Goofing off

Expired Fuji C200 x Nikon F65

[erdctdsprt]

archives: 

/fall, if you must/

[erdctdsprt]

Migraine Visions #5

[erdctdsprt]

Migraine Visions #4

[erdctdsprt]

Sneak: Elbi Experimentals [10/10] - Disparities

[photographersdirectory]

Photography, in my view is my main method of escape. I hate my life as it is, but I love capturing what I saw so that I can remember what happened that photography provides. I’m just an 18-year-old photo-hobbyist that lives in the Philippines as a college student. I photograph virtually almost anything that I find myself fascinated with, as my blog shows.

Long exposure is becoming my specialty. 

I do shoot in both digital and film.

Main Tumblr

[erdctdsprt]

/archive backstories/

Back in 2014, I got featured in this particular blog, as it intends to promote every single photographer possible. We do know that there are thousands of talented photographers out there, waiting for their time to rise...

I say that particular year was great for me, in general.

This photo was showcased in raw as part of Elbi Experimentals.

Maybe I’ll get back to posting stuff in film again, after all my college undergraduate life is about to reach its conclusion.

‘til the next post--

maybe I should go for an application as a member of lensblr, then?

p.s. “eradicatedspirit” was my old name for this site, someone copied it, however, bummer. Good thing he/she deactivated!