[underrmyumbrellaella]

My favourite Irish insult is “Go ndéana an diabhal dréimire de chnámh do dhroma ag piocadh úll i ngairdín Ifrinn!”

[beanie-betty]

Translation?

[underrmyumbrellaella]

I hope the devil uses your backbone as a ladder to pick apple’s in the garden of hell

[beanie-betty]

Holy shit Ireland are you ok

[underrmyumbrellaella]

There’s also one that directly translates to :

May your friends have a fine day - burying you

[beanie-betty]

That’s metal as fuck

[underrmyumbrellaella]

Cursing in Irish is like actually putting a curse on someone

[trashcat-ops]

It’s Gaelic you inbred

[underrmyumbrellaella]

It’s actually gaeilge .. Gaelic is Scottish … but nice try 👋🏼

[illmaticraj]

Back at my old college there was a student lounge place I affectionately had dubbed “the weirdo lounge” because all the weirdos congregated there. You know those nerds who sit there and all they do is talk about anime, like those reddit pages, wear fedoras and shit? That kinda weirdos. So anyway the tragedy is that the Weirdo Lounge had THE BEST one person couch. It had a little laptop table attached and it was so damn comfy. Plus, it was always somewhat dark in there because of how the windows was positioned. So I’d go there to nap during my break periods. So one day I was napping when someone threw an empty plastic bottle at me and I snapped awake. A white nerdy girl from a few couches down said “I’m so sorry that was intended for my puppy to fetch!” and I’m like “DOGS?!” and I snap awake, that’s when I looked towards my foot and saw a whiteman. Sitting there. Like a dog. With his tongue out. and then he fucking barked. I was so infuriated but I handed him the bottle and he put that shit on the floor and then picked it up with his mouth. And then on all fours, ran over to the white girl and dropped it in her lap. I was so fucking upset.

[mszombi]

This whole post is gold, but for me the best part is “whiteman” being all one word.

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[slovvbro-deactivated20130818]

*marries u but only as a friend*

[itsallwell]

Me (walking around singing SZA): Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me? My Mom (not knowing its a song, and giving genuine advice): No, why do you LET him bother you when YOU KNOW he don’t want you? Me: 

[squeezemetillipop]

Every time they mention how Black Panther lack diversity.

Tell them:

Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Angela Basset, Forest Whitker is African American.

Danai is a Zimbabwean-American

Lupita Nyongo is a Kenyan-Mexican

Martin Freeman, Daniel Kaluuya and Andy Serkis are English.

Florence Kasumba is Ugandan-German.

Letitia Wright is Guyanese.

Black Panther is an extremely diverse movie with people from all over the world. Die mad about it. 

[7l0]

[feministism]

did not even think about this.

if net neutrality is taken away, your parents are gonna know every website you go on because now they have to pay for each of those websites.

you have a private tumblr/instagram/twitter/etc where you rant about your day or talk about your mental health and express your feelings without having to worry about judgement from irl family/friends/peers? if net neutrality is taken away, now they’ll have to know about it. have an account dedicated to porn, posting nudes, or sex? well, if net neutrality is gone, it’s taken away. not supposed to be online talking to strangers because of strict parents? there goes that too.

not only is all that lost (something that has honestly gotten me through some hard periods in my life because of my online friends and the ability to talk freely about what I’m going through without my parents knowing every detail), but now you can’t just search whatever you want and get that information right away. whether you need to look up something for math help, have a question about when a celebrities birthday is, or want to look at pictures of cute dogs: that is all monitored and can be blocked if your internet service provider deems it unnecessary or doesn’t want you to look at it. to my knowledge, you have to pay for all of that.

(mentioning this because expressing creativity is near and dear to my heart) net neutrality is going to make things so much harder for content creators, like YouTubers and artists and cartoonists and writers and photographers that share their work and get their following online. !!net neutrality is going to make just about everything harder, except for large corporations!!

in such a technological world, this. isn’t. FAIR. this isn’t RIGHT. and we can’t let these rich people who want even more money take away our internet!!

contact your representatives and spread the word. I’ve heard that it’s not acceptable to fill out net neutrality related things online and send them emails because of too many bots sending it to them. call them, write them. I know phone-calls can be scary and awkward (I recommend writing or typing out exactly what you want to say to them), but please consider taking the five minutes to talk to them to help save our internet.

this is an actual thing. this isn’t a joke. if we don’t do something about it, the internet as we know it and as we love it is going to change drastically, and not for the better.

[lifedouspart-blog]

I have been trying chasing on a slippery slope, But I’m tired. I’m tired of apologizing and you’re tired  of forgiving,  So I’m trying to forget

- Abbey P. @lifedouspart

[sundxwn]

Huck Wave

by Anton Raharja

[lyjerria]

if you’re meant to be with someone, it will work out. whether it’s next month or in five years, what’s meant to be will always be

[localstarboy]

Burger King just released one of the best anti-bullying PSAs I’ve ever seen

[linrenzo]

This really got to me. Like how can y’all just sit there and not do shit but quick to get up over a burger

[theaddictsapartment]

I’m over here crying my eyes out

[aintnosuchthingastoothick]

K second commercial that’s made me cry this morning

[goldenmochaa-deactivated2019102]

This made me want to hug the bullied actor and eat some BK fries

[sugarmacaron]

I hope they dragged every one and told them exactly what they meant. You did nothing for that kid but you got up for this four dollar burger. Don’t worry, here’s a fresh one.

[handsomemelanin-deactivated2023]

Wow

[suspend]

how do you know if you're in love???

I honestly asked my friend this same question just hours ago as I was clueless myself but thinking about it now I think it’s when for the first time after what seemed like a dreadful year (or life), you look forward to waking every morning knowing he (let’s use he as it’s me talking) will be there for you. I think it’s just plain seeing him and being happy that’s he’s around. It’s being happy just by hearing his voice. No matter how bad your day is, one message from him would make your entire day. It’s when he makes you want to write long letters and huge poems. It’s not all about “lust”- it’s more of the intimate relationship you have together. It’s when the simplest of things count. It’s when you start to mature and start to plan something with him for the future. It’s when he makes you want to start fixing your life. It’s when he’s always in your head 3 pm or 3 am. It’s when you can’t stop talking or thinking about him. It’s when you just really always miss him even if he’s right beside you. It’s the “I used to like green eyes but now blue eyes are my favorite”. It’s when all love and cheesy stuff just apply for him. It’s when you begin to see nothing but him and you value him like you value yourself. It’s not the “heart pounding, hands sweating” feeling but more of the “I feel home” feeling. It’s more of like talking to yourself- being yourself with someone without worries. It’s when you begin to really trust him with everything and that includes your happiness. It’s when he’s your happiness. It’s when subconsciously you change for the better. It’s when you once again start opening up after a long time. It’s when you are denying it at most cause you are afraid of how strong you feel and last I think while you’re reading this- there’s someone in your head right now and you’re just contemplating whether you’re in love with him or not but hey the fact that he or she is the person (out of billions of people) in your mind while you read this must say a lot.

[jorrrrr]

What do you do when you lose this kind of love?

[suspend]

I broke up with the person I was thinking of while writing this because that’s what you do when you lose this kind of love- you let go and you move on.

You don’t cling onto the person because “two and a half years has been a long time and it’s a waste to end it here”. You end it because you’ve had enough thinking twice whether the person is still worth staying with or not. You let go because you find yourself looking back, comparing and missing the old times than cherishing the present. You let go because you have to stop defending that person and start facing the truth that things have changed. You let go because you let go of anything that upsets you whether it be work, hobby or a person.

And you let go because you have to stop being selfish. There is someone out there wanting to love the person you’re holding onto and they deserve to feel this genuine love from someone and not a pity love from you.

When you lose this kind of love, you move on. You do it because it’s the best choice for you. You move on because you’ve been hurt enough and it’s time to be happy. You move on because you don’t deserve to doubt the love that someone gives you. You move on and whenever you crumble, remind yourself on why you left in the first place.

And you move forward because you won’t find the right person for you while you’re holding onto the wrong one.

[erentheghost]

This is the realest advice I could have ever read, and everyone deserves to read this.

[puppet-down-the-rabbit-hole-dea]

I REALLY need to read this…

Someone else out there might too

[astral-puke-deactivated20170916]

The signs as words...

Aries: Monachopsis - n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place,

Taurus: Kairosclerosis - n. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy, consciously trying to savor the feeling.

Gemini: Jouska - n. a hypothetical situation that you compulsively play out in your head.

Cancer: Chrysalism - n. the amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm. 

Leo: Catoptric tristesse - n. the sadness that you’ll never really know what other people think of you, whether good, or bad or if at all.

Virgo: Ambedo - n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details.

Libra: Mal de coucou - n. a phenomenon in which you have an active social life but very few close friends

Scorpio: Mauerbauertraurigkeit - n. the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.

Sagittarius: Altschmerz - n. weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had, the same boring flaws and anxieties you’ve been gnawing on for years.

Capricorn: Zielschmerz - n. the exhilarating dread of finally pursuing a lifelong dream.

Aquarius: Occhiolism - n. the awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

Pisces: Sonder - n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

[chocolatecakesandthickmilkshakes]

The Boondocks Live 24/7

[bisexualwario]

[ericaisnowon]

what we thought 2017 would be like:

flying cars, eco-friendly high-tech cities, levitating hover boards

what 2017 is actually like: brink of nuclear war, nazis on the streets