Ramblings & Snippets from a Freelance Writer

Freelance writer, poet, hopeless romanic, music snob, novice cook and member of the #LGBT community. #BLM

[erinpwriter]

#poems #poetry #writers #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #lgbt https://www.instagram.com/p/CB1gWk6DV6v/?igshid=17wpjocjasxj8

[erinpwriter]

#poetry #writer #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #poem #lgbt #writing https://www.instagram.com/p/CBzWFATjaOH/?igshid=1tbkf2r8dng7z

[erinpwriter]

#art #poetry #poems #writers #writersofinstagram #LGBT https://www.instagram.com/p/CBmIxIXjEJH/?igshid=1k6uiehixwxi5

[erinpwriter]

So How’s Your Day Going?

I wake up every day in a state of utter panic. Logging onto my Twitter or Facebook feed causes anxiety. What will happen today, what disaster is going to plague us today? Dealing with mental illness isn’t easy even on a normal day but add onto it all that’s happening in the world around us and it’s exponentially worse. Tack on personal problems and you may as well count me out for the next year. It weighs heavy on my heart and heavier on my mind. I feel trapped and unable to breathe but I keep going because there’s nothing else for me to do. For anyone else who is dealing with mental health issues during this time you are not alone. We’re all in this together. There are people out here every day who are suffering just like you and who understand what you’re going through. Reach out, talk, listen and learn.

[erinpwriter]

ATB Featuring Heather Nova

I believe it's all inside you, all the answers

Strip it down and see the light come, through the crowd

I believe it takes a moment, just to know it

And listen to the wind

Let go of fear

Let go of everything

Let go if it's real

Love will find you

[erinpwriter]

No one prepares you for getting older

No one has the, “40’s” talk and how it all changes

Your body morphs your mind starts to lapse

You aren’t as quick witted as you once were

You start to evaluate your life

Is this where I thought I’d be, doing this?

My heart pulls me in a million different directions

My head tries to stay resolute and strong

It’s a daily game of second guesses

[erinpwriter]

Something

Something in the way she moves Attracts me like no other lover Something in the way she woos me I don't want to leave her now You know I believe and how Somewhere in her smile she knows That I don't need no other lover Something in her style that shows me Don't want to leave her now You know I believe and how You're asking me will my love grow I don't know, I don't know You stick around, now it may show I don't know, I don't know Something in the way she knows And all I have to do is think of her Something in the things she shows me I don't want to leave her now You know I believe and how

[erinpwriter]

How do you look just as sexy fully clothed as you do naked a bare? 

[starrylolo]

Even so, be careful and check up on your DC friends and family

[erinpwriter]

Midnight Thoughts

There’s a spark inside of me I’m drenched in sweat

Thoughts of you are flooding my mind it’s like the first time I heard your voice

I can feel your body pressed on mine the weight of your world

Your hair dangling on my neck on my chest, the smell of you 

Memories come flooding back feelings that I once suppressed 

The passion the intensity it’s all there, and here I thought it was lost

My heart has been closed it’s been blocked off from the world for so long

Placed in hiding scared to allow anyone to touch it to see it

But with you I think you could be the key

With the world in chaos around us right now all I can think about is you

[erinpwriter]

It wasn’t losing her the first time that drained my heart. It was losing her for the second time when I realized I’d never recover.

[erinpwriter]

Instead of taking the road less traveled I took the road that felt the safest. We can evaluate our lives we can say we did the best we could but what if we never took that chance? What if the road paved in glass was a chance I should have been willing to take? Age allows hindsight. We remember those we had those we lost and those we wish we could have back. A cycle of second guesses. A life that is constantly beginning but never really ending. I took the easy way out the safest route, the road paved ahead with predictable outcomes.

[lowshoulderus]

Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup with Lucy Lawless (1998) - SNL

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen so here you go

[erinpwriter]

She’s a memory to me now and yet still feels so new. She was my last great mistake. You could say I’m conflicted and you wouldn’t be wrong. I left it all on the table years ago. It would not be the first time my broken heart fought my chaotic mind. I don’t know why we don’t let go or why we torture ourselves this way. Seeing the hurt the scars was something I wasn’t prepared for. I knew somehow I could never forget and I knew one day karma would come to collect. You are so much more than all your individual parts. You’re a puzzle that’s waiting to be solved. I watched so helpless wishing I could take your pain away. I understood that your life and your love were the single greatest thing I never knew I needed. It’s harder now to look back harder than I thought it would be. But maybe that’s the point? Maybe I’m meant to suffer this great loss to remember what I should never forget. After all you are the one thing in my life that always made sense. 

[sunsetquotes]

“There is a girl who still writes to you; she doesn’t know how not to.”

— Sarah Kay; Postcards

[erinpwriter]

Save Priscilla

I recently wrote prose about the opioid crisis. It’s not something that came easy for me to write. It’s been a long time since I have been able to find inspiration and write creatively again. It’s not my greatest work by far but it’s something that came from my heart. I’ve lost a few people to this disease some at the prime of their lives and some later in life after I’d seen them grow through their 20s and 30s living life to their fullest. I wish more could have been done for them, this was the best I could do. I apologize for the format it did not copy over correctly.

I saw her the other day consumed by her thought of the moment

It had been years since I’d seen that look of concern, isolation, systematic regret

Wrapped in fear of what she’d done and of what was coming next 

It’s only a matter of time before she’s drowning again grasping to stay afloat, alive

I remember the first time like it was yesterday, except days go by quicker now

My hand reaching out for her panicked and afraid of failing, being completely unaware

We’re invincible and I’m the healing that feeds the flame of her insanity 

Delusional, young and stupid we delved into the abyss of something broken something bent

I’d always seen her in my dreams my nightmares of what my heart had to take

The weight of the world that we carried together until we caved under the pressure 

This classic twisted tale of angels and demons fighting a thankless war within your mind

And there she was completely engulfed in a world she’d become trapped in, unable to leave

Lord knows they tried they all tried. Countless reflection and introspection, pills, booze, drugs

A toxic cocktail of whatever made a fleeting moment feel good or a memory forgotten

This vicious cycle replayed over and over again until we were so worn down there was nothing left

You lose all hope in an instant you see all the plans you made diminish in the wind, blown away

Saving is such a loose term, what are we being saved from? What was I fighting for, what was I fighting against?

Some demons are meant to stay dormant and some are meant to be fought with blood and tears

She didn’t know what I knew the burden I had to bare, able to live safely in her world free from the restraints of reality

There was no outcome that would make it better there was no world in which she could survive, there was no saving Priscilla

[erinpwriter]

Random Thoughts

All it takes these days is one mood swing and I’m right back where I was before. Waiting for that shoe to drop and missing what I used to have. It’s easy to put things on the back burner when you have a million distractions. What happens when the distractions are gone and you’re alone with your thoughts again? It’s easy from the outside looking in to assume you can change or see things differently but years later things are still the same. I’m looking for passion, inspiration, physical stimulation and a reason to keep pushing forward.