Diary of an Addict Trying to get sober

This is a raw and real blog from my own life. I just got out of sex work and living on the street a year ago and am trying to get my life together. I wanted to make a diary so if no one follows me, then free diary. but if people do follow me, then I hope I can help. I am struggling to get clean. I'm going to be honest about my uses and relapses. Eris Nyx is an alias. I will not provide my real name.

[erisofchaos]

So I did just get a really good job

And I just wanted to push my wish list of things I want to maybe make a goal not to use so I can buy these awesome things.

1. Polaroid Camera and possible DSLR camera (I miss photography)

2. Fitbit Charge 5

3. New cat

[erisofchaos]

I used today. For the first time in about a week. I just don’t understand why I had to and why my body wanted it so bad after being in the hospital from it.

[erisofchaos]

Some pictures from the hospital. I had a bad deep neck infection from trying to use in my neck. It was so bad that it swelled up and pushed on my jugular and caused a blood clot that was extremely close to my heart. Along with myocarditis from the infection being so close to my heart. Which is inflammation of the myocardium (the wall around the heart). Drugs have ruined my body and my organs. The plan now is to stop.

[erisofchaos]

First Post, My reason for this

Okay

1. I am on xanax and some other things right now which gave me this idea.

2. I have had several therapists tell me to journal but I hate journaling so what better than a blog?

3. I was just hospitalized for the 4th time in the past 2 years due to heroin and cocaine destroying my body. My next post will have pictures and details. I've had endocarditis which is a bad infection in your heart, sepsis which is when bacteria gets in your blood and it's a very deadly infection, another time my ex drugged me because he had been up several days and convinced himself I was a fed that was after him so he drugged me with xanax, GHB, ketamine, and I already had heroin and cocaine in my system. Because of that combo I had to call 911 on myself because I thought I was dying. I had a seizure in the ambulance and my kidney function was low along with my respiratory function. My legs even swelled up horribly from my kidneys not functioning. Another time I had gotten a pill laced with fentanyl and died. I was supposed to be completely dead. I had to be narcaned 7 times and that didn't even work so the EMTs proceeded to use the paddles on my chest to try to shock my heart back into working. It worked and I woke up with a broken sternum from that and my ex pounding on my chest when I passed out.

4. I just got a hepatitis C diagnosis. Which is new for me. I know it's curable but my liver already is badly scarred up from my uses. I'm supposed to have 6 months clean to be treated. At least that is my physicians rule.

But these are the reasons for my new public diary under a false name.