ERRDAY IM TROLLIN

"Trollin Is A FullTime Job"- PFD Life. Fashion. Music. Fiestas. Freaky Ish. All through a Trolls eye.

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Oprah VS Whoopie

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Ever think its funny to tell people you've hooked up with that you're knocked up? It's what a TROLL DO

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we're gonna swerve and werk and turn

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TROLL-TIVITIES: PIZZA EDITION

We've all been there. It's late night and you're swerved to the max. You are at a crossroads quilombo of bad decisions and considering you've been here before, you know it's probably going to end one of three ways:

1) drugs.

2) sex.

3) pizza.

Now, if you want to be a responsible young troll,  you should go with 1 or 3. You never know what type of stage5clingers you can run into if you haven't properly assessed the situation. [CUE CRAZY FRENCHMAN.] ANYWAYS, so there you are, about to get dropped off in yo' hood, [if you haven't already gotten kicked out of the cab due to some sort of inappropriate behavior/bodily functions/barking/et cetera]. Whatevs, ish happens. And, speaking of, this is exactly why food is NEEDED.

FOREWARNING: being among some of the best pizza in the whole wide world while partially blacked out can make the decision of exactly WHICH pizza to eat a bit of a disaster. You got your fried pizza at La Montenera, Ray's, Goodfella's, and the suuuuper sketchy $1 slice place, [don't ever go there, it is NOT a klassay place, and everyone will judge your skanky-ness]. Once you do actually decide on WHICH pizza to nomz on, the key to staying thin in a city full of rail-y-ano-betches is to only chew and taste the pizza, then SPIT IT THE EFF OUT. Don't you DARE swallow. [SLUTS.] Now, where you do the whole "chew & spit situation" is up to you, the street is best though, because then you don't have to clean that shit up. NAH, MEEANN? 

So get out there, you MK&A wannabes, and get yourself the biggest slice of bacon pizza, with a side of bacon, and chew that pork fat up and spit it out all over this city. However, don't say we didn't warn you--- you could end up lookin like this hot mess if you're not careful. JUSSAYIN.

Ruff Ruff, AP

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WE AIN'T SCURRED

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Troll Jam. Three Loco

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TROLLZ N DOORMEN, DOORMEN N TROLLZ

The longer you're in Nueva Jork, the more people you get to know. [OBVIO.] Well, this collection of new frands/acquaintances/lovrz/et cetera that you meet will learn about you and your troll ways, and either choose to embrace you, love/hate you, or shun you. However, there is a sub-category of people, [that I didn't realize til recently], that don't really get the option to choose among these. These, my dear trollz, are the doormen of NYC. It hit me the other day, quite literally, [no srsly, the dayum elevator door of Trump Tower shut on me], that the amount of doormen that know my name/recognize me is starting to get OBSCENE. Now, hold the phone. I don't mean I'm slhoring [slut x whore-ing] my ars pursey all over this city. I just mean, TROLLZ LEAVE AN IMPRESSION. DUH. DAS WHAT WE DO BEST. So, ya. The awkward convos they have to endure with me in the otherwise silent elevators/lobbies, are things that should be recorded, fa SHA. Whether it be sitting in the elevator because my feet hurt, and insisting they escort me to my destination; rolling out of Trump with a hookah, a fifth of Jack, only to hop in a cab and go to a roof party at 5AM; OR you know the unfortunate times that you decide it's a good idea to sleepover and have to endure that whole WALK OF SHAME. [OR, as we like to call it: STRUT OF HONOR.] Combine that ish with a whole slew of slurs and mumbling, barking, hissing, peeing, and other bodily functions, it is a recipe for a serious TROLL-TIVITY. 

BUT, LESBiREAL, the DOORMEN <3 TROLLZ. They can't help it. If anything, it's a fun lil addition to their night/morning. Who else pulls this shit aside from prostitutes and animals? PLUS, we ain't got no diseases! [Known diseases at least.] So there you have it. Trollin with the doormen of NYC. Now, obviously, as the troll-tivities continue, the doormen stories will too. So stay tuned troll fans, cuz when you trollin' err'day, shit gets weird.

Ruff Ruff, AP

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I Miss You. Do You Miss Me TOO?

Its been about 3 weeks since I've seen you, Mott Corner, and I'm not gonna lie, I miss you. I miss err'thang bout 'chu. 

Now, I nevah started off my day or evening wiff any intentions of comin' to see you. I simply stumbled upon you once and you got me...got me good dat iz. Thang iz, afturr a KLASSY TROLL night at Le Bain, Le Baron, Electric Room, or Dream  comin home you were the closest thang tooo mee....besides Duane Reade...and LEZBIREAL I may run into someone there. This Troll likes to keep her CLOSET EATN CHEWN N' SPITTN on tha DL MMMMK.  Anyways here a list of the things i miss bout yo ass.

1. The fact that there was about 50 middle eastern people in there just chillin at 5 A.M. [totes normal]

2. Being the only NON Middle Easterner and ONLY girl up in dat bishh...I am pretty ethnic though, soooo guess thas ok.

3. You didnt just sell Indian food but you catered to all of us. Thanks for the snacks n shit. 

4. You nevah judge me every time i ordered a toasted bagel with cream cheese n' buttah...WUT???!? Troll gotta eat..shiiiit.

5. You let me pee outside a few times and still let me in. [CAKE]

I miss you Mott Corner. I miss YOU a lot. Ill be there soon and I hope you greet me... bagel n hand, cream cheese and buttah in the other, and a kit kat on the side...AND YOU BET I'LL BE CHEWN N SPITTN. 

See You SOON, Boo.

RUFF RUFF, AP

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Yesterday marked the end of Outside Lands and this Troll needed to go home and wash dat ars pursey after the swerved weekend I had. Did I manage to look cute? Obviosuly. Even with all the grass and hay stuck to my animal beanie I still gave mah self a TEN...MK. #WERK. Did I freeze?? DUH. But a lil' rollin around, (okay a lot of rollin/trollin/twerkin around), and wrestlin strangers really kept me quite warm all night long. What I really like about Outside Lands is that THIS IS A TROLL'S TIME TO SHIIIIINE. The human festival goers were into my barkin/crawlin/hissin/peein' in bushes thing I had goin' on all weekend. But the thing is, when Trollz go to festivals they don't chill with the rest of the crowd (peasants).  Just because we're trollz doesn't mean we don't like fancy thangs, nice carz N diamond rings, ya digg? We expect the creme de la creme, at all times in our creepy troll lives, (ie; VIP tix). BUT, LESBiREAL, dat clearly wasn't enuff...no no no, not for this troll. I needed to get to the artist area. I mean thasss where the realll shit iz ...free dranks, free dranks, free dranks, free dranks... oh and ice cream N' fried ish, N' carni food-- (WHO THE FUCK EATS AT A FESTIVAL?!). So, this is the part where I tell you I have basically perfected the "diveNroll". Well I used this same goto straight into some bushes and BOOM, there I was, troll heaven--aka TIME TO CREEP. I was really hoping I'd get to meet Skrillex and tell him how much his womp womp shit annoys me/turns me on in a weird way- but, no. However, as I'm standing in line for the toilet these two fuckin gollum like creatures try to cut me and I'm like, "BACK THE FUCK UP." BIG MISTAKE. Who were these creatures wearing oversized hoodies, with raver pants, and pasty as fuck?? The one and only DIE ANTWOORD! I shoulda fuckn let them go ahead of me or at least pee in my cup. Well, of course I had to follow them. I mean, who wouldn't? So being the creepy troll that I am, I go to their van and I silently watched as he pulled his wee wee out and pee while she recorded the whole thing. I wasn't even disgusted, more fascinated than anything. After all, they were simply marking their ground, and that's what KLASSY TROLLS DO. 

In the end, Outside Lands and Narnia are pretty much the same thing. You enter a world full of magic, trails, forests, and kingdoms, (the domes). Oh and those domes were ahhhmazin. It's the perfect place where a troll can pop that EDP (electronic dance pussy).

Sidebar: RACISM IS EVERYWHERE. I MEAN, CHOCO LANDS?!?!? Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking...MAYBE its the land of chocolate- except there was no chocolate. I was slightly offended. Well, maybe not me personally, but I know people who might think it was, or something like that.

Oh well, at least this troll got to live.

I leave you wif mah fav group this weekend. Bomba Estereo

P.S FUCK METALLICA IM STILL MAAADD ABOUT THEM SUING NAPSTER.

Ruff Ruff, AP

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Troll Jam of da week.This one is sure to get all yo trollz panties wet.

Oh and just found out Mayer Hawthorne is headlining Pacific Fest.

Ruff Ruff, AP

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Aight, so whats this weekend you may ask yourself?? OUTSIDE LANDS, BITCHES!! What better place to be a troll than a music festival? Rollin’ round da grass, face meltin', ass showin', pussy poppin'. There most likely will be some accidental peeing on myself or someone and someseriously violent make out seshions…LESBI-real it will most likely not be accidental. I mean it's what a troll lives for. Now while my behavior may be considered obscene, inappropriate, grotesque, and embarrassing to all my loser friends…I’m still gonna look fuckn cute. We don’t care if it’s cold and you’re the only girl wearin coochie cutter high wasted levi ripped shorts cuz you know NO TROLL leaves the house lookn like some FUCKIN STREET RAT BITCH. [P prefers "CLASSY HOOD RAT" to describe the ideal troll lewk.]

So, we leave you with some cute ideas for your trollin adventures this weekend. Look like a BAAD BITCH or just wear your spandex #YOUR CHOICE

Ruff Ruff, AP

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INSTAGRAM TROLLZ

YO. We're on instagram. Just imagine the creepiest photo montage of all the weird ish we do/see/are/iz, in one amazing locale. You're welcome. @errdayimtrollin, DUH. So, follow us and our adventures, or be a square and don't. YOUR CHOICE. 

Ruff Ruff, AP

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Monday Troll Jam. For all you Lolas out there.

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TROLL-TIVITIES

So trolling, ya, it's definitely a full time job. Like, you can't be all trolling one day and not trolling the next. Like A said, you are just born this way. So, now that you know what a troll is, I am here to explain part 2 of trolls: TROLL-TIVITES. Say whaa? Well, troll-tivities are basically the same things that normal people do but instead of going H.A.M. we go Mel Gibson. ie; You be at da club dancing your face off and gots2pee. Now, most normal people would get in line for the bathroom like a civilized human being and wait their turn. Well, as you may have concluded, trolls DO NOT [t]roll that way. Instead, you find yourself teetering on 6" inappropriate curb to cab heels popping-a-squat at Le Baron cuz you iz a KLASSY troll. Yep, that happened. [No different than when my dear friend sharted himself earlier this summer. And as a troll, I may or may not have passed along that bit of gossip to the crew. #sorryimnotsorry] Oh, that's the other troll characteristic: NEVER. APOLOGIZE. You can't look  weak when you're acting a fool. Just OWN IT. Aight, that's enough for now. Just wanted to give you a peek in "the life". There's obviously more to come. Now, I'll leave you with the troll mantra of the day via Mr. McGregor, "GET OFF ME OR GET AT ME #YOURCHOICE". 

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Ruff Ruff, AP

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Coming to Accept The Troll In You.

When my friends first started calling me a "troll" I wasn't sure how to take it. To be quite honest I was beyond offended. I thought to myself: Is it because of my creepy double jointed fingers? Do I really look like those trolls that MIMI would have all over her desk on the Drew Carey Show? (SCARY AS FUCK, btw.) Or is it because I never accomplished my dreams of looking like an Olsen twin?   

It really wasn't until I met another fellow Troll...Pammy Dawson, that I realized "trollin" is a FULL TIME "job". Initially I was thinking well, you aren't short, you don't look like any creature from the Lord of The Rings, Narnia, or Harry Potter, and your fingers are quite normal, (a bit midgey, but normal)...what the phuck makes us trolls????

That's when it hit me, you can't just be a Troll. You are Born one.

Ruff Ruff, AP