🌷 she’s tired in a way that no twenty two year old should be . he’s hurt , that hurts her . his wounds shine under the dim hallway light and hers are skin deep . sometimes that pain overcomes her and manifests in sobbing fits against cold pillows and sometimes she’s throwing herself into work , forgetting that it was once something she used to enjoy for the sake of keeping busy . nights when he’s showing up here looking pitiful …. that’s when unbridled anger rises , although it’s calm and collected and more dangerous that way . “ that’s not gonna work this time , ” interjection quick , pushing the pause on this familiar scene , worn out script something she’s longed to toss away and never hear again . “ always ?? i always do this ?? ya don’t know what i do —- how could ya ?? ” gone for weeks at a time —- is he laying in a gutter while he heals , unable to make it back to her that time or is he just across the world celebrating with other superhuman allies after a victorious fight ?? phone calls few and far between , and her story about spending eighteen hours beating an op game on live pales in comparison to his reality of overcoming a 1 v 10 . is that the problem ?? that this life , her life , will never be enough for him ?? enough to finally stay …. ??
small hands brush over burning eyes , having been woken up only adding to her frustration now . “ ya won’t let me go …. ya won’t stay with me … so what do i do ?? ” mouth popping suddenly , sarcastic smile as if she’s just thought up an idea . “ i should wait , right ?? i should cook my meals alone , eat alone , clean alone , sleep alone —— ” she tacks each off with shaky digits , hot tears demanding at waterline and the more she runs through the list , the heavier her tone becomes . this is her life ; what she’s endured for his sake and to say it aloud cuts deeply . “ and i’ll thank ya … because ya find time to drop in — NEARLY DEAD — for a quick FUCK . ” profanity spat , which should feel foreign between flushed lips but doesn’t sway her in the midst of feeling so much with such little distance between them .
when she cries, it’s the one thing that makes him feel like an asshole. her eyes are glistening in the dim light and he knows it’s his fault. he could leave, he knows he could. it doesn’t feel like there’s anything keep him here now.
‘ how could ya ‘ she accuses him and he knows it’s true, that he’s not in her life much, if at all, these days but there’s still that thread, the one that keeps him coming back to her. she doesn’t understand, can’t know the way he wakes up in a cold sweat from nightmares that involve this ending in a way he can’t come crawling back from - if someone, anyone gets too close to the truth and he loses her.
is that his excuse? he’s scared to lose her, so he keeps her at arms length while he pushes her away?
“it’s not my fault i have a job to do!” he snaps back, the venom in his tone more from the age in his bones. “you know i can’t just abandon the city to hang out with you!” she won’t understand, because how could she? he has been told, by other heroes, to find someone like him, who knows how his life works and who can understand that he’s never going to be able to give all of himself to them.
he steps closer to her, hands falling away from his sore body as she lists of what some version of him expects her to do - he hates that he partially agrees. why can’t she wait? it’ll just be a few more years, a few more nearly fatal injuries, and then he can retire. they’ve always spoken of a life together, why won’t she accept it now?
“sunhee, i don’t expect you to do shit,” he sneers, hands curling into fists at his sides at the sight of her smile. power thrums in his veins, an accident that was always meant to be a good thing and now feels like a death sentence. he was the lucky 2.21% who would have survived such a thing - but he’s been drowning ever since. “you can have your life, with me, without me. but you can’t keep letting me in just to push me back out again -”
one foot in, one foot out. he’s his father’s son, after all.
“fuck this,” he near growls. “i don’t need this right now -” he aches and at times like these, he needs to rest, to heal but he never will. “god knows i’d rather deal with a fight than this, right now.”
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