ARE YOU SATISFIED?

independent ASTRID BECKE .     written  by KATIE .     sideblog  to  QUESTSY  and  SNOWSURVIVE .     INDEPENDENT  &  HIGHLY  SELECTIVE .   

[erzmagier-a]

THIS  IS  AN  ARCHIVE .  FIND  ASTRID  ON  @erzmagier .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[arc-erzmagier]

vengeance  is  mine ;  i  will  repay .    /    independent  and  selective  astrid  becke ,  written  by  katie  ( she / they ,  24 ,  white )  .  template ,  fanart .

[erzmagier-a]

maybe i am thinking about moving astrid to a full standalone. what About it

[dreaminginpencil]

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in 🌱

I hope some gardening and time helped Astrid and Wulf atone and find their peace too.

[erzmagier-a]

JESTER  ASKS  :  between the fireplace and her position on the couch  –  almost curled up on herself,  head resting against astrid’s shoulder  –  it hadn’t taken her long to drift off into a light sleep while the other read,  her own book discarded on her lap.  when she finally awakes it’s with small movements,  a slow stretch of her tail before it relaxes over astrid’s thigh,  a gentle roll of her shoulders and a series of fluttering blinks as she regains her surroundings,  tilting her head to look up.  just as softly she pushes closer to place a kiss to astrid’s cheek before finding a home in the crook of her neck with a hum that could almost be a purr.   “ you know you don’t have to finish a book just ‘cause you’ve started it,  right?  you can sleep sometimes.  i won't tell. ”

astrid  hadn’t  known  what  to  do  when  jester  had  fallen  asleep  against  her  –  not  as  if  she’d  never  been  used  as  a  human  pillow  before ,  of  course ,  but  it’s . . . been  a  while ,  and  @diviinedevilry​  is  not  a  usual  suspect  of  hers  in  this  regard ,  even  if  she’s  long  since  given  up  having  any  preexisting  expectations  for  jester’s  behavior .  at  least  her  arms  are  not  obstructed ,  and  she  can  still  turn  the  pages  as  she  pleases .  she  keeps  her  shoulder  still ,  out  of  some  level  of  respect  for  jester  that  she  cannot  help  but  to  keep ,  but  astrid  quickly  gets  absorbed  back  into  her  research ,  and  only  realizes  how  long  it’s  been  when  jester  starts  to  stir ,  and  she  sees  that  that  fire  is  burning  low .  the  kiss  to  her  cheek  comes  just  as  she  was  closing  her  book  to  give  the  fire  ( and  jester )  her  full  attention ,  and  she  only  closes  the  book  slightly  more  firmly  than  intended .  a  kiss  to  the  cheek  shouldn’t  rattle  her  so ,  but  jester  lavorre  has  a  habit  of  getting  under  astrid’s  skin  –  for  better  or  for  worse .    “ i  do  sleep , ”    she  defends ,  giving  jester  a  bit  of  a  look ,  though  with  the  softness  still  lingering  from  the  kiss  it  veers  dangerously  close  to  a  pout .    “ my  research  was  just  starting  to  get  interesting . ”

[erzmagier-a]

EADWULF  ASKS  :  sender pulls the receiver up for a dance in order to have a private conversation away from the crowds.

astrid  goes  into  his  arms  without  a  moment  of  hesitation ,  going  so  far  as  to  allow  @rabespricht​  to  take  the  lead .  a  rare  occurrence ,  to  be  certain ,  but  they  have  to  make  sure  not  to  draw  eyes  –  not  with  the  mission  they’ve  come  here  to  accomplish ,  and  the  conclusion  of  today’s  chosen  chapter  so  close  at  hand .  judge ,  jury ,  executioner ,  dancer  –  they  were  taught  to  adapt  to  any  situation  at  hand ,  and  it’s  an  easy  mindset  to  allow  herself  to  step  back  into .  a  necessary  one ,  given  the  task  that  she  and  wulf  have  taken  upon  themselves .

she  allows  herself  a  few  seconds  –  one ,  two ,  three ,  four ,  five  –  to  simply  exist  in  eadwulf’s  arms ,  to  be  once  with  the  dance  and  present  in  a  way  that  she  hasn’t  been  since  childhood .  and  then  it’s  time  to  work  again ,  astrid’s  head  falling  to  eadwulf’s  chest  in  an  outward  showing  of  affection ,  though  it  moreso  serves  the  purpose  of  making  it  easier  to  talk  to  him  without  her  lips  being  read  --  even  though  zemnian  is  a  language  harder  and  harder  to  find  the  further  from  farm  country  they  go .    “ you  saw  her  too . ”    it  isn’t  a  question .  they’re  both  too  well -  taught  to  not  notice  their  target .    “ we  leave  after  she  does .  it  doesn’t  seem  as  if  she  came  here  with  anyone  else ,  but  that  doesn’t  mean  she’ll  leave  alone . ”

[andhungry]

richard siken sentence starters.

quotes are all taken from various poems out of richard siken’s poetry book crush.  feel free to change pronouns/etc if needed.

❝  tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.  ❞

❝  tell me we’ll never get used to it.  ❞

❝  there are so many things i’m not allowed to tell you.  ❞

❝  i swallow your heart and it crawls right out of my mouth.  ❞

❝  i want it back now, baby. i want it back.  ❞

❝  i’m sorry. we know how it works. the world is no longer mysterious.  ❞

❝  that’s a nice touch.  ❞

❝  i like him and i want to be like him.  ❞

❝  i’m sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.  ❞

❝  history repeats itself.  ❞

❝  there are many names in history, but none of them are ours.  ❞

❝  you could drown in those eyes.  ❞

❝  but damn if there isn’t anything sexier than a slender boy with a handgun, a fast car, a bottle of pills.  ❞

❝  sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine.  ❞

❝  i couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time.  ❞

❝  you wanted happiness, i can’t blame you for that, and maybe a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy but tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.  ❞

❝  there is no way to make this story interesting.  ❞

❝  i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything, without having to say that i ran out into the street to prove something.  ❞

❝  tell me we’re dead and i’ll love you even more.  ❞

❝  you will be alone always and then you will die.  ❞

❝  i’m sorry i came to your party and seduced you and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.  ❞

❝  who am i? i’m just a writer. i write things down.  ❞

❝  i take it back.  ❞

❝  here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.  ❞

❝  you still get to be the hero.  ❞

❝  what more do you want?  ❞

❝  love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. it’s like a religion. it’s terrifying.  ❞

❝  no one will ever want to sleep with you.  ❞

❝  you know that recently we have had our difficulties and there are many things i want to ask you.  ❞

❝  you had not expected this.  ❞

❝  walk a mile in my shoes.  ❞

❝  a man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he’s still left with the river.  ❞

❝  you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore.  ❞

❝  hush, my sweet. these tornadoes are for you.  ❞

❝  that sounds overly valorous.  ❞

❝  do you love yourself?  ❞

❝  i don’t have to answer that.  ❞

❝  you wanted more.  ❞

❝  i had a dream about you.  ❞

❝  there’s nowhere to go. there’s nowhere to go.  ❞

❝  in these dreams it’s always you: the boy in the sweatshirt, the boy on the bridge, the boy who always keeps me from jumping off the bridge.  ❞

❝  will you love me even more when i’m dead?  ❞

❝  you didn’t show up. i kept waiting.  ❞

❝  i swallowed crushed ice pretending it was glass and you’re dead.  ❞

❝  i don’t really blame you for being dead but you can’t have your sweater back.  ❞

❝  you can sleep now, you said. you can sleep now. you said that. i had a dream where you said that. thanks for saying that. you weren’t supposed to.  ❞

❝  hello darling, welcome home.  ❞

❝  please keep him safe.  ❞

❝  i just don’t want to die anymore.  ❞

❝  you want to die for love, you always have.  ❞

❝  you didn’t think you’d feel this way.  ❞

❝  you saved my life. i owe you, i owe you everything.  ❞

❝  please, just for one night, will you lie down next to me, we can leave our clothes on, we can stay all buttoned up.  ❞

❝  you’re all i ever wanted and worth dying for, too.  ❞

❝  drive into that tree, drive off the embankment. ______, make something happen.  ❞

❝  we are not dirty.  ❞

❝  you keep singing along to that song i hate. stop singing.  ❞

❝  here is the sink to wash away the blood.  ❞

❝  this is not harmless. you are not breathing.  ❞

❝  i will come back from the dead for you.  ❞

[erzmagier-a]

JESTER  ASKS  :  sender briefly lifts the receiver up in the air while spinning during a dance together.

dancing  with  @chaoshe​  hadn’t  been  exactly . . . planned .  but  jester  is  a  good  dancer ,  a  good  partner ,  and  so  different  from  the  two  other  partners  that  she’d  been  so  accustomed  to  for  so  long ,  though  both  in  memory  more  than  anything  else .  bren  is  gone  forever  and  asking  to  dance  with  wulf  would open  the  shared  wound  of  bren’s  absence  even  more  than  they  usually  endure .  but  astrid  has  always  liked  to  dance  —  the  little  girl  in  blumenthal  standing  on  her  father’s  feet — the  teenager  in  rexxentrum  bouncing  between  her  two  partners  or  watching  them  dance  together ,  or  the  three  of  them  attempting  some  approximation  of  the  dance  with  three  bodies  with  more  laughter  than  sense  —  and  now  a  grown  woman ,  her  only  dances  since  her  teenage  years  being  for  assignments ,  or  when  caleb  ( not  bren ,  she  has  to  remind  herself ,  caleb )  had  wanted  something  impossible  to  get  without  insider  help .  

but  jester  is  not  her  boys ,  whatever  of  her  boys  remains  now .  and  jester  is  a  good  dancer  too —  differently  trained  than  what  astrid  is  familiar  with ,  but  talented  nonetheless ,  and  enthusiastic  in  a  way  that  astrid  isn’t  certain  that  she’s  ever  been ,  enthusiasm  that  encourages ,  endorses  spontaneity .  

and  speaking  to  spontaneity ,  mid - spin  jester’s  arms  tighten  around  her  waist ,  both  taking  the  lead  and  lifting  astrid  off  of  the  ground  for  the  rest  of  the  turn .  her  hands  quickly  find  jester’s  shoulders  to  support  them  both  as  she  goes  up ,  surprise  evident  in  dark  eyes  even  as  her  body  knows  what  to  do .  jester  is  both  smaller  and  stronger  than  her  —  though  perhaps  that  follows  logic , as  rarely  as  jester  ever  does  something  like  that .

when  astrid’s  feet  find  the  wooden  floor  again ,  she  lets  jester  keep  the  lead  —  lets  jester  take  control of  the  dance  for  a  little  while  longer ,  as  she  can’t  help  but  to  laugh ,  surprise  and  a  hint  of  delight  coloring  her  tone .

[parttimebird]

Having an astrid moment

[criticalsorcery]

you can’t be all bad

[erzmagier-a]

MOLLYMAUK  ASKS  :  sender extends a hand to the receiver, wordlessly asking for a dance.

she  stares  at  the  proffered  hand  for  a  long  second ,  a  quirked  brow  as  she  thinks  it  through .  more  harm  can  be  caused  by  a  dance  than  it  feels  like  it  should  --  but  @moondrrops​  has  never  demonstrated  that  kind  of  direct  malice ,  even  if  most  of  astrid’s  life  has  been  spent  reading  into  others’  behavior .

but . . . fuck  it .  astrid  takes  their  hand ,  allows  herself  to  come  close  enough  to  them  to  assume  the  proper  posture .    “ do  you  know  how  to  dance ,  mollymauk ? ”    she  asks ,  half  goading  and  half  genuine .