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A Compendium of Discworld Quotations. (My personal blog)

[esmereldaweatherwax]

"I'm fed up with you smarming at me smarmily as if you were Mister Smarm!"

Nanny Ogg in Carpe Jugulum

[esmereldaweatherwax]

'He *wants* to start a war...' Vimes had to open his mouth because otherwise there was no room to get his head around such a crazy idea. This man who everyone said was honest, noble and good *wanted* a war. 'Oh, certainly,' said Ahmed. 'Nothing unites people like a good war.' How could you deal with someone who thought like that? Vimes asked himself. A mere murderer, well, you had a whole range of options. He could deal with a mere murderer. You had criminals and you had policemen, and there was a sort of see-saw there which balanced out in some strange way. But if you took a man who'd sit down and *decide* to start a war, what in the name of seven hells could you balance him with? You'd need a policeman the size of a country.

Jingo, Terry Pratchett

[esmereldaweatherwax]

The night is always old. He'd walked too often down dark streets in the secret hours and felt the night stretching away, and known in his blood that while days and kings and empires come and go, the night is always the same age, always aeons deep. Terrors unfolded in the velvet shadows, and while the nature of the talons may change, the nature of the beast does not.

Jingo, Terry Pratchett

[esmereldaweatherwax]

At last, Lord Vetinari looked up. 'Is there some problem, sergeant?' And Sergeant Colon once again knew a secret about bravery. It was arguably a kind of enhanced cowardice-the knowledge that while death may await you if you advance it will be a picnic compared to the certain living hell that awaits you should you retreat.

Jingo, Terry Pratchett

[esmereldaweatherwax]

'Veni, vidi, vici.' I came, I saw, I conquered. As a comment it always struck Vimes as a bit too pat. It wasn't the sort of thing you came up with on the spur of the moment, was it? It sounded as if he had worked it out. He'd probably spent long evenings in his tent, looking up in the dictionary short words beginning with V and trying them out…Veni, vermini, vomui, I came, I got ratted, I threw up? Visi, veneri, vamoosi, I visited, I caught an embarrassing disease, I ran away? It must have been a big relief to come up with three short acceptable words. He probably made them up first, and then went off to see somewhere and conquer it.

Jingo, Terry Pratchett

[esmereldaweatherwax]

“Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.”

Unseen Academicals

[esmereldaweatherwax]

The Ankh-Morpork Trespassers Society [was] originally the Explorers' Society until Lord Vetinari forcibly insisted that most of the places 'discovered' by the society's members already had people living in them, who were already trying to sell snakes to the newcomers.

Unseen Academicals

[esmereldaweatherwax]

Technically, the city of Ankh-Morpork is a Tyranny, which is not the same thing as a monarchy, and in fact even the post of Tyrant has been somewhat redefined by the incumbent, Lord Vetinari, as the only form of democracy that worked. Everyone is entitled to vote, unless disqualified by reason of age or not being Lord Vetinari.

Unseen Academicals

[esmereldaweatherwax]

η β π

Yes, that's the blog's title. Was there an associated question?

[esmereldaweatherwax]

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.

Equal Rites

[esmereldaweatherwax]

Om began to feel the acute depression that steals over every realist in the presence of an optimist.

Small Gods

[esmereldaweatherwax]

"I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts," said Brutha. "That way, everyone's happy."

Small Gods

[esmereldaweatherwax]

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

Terry Pratchett, The Truth

[esmereldaweatherwax]

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

[facetednerd]

Rembrandt’s “The Night Watch” and Paul Kidby’s interpretation for the cover of Terry Pratchett’s book Night Watch.

[esmereldaweatherwax]

Except for Bursar of course. He didn't eat much, but lived on his nerves. He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him.

Reaper Man

[esmereldaweatherwax]

Magrat had been gloomily unsurprised to learn that there was a precise class and gender distinction in falconry - Verence, being king, was allowed a gyrfalcon, whatever the hell that was, any earls in the vicinity could fly a peregrine, and priests were allowed sparrowhawks. Commonners were just allowed a stick to throw. Magrat found herself wondering what Nanny Ogg would be allowed - a small chicken on a spring probably.

Lords and Ladies