espanora

carbs and dairy

[sakura-haruka]

I definitely ship Jerry x Elaine, it’s good to see them as friend but it’s also so rare to see a romantic relationship without any drama and more important just two people having fun together.

[papertowness]

jerry and elaine this kramer and newman that what about them huh . what about the real best duo of seinfeld .

[haleyatwell]

GOSSIP GIRL (2007–2012) 3.19 Dr. Estrangeloved

[duallpa]

Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl (2024)

[zendeyas]

Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf –Gossip Girl (2007)

[andthatscanon]

[espanora]

not you too.

pairing: dan x blair

rating: teen

synopsis: blair drinks a little too much, dan comes unwillingly to the rescue. set sometime vaguely before s3

notes: first dair fic guys. horny teen dan and whiny brat blair. what more could one want.

(second edit: added some things that’d spice it up, fixed some grammatical errors, really need to start looking over my writing more lol. enjoy!)

Dan noticed Rufus didn’t seem to call as much when Dan was out.

He probably had his hands full with Jenny.

The independence that a burgeoning New York teen could gain in the span of being in highschool was almost jarring. Dan used to have his mom around, along with Jenny and Dad playing Scrabble in the warm loft. Most nights consisted of staying in doing homework and eating bolognese.

Contrary to now where he’d watch himself pull out his wallet and pay for a meal in someplace; and evenings were spent somewhere on the Upper East Side or in Midtown, whether that was up to him or not.

Still, the independence Dan was given, dwarfs in comparison to majority of the adolescents he attended Constance with. What kind of bars are letting seventeen year olds down numerous cocktails?

Which brought Dan to his next point,

Why was Blair Waldorf downing numerous cocktails?

Even just from simple observation, Blair could never have given herself up to the wiles of alcohol that easily. Sure she probably popped more champagne bottles than the average seventeen year old, but this was getting out of hand.

Blair was evil, but clearly classy.

The Upper East Side restaurant that held the bar was ironically named, Daniel.

Serena, came after hearing that Blair was uncharacteristically at the club bar and not at the table ordering desserts.

If it was the latter, it would have worried Serena even more, although Dan was unaware of why.

Albeit Dan and Serena weren’t in the best of places, relationship wise, but she called in case she needed an extra hand in helping Blair. In which case, Dan Humphrey came in clutch.

“Serena?”

Out came the words of the drowsy tongued Blair.

The blonde stated to the bartender to stop giving her the drinks. He shrugged and nodded in apathy. The only thing adults seem to be capable of expressing to teens on the UES.

“And here comes, Dan Humphrey coming in here.. In Daniel.”

Blair started up again, with her black headband slightly pushed back as a result of Blair’s hands running through her hair. Her royal blue, white collared button up shirt that housed a colony of wrinkles. She was sitting cross legged with a pleated skirt. It was almost like she was tempting Dan to come forward.

“I wonder why out of all places in Brooklyn, you decided to be out of your natural habitat, situated in the streets of D.U.M.B.O?”

She enunciated the words, ‘habitat’ and ‘streets of D.U.M.B.O’ in a tone that poetically reminded Dan of the iambic pentameter, with the DUMS landing on each of the words.

Dan could only stare back.

The warm mood lighting of the atmosphere shone in Blair’s eyes, her dark eyelashes reaching to catch the light. Despite her snarky, sarcastic comment.

Snarky. Sarcastic. Seducti-

The brunette’s half open eyes were borderline glossy, matching her lips and their respective gloss. Lashes battering every blink.

It also seems like she had the random lucidity to reapply lip gloss after drinking. Blair was always known to be high maintenance.

Dan didn’t intend to familiarize himself with her doe begotten eyes in such a moment.

He definitely did not intend studying the slightly distracting, moist shininess of her lips as well.

Serena spoke low and reassuringly,

“What happened B?”

At this point Dan had first taken a seat aside Blair and Serena did the same, trying to contact whoever was in Waldorf’s body now. The bass, or the drum pattern, of the club’s music from the downstairs club oozed into the background of the ground floor, where the three of them were now situated.

Another bartender donning a dress shirt and a leather apron on top, chimed in.

“Ma’am, sir.” She addressed both Dan and Serena.

“Some stranger brought her here from downstairs, said she looked like she needed to be taken back home.”

Blair suddenly raised her a lone pointer finger, with her elbow joint perpendicular against the marble slab and slightly, only barely, slurred out,

“I came here on my ownnn volitioon..”

She continued like a mad oracle on her tripod stool, spitting random realities,

“Mom is off her friggin’ rocker.”

“Nate and Chuck are a convoluted mess that the devil himself sent to reach me.”

“And Yale m-may not even be a reality anymore.”

Her pitch dropped and Blair’s voice wavered a few times, this kept both Dan and Serena on their toes. Her pitch was also whiny.

Normally it irked Dan, but now it only spellbound him to her words. Dan wanted to help. The urge to comfort the equivalent of the UES’, ‘Wicked Witch of the West’ was almost overwhelming.

Seems like Serena had done that for him already, with her hands comforting Blair’s back, lending a hand.

Serena knew it best to prompt Blair to speak because even when drunk she is not the type to spill out information. Serena let out a sigh, she motioned with her hands as she talked.

“B, what has got you here in the first place? A-and drunk too?”

Dan took a moment to think. He never would’ve have thought Blair would be the type to get ‘off her ass drunk’.

Like witnessing the moon elapsing into its different phases.

“You better be grateful I’m not chowing down a dozen pastries right now.” Blair dragged her words slowly.

Not one wanting to be misunderstood, Blair elaborated.

“If I did that, the pity party would arrive, my mom sending me away to that doctor.”

“And you would be worried sick, Serena.”

There was a slight pause caught in between Blair’s lips. Her neck slightly slumped forward.

“So I figured that margaritas and cosmos made for a cleaner way to forget everything.” Blair let out a girly sigh.

“But B, I-“ Serena was interrupted.

“Just for one night, let me loosen the button that’s been choking my neck, S.”

Blair started slurring again in her high pitched tone that dipped when she wanted to exaggerate the depth of her words.

“Ugh, take me somewhere other than hoome. My mother would be very displeased seeing me like this.”

She gestured to herself lazily with a hedonistic laugh, pointing to her ruffled shirt that has been danced in and her hair that had a more than few strands astray.

Her thin shapely eyebrows furrowed deeper for a moment and then dropped again. With her eyes surveying only Serena, and then Dan.

The atmosphere, despite Blair being slightly wasted, was still akin to an elite jazz club. Something you could never find on the other side of the bridge.

The Brooklynite’s ears picked up on the people whooping and shouting downstairs to the music, imagining Blair in the midst of those bodies; Shouting her own rhythm and and anthem while riding the high of a drink. In her girly skirt, and the oh-so-expensive button up she wore from a brand he was never made aware of.

Dan was wondering which lucky man downstairs, had the opportunity of having the back of her skirt, her thighs, rub on their pants.

Dan felt like a tree that was missing its leaves.

“Okaayyy let’s get you up and-“ Humphrey got over the awkwardness of touching Blair so vividly beneath her arm, trying to pry her off the marble slab of the bar she seemed to be attached to.

To Blair, Humphrey smelt of some mid-range sandalwood his 90’s dad probably planted in their loft. Mixed with the smell of cheap wood his desk was constructed out of, and the faint whiff of an inexpensive dove soap bar.

She was only guessing.

Blair could really only focus on one thing at a time, while she was thinking of what scent invaded her bubble, which she thought reeked too much of Humphrey, Dan and Serena were figuring out where to take her.

As the Waldorf penthouse was not an option.

“Dan where do we drop off Blair?”

Serena looked at Dan, then back at Blair.

“So my mom’s hosting a late meeting that’s running a bit overtime at ours, so if you don’t mind possibly sneaking through a bunch of investors, or homeowners or whoever-“

“No Serena! I will not suffer that indignity.” Blair huffed and curled her fist to lightly thrust her fist against Dan’s jacket.

“Not Nate’s or Chuck’s! I know you’re thinking about it S!”

Blair again gained a moment of clarity again.

“My mom’s leaving for a meeting in Italy, for upcoming fashion week,” Blair paused.

“She leaves at-“ The brunette started counting her fingers and then gave up after her head and her eyes were giving her a hard time.”

“I think 4am.” Blair managed to breathe out.

Serena un-tentatively pulled out her phone from her brown jacket pocket and stated,

“It’s 12, right now.”

Dan tapped his shoe on the warmly lit coloured granite floor.

“We just need you to stay somewhere for three hours.” He hummed to himself. Serena holding Blair upright, Blair thrumming her fingers to the beat downstairs.

Blair’s long legs were bent slightly, they appeared to be sans-stockings.

Dan was acutely cognizant of her head vaguely tilting side to side, her open neck making him privy to the sweet floral gourmand scent.

Dan had a stroke of genius.

Or admittedly disaster.

He mouthed the words to Serena, ‘the loft’, who was on the other side of side of Blair’s shoulders.

Serena looked down again at Blair, which prompted Dan to look at the crumpled doe eyed mess that was Blair.

“Look, I know you’re going to hate this, but there’s no other option.”

Dan tried to gauge Blair’s current emotional state, gazing at her half lidded eyes and her slightly red tinged cheeks that rises whenever she smiled.

Dan felt similar to a heavyweight boxer peeking and weaving, attempting to find an opening.

He didn’t want to let her down, like so many others have recently. He found himself against a wall of fear, disappointing Blair at that moment appeared as if he was disappointing an ecstatic wet duckling.

He chewed at his lip for a moment and stopped.

“Would you be okay with the loft? It’s just for three hours.”

Before Blair could say anything, Dan swept in to answer all those unspoken criticisms and questions she most likely held behind her lips for the moment.

“No, Jenny’s not there, she is.. present in Hudson visiting my mom. Dad isn’t there either, he’s set up at the gallery, with some buyer coming in from Jersey.”

Blair leaned her head back to focus her attention to Dan, the edges of her vision were blurred like one of those VCR player videos hooked up to the ancient TV she used to have when she was a kid.

Her facial muscles eased up and Blair’s body seemed to lean involuntarily towards Humphrey, her inner monologue gave slight disgust at this. She felt stuck in a current.

“Alright, I gueesss I’ll be among the molemen of Brooklyn.”

She pivoted her head away from Serena, who was paying attention to passerby momentarily witnessing her and Dan lifting Blair.

Blair’s voice had startled the both of them.

“But you better take me back home once that clock hits the four!”

Dan resigned and smiled a bit.

“Alright, alright, let’s help you along.”

Serena observed the amusement in Dan’s face, was he taking delight in having Blair for company?

Silly thought.

Dan’s just one of those annoying good guy types.

As soon as they got Blair in a cab, which she again protested to, albeit for a second, Serena received a call.

“Look, my mom’s calling, she’s saying it’s urgent.”

Van der Woodsen’s eyebrows came closer together in worry. Her eyes pleading to Blair.

Serena was genuinely in regret in for leaving Blair.

Dan reassured her, “I got this.”

“Blair! I’ll see you at yours! In the morning!Promise!” Serena settled her shoulders and walked away from the two of them in the cab. Boots clacking.

Blair’s lithe body was leaning on Dan as he said the address to the loft. It was a relatively hefty fare fee, but Dan couldn’t care less.

“Y’know..” Blair put a finger on Dan’s chest, sending an electric signal to his heart for it to heat faster. And it did beat faster.

Dan’s head turned around to face Blair, with his growing dark curls on his head moving along with his head.

“Serena’s sweet. She leaves too fast though. It’s like she caught in a-ahem, huurricane of other things.” Blair moved her other hand dazed around her head.

Blair’s eyes seemed to bore into his soul, with her feathery dark lashes drawing Dan’s attention.

He swallowed in agreement to what she said. Being with Serena, it was like a languorous, nearly.. lethargic infatuation.

However Blair, in this moment, made him feel identical to a military mutt. In the best way possible.

Dan’s ears were tuned into her every word as a German Shepherd’s would be when taking a command.

It feels taboo, which gave Dan a guilty heady rush. The ride to the borough of Brooklyn, felt like as if time was stretched and thrown around. It felt unsettlingly long to be with Blair, who couldn’t stand him, and he who barely tolerates her. He also thought if he ever left this car with Blair, it’d feel like ripping off wax.

The cab wheels came to a brake as the foreign driver gazed outside, waiting for the two of them to leave the vehicle.

“Make sure your girlfriend drink a uhhh.. gallon of water, okay!” The cab driver directed at Dan with an accent accompanied by a thumbs up.

“I’ll have you know I’m not Dan Humphrey’s girlfriend!”

Blair was pointing a finger again at the driver, as the car was already backing out onto the street.

Her slim body still resting on Dan’s side, with his arm around her; firm hand on Blair’s waist.

For support of course.

“Okay, enough pointing for tonight Blair, we’ll uhm-“ Dan wiping his hand on his lips, as he always seems to do.

He resumed, “The pointing and th- the staring thing, do you always-“

Dan’s eyes were lit up, as if a lightbulb went off in his head to play a game called ‘Question the Drunk Waldorf’.

“Humphrey, please just-“ In her impatience Blair mumbled something that sounded close to ‘fuck’, ‘sore’ and ‘wanna lie down’.

Blair subconsciously thought that Dan was stronger than she thought, but then consciously buried that thought quicker than it came up.

Of course, Humphrey not being Superman, was growing weary of carrying the Waldorf princess upright, so he settled for carrying her legs too.

More compact for a stairwell.

Dan thought about making that joke aloud to her, but he cherished his neck afraid she might bite it off if he compared her to carrying a piece of cargo.

Blair biting him don’t seem as bad-

And for a brief millisecond he imagined Blair straddling him, biting his neck. Attempting to muffle her voice as she-

Get a grip, Dan!

It’s just her- it’s just the newfound spring heat in New York that’s making him half crazy. No other reason why he’s thinking thoughts like that.

Once stepping inside the loft, Dan placed Blair on the sofa in the living room. Blair let out a sigh, then a gasp. A fit of giggles started to attack her.

“I can’t believe that I’m on this bargained, garage-sale couch!”

Blair’s laughter bounced to the ceiling. Her chin upwards and neck lifted. Head supported on the pillow.

“I’ll have you know, that that couch was bought brand new!” Humphrey shouted from behind the kitchen island

Dan brought a glass of water and promptly told her to drink.

After drinking, Dan spoke. “Well I guess I can’t do anything now for you. All you gotta do is uh, sit your ass down.”

He laughed slightly, covering his mouth.

Blair tilted to look at Dan’s head, while her herself looked juxtaposed to the couch. Her body was superimposed horizontally.

She sat up rapidly, which gave her a headache, but she could not let Humphrey, out of all people, get the best of her!

“Oh! You think you’re the-the crème de la crumb! You know what you could do for me?”

It was evident that Blair was still very drunk. She still slurred over her words, unBlair-like.

Her eyes rapidly looked over the man in front of her, assessing the specimen that is Dan Humphrey.

Ugh that is a weird knitted sweater.

His shoulders are wide.

His hands look, admittedly, capable for the job.

Dan was awaiting her next orders. Looking at Blair as if she was a marble statue.

It painted quite a beautiful scene in the Humphrey’s loft. Two figures, covered with warm light, one straight on a chair, one wobbly on a couch.

The scene can be visualized like a booth shot in a film.

The way Blair was arching her back, Dan would think she’s Helen of Troy.

Hair ruffled and all.

Dan’s heart began to palpitate.

Dan hated everything bourgeoisie about the Upper East Side, but now he’s starting to even empathize with Chuck.

“Wash your hands Humphrey.” She said slowly, like Dan was simple in the head.

He did so, then came back.

She sighs, “No one can ever know about this. But my back is killing me.”

“Alas you are here to bear the brunt of my pain. You see, I haven’t had my weekly massage. My masseuse is apparently out of town.. or whatever.” Blair waved a hand away as she continued.

“No more beating around the bush, Blair.” Dan simply stated. He faked a sigh to tease her.

“Just massage my back! It’s so sore-ugh.. the woes of my daily being have taken its toll on me.”

Was it him? Or was Blair more dramatic than usual.

No shit she’s more dramatic, she’s drunk.

He was surprised by this task. But after a few moments, without delay, he put his hands on Blair’s back.

In gentle thumb motions, he began around the scapula kneading her back through her dress shirt. No skin to skin contact.

“No one will ever know you massaged me, okay!”

Dan made a lips sealed motion. “Nope, not a soul.”

“Just uhh.. helping a friend out.” Dan continued.

“Please shut up.”

“Okay.” He quickly got back to work.

Blair’s body was warm, and somewhat soft and firm. Dan couldn’t help but feel bad that he was crinkling her shirt even more.

Oh, for crying out loud, Dan. She’s made you a chump. She’s already an elitist Upper East Sider, and she’s humiliating you by making you massage her back!

Or she’s a drunk girl that just really wants a back massage.

His thoughts were so loud they were most likely blaring through all of Brooklyn.

All the awkwardness had mostly evaporated, as Dan settled in his own rhythm of making Blair feel good.

He still found the experience of his fingertips touching her so closely, so vivid.

As Dan began to think more, he thought how incidentally romantic this was. The warm mood lighting, the vintage records on the wall. Chic exposed brick walls. The lights of New York visible though the window. Blair’s legs gleaming upon the glare of said lights.

His hands upon her body.

There’s only a so much a teen boy could take, Dan just really wished he could fuck something.

He regretted that thought immediately after he came up with it.

“Harder, Humphrey!”

Blair hit her fist on Dan’s knee beside her.

She pointed to her own trapezius.

“More pressure on that one.”

“Oh, I was going pretty hard already. I didn’t know you liked it this rough.” He couldn’t help but smirk.

“Don’t get smart with me.” Her voice came from her body which was laying on the couch, back facing the ceiling.

“Okay, serious question, do you want me to get on top of you?”

“Huh?”

On the couch, Dan boldly put his knees on both sides of her back. Blair, surprisingly was being calm.

“Just don’t put your weight on me Humphrey.”

“Gotcha.”

After a number of Dan’s sequences that he performed across various locations on Blair’s back, she put him to a halt.

“As much as I hate to admit it, it’s just not the same as my masseuse, Humphrey.”

“Well I’m not trained in physiotherapy.”

“You should be.” Blair rolled her eyes at him as she turned her face back to look at him.

Dan shrugged, “Okay, what can I do?”

Blair was already struggling to put the words out. “Can you just massage me under my shirt? I need the feeling of actually being kneaded, Humphrey.”

He examined her shirt and her back carefully, after trying to fit a hand in between her lower back and her button-up.

“Uh, it’s too tight. Do you mind loosing a button, or two?”

Blair raised her eyebrows at him.

“Not to be a pervert but just to fit- y’know- so I could massage you better?”

She let out a ‘hmph’ and obliged with a stubborn look on her face.

Blair proceeded to take off her headband and unbutton her blue shirt with the white collar.

“It’s not going to work if I unbutton an only a feeww... I’ll just unbutton it all. But no taking it off!”

Dan promptly got up and looked away as she unbuttoned her shirt. Not without accidentally getting a glimpse of her black bralette underneath.

Glittering necklace finally set free. Probably worth more than the loft.

It felt like his pants shrunk a size all of a sudden.

“Alright, get back up, Hum-Drum-Humphrey.” Blair laughed softly at the absurdity of this situation.

Deep down she knew she was touch-starved.

They assumed that position once more. Dan’s chest was heaving as he slid his hand under, touching her soft skin, finally. Gulping through his throat, he proceeded to put his hands on her lower waist. Putting equal pressure on both sides.

It was euphony to his ears, how Blair murmured something soft-sounding after he touched her. Back arching a few more degrees.

A clearly defined line dividing her back symmetrically.

Frustratingly for Blair, Dan was annoying good at this.

Frustratingly for Dan, Blair’s voice was nothing short of encouraging.

“Pick up the pace, Humphrey.”

“A bit more pressure here!”

Sometimes she muttered under her breath,

“Feels so good there.”

“Harder th-there..that’s the spot.”

The smell of her perfume gave Dan a wonderful high. He closed his eyes and put more pressure on her skin. Wanting to feel Blair’s lotion between his fingers as he rubbed them together later.

At this point, Blair’s shirt had ridden up a bit, exposing most of her back, including the backside of her bralette.

It was already too late to ask this, but Dan went ahead.

“You are aware, that me, Dan Humphrey, is touching your back, no PPE? Not too drunk to consent to this?”

Blair scoffed.

“Contamination aside, it’s not like we’re exchanging hickeys, get on with it!” Blair sassily rebutted.

Speaking of the aforementioned hickeys, was that a love bite on the side of her nape?

It was faded and minuscule. Dan’s eyes flickered over it for several moments. His guts boiled at picturing this guy without a face, who dared leave a mark on her.

Looked like whoever did it, didn’t apply much pressure.

“Not my first time dealing with something unsavoury.” She added.

Why would I mention a hickey to Humphrey? Worst possible association between two objects, hickeys and.. Humphrey.

Any mark that came from Dan Humphrey she’d have to hide in shame, quick-hot-guilty, shame.

Next came a sudden rattling noise from the window in Dan’s bedroom.

Dan had been so focused on the menial task of kneading Blair’s skin, and the quivers of her voice when she liked a spot;

He heard the noise too late. Along with the sound of Vanessa’s knuckles rapping on the window sill to let him know she’s entering.

Humphrey’s hands tensed. This was an extremely compromising position to be caught in with the ‘enemy’, or the ‘Big Brother’ of Constance-St. Jude’s if you will.

Waldorf’s back skin-naked to Brooklyn air, skirt ridden up. The arch of her back accentuated, as she tried not to make a peep when Dan went over the small of her back.

Him requesting her to loosen up a bit. Back taut.

The amount of times that Vanessa talked about the opportunities that Dan had at Constance. The outer borough duo discussed Blair as a focal point to piss on the UES. Vanessa had phrased it, that one day he could,

‘Eat the rich.’

He never ate out Serena though. Never really thought about it.

Haven’t thought about her, comparative to the times in the past where he would be plagued by the blonde hair swaying in his head. But he’s past that.

Tonight on Dan’s couch, it appears that he’s closest to eating than he’s ever been in his life.

Eat the rich. He wishes.

He’d let Blair stomp on him. Maybe curse her out afterwards. Most likely say ‘thanks’ afterwards.

Dan ran off to his bedroom to hopefully intervene with Vanessa’s possible discovery of the now-asleep Blair Waldorf on the Humphrey couch. That’s a sentence that no writer ever thought of before. He turned his back to face the pleather pants-wearing, curly headed girl that was now entering his room. Through a window.

He tried to compose himself.

“Heyyy.” Dan stretched his arms to create an illusion of casualness.

Vanessa got straight to talking. “So you know what I found? This-“

The male stood up, his palms in a stop motion.

“Woah-woah, what are you doing here Vanessa? It’s like t-two in the morning.” Dan tried to approach the conversation as if they were having brunch in a cafe.

“Y-know, got school tomorrow..”

An awkward smile on his face that betrayed all the tense emotions. Like a teen caught in his room.

“Don’t ’what are you doing here?’ me! I don’t mean to sound like an airhead, but you don’t spare any time for us. Me. Your best friend?”

Vanessa looked at him hard in the eye.

Maybe I look too tense. Just let her say what she needs to say and then usher her out.

“Fine. Sorry. I’m just exhausted.” He feigned a yawn. While also looking at her in the eye.

Dan beckoned her to continue. Eyeing things around the room like Cedric in the dim light, while waiting for Vanessa’s next words.

“You smell like.. a girl..” Vanessa may have leaned back while she was saying that.

“An expensive girl.” She had to elaborate.

Okay that was a curveball.

“Oh! Uh. Jenny got some freebie at a store for like the little points that you collect.”

As Dan had said that, Vanessa seemed to have relieved some tension in her shoulders, her posture now typical.

“Alright. Well the reason I came was because… I just found a new focal point for my documentary!”

Dan blinked. Vanessa rummaged through her purse to find an old newspaper article.

“It should really be the parents that are the focus, and then we redirect it to the kids, I mean, how else would they get so screwed up if it weren’t for the parents.”

Vanessa smelt like the outside sun sometimes. She looked hopefully in Dan’s direction.

“Yeah, I think it’s great!” His heart was palpitating, praying that she doesn’t want to step out into the living room.

She smiled at Dan. Bangles shaking when she did so. “I’m kind of looking for a bite right now. Did your dad leave leftover bolognese?”

His legs didn’t miss one step as he walked in front of her to guard the door that lead to the living room.

“Mm-You don’t want to do that.” His eyes widened while Dan shook his head incessantly to the girl trying to reach the doorknob.

“Uh- why?”

Dan fidgeted. “My mom’s out there, she just came back. I don’t want her to see a girl coming out of my bedroom at two in the morning.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, your mom knows me, I’ll greet her for being back from Hudson.

I’m in a real shit storm now. Blair’s shirt just had to be unbuttoned! You couldn’t just massage her through the shirt? But no, you had to feel her skin!

“Still, it’s weird, she hasn’t been back in ages. Who knows what teenagers are doing, right?”

Vanessa reached for the doorknob again, then withdrew as a joke.

“Alright. Goodnight Dan. But I’m coming over to meet your mom tomorrow!”

Dan breathed out as soon as Vanessa closed the window and left through the fire escape. He stepped out into the living room.

His eyes were met with Blair Cornelia Waldorf. The light dutifully depicting her as something forbidden.

And her stupid headband placed on the Scrabble board. Bralette exposed sultrily, the atmosphere of the room warm and emanating the smell of a tryst.

“Dan, you want to explain to me why Blair Waldorf is on my couch?” Rufus’ voice came from behind the kitchen.

Aw shit.