Essays For Myself

Random thoughts explored.

[essaysformyself]

When on the toilet, don't text people who will call you #AdviceToSelf 😄

[essaysformyself]

Dangerous phrase?

Try you're hardest.

Everything is ok if you tried your hardest.

What does this mean?

Never feel like I've done my best or tried my hardest.

I feel like always could have done more.

I mean exemplars in mainstream media and cultural consciousness show that even if shot we should keep fighting. In The Pursuit of Happiness the lead gets hit by a car & is expected to go back to work. HIT BY A CAR! and its admired that he "kept going" (and he would have been fired if he hadn't) Kept pursuing that happiness.

"Wanted it bad enough" seems to equal wanted it enough to sacrifice your own well being.

And that also shows up in doing your best & trying your hardest as putting aside your own well being.

This is a big topic with so much more than the above snippet but I don't have anymore time right now 😥

[essaysformyself]

I feel like a slave to my responsibilities. I’m about to play the fool and run off the cliff away from them though financial consequences will hurt. 

Even if I don’t jump current finances cause pain & aren’t enough to do anything but mostly scrape by barring even the smallest “emergency”, like needing cold medicine or the soles wearing out of my shoes (which they have) so which way to suffer is better?

[essaysformyself]

Consumerism Economy

I keep thinking to myself what a messed up economy the U.S. has.

I’ve been thinking about giving up dairy and then because it’s been ingrained in me that we are supposed to support industries with our dollars I worry about what would happen if even more people gave up dairy.  Then I realized how precarious and nonsensical it is to have an economy based so heavily on consumerism.  This is why we have such ruthless lobbyists and why the government ends up providing subsidies and bailouts and industries can sue people for an opinion about their product. Why don’t we see how dangerous it is to have the economy so dependent on products for sale. 

[essaysformyself]

Humans are messy

A line from an article I just read that resonated with me as deeply true & yet we try so hard to deny it & live as if it isn't true.

[essaysformyself]

Wrong Headed Arguments

People keep saying the most ignorant shit in promoting their conspiracy theories and we have so few people anymore who can logic that is scares the crap out of me.  I think of it as the witch hunter logic

If  [insert allegation here] wasn’t true, why would [insert accused here] try and stop the media from publishing it. 

What?!? Tell me that same person using that argument wouldn’t be up in arms if anyone was reporting false facts about them.  

Who wouldn’t protest or try to block negatives about themselves from being put into today’s media mill, especially given how clickbait twisted headlines have become, how few times articles are actually read to see if the headline is even appropriate, how how quickly these things go viral. 

 What I hear echoing in my head when I hear this kind of nonsense is:

If the woman drowns she’s innocent, if she survives she’s a witch and we kill her. 

It all equals a dead woman. There is no way to win. 

[essaysformyself]

Not grammar checked observation/Rant

So many people make me so angry and frustrated right now.  It’s all me me me and everyone is out to get us.  

So many arguments on so many topics all really boil down to

I refuse to change my habits/ way of doing thing to adapt to new circumstance

Because I want to do it a certain way and circumstances have “always” let me do it this way (up until now) it must always remain this way

because we’ve always done it this way is not a strong argument.

Historically we’ve always done something some way until it changed and there’s always been people who wailed against it and then, most of them came to like the advantages of the new ways and declared them the “way we’ve always” done things and begin to cling to those

in schools - slates to pencils

no phone - party line - land line - cell phone

no tv - tv - black and white - color - cable - streaming

horses - buggies - cars

indoor plumbing

no electricity - gas lamps - electricity in homes

anyone other than white males being citizens and having rights  

These have all been monumental leaps and protested with “i won’t and you can’t make me and this is wrong”  Which of you will give up all of these advancements because “I want my old way of doing things to be the only way for everyone forever”  

Talk about arrogance and ego.  Or most likely, though you probably won’t admit it simply fear.

[essaysformyself]

Not enough “me” time / Hate my job

Sometimes my problem is it takes all of Saturday to wind down then I'd really like Sunday to be relaxing or do stuff for me but Monday looms so ugly in front of me and requires prep work that everything else gets squeezed out or tainted.

I'm pretty sure it's a perception thing and probably? not everyone is effected this way or maybe they just don't admit it because, you know "that's just how it is. Why bother to think about it?".

Even if it is a perception thing, I don't know how to reframe it because I dread going to work.  The time away is never enough and I can never get my job waiting for me out of my mind.

[essaysformyself]

Should there always be a reason?

One of the hardest things for me is when there is no "why".

I think I believe there's always a reason and not knowing it or people not caring what the reason is pains me.

[essaysformyself]

Random thought & feeling of ?wonder

Out of the blue I just remembered that entertainment on planes used to be just one inflight movie for all the passengers to watch at the same time not individual entertainment systems with a large selection that individuals choose from at their leisure.

I'd completely forgotten & remembering has left me stunned at having forgotten & at how much things can sometimes change without much notice.

[essaysformyself]

Reminder to self

YOU'RE LEARNING

When writing a description for your short story is taking "too long" or longer than it "should" remember: creating a reader attracting description is a skill and this is your 1st time.

And even after the "1st" don't expect instant descriptions or perfection. It's 100% ok to be a beginner and to spend the time it takes to learn.

[essaysformyself]

Maybe take a look at myself lol

Was just thinking to myself about some life skills that others lack and then I dunk my fingers in boiling water to clean them... I just made a cup of coffee and a snack. My fingers were sticky and since the coffee is liquid, would wash the sticky off. Mmm hmm. Note that I did realize that the coffee was hot from the beginning just “logic-ed” that I’d just barely get them wet so it wouldn’t be enough time to do damage and it went as planned but still the actions that happened (and the thought process) are in the realm of lacking life skills thoughts I was having and are bordering on deserving of inclusion in “humans are weird”

[essaysformyself]

Love myself?

I love many people but I'm not sure about myself.

I rarely keep faith with myself, so many promises broken, so how can I believe?

[essaysformyself]

Held Back

I really hate whichever parent or part of society instilled in me my guilt and my fear of mistakes and doing something "wrong'

[essaysformyself]

The place The space I want to be

My dreams are so vivid and full of feeling in the space between sleeping & waking. That's where I want to live.

[essaysformyself]

The Dream

To have work that involves socializing with people I enjoy everyday while we do creative things that makes enough money that the fun and creativity isn't strangled by worrying if there will be enough money for rent and food.

[essaysformyself]

Perspective

Everything is a matter of perspective and perspective is shaped by personal experience, so.....