26*

hungry infj

[estarrr]

logged on to be moody and shed a few tears

alas I have my dream job now

something about being at home for too long makes me sad though

yet when i’m flying it’s just go go go

days pass by so quickly on the job

I don’t know how i got covid 

probably the elder passenger who was coughing in my face

[estarrr]

03. 2021

it’s like i don’t know him anymore

one year ago he moved back home. pandemic.

we met 3 months later

time is relative

thank you for getting me into btc in aug

when it was less than 12k which seems insane

we had adventures together. no regrets

coffee. working out. simple life

things changed? priorities? 

i can’t really pinpoint it

i got too comfortable

i lost myself

didn’t ask the things i wanted to know about

no more conversations that made you think

there’s no point blaming myself now

[estarrr]

I want 2020 to be my year

[estarrr]

so that didn’t age well but I honestly really enjoyed 2020.

I met someone and traveled with them, ran with them, explored Dallas with them... and it all ended last week.

it’s funny because we went to the same high school and college and I knew who he was, though not closely. He was kind of a meme. But I think I treasured that. 

You go through life and experience the same pain and heartbreak every few years and you start to feel like you know how to navigate it better each time.

You know when you meet someone for the first time, everything about them is so foreign? Their hair, their expressions, their clothes. And the next time you see them it’s a little bit more familiar. And eventually they start to grow on you. And then they just fully exist.

How many times has that happened in your life? Reminding me of this gives me reassurance that the negative feelings are only temporary. Someone you really treasured will just become someone that exists and someone else will have that stronghold over your heart.

There was something so domestic about our relationship, living life in our hometown. Things were familiar. We were comfortable. 

But the more I reflect, I always put the other person first. And I love it because I love to give. I put off personal projects, cleaning my closet, reading, etc, because I get so comfortable. I feel that time is endless. 

I also wave away things that would matter to me if I wasn’t with them. But then try to justify that it’s just part of who they are. There’s no such thing as a perfect person right? Or am I molding too much of myself to accommodate them? 

I also use people as an emotional crutch. Something annoying during work? Deflect. See a cute post online? Deflect. To a certain extent I know this is unhealthy so how does one fix this? Is this normal to a certain degree? How do other people’s brains work?

I do miss him but I know missing him will do no good. But he was so nice about it, I truly think we will be friends. Soon he will be 1000+ miles away so that will help me. 

Part of me wants to start investing in a partner again. I mean why not start now if I want to get ahead in finding my person for the next 50+ years? But part of me knows if I do that now I’m going to not pursue my personal projects, the things I should be doing. I have to tell myself to be selfish and stop wanting to give myself away already. 

I’m going to miss his autism, his humor, his sincerity, his drive. But someone else will come along. 

[estarrr]

I want 2020 to be my year

[riverwindphotography]

[animatedamerican]

you know, it is not very often that I see a gif and experience this strong a desire to put my hand into it.

[psychoactivelectricity]

[vintagemen1800s1900s]

During an expedition of the South Pole, a dog enjoys the gramophone, 1911.

[writhe]

holy fuck i want this tattooed on my body

[sovietnam]

[cloudedcamera-]

Sea by hisaya katagami Via Flickr: Plaubel Makina 67

[estarrr]

tagged by @billyschili​ for some q&a

original post

how tall is your human meat enclosure. how long have you inhabited it -5′2″. 21 years and 11 months!!

what otherworldly being would you be if you were not the inhabitant of a human meat enclosure, and why* -most likely a dog bc their existence revolves around being carefree and happy. a simple life.

how does your otherworldly form express itself in the characteristics of your human meat enclosure -tbh I think I only realized recently I don’t really express myself much. I think I do but most of the time I’m just observing/listening to people. but on social media the most you can get out of me is insta/twitter/tumblr (lmao you follow me on all 3 actually. you win Tpm)

suppose i compelled you to eat a whole, raw cabbage. would you eat it leaf by leaf, or like an apple. this is purely hypothetical; i will not go to the location of your meat enclosure and force you to put a cabbage inside of it -I would eat it head on like an apple, granted I get to put some sauce or dressing on it

what is your physical address. include zip+4 did you set any goals for this year? if so, how’re they coming along? if not (or even if so), what’s something else you’re working towards? that you’re excited about? -my goal was to finish college -- done -my overall life goal is to be happy  -I’m working towards staying positive about the future and trying not to let the past influence how I feel. That is, it’s okay to look back but remember there’s still 3/4 of our lives to experience

do you have pets? …and do you have pictures 🐶 -no

what’s something you used to do as a kid for which you have fond memories? alternate: what’s something you keep solely for sentimental value? if you don’t mind sharing, why do you keep it? -I have a drawer full of personal letters, invitations to birthdays, notes passed in class, etc. They’re p interesting and funny to look at. Just remnants and memories of past friendships and how young and innocent we were

you can travel anywhere in the world. where do you go? alternate: what’s a cool trip you’ve taken, and why did you like it? -can’t think of anything specific rn but I’d want to go somewhere warm, preferably with a beach. alternatively see the northern lights or go somewhere isolated

1 style of cuisine to eat for the rest of your life. what do you choose -something asian that is diverse, possibly japanese? or maybe mediterranean

Here are some questions for whoever stumbles upon this post?? I’m not going to tag since I don’t really know who’s active on this anymore. but feel free to reply to this post or send me a message! I’d like to read your responses.

1. ramen, udon, or soba?

2. an interesting subreddit?

3. favorite type of alcoholic beverage?

4. what’s one of the best feelings you’ve experienced and what was the experience?

5. an internet personality you follow?

6. where were you born and how did you get so far from there today?

7. what are some “last words” you would say to someone? (doesn’t matter who, don’t need to provide context)

8. 1 thing you love/hate about flying

9. preference to warm or cold temperatures? how warm/cold?

[estarrr]

Smoke was the taste of your mouth after 6th Smoke was the smell of your car that lingerered Smoke which comes in 2 forms It smothers me now

[voulair]

me @ the stars: help me

[mugicha1]

[zoomine]

[myonlyphenomenon]

I’ve been staring at this for 5 minutes

[dont-kill-the-kennedys]

That’s what it looks like. That’s really what it looks like

[avesatanaa]

Being out in the ocean is actually so scary because when you look really far out you can kind of see how the Earth is rounded out. It looks like a few miles ahead you’re just gonna fall off or something. Also fun trick: if ur on mobile, double tap zoom in and slide the picture side to side. It looks like you’re actually there looking left to right

[norulesnobras]

DO THAT DO IT RIGHT NOW

[buckybarnes123456-deactivated20]

are you http because ://

[unflavoredwaxedfloss20]

[mockwa]

[hara-kiri]

mood