Kiana Khansmith
if i look back, i am lost
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
tannertan36
occasionally subtle
Peter Solarz
Love Begins
Misplaced Lens Cap
tumblr dot com
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
oozey mess
YOU ARE THE REASON
blake kathryn
we're not kids anymore.
@theartofmadeline
Today's Document
Jules of Nature
RMH
pixel skylines
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@estelular
★ ESTELULAR , when i was little, i loved hearing stories. but stories are just that: stories. the real world is much more brutal… a closed & affiliated roleplay blog for estel of fire emblem shadows, a golden deer student affiliated with the officers academy. as written & beloved by darcy ( 18↑ + they/them )
NAVI ★ ¹ dossier. ² stats. ³ writer. ⁴ plotting. ⁵ thread tracker.
[ SPARKLING WATER ]
"My apologies if you would have preferred champagne instead." Kurt says as he offers a glass of water. "It seemed in poor taste to hand someone who bested us alcohol, even if the competition is over with now."
There is something else he wants to ask, but his finger's curl around his own glass. It might be better not to know, to spend the rest of the night thinking only about what a pleasant time it had been mingling with everyone.
"If you don't mind me asking... where is your homeland? There aren't very many of us" —a playful tug of one of his dog ears— "in Fódlan at the moment."
“i’ve never had champagne before,” estel replies, “so i can’t really prefer something i’ve never tried.” plucking a hyacinth from her bouquet, she offers it to him in exchange for the glass. “i do like water, though. thanks!”
besides, whatever is in good or poor taste doesn’t mean much to the rabbit. if he offered her champagne, she wouldn’t have even blinked. her teacher raised her to mind her manners, of course, but what need had there been for fancy propriety and all up in their village? having food on the table and her family by her side was all she needed in life.
something about his ears and tail do set her the slightest bit at ease, though. it really is a little off-putting, but she figures it’s just as odd to mention their absence to the locals here as it is for estel’s to be brought up to her—not that it’s stopped others.
“but it really is strange, right?” she laughs a little, her own ears twitching a little as she does. “i’m from a little village in the mountains of tournu, so i’m still trying to get used to everything myself.” the ears? the academy? fódlan? all of it, really. her fingers tap idly against the side of the glass as she tilts her head and smiles. “i’m estel, by the way. i guess there wasn’t really time to introduce ourselves during the competition. how about you? where are you from?”
It's strange to have been searching for someone the entire night, and finally when he'd been on the verge of giving up, he finds her. A part of him runs protective (of whom?, a seed of doubt within him begs to ask) but another merely roots him to his spot. He stands there, watching her from a distance with his breath caught in his throat.
There in the White Heron Cup was his friend, lit up by a spotlight. She's a bit clumsy, tripping at one round, but she prevails nearly to the end. He hardly knows dancing, but he can tell her heart is in it anyway. For a moment, it's like he really is watching some semblance of her from a long time ago. Upbeat, determined, and friendly Estel.
(Can he really... pretend?)
He watches until she's been eliminated from the competition, and once she's taken her leave, he approaches her. “Congratulations, Estel,” he tells her, hyacinth already ready in his hand as a gift for her in tandem with his praise. “I didn't know you ever learned to dance, but you did amazing up there.”
“i didn’t win, though.” estel knows it’s childish to say but she can’t help it. maybe if they had just lost in the first round it would have been easier to stomach, but they were so close. it’s hard not to be a little disappointed. “and after all the work my dance teacher put into helping me too...”
but joachim came all this way just to congratulate her. she’d wondered if she would even see him at all tonight—and he appears just like that. so she musters up her best smile for him, accepting the hyacinth and fetching one from her own bouquet to trade. “but thanks anyway, joachim. i guess there’s always next year, right? i’ll have way more experience by then.”
next year. after everything that’s happened tonight, the thought seems impossibly far away. without the adrenaline rush of the white heron cup to keep her mind and heart racing, there’s everything else to think about. she thought she might start over in fódlan. instead, she’s run into the very people she wished she would never have to see in her life again.
did he know that both yuni and erma were going to corner her like that tonight? even as estel thinks it to herself, it sounds ridiculous. she knows firsthand that joachim can’t lie, not even to save his life. could he really be here congratulating her with a straight face if he did?
“i like your stars,” she says instead. can’t she pretend too? just once, just tonight, without all the thinly veiled threats and painful reminders of the home she can never return to. “they remind me of those pajamas we used to have back at the orphanage. we’d put those stars everywhere, remember?” but her expression still dims a little, looking out over the reception hall. pretending is hard, and estel is tired. “...honestly, i’ve been feeling out of place here all night.”
How fitting, for an archer to immediately snipe for the weakest point—for someone who so willingly bathed herself in the darkness to justify herself through comparison and contrast, in the lowest and most hurtful way she could.
Yet Erma will not step down to that level. She will not scream back, nor will she fold to the sniping and goading. There is truth in it...
But also falsity, twisted by emotion.
"I am here for the protection of my lady." She responds coolly, "And to protect him, as he resolves to walk the path of light. We travel together so that we might shed light on the darkness of the world, and save all that we are able. Judging by your presence, our being here is no mistake."
Yet, it was a conundrum. Estel was here, alive. She saw Joachim strike her—saw her die. His reason for seeking Naga's blessing was in great part due to his desire to bring her back.
...Here she stood. Eyes flashing viciously, still clouded with Fenris's influence. Surely, this is not the way he would have wanted to see her return.
"Failing to reach your village is a regret I shall carry for the rest of my days, as with every other person I have failed. And I am sorry that I, we, all of the holy knights, failed you all." Whatever softness had slipped into her expression at that apology soon hardens again. "But you have also made a choice, and with it comes certain consequences you will have to live with."
If there were any onlookers staring at their exchange, Erma intentionally ignores them. Estel was the one making a scene. "And in that, you would be wrong. I have apprehended and put away countless beasts and criminals. I will do so again." Her voice lowers, only for the other to hear, "Do not give me reason to do so to you."
the set of her jaw hardens. to protect them—what, from her? a few minutes ago, erma hadn’t even known she was here. these people were impossible. estel hadn’t raised a hand against yuni. she would sooner lay down her life again than try to harm joachim. even faced with erma, she swallows down the temptation no matter how it claws at her chest and throat to be freed.
estel wants. isn’t it human, to want? she wanted, once, to be a hero like the storybooks. she wanted, then, to get revenge on the people who tore away her home. she wants, now, to be left alone. but she’s not allowed anything she wants.
what reason do they need? what reason are they even looking for? is it just her existence? estel hadn’t asked to be alive any more than they want her to be either. she had surrendered her life to her dearest friend and expected to die, knowing that even if the valiant heroes of her childhood stories weren’t real...well, maybe joachim, too kind and soft-hearted for his own good yet still brave when it mattered, might be as close as it got.
do they think she will stand in his way, if he seeks the light? then they do not understand her at all. she will only be glad that it finds one of them. that maybe his dream, even if never hers, might come true.
“what reasons could i possibly be giving you people? your lady was the one who approached me first. you were the one who bumped into me.” even joachim, when they met upon that scorched field, she had not sought out on her own. she hadn’t even known they were all here. she had come here to never see any of them again. “if i had it my way, all of us would just be enjoying the ball in peace. if it’s enough that i don’t agree with you, then why don’t you go tell the staff all about me already, then?”
estel exhales sharply. “all you want to do is talk. we talked then; we’re talking now. but i’m not going to convince you of anything and you’re not going to convince me either. so, what do you even want me to say? because i won’t say i’m sorry and i won’t say i regret it.”
"A... student." Erma repeats, as if to try and process the ridiculous remark.
A known shadow disciple, allowed to roam free amongst innocents? Everything in her—in what she's known, what she's been taught, what she's seen—could not abide by that. She could not let happen to this place, to any other place, what happened to her village. "I do wonder how inviting the staff would be once they learned of your affliction."
She was a victim of the Shadow, yes. Preyed upon by Fenris. Lady Yuni was correct in that. But she felt no remorse for what it caused, what it lost her. She huffs and exhales, like an impatient child angry about a scolding. As if her precious time was being wasted, when her mere presence here was a matter of life and death.
The knight would not be swayed by the act, or let her guard down.
"Fine, then."
Erma steps closer to Estel, their shoulders brushing again as she speaks close to the rabbit's ear. "What are your intentions here? Do you seek Joachim? Or are you biding time? The retainers of Fenris do not seem to be here at the moment, but if you have appeared, it is entirely possible for them to follow. Once they order you to maim and kill, you cannot resist—"
Memories of Erma's childhood friend flash in her mind. How she so brutally slaughtered neighbors, family, friends. And how she dazedly and innocently forgot it all. How it led her to lie about all of it.
"So why would we simply leave you be?"
again, these thinly veiled threats. again, the shift of the blame. they make two peas in the same high and mighty pod, don’t they? estel is the one that can’t resist when they were both the ones who came at her first? she hadn’t even done anything. she was here to enjoy the ball!
there’s a flash of pink in her eyes, there and gone so quickly that it might have been a trick of the light. of course, erma would know better—and estel does too.
kill her. kill her now, and you won’t have to deal with this.
it would be so easy to. the knight may not have her weapon, but estel doesn’t need hers to tear her apart.
she grits her teeth, takes two steps back to put distance between them. no, she won’t. estel doesn’t want to—it had never been what she wanted, but none of them understand that. was she looking for joachim? she had resigned herself to never seeing him or their teacher again. was she biding her time? what would she even bide her time for? no, of course not!
“i came here because my home is gone,” she snarls and doesn’t care who hears. “my home is gone, my family is dead, and you were the one who was too late to save it. and you want to ask me what i’m doing here? what are you?! if you’re that worried about fenris’ retainers, then you should be back in tournu hunting them down!”
while they’re here arguing circles in fódlan, what is happening back home? is there another village that won’t have a knight to save it? will someone just like her turn to the shadows in an attempt to protect their home? maybe they’ll be more successful than her. maybe their home won’t be burned down and their family won’t have to die.
but these what ifs mean nothing to estel. it is far too late for her. “you both have some nerve, don’t you? but when it comes down to it, what have you even done?” she scowls. “i’ll answer for you: nothing.”
Erma's eyes dart about the room. It was far too crowded to start a fight, not that she currently had her weapons on her. Estel, however... shadow disciples were vicious even without a sword or spear, on account of their monstrous forms. And the holy knight highly doubted she mutilated that bandit group with a mere bow and arrow.
But she doesn't attack, for now. Merely questions.
"What I want does not matter. Why are you here?" Her voice is low, hushed. Though their staredown was obscured by the darkness of the room, she didn't wish to give any more reason to draw curious eyes. "You should have been..."
Was this why Lady Yuni had been reflecting on Estel all of a sudden? Had she seen her here?
...Had Joachim?
erma wants the same thing that yuni did, then: to talk. estel tries to swallow her sigh. don’t they ever tire of talking?
it’s better than being attacked, of course, but she wishes they would just leave her alone. they may not agree with her actions, but estel does not regret what she has done either. no matter what they say to try and convince her otherwise, she will never regret it.
“i was invited,” she answers, a little petulant. “i’m a student here—they invited all of us to the ethereal ball.”
obviously it’s not what erma is trying to ask, but she doesn’t know the answer to that question any more than the knight would. she should have been killed—she had been. the scar from it still throbs in pain some nights as though she needs a reminder of it.
and then she wasn’t dead. whether it was some miracle of light or shadow, it’s not like she can say. it’s a miracle too little, too late anyway.
estel exhales. after arguing with yuni, she’s just tired. “look, i already told lady yuni to leave me alone and she did. so, again, what do you want?”
to dance again
White Heron Cup - Match 14
As the night goes on and Finn continues to advance through the ranks of competitors, he finds it harder and harder to believe that this is not some sort of elaborate prank waiting to laugh in his face.
The next pair bears at least a portion of familiarity. His eyes linger briefly on Ananke, his head bowing when their eyes briefly catch. How funny to have enjoyed a dance together, only for it to be a premonition to this moment.
Up until now, his lead has been consistent, but simple. That has done them well, but...surely they will not allow such mediocrity to continue to rise? Is it not owed to his partner to try and ensure that she continues to win, even at his own expense?
It is with this in mind that Finn braces himself, taking a deep breath as they wait for the next song to begin. It is with this in mind that Finn takes the lead once more. And it is with this in mind that Finn almost immediately steps against her path and nearly bumps into his partner entirely.
"Ah." How embarrassing. He's quick to correct, steering them back into the same simple and boring steps from before. "My apologies again, I...I seem to have gotten ahead of myself."
He hopes none of the others are watching...He has yet to see them over his partner's shoulders, though the ears do get in the way. "I didn't accidentally hurt you, did I?"
@estelular & @macnaradhaigh & @cervanke
well, it was only a matter of time. they’ve only just met, after all. the fact that they’ve managed to stay so in sync so far seems lucky.
luckily as well, estel has always been quick on her feet. she is quick enough to adjust, sidestepping before they can collide then resuming their usual steps.
“oh, i’m fine,” she’s quick to assure when he apologizes. a little surprised, maybe, but hardly hurt. “i’ve hunted boars almost twice your size before. something like that isn’t enough to hurt me.”
her ears slope forward a little as her head tilts to the side. “but you apologize a lot, don’t you? you really don’t have to. here, if you want to try something different...” adjusting her grip to make it easier to move their arms, she smiles up at him. “when the strings start up again, do a quarter turn to the right and then we can spin together to the other end of the dance floor, okay?”
their scores for this round probably won’t be all that great, but estel tries her best not to let her disappointment show on her face as she counts under her breath to keep the timing of her steps right. it’s not her partner’s fault, after all, and he’s already apologized to her so many times tonight.
besides, it’s not over until the song and dance are done. so she’ll give it her all until then!
TOTAL SCORE: 14.5 @macnaradhaigh & @cervanke
★ the ethereal ball 2026, @argentiia — erma & estel.
[ SLIP-UP ]
The dark does not bother Erma.
Not in the sense that she lacks fear of what lurks inside it—for with Shadow, there is always something to be afraid of. For it was the den of monsters, criminals, murderers; those who hide their vile intentions, only to unleash them on the unsuspecting later.
It terrifies her.
But it does not stop her. The dark does not impede Erma's sight greatly, and thus she moves forward, no matter the obstacle. She follows whatever faint light she can latch onto, so that she might...
(The crowd is thick in the dim ballroom, and her shoulder brushes against another. An apology is uttered, gaze shifts towards the shadow, and rabbit ears are the first thing to enter her sight.)
...be a light for others to follow.
"You are..." Erma tenses, her hand inching towards her waist, only to remember—she hadn't brought her spear with her. "...Estel..."
children are warned to be careful of the dark. the shadows are where the monsters lurk, after all.
but even as a child, estel had never been afraid of it. no, she would face the darkness with her head held high and her bow at the ready, to protect all those who could not protect themselves from what lurked there. as all good heroes should.
she may be no hero now, but as it was then, as it is now. the rabbit weaves through the crowds with ease even in the dim lighting. her eyes may not be as good in the dark as joachim, but she can still see better than most fódlan folks if the numerous people who have almost or already tripped into her is any indication.
“coming through! ‘scuse me!” when her shoulder brushes another, the apology comes automatically—“oh, sorry!”—before she even turns to see who she’s bumped into.
and when she does, she jerks back immediately like she’s been burned.
frankly, estel hadn’t really thought that yuni would cause a scene in front of such a large crowd. like naga’s retainer had said: they were on a different continent, with different rules, and even a different goddess. she doubts her status would have done much to save her here if she chose to strike her down.
but her knight? in the darkness? doesn’t it seem like the perfect cover? the heel of her boot scuffs against the ballroom floor as she takes a half-step back, eyeing erma warily. she doesn’t appear to have her spear, though that doesn’t mean she can’t be concealing other weapons. how quickly could estel defend herself if the other tried to attack?
“you...” a frown curls on her lips. “...what do you want? i already said if you leave me alone, i won’t do anything.”
in over your head.
★ the ethereal ball 2026, continued — yuni & estel.
It's an uncomfortable relief that washes over Yuni. That Estel does not immediately wish to slaughter her is reassuring—any other disciple of Shadow would have leapt at the opportunity and made it clear. Yuni's dereliction of duty is right after all. But simultaneously, Estel's refusal to renounce her choices tells Yuni that she is still under Fenris' claw, some way, somehow.
"Then I'll leave you alone." The 'for now' is unsaid, but implied. The cruel fate of those who choose to jump from heaven is that they will eventually crash into hell. It is only a matter of when and not if Estel will succumb to her Shadow. The worrying part is that the rabbit does not seem to think of herself as a predator.
Was that her fault, though? The nature of Shadow is that it deceives everyone around it, including itself. How can darkness know its true depths if it has yet to reach it?
Yuni glances to the side. The other dancers have departed. It's just her and Estel now. She takes a step to the side, ready to depart as well, but not before speaking.
"And..." The words linger in her mouth for a while, rolling around her cheeks like a venom she has to spit out, "I don't think badly of you, Estel. That's the truth."
Whether or not she believed it was no longer Yuni's problem.
The disciple dips her head, turns her heel, and walks away. The lights in the ballroom shift, and the unmistakable creak of doors and partitions being moved fills in the rhythm of Yuni's footsteps. She draws further and further away from Estel, not daring to look back.
Ah... she should talk to Erma.
END.
the dance floor menagerie
White Heron Cup 2026 Match 11
Inexplicably, it is Finn who passes onto the next round of the contest, and not the pairing actually deserving of it. His only thought is that he is glad that this partner's experience was not brought down by his own, even as he feels a little lost following her to their next match.
At which point he realizes he seems to have missed a note about some sort of dress code. His eyes scan over the pair with their dog ears and wings before briefly returning to the ears sitting up on his own partner's head.
...and in the end, he says nothing.
He bows once more before taking the lead as the musicians begin the starting strings of their song. "Shall we see then if your faith is properly placed?"
The music begins proper, and he waits for no answer.
It is much the same again. Simple steps, a simple dance. Finn does not think himself one for grand displays and can only hope that his partner does not mind or disappoint at that.
(Estel had laughed during their last dance, and Finn's heart aches at the thought that this was an opportunity Nanna should have had sooner.)
"You follow quite well for someone so humble about your skill earlier." He keeps his voice quiet as they dance, not wanting to disturb her focus.
@estelular & @lobeiro & @lovelyflight
well, this feels a little more like home. dog ears, white wings... estel can’t help the small smile that ticks up the corner of her lip. they make a nice pair.
as for her own...
if anything, he only proves her more and more right. there’s nothing wrong with simplicity when it accompanies consistency. after all, estel is a hunter, not a dancer. when all that stood between their next meal and her arrow was her ability to land the same shot she had hundreds of times before, consistency is a thing she can appreciate.
she can’t quite say the same for herself, however. this time around, she’s so focused on trying to get all the steps right that everything else falls to the wayside. she nearly jumps out of her skin when he speaks, her ears twitching sharply to attention.
“huh?” she trips right into him on her next step and grimaces, only grateful that she hadn’t gone sprawling entirely. even as she straightens, estel already knows it’s thrown her off-kilter. the least she can do is try her best not to step on his toes.
“well, i don’t know about that,” she murmurs, a faint flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck. estel really isn’t so humble—she just knows what she’s good at and what she isn’t. she can pin a boar down with a few arrows without even blinking. on the other hand, dancing...requires a little more effort and thought than that.
TOTAL SCORE: 16.5 @lobeiro & @lovelyflight
alors on danse
Ethereal Ball 2026 - White Heron Cup - Match 5
Her response — a quiet of course — was lost to Lady Lachesis' recognition, and her attention flickered over to the pair next to them, trailing behind Lachesis' gaze. A blue-haired man, a woman with a pair of bunny ears, one of whom claimed the name Finn; but the sudden stiffness it created in Lachesis' dance was undeniable.
What was it from? What was the connection?
Her steps faltered as she tripped over her own partner's shoe, attention drawn too far away for her to be cognizant of her own footwork. "Oh, my apologies," she murmured, head snapping back. Then, laughter as they fell back into time, as she reassured herself and her partner, "Imperfection is sometimes needed to make a performance feel human, don't you think?"
But what was the connection? A person that Lady Lachesis knew to some capacity, someone who she wasn't expecting — perhaps a friend, family, or an enemy; and understanding dawned on Azura's gaze. Just as Azura did by partaking in the Cup, perhaps it would help for Lachesis to forget briefly about the past that followed her, too. Performance was never easy when a cloud lingered above one's head, so Azura needed to pull Lachesis away: not for the competition, but because they both deserved to enjoy this moment without ghosts interfering.
So, a change in their steps it was. "Would you mind following me here?" — and Azura swept her arm into the air to pull Lachesis into a spin, before pivoting them to leave Lachesis' back facing the other duo. A little sloppy, a little strange, but they regained their rhythm eventually, and Azura gave a small smile in hopes of returning warmth where it had been lost.
"A lovely spin, Lady Lachesis — you are a natural."
lachesis & azura — average of 11.5. @sacrificialspear & @estelular
Being informed that his name had been included in this competition, unknown to him and without his consent, had felt like another of the night's elaborate pranks against him. Like the mint thing.
Even as he watches the others take their positions and brave the light few sways of practice before starting, a frown still sits on his face. He had not anticipated that there might be someone here that sought to see him humiliated so much. His clothes had called much more attention to him than expected before this and now, as he steps onto the dance floor, he can only wonder how many people are scoffing at the bloodless stable boy who thinks himself a knight.
Nevermind. His partner's name is unfamiliar to him, as is the face as he turns to find a young lady with...rabbit ears atop her head. Finn stares openly a moment before sense reclaims him and he bows.
"My apologies." are offered along with his hand as he takes her and guides her into the starting position. "You deserved a better partner."
That is not what he may be, but he will strive still for such heights. As Lachesis's voice calling out to him is lost in the rising of the music's melody, Finn guides his partner on as best as he can as he runs through his memory of every dance he has watched from the sidelines. There are no elaborate moves or breathtaking demonstrations. Their dance is simply, but as Finn leads her into a spin, he wonders if, at least, it is something worth watching.
"And...my apologies again. I am afraid that I do not know very many dances beyond the basics."
Finn's score: 20 @estelular
estel doesn’t recognize her partner, but that’s nothing so strange. there are so many people in garreg mach, after all. even tonight when most are gathered, she can hardly meet them all. she smiles at him briefly as they meet, though it’s quick to fade when he apologizes instead. but she has neither name to chide nor time to do so as the music starts up.
this one she thinks she recognizes at least, however vaguely, and she falls easily into the steps as he takes the lead. step here, turn there… it’s far from perfect, but what she lacks in technique is more than made up for in her enthusiasm.
when her partner spins her, estel laughs as she goes. and when she comes to a stop, she looks up at him with her ears pointed curiously. “you know, i’m not sure what you’re apologizing for,” she says as the song winds down. “you’ve been a great partner.” besides, it’s not like she knows all that many dances either. a month ago she hadn’t even known how to dance!
but still, she grins. “if you dance like that the whole way through, i bet we might even win.”
TOTAL SCORE: 18.5
in over your head.
★ the ethereal ball 2026, continued — yuni & estel.
Now Estel gives Yuni exactly what she had been looking for: an answer. The admission that she was still on Fenris' side all along. She has no reason to continue the conversation, in fact she knows it would be better for her to leave and tell Erma about what information she's gained and whatever steps they ought to take next. But she is not Naga's ideal disciple—indeed, far from it. She is fallible in ways her matron is not. When Estel pushes her back, Yuni brings herself right back into her orbit, a stubborn moon clinging onto its planet.
"There's so much you still don't know." She shakes her head, "You are in over your head."
The grip she has on Estel's hands grows tight, desperate almost. Yuni would never admit it, especially not to her, but in this moment, emotions replace reason. She recalls her sister. How anger and need had pushed her towards that same darkness, that same justification, and how it ended up doing something worse than killing her—it consumed her from inside out, ripping apart the parts that used to be her and replacing them with rot. She recalls what Estel says about the Light and thinks—she is right! By Naga, she is right. Yuni failed. Had she come there earlier, perhaps she would have swayed Estel to her side. Just as she might have convinced her sister to stay with her had she not failed her too.
Oh Naga, how difficult it is to serve you! Yuni wishes she were blind in her faith, that its bright Light may shield her from seeing the truth. But she cannot run away from the truth any more than those living in Shadow can. Ultimately, that is the aim of her deception—to lead to the one real truth. For, like Estel, there is also so much she doesn't know. She is just as much in over her head.
Yuni grits her teeth. She can't show any of this to Estel. Order must triumph over the chaos that undoubtedly still lives in her heart—faith must win over the doubt of her questions. Her expression cools itself into a vague neutral, and a deep breath allows her to release the tension she had been holding.
"I have been trying to guide you back towards the Light. But I understand now that Fenris' influence over you is too strong. Nothing I say will convince you."
The song shifts. The rhythm slowly lulls, and the violin begins to fade away.
"Normally this means I ought to get rid of you. Just as you follow the commands of Shadow, that too is my duty to the Light—purging the world of wickedness. However, we are on a different continent, with different rules. I'm not about to harm a fellow student."
And, Yuni realizes, she doesn't want to kill Estel. Why for, she doesn't yet know. But she feels in her heart that it is not what she wants to do. What use is her heart, though, when it has been promised to Naga in exchange for her sister? Would Yuni be willing to trade Estel's life for hers?
Yuni drops her hands. A bead of sweat runs down her forehead towards her cheek. She shouldn't make this about herself.
"But you're not above that. You don't follow the same principles that we do. Tell me, do you want to kill me like you killed those bandits?"
...what?
the question is so baffling that it slaps estel right out of her frustration. confusion moves in then, and then understanding. not the kind that yuni claims to have of her own intentions however—and, considering the question, she doubts the divine retainer has truly understood at all—but the sort that tells her that maybe they really won’t see eye-to-eye at all.
that’s fine. she hadn’t expected to.
deep in the forest, the bandits’ footsteps thundering after her, estel’s shadow had asked her but one question. she had no time and no need to hesitate on the answer—it was a very simple one, after all, and there was no room left for forgiveness in her heart. so she wished for the power to kill evildoers, that they could never use their power to trample over the weak again.
the answer to this question, too, would have been much simpler in the forest. it had not been a matter of wanting to kill yuni, merely a fact that she had to. she could have been anyone that tried to stop her. the shadows had told her so, after all: if they discovered her first, they would kill her. either they died or she would. as long as naga’s retainer and her knight stood in her way, the only way out was through them both.
“if you attack me first, i won’t hesitate like i did with joachim,” she promises as the final note of the song rings throughout the room. the dance is over and partners begin to separate, bowing and curtsying as they part. but estel does neither, only raising her head. no, whatever this second life is, she will not spend it laying down and waiting to die—especially not at yuni’s hands.
but even if she is no longer the same person that joachim and their teacher had once known, even if she holds no fond familiarity for the divine dragon’s retainer... the power she wished for has but one purpose. even then, no matter what the shadows tried to whisper to her, she refused to use it otherwise. she will defend the weak from those with evil intentions and cut down all those who dare stand in her way.
exhaling, she pulls herself free from the other’s grip and shakes her head. when estel meets the divine retainer’s gaze, the only color in her eyes is amber. “...but my wish was to have the power to kill evildoers—and you’re not evil.”
her boot slides back against the floor, ready to turn away and be done with the light and its follower. despite herself, however, she still pauses to offer yuni one last glance. no, she does not follow the same principles as yuni and her goddess. but, even in her last moments, she had refused to listen to fenris’ and their retainers too. estel had not wanted to turn to the shadows; she could only reach out to what was there.
the cruel reality of this world is simply that fenris’ retainers had been faster.
“...i know you think badly of me, but i don’t kill without a reason. as long as you leave me alone, i have no reason to do anything to you.”
whatever this second life is...with it, estel will write for herself what she believes is right and wrong. no light or shadow will dictate it for her.
[ MOVIE - TRAGEDY ] - A techno-magical reproduction of a moving tragedy following a young prince seeking revenge against his uncle for the murder of his father.
"there's no way that's how he holds a sword. his form's all wrong. he should be doing this!" shiro demonstrates with the only prop he's got on hand—his poor tulip, which he waves and thrusts around accordingly before remembering that flowers do poorly when manhandled.
"...oh, yeah. how's your bouquet coming along? you can have this if you want!"
the way the archery is being acted out isn’t quite right either, if estel is being honest. the disbelieving expression on her face and the baffled slant of her ears should speak to her displeasure well enough. with how they’re holding their bows, they’d sooner bruise their own arms black and blue with the bowstring than hit anything they’re aiming at.
“i don’t think any of these actors have ever held a weapon before,” she agrees, observing with a stifled laugh. the sword has never been her own weapon of choice, but she thinks his demonstration seems right enough from what she’s seen before. “the archery is all wrong too. i bet if we acted it out ourselves, it would be better.”
at the question, she reaches for the bouquet she’d set aside, peering down at the flowers she’s gathered throughout the evening. there’s a rose, a hyacinth she’d set aside specifically to remember that it wasn’t one of her own, a few orchids and lilies...
estel snaps her fingers. “oh! i think that’s the last one i need, actually.” she slips a hyacinth free from her own bouquet to offer in turn, grinning. “well, it’s no tulip-sword, but here! take my hyacinth too.”
[ SLIP-UP ] It could have been a brushed off as a simple accident, but really, Ronan had been somewhat intentional with the soft tap to her shoulder. He wanted to be sure that she was real, not a trick of the light or the strange projections that have been dancing across the walls, but now that he has his proof, he has to get himself out of a situation quickly turning awkward.
He points to his own head, and breathes in awe.
"You have rabbit ears."
Which doesn't help him in the slightest.
her ears fold down awkwardly. “...yes?” an agreement? a question? probably a little bit of both.
estel has never thought of them as any more curious than anyone else’s ears back home, but in fódlan they’ve turned out to be something of a marvel. what passes for human here is so different to what she has known all her life. where were the animal ears or the horns? their tails? their wings?
everything about the people here just seems so...empty in comparison. just look! there are entire limbs missing from where they should be!
her brows knit together, but there’s nothing for her to really point out on him aside from the absences. well, if they’re not on top of his head... estel points to the side of her head instead, head tilting. “don’t you have ears too?”
a beat, and then she can’t help herself. he started the conversation by pointing out her ears, so it can’t be that rude to ask about it. “isn’t it weird to not have...anything up there?” she twists to make a vague gesture at her back. “not even a tail? or wings?”
[ PHOTO IN MOTION ] - And in addition, this year boasts a similar device bolstered by new advancements that allow it to capture more than just a moment; now, even motion and sound can be immortalized forever. Take a video with a friend—or catch something juicy you’ll want to keep up your sleeve for later.
fodlan has all sorts of interesting things, doesn't it? estel watches from the sidelines as students crowd around the device for their turn at it, much to its overwhelmed handler's seeming chagrin. she supposes she’ll just have to return later for a chance to try it out—or maybe she’ll just settle for watching as others have their fun with it. what would she capture with it anyway?
this is the thought that causes her ears to fold in on themselves as she watches a group of friends happily pile into the frame, chatting and laughing amongst themselves. if she had this device back home, estel can think of a few memories that would have been worth recording, if only so she could ensure she never forgot them.
but all she has now is her memory, fallible as it is. already, she’s afraid she’s beginning to forget the faces of the children at the orphanage. and if she actually does? how will she remember them then?
“hey, miss with the rabbit ears! it’s your turn!”
estel startles, said ears straightening to attention. but after a moment of consideration, she shakes her head insistently. “no, it’s okay. i was just watching.” she glances at the girl next to her—hadn’t she been standing around for a while too?—and smiles. “do you want to take my spot instead? everyone else looked like they were having fun with it. having a memory you can keep forever...sounds nice.”
[ SHAVED ICE ] - Served with a wide assortment of sweet, fruity syrups. Traditionally, it is served in bowls, but some are saying it makes for quite a refreshing sip when drank from a glass.
too sweet, too bitter, too sour, too sweet again...
all of the syrups have tasted fine enough with the shaved ice, but there just hasn’t been one to blow her out of the water yet. staring contemplatively down at the remaining assortment of flavors still left to try, estel honestly doesn’t know where to start. she’d just been going off colors so far—blue because she liked it, red because it caught her attention, green because it seemed like a peculiarly bright shade, then yellow because it had been right next to the previous one. but none of them have led her right so far.
“do you have a flavor you like?” she abruptly asks of the woman next to her without raising her head. her gaze skips over the selection of flavors again, brows knit together in contemplation. “i’ve tried some of them but they’re all a little too...” a vague gesture with her hand as estel pulls a face, her ears flicking idly. “...something or other. maybe i’m not doing it right.”
[ ZOFIA ] - Modeled after an Archanean court dance, but with an energetic twist. The entire body is engaged with the dance, creating a spectacle that is enjoyable to watch.
estel may not get every step right, but what she lacks in finesse is more than made up for in her enthusiasm. energy is something the rabbit has in spades, a product of a childhood spent running to and fro—then, later, days whiled away hunting for the next big catch to feed the orphanage. dancing isn’t quite the same, but there’s a liveliness to the act that she still enjoys.
especially with a good partner! estel hadn’t thought that she was terrible at it herself, but dancing across from someone clearly skilled at it makes the difference clear. what should she do, then, but double her efforts in turn?
“wow... you’re good...!” she manages between catching her breath as the song finally winds down. raising her head to meet her partner’s gaze, she grins. “i did my best to keep up, but i only learned to dance recently. and it wasn’t anything like that! have you danced to this song before?”
