Nica Y Rica @estephlove - Tumblr Blog

It be nights like tonight where I'm deep in my head and I just know I'm not happy. I'm not happy with where I'm at in life. I'm not happy with the person I'm married too. I feel horrible for my children having to deal with a mother like myself. I'm going to speak up to my husband in the morning when he is sober. At the end of the day, I was better off alone. I love my children to death but I should've been alone my whole life. My goal in life is to make sure my kids are successful and happy and have a WAY better life than I do/did. Make better decisions than I ever made. Hit milestones that I wish I could've had. Be better than I could ever be. Please God in Jesus name. Continue to bless myself and my kids. They deserve the world and more. I hope they will be proud of me when they understand. I love them so very much.

07/26/2025

Everyday is harder and harder.

I deleted his twitter and IG apps and do you think he can stay away?... Nope. He logs in on safari and deletes history. I wish my husband was a real man and can commit to being away from his socials. But he's in his 20's still and I need to remind myself that he's still immature. Even if he says he's happy with what he's got which is still unbelievable.

07/26/2025

Nothing like catching your husband looking at other females IG's. And he be wondering why I'm this way. I hate this. I'll never be enough will I?

7/10/25

makeuphall

The life I dreamed of and wanted to live is not the life I have right now. And I hate it. I hate myself for not giving myself the life I'd always wanted.

05/17/2025

Every fight makes me feel like we're a day closer to the end of this marriage. I had to tell him I go to a dark place when we get to disagreeing. I really start to hate myself and think back at the life decisions I've made. Like did I need up or is this another hump..

5/7/25

Just when I think we're on a positive step forward. We regress. I seriously hate it here. Am I literally not enough?

A literal joke. My life.

Today I see his email and noticed he logged into his x account. It's obvious I'm not truly loved and I'm not enough. Is it me? Honestly. Shit didn't even last 2 weeks. I absolutely hate myself and my current situation.

4/6/2025

4 am on Eva's tournament night and this guy is passed out in my child's room with a beer. After consistently telling him to stop drinking because I knew shit wasn't getting done. Now he's gonna be hurt at her game and ima have to deal with it. I hate it here. And I deleted his x app because why is he still looking up ho's accounts. I'm really not good enough for this mf. If that's the case then let's end this marriage. Cus I'm seriously over it. As much pain as it causes me.

3/15/25

Oh how I wish life was different. My expectations are never met. Changes are never made. I just be hoping man.

I don't think I'm living my happily ever after yet.

Crazy thing is, I been on his twitter. I seen what he's into. Clearly I'm not good enough for him. Maybe not even close to what he wants me to be. But just like that I thought he was someone different. Someone I wanted in my life. But more and more does that start to become the person I never wanted and tried to avoid. I'm only learning this now and now I'm stuck with it. Way to make me feel not good enough for someone who actually isn't enough.

If anyone gets into my tumblr I may be in trouble 🤭 #Say Drake

If someone was to ask me how I feel on a deeper level.. I'd say miserable. Absolutely miserable. My life decisions have gotten the best of me. Had I known better I was better off alone. But my hopeless romantic self always wanted to be with somebody and it costs me everything. I should've known better.

These days I don't see the future so bright. Just dull and doing the same thing. Dealing with the same. I can only truly be happy with my kids for my kids. As for my life partner, he might not last much long with how things seem to feel. He says he's there for me but yet can't respect the things I ask of him. I have a past and I don't want you to remind me of it yet you CONTINUE to do so and not give a fkc about how I feel. Some husband I have. I'm just tired. And at this point I'm just here and alone. As I've always have been. One day maybe I'll be happy. Until then this mama is miserable and only have deep love for her kids.

I truly need a vacation. Just me and my kids.

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Nica Y Rica