LETTER HOME , joseph zada
—pairing: ex!joseph zada x oc
—synopsis: when eloise goes to a party that her friends dragged her to. she half-expected to see joseph. but what she didn’t expect is how joseph was going to react to seeing her.
—DISCLAIMER PLEASE READ: this story is a part of my wattpad book letter home , joseph zada. this is just one chapter from it. the oc can be imagined as yourself but for my wattpad book i have a faceclaim. go check out the full fan fic on wattpad: estorine !!!
pleaseeeeee listen to letter home by childish gambino while reading this. it’s so worth it. i’m telling you.
“Wow, I didn’t expect so many people to be here,” Lila said, her voice laced with awe as she scanned the room. Bodies crowded every corner of Louis’ house, music spilling through the open spaces.
Louis’ house was the perfect size for something like this, big enough to hold a party that felt wild, but small enough that you could pretend it wasn’t completely out of control. It didn’t surprise me that he’d gone all out, not when it was for his best friend’s birthday.
I only nodded, keeping quiet. My breath quickened, nerves humming beneath my skin. I’d been on edge all day.
“You okay, El?” Olivia asked, turning her head so she could look at me properly.
“Uh, yeah.” I mumbled, swallowing hard.
The truth was, I wasn’t okay, not even close. Somewhere in this house was Joseph. The thought alone made my stomach twist. We hadn’t spoken in eight months, and I knew exactly how much resentment he carried toward me because of that night. The pressure of it all made my chest tighten, nausea creeping up my throat, and for a moment I seriously considered bolting to the nearest bathroom and throwing up everything I had in me.
“You don’t look okay, El.” It was Iris’ turn to speak. Concern softened her features as she looked at me, her eyes searching my face. “I’m sorry if it felt like we pressured you into coming. We can leave right now if you want.”
Olivia and Lila both nodded in agreement, their expressions mirroring Iris’.
I shook my head quickly, forcing a small smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. “No, no, it’s fine. Really. I’m fine. I think I just ate something bad.”
Iris didn’t look convinced, but she hesitated, like she was debating whether to push it. Olivia gave me a skeptical look, her lips parting as if she wanted to say something, then stopping herself.
“Okay.” Lila said slowly. “But if you want to leave, we will.”
I nodded, managing a small smile, grateful for how easily my friends understood.
“I’m going to wish Will a happy birthday,” I told them. “I’ll be right back.”
They nodded, watching me for a moment longer before letting me go. And then I was off, slipping into the crowd with my heart pounding a little too fast.
The crowd swallowed me almost immediately. I wove through clusters of people, offering quick apologies as shoulders brushed mine, my pulse ticking louder with every step.
Will wasn’t hard to find. He stood in the middle of the living room, friends gathered loosely around him, laughter spilling out in waves. I smiled faintly, taking a step forward.
Almost.
My gaze drifted across the friends, and then it stopped.
He was there, mid-conversation with Will and a few others, hands moving animatedly as he spoke. He looked so normal, so painfully familiar, like eight months hadn’t passed at all.
My heart dropped, my feet rooting themselves to the floor, hesitating.
Then, as if he could feel me watching him, his expression shifted. His brows knit together slightly before he turned his head.
His eyes locked onto mine.
Time froze, just like my feet. The music and chatter around me all dulled to a hum. My right ear rang as my stomach twisted into knots, suddenly the air felt like it was disappearing. I wanted to run. I wanted to disappear. But my legs betrayed me, frozen where I stood.
His face fell as he stopped talking, and the people around him froze, confusion flickering across their faces as to why he stopped talking, then they followed his gaze. Slowly, it seemed they all understood. Joseph’s eyes widened, his brows knitting together tightly. For a brief, fleeting second, a softness passed through his gaze, but just as quickly, it sharpened again, hard. His jaw clenched so tightly I half-expected his teeth to crack under the pressure
I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, my pulse hammering so loud I was sure everyone could hear it. My mind scrambled for any excuse to move, to turn away, to act like I didn’t care at all these people looking at me, but nothing came.
I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear their conversation, but apparently not far enough, because the next words that slipped from Joseph’s mouth made my stomach drop.
“What is she doing here?”
Then he walked away.
Sighing softly, I bit the inside of my cheek and crossed my arms over my chest, silently lecturing myself not to let the tears fall.
“El! You made it!” I heard Will’s voice, and I looked up just as he pulled me into a quick hug. His smile was warm, but his eyes held a flicker of sympathy I couldn’t ignore.
I forced myself to push away the emotions lingering on my face and returned a practiced smile. “Happy birthday, Will.”
Will’s smile faltered for a moment as his gaze flicked toward the direction Joseph had walked. His expression tightened, just slightly, before he turned back to me.
“Did he… um,” I began, my voice catching as I coughed nervously, “Did he walk away… because of me?”
I knew how foolish the question was. Hell, anyone with half a brain could have answered it for me. But a small, desperate part of me wanted to believe there was another reason, anything to help whatever was brewing inside of me.
“Um… no?” Will said, his voice hesitant, a questioning look on his face.
I blinked. He was such a bad liar.
Will let out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, maybe.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and crossed my arms over my chest the second time that time. I breathed out a disappointed breath. My fingers dug into the fabric of my sleeves, trying to anchor myself.
“But he’s weird, it’s okay.” Will said, his voice gentle, trying to calm me down. There was a hint of awkwardness in his tone, but I could tell he was worried too.
I smiled at him, grateful for his attempt to make me feel better, even though we both knew it was nearly impossible.
“Wanna come?” Will asked, nodding toward the group he had been with before. I glanced over and noticed a few girls staring at me strangely, their expressions curious, maybe even judgmental.
“Uh, I think I’m just going to grab something to drink.” I quickly lied, feeling horrible. It was his birthday and he was trying to make me feel better, I think it would be best if I left for a bit.
Will hesitated, a sympathetic smile tugging at his lips. “Fine.” He breathed out, shaking his head slightly. “But I better see you again tonight, because as much as you’re annoying, I missed you.”
“Okay.” I laughed and this time it was real.
Will gave me a smile before weaving back into the group he had been with, leaving me alone.
My legs carried me aimlessly toward the drink table. To any outsider, I probably looked like a zombie, head down, shoulders tense, moving robotically. I slid onto a stool at the island, letting out a quiet sigh as I rested my chin on my hand.
I scanned the options lazily. I didn’t drink, I was twenty, but at that moment, a reckless part of me wondered if it might help calm whatever was in me.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I grabbed a bottle of water and took a long, slow sip, trying to anchor myself. My eyes wandered distantly around the room, catching snippets of laughter and glimpses of people dancing. But even as I tried to focus outward, my attention kept drifting.
“Hey.”
I jumped as a boy slid into the seat beside me.
“Oh my gosh.” I breathed out. “You scared me.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” He laughed warmly, leaning back casually. “You looked bored out of your mind. Figured you might want some company?”
I hesitated for a moment, glancing down at my water bottle. My heart was still racing, and part of me wanted to tell him I was fine on my own. But another part, the part desperate for a distraction.
“Sure… thanks.” I said softly, forcing a small smile.
He grinned, settling comfortably into the seat beside me. “Name’s Alex, by the way.”
“El.” I replied, still avoiding eye contact.
“Cool, cool.” Alex nodded, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He took one for himself and then held the second out toward me.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight as I stared at the cigarette in his hand. My eyes flickered from the cigarette to the uneasy grin on his face, and I felt a strange flutter in my chest I couldn’t place. My breathing came in uneven bursts and my fingers fidgeted with the edge of my water bottle.
“I… I don’t.” Was all I shakily muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.
Alex’s grin widened just a little too much, and he let out a low chuckle that sent a shiver down my spine. “Well… there’s no harm in starting.”
I shifted slightly in my seat, suddenly aware of how close he was, the way he studied me like I was some puzzle he wanted to figure out. My body was tense and rigid. I felt suffocated and I seriously wondered if staying here had been such a good idea after all.
Alex held the cigarette out toward me. His hand was scarily close to me, and suddenly, I felt impossibly small, like the room had grown too large and I was shrinking into myself.
“I’ll take that.”
The cigarette was suddenly snatched away by another voice, and my body relaxed slightly as Alex’s hand dropped back to his lap. I blinked up, startled, and saw Joseph standing there.
“Thanks, Alex.” Joseph said, his voice calm but carrying an edge as he inspected the cigarette before turning his gaze toward Alex. “My pack is trash. Needed a new one.”
A slow breath escaped me, and I felt some of the tension drain from my shoulders. I allowed myself to ease slightly, relief settling over me.
It looked like Joseph had started smoking again. I remembered how he had quit in the middle of our relationship because of how disgusted I was by it. But now, with us no longer together, it seemed he had picked the habit back up.
Alex’s grin faltered and he shuffled slightly in his seat. “Uh… sure, no problem.” He muttered, the friendly ease from before completely gone.
I could feel my pulse racing as Joseph’s eyes flicked to me for a brief moment before returning to Alex. Silence hung heavily between the three of us. I looked down, clutching my water bottle tighter, trying to look casual, but my fingers dug into the plastic, betraying my nerves.
Anyone with eyes could see how tense I was.
Alex cleared his throat. “Um… I’ll catch you later, El.” He said, then quickly walked away, clearly eager to leave.
The moment Alex was gone, Joseph flicked the cigarette into the trash and strode abruptly toward me.
“What are you doing?” Joseph hissed, his voice low but still very sharp.
I froze, my grip tightening on the water bottle, my breathing heavy as his presence closed in.
“I…” I started, but no words came out. My body and mind were still tense from the earlier interaction with Alex.
“Do you know how old he is?” Joseph asked, his gaze sharp, as if he was testing me.
I shook my head no.
“He’s twenty-nine.” Joseph said, his voice slow and low, each word heavy with emphasis. “Twenty-nine fucking years old, Ellie. And you? You’re twenty.”
My breath caught in my throat at his words. I couldn’t look at him, not really. Shamelessly, I turned my gaze to the side, searching for anything, anywhere, that wasn’t his face.
“I… I didn’t know,” I admitted softly, my voice barely above a whisper.
I didn’t know why my eyes pricked with tears, probably from how shaken I still felt after the interaction with Alex. But I made sure he couldn’t see them, keeping my eyes fixed elsewhere.
“He’s known to be a creep.” Joseph continued, rambling. “Why would you ever continue to talk to someone—”
I looked up, and for a moment, his words faltered. His eyes met mine, and he stopped mid-sentence. Then he let out a long heavy sigh, the tension in his shoulders softening just slightly.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I said, my voice a little harsh, blinking frantically and praying the tears wouldn’t fall, but one escaped anyway. “I didn’t know.”
I twisted in my seat, resting my elbows on the island, and buried my hands in my hair, trying to steady myself as the sniffles escaped.
Joseph let out a deep sigh above me.
“Ellie.”
I didn’t respond. I was too ashamed of myself. I couldn’t believe I was actually crying, at a crowded party, in front of my ex, the same person I broke up with, the same person who probably hated me.
“Ellie?”
I felt him shift closer, close enough that I could feel the warmth of him beside me without even looking. The noise of the party seemed to fade, like the world had narrowed down to just the two of us.
I forced myself to straighten up, sitting quickly as if that alone could pull me back together. It didn’t. My nose and cheeks still burned, flushed a dead giveaway I couldn’t hide no matter how hard I tried.
“I’m fine.” I said briskly, the words coming out too fast to be convincing. “I’m okay. It’s okay.”
Joseph looked at me, really looked at me. It was clear he didn’t buy it, I could feel it in his silence.
“What happened to your red hair?”
This time, it was my turn to look at Joseph. The question caught me off guard, my brows knitting together as I met his gaze. His expression was blank and unreadable, but his eyes stared deeply at me.
He lifted a hand unconsciously, his fingers brushing the strands that now fell naturally over my shoulders.
I tensed.
My eyes lifted to meet his, and he was already looking down at me. The way our gazes locked made me blink.
My breath quickened as we stayed like that, me on the stool, looking up at him, and him standing close, his fingers still tangled in my hair.
“Joseph–”
“Ellie–”
We both said each other’s names at the same time, and the moment hit us with full force. Realizing how close we were, we practically jumped back from each other.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered quickly, though I wasn’t even sure what I was apologizing for. I stood abruptly from my seat, needing the space.
“I… uh, yeah, it’s okay.” Joseph stammered, running a hand through his hair. “I… I should go.”
I only nodded like I was in a trance, words failing me.
He glanced at me one last time, something unreadable in his expression, before turning and walking away.
I noticed something then, there was no pack of cigarettes in his back pocket.