ETRNTY SNSHNE @esttna - Tumblr Blog

Nagiisip na naman.

nag iiisip nanaman ako para sayo. ano ba, tama na, ayaw ko na isipin ka. alam ko na. alam ko ng ayaw mo sakin.

I just want to let go adam. I just want to remove you from my experiences. i just want to remove you from my life. thank you.

we can just be strangers, and i hope forever we are indeed strangers.

ang dami mo na siguro na nakausap. ang dami mo na siguro napabilog jan sa puso mo.

ang dami mo na rin sigurong minahal.

ang dami mo ng napaibig. salamat.

kasi isa lang ako sa mgad dumaan sayo pero grabe hindi ko alam na ganito kasakit.

ang sakit sakit. ang sakit talaga sobra ayaw ko na. ahyaw ko na isipin ka kasi alam ko naman na hindi nga ajo, at gusto ng tanggapin yon.

sana matanggap ko na . sana di na ko umasa. sana maging masaya ka na para di na ko aasa.

sana mag asawa ka na.

sana magmahal ka na ulit.

Ikaw, wala kang timeline. Pero ako meron, ang lungkot kasi dahil sa timeline na yon, alam ko na hindi ko maeexperience na maging karelasyon ka.

dahil sa timeline na yon, iba ung makakasama mo at iba rin makakasama ko.

Dahil sa lintik na timeline na yan, hindi tayo magiging okay para sa isat isa.

ang dami mo pang gustong gawin. ang dami mo pang gusto i-meet.

ang dami mo pang mamemeet.

alam ko darating din ung araw na madedevelop din ung feelings mo sakanya. kung sino man sia, magiging napakaswerte niyang tao. napakaswerte niyang babae, kasi alam kong mamahalin mo siya ng sobra sobra.

sobra sobra, at alam kong sobrang sasaya ka na talaga. i want you to be happy. that’s all I can do. so I can be happy too.

I want to let go. i am letting the idea of you go.

6/16 Bagong simula.

Hello Ysabel,

Kamusta ka ngayon? I can tell that you are feeling anxious, and uncomfortable. Why do you think so? If I can tell you what I think, you’re feeling anxious because you don’t know what now. A lot of things has happened for the past few months, yes? And your body, mind, and soul, are probably processing every single thing that has happened to you right now.

Let’s see, what has happened so far?

* Nanligaw si Sam, nireject mo although you have had good times with him and that you have learned so much from him.

* You were able to learn so many things, lahat ng triggers and ideologies mo kay Adam. It was rough, but you needed that tbh.

* You were able to maximize your time with Cliff, on your own benefits as selfish as that might sound. I’m sure you were able to offer something to him too.

* You and Adam met agian. Ang weird. Sobrang weird. Siguro kasi naging clouded na yung judgment mo sakanya? Is that okay? Yes. Kasi don’t forget what happened sayo last time. It was suppose to happen.

*you’ve gone on multiple dates to meet people, that’s really good! Socializing is a skill. Empathy is a skill. Just make sure you are grounded, more present of your self, your character and moral values, and your integrity, and just over all your boundaries.

You are feeling like all the personalities and parts of you that you have discovered for the last three years, and every ideologies, culture, and experiences you have had your life for the past 25 years as well, you are processing all of them, and you are choosing parts and leaving the rest behind that don’t serve you anymore and that how you want to become as a woman.

And I tell you, all of these things are very much valid. :)

I know, you’re having a tough time. It’s breaking you, and I hate to see you breaking. It’s because you’re becoming more aware of your own self, and your own surroundings. You are identifying each and every little emotion and triggers, reactions and projections of yourself because I know deep down, you’ve always wanted to better yourself as many other people do. And that is okay. :)

It’s fascinating, isn’t it? The life you have discovered, all the emotions you have felt, all the experiences and worlds and realities you have witnessed. It is fascinating, isn’t it? Discovering and becoming exposed to all the goods and bads of the world, the light and darkness of people around. And yes, it has been painful to you, and probably overwhelming too. But all of these that you are going through are all real and valid. Every one goes through these, because this is life and this is what makes it colorful. This is what makes your life colorful and vibrant, and that is also why I cannot blame you for loving so much people and loving so much experiences. You are getting the best out of life, both with the goods and the bads.

You would think your life is like in movies. It actually is! Imagine, just everything you went through with family problems, then to self-fulfilling career and purpose, and now your role as a woman to be a partner to someone.

Every single one of us go through such phases. Trust me, no body has figured it all out. No body is put together. Everyone is just learning and staying on their own lane. Stay on yours too.

All everyone to come to you and you to come to the right people. You may encounter bad times, but it is all part of the process. You are maturing, and growing, and that is okay. Everyone lacks on something. Nobody is perfect. So remove that image on your end, so you don’t put so much pressure on your end to.

It’s the pressure, expectations, and perfection that leads us to misery, unfortunately. :) Enjoy your roller coaster, dear one. You are fine, and you are going to figure it all out. Build your own character of you.

Build your purpose.

Build your love for you.

Build your relationship with you.

Build your character within you.

Build your relationships to people, those that resonate and allows growth for you.

Stay true.

Yours truly,

You

Dear Ysabel

Ok lang yang nararamdaman mo.

Pros and Cons nung “nagdadate kayo” and also your needs and things you need to improve yourself for your next journey after healing:

Pros:

1. He’s very sweet and gentle.

2. He made you feel really safe.

3. He’s a child, funny. You gave him a massage. He liked it.

4. You were innocent. You were pure when you gave yourself to him.

5. He saw you.

6. He’s funny, has a sense of humor, naughty in a good way.

7. He would make love to you, genuinely. Even took a shower with you. Naks.

8. He loves kids, his family and friends.

9. He’s smart and determined. Very outgoing.

10. He has a classy taste.

11. He is in the look for a long-term relationship. Ok. But how.

Cons:

1. He’s a player.

2. He is surrounded by many girls.

3. He loves beautiful women. He’s only going to make you feel insecure.

4. He’s a child, a little immature, and no patience. Does not want to chase you. He only wants to be chased. He flirts, a lot. Yes. He gets easily tempted. Hallelujiah, dun ka na sa mga babae mo hinayupak ka I don’t need to feel less value because of you.

5. You did not communicate.

6. You just ghosted me. Okay. Sir. Tangina neto. Gago ka pakyu. I feel used. Hayop ka.

7. Wala man lang consideration. Yes you keep liking my photos, pero brad sobrang bare minimum. Obviously you didnt like me that much kasi I would be the one to text you pa. You only text me at night. You never took me out on a date. You never had the intention to get to know me obviously because I was a virgin, akala mo clingy ako hayop ka.

My Needs:

1. Communication

2. Patience

3. Consideration

4. Assurance

5. Understanding of the whole situation.

6. More love of my self. Absolutely. So to not lose myself.

7. More self awareness, and knowledge.

8. Strong community.

9. Next time, direct communication if I want the person. Honesty and transparency. If I do not want the person, then fine. Okay. Communicate that it’s not going to work out.

Improvement:

1. communication

2. understanding

3. confidence (remove insecurity, or develop self esteem and self awareness).

4. determination.

5. passion to achieve goal.

6. vulnerability.

7. honesty. vocalizing thoughts and feelings. never hide. never change yourself.

8. faith in yourself and in your partner.

9. awareness on redflags.

10. no mind games. no playing games.

I'm so in love with you...am I? Or is this another illusion, a trap I made for myself?

“I'm so in love with you And I hope you know Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold We've come so far my dear Look how we've grown And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old Just say you won't let go Just say you won't let go”

-James Arthur

But I let go... I had to, right? Tell me I won’t regret this.

“I knew I loved you then But you'd never know 'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go I know I needed you But I never showed But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old Just say you won't let go Just say you won't let go”

-James Arthur

You coulda hada bad sweet bitch

Cryoutloud

Nakakaiyak, kase

Maybe

Maybe i’m not the right person. Maybe he’s not the right person. But here I am, wasting all my energy in an idea that does not and will never exist. Staring at his thick brows and blue eyes, I couldn’t resist.

And for sure this is not something what they call love, For sure, this is not being in love. If anything, this is a trap made by me, for my self, Few harsh hints of reality could may be of help.

But the people surrounding him makes him so him, And it’s being him that makes me want to know more of him. Our paths always seem to come across but never really cross, And that’s all I have got, meeting and knowing him from a far, the odds doing the coin toss.

Maybe I’m not the right person, Maybe he’s not the right person. Wasting my energy on the idea saddens me, It feels like a prison.

If I am left unnoticed, I genuinely hope he finds his person soon. And I wish to wake up, see my light, And get out of this four-cornered room.

-Y.

“I thought what a weird world we live in that someone is judged by their number of sexual partners, or lack thereof.”

— Lisa lo Paro, Hello Giggles

Museum of Ice Cream, What!?

August 13, 2017 Downtown Los Angeles

Also known as MOIC, website.

Tickets to be reserved, about $30 more or less with tax (but it depends on which city I believe, so kindly check their webpage for accurate information). I am highly recommending to visit this museum with friends, family, and/or kids.

Being inside the museum was like a dream. I was brought back to my childhood and I couldn’t be more thankful for the brilliant minds that put this business up. The creativity and experience did not disappoint! Plus, the friends I was with when I visited are simply amazing; their presence is an added bonus to the experience!

For more photos to see what else is inside the museum, click me.

If ever you get a chance to visit the Museum of Ice Cream, I hope you enjoy the almost about 60-minute tour as much as I did! Check to see if you have them in your city. Have fun!

xo,

-Y.

A heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved... A life with love is a life that’s been lived.

August 12, 2017 Staples Center, Los Angeles

For a moment, I thought I was in heaven. No kidding, for this artist has such a beautiful soul and a remarkable talent both as a composer and a singer. He is an absolute performer for he can entertain thousands of people for two hours by himself alone. Honestly, I was and still am in awe. I have never seen such a humble and a total performer. He’s got the humor too, which gives me butterflies in my stomach. He’s exceptional.

This 2017, seeing him Live is probably the best highlight of my year. And I am thankful for Claudine coming with me, bearing with my excessive obsession with this young fine and seemingly romantic man.

Thank you, Eddie, just for existing in my world.

xo,

-Y.

To the most gentle and emotional person I know.

December 2014. Vegas Restaurant, Glendale.

I hope you know and realize how great of a person and of a brother you are. You have so much potential in you and you are smarter than you thought you are. Just a little bit more of discipline, guidance, and patience and you’ll know how capable you are in doing anything.

Yes, being a teenager is fun. But not many people acknowledge how difficult it can also be for it is during this time that you feel like everyone including your family is against you and all your decisions in life. It is during this period of time when you know you don’t need people telling you to do certain things and you don’t want people telling you who to be and not to be friends with; that you think you know better than those of the elderly because they know nothing about our generation, about what’s trendy and what’s not, and that their time is different from ours. You think that your parents are being overly traditional and so outdated; that they are being hard on you for no reason. And it is during this time as well that you think what’s more important is how you look and how many friends you have, what you have and not have, and who you are friends with and how cool you all are. I know all these because I’ve been there once. and I also once doubted the advice people would give me.

But if there is one thing that I know I did right during my teenage years, is that I was open to all those advice despite doubts I gave. So I hope that even though you think you know everything already, you will keep your ears, eyes, heart, and mind open to all the advice the people give you no matter who they are and what social status they might have because trust me, they’ve all been there once the same path you are on now and they know better than you. They are much wiser than any of us younger than them. They may not be right all the time, but realize that what they tell you is based on their experiences and each has his/her own experience.

What I ask only of you is that you open your self to any criticisms people may have on you, and from those, you base your judgment, your morals, and values:

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” – Winston Churchill

Also, know that:

“A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether.” —Roy H. Williams

Love, Your dear sister who loves you and believes in you the most.

-Y.

A Privilege to Serve the Athletes of Special Olympics World Games 2015.

I am grateful to be part of one of the most awaited events worldwide. I volunteered to serve the incredible athletes during the Opening ceremony. Truly, it was an honor because I saw how real trooper they are. They are the epitome of the phrase “nothing is impossible.” They are one of the existing evidence of dreams do come true. Despite their disability, they pursued hard work and perseverance. And because of their unprovoking determination, they are able to live their dreams. And so I thought if they can do it, how can others not? It is in these times that I question myself, my efforts and hard work. How much am I doing and are they even enough? Do I have the right amount of eagerness to get to where I want to be?

These athletes have inspired me to do so much better in life and to find no excuses on circumstances.

“You can’t expect to succeed if you only put in work on the days you feel like it.” —Anonymous

Flying to East Coast.

August 2014. Maryland, New Jersey, New York

Few days right after arriving in California, my brother and I had the opportunity to go see East Coast when my family got invited to a wedding of a family friend. Interestingly, we were able to explore Maryland, New Jersey, and New York within 24 hours (besides the wedding party, of course).

It took us about six (6) hours or less to get there from San Francisco having Dallas TX as our stopover state to get into the connecting line to Maryland. In the plane, I was sitting by the window. And looking outside, I thought the clouds formed beautifully. Right then, I knew I had to appreciate that moment because it was not something that could be seen often. It was around 6PM and the sun was setting down; the horizon was clearly calling my attention. As we landed at Baltimore/Washington International Airport, I remember how chilly it was stepping down the airplane, probably around 50 F.

The wedding ceremony was held the next day, and everything was going smoothly. Everyone was dressed up ravishingly, and the bride was looking more exquisite than ever. A real fine woman, I must say. And so was the groom as a fine man. I genuinely thought they looked perfect for each other. I remember how they look so in love together while swaying on the dance floor. Overall, the wedding was beautiful and so was the moment to witness.

When the ceremony was over, my family decided to drive from Maryland to New Jersey, all the way to New York and go back to Maryland the same night. I thought it was impossible, but who would have thought.

Ahh, New Jersey—our first stop. We specifically went to Atlantic City, the seemingly Vegas of the east coast. It was fun. All the adults were no doubt gambling. Meanwhile, all the kids including myself (as the “young adult” of the group) stayed in the Bally’s Atlantic City hotel to watch my younger cousins. Although Atlantic City is not really a go-spot for the kids in general, there are few arcade areas there to go and play at. At night, the lights are just gorgeous to look at and there are some few crafted works to take pictures with. Other than those, there’s really nothing more for the children. Still, it was an interesting place and a must to visit especially for a tourist like me.

So we stayed at the hotel for a few hours to get a good nap. Then, we drove to New York next. Yes, the New York City. It is said that NYC is the busiest city among all the other cities in America. Whoever claimed that statement originally, he/she definitely was not joking. There was a heavy flow of traffic by the time we came there, surely different from the traffic here in Los Angeles. There were hundreds and thousands of cars everywhere, and so was the crowd on the street at New York Times Square. Despite the seemingly chaotic city, I saw the long and divine-looking Brooklyn Bridge and it was breathtaking. I fell in love with it. As for the weather, it as showering that day and I appreciated it the fact that it barely rained in California that year. After taking a bunch of family photographs, we drove back to Maryland the same night.

And that’s within 24 hours.

For the last two pictures, they were taken the next day at Washington, D.C. Incredibly, there were so many things to see over there! I was able to visit the White House *crie emoji because happy*, and even the Lincoln Memorial *crie emoji because “finally” thoughts*. Moreover, the buildings were just perfectly constructed. Banks didn’t even seem like banks outside; the National Bank was scenic. Interestingly, there were a lot of police cars roaming around that time. Security reasons for the White House, perhaps. Overall, Washington D.C. is on point.

Because the trip was done out of the rush, I didn’t really get to explore the cities well. We only stayed a few hours in each city just so we could take pictures, then had to drive onto the next stop. Despite that, I certainly enjoyed the journey—an experience worth enough for tourists visiting the east coast for a short period of time, like me. I mean, three cities to experience all within the 24 period? How’s that? After all, I have plenty of time to come back and visit the area again ;-).

xo,

-Y.

Humility and humanity.

September 2013 Nueva Ecija, Philippines

Three years ago, I was part of the ROTC/NSTP program in my university in the Philippines—a curriculum in which students get trained to be an officer or a member of the military and where they get to do community services in certain provinces to help people who are most in need. Being part of it was definitely one of the most challenging and tiring experiences I have ever had. Yet, it was fun and exciting at the same time although the officers’ commanding presence sort of threw me off.

Nevertheless, the greatest part of the program is that it gives students like myself the mindset to never forget giving and sharing love and joy with those who are in need.

Somewhere in the area of Nueva Ecija, Philippines, all students of the said program visited a small under-constructed public school. As some of us students cooked and prepared food for all the residents of the area, others (including myself) went to classrooms to meet and teach children, and play with them. In class, we pretended as if we were professional teachers, but really, we were just making conversations with them talking about how their lives are at that time and what dreams or aspirations do they have when they grow up. Then we taught them how to do some origamis and sang children songs with them.

Clearly, it was one of the best feelings I have ever felt in my entire life. But it was also one of the saddest. These little fragile creatures facing struggles at such a young age made me think of what kind of life I was (and am) living in, and made me doubt in the world I am at. Not everyone has the same view of what life is. For some, it’s just a game, a luxury. To others, it’s a borrowed life, a gift to treasure. Yet, there are people who think life is just a complete struggle. No matter what they do, they think they always seem to be in the dark; no matter how they strive, they just never see the future because opportunities don’t seem to knock on their doors. The thoughts gave me a gloom, especially after thinking about the little ones to whom the future of this world lies upon. My day at that time became somehow blue.

After about an hour, the food prepared outside was ready. Under the sun, we assisted the kids and their parents in lining up so that they can get their food and some reliefs. If I remember clearly, we had spaghetti, some fried chicken and milk/fruit flavored juice for them. Looking at the little occasion, it seemed to me that everyone was enjoying. Faces were lightening up as I saw their smiles. I can’t really remember the exact feelings I was feeling that time, but I know for sure it was a memorable and a worthy one. With the small occasion we did, we were able to help the families in that little village somehow, I thought.

In the end, the activity made me realize how important it is to always be very humble in life. I hope the materialistic mindset of many people be lessened if can’t be removed away completely because selfishness and greediness are just two of the things people often condone without even realizing. Likewise, I wish people would realize that the kind of world they thought they are living is not what it actually seems to be. Instead, the reality is beyond the imaginations of some people—the reality that many are still facing prejudices and unfairness and that there is a cluster out there that is seeking for respect, value and love.

xo,

-Y.

Our Firsts in the City of Angels.

February 8, 2015 Los Angeles County Museum of Art or LACMA

It’s been years since I saw this amazing lady! We were in the same class on my freshman year in high school in the Philippines, and I clearly remember we were in the same circle of friends. We may not be the “best friends” at that time but we were absolutely buddies together with our other friends.

After coming here in the US, I had to start all over again. I had no one besides family. The family is great, don’t get me wrong. But having friends around is another thing. I had no one to tell my childish tales and such. However, after realizing that Kaye and I live only a few miles apart, we took the opportunity to grab a coffee together and chat. I had never been so excited in my entire stay in the US at that point.

After hours of talking and reminiscing, we went to places around Los Angeles. First stop was Downtown. We went to the famous The Last Bookstore alongside 5th and looked through thousands of old and legendary books. If you are a bookworm and appreciate art at the same time, this place is definitely a must to visit. Not only this store possesses many interesting and cheaper books with different genres but also displays arts made by different local artists and collectors, with paintings and book exhibitions as well.

Few minutes after, we then walked around the block of the said street and observed how downtown is since it was our first time to roam the area. Eventually, we drove to Wilshire and 6th (I think) to see a local museum for more art exhibits, as well as to view the great Hollywood sign even from afar. Time passed by so quick that we did not even notice how dark it was already outside. Realizing it was, we went to the famous Urban Lights. Clearly, the view of the lit posts was beautiful. And I think I fell in love at the sight.

The day ended extremely wonderful. I couldn’t be more thankful for her showing me around. From then on, I knew we would be the best buddies to explore LA more.

Thanks, Claudine for experiencing the fun with me.

xo,

-Y.

How Small the Seemingly Big World Is.

March 22, 2015 Will Rogers State Beach, Malibu

The photos above were taken 2 years ago, a few months after I came to the US. Days before that, I learned that my high school friend also lives in Los Angeles just about 20 minutes away from me. What a small world isn’t it? Her name is Claudine and we haven’t seen each other for years (since 2010 I think). Now, we’ve become the best of friends here in America!

I might be posting some more throwbacks of us traveling and discovering places here in LA. But for now, I’d like to leave a little message that made me think of after seeing these photos once again.

Note to self and to everyone who might be having some rough times anytime this moment:

When you think life is starting to get ugly, and you feel like living is just becoming empty, start counting the days you had your smiles with your friends and family and those people who you encounter every single day.

You’re welcome.

xo,

-Y.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

ETRNTY SNSHNE