Life Updates

a tapestry of trials and triumphs, all under God’s will.

[etdiary]

Hi,

These days, my memory feels a bit goldfish-like, worn down by the pace of modern life and its constant shifts. I write here to anchor the core memories of my days.”

- desu 💋

[etdiary]

Dark ambiance used to feel comforting—until it became a room for tears, a space where vulnerability quietly settled in. Now, it has this strange power to pull buried memories back to the surface. Wounds I once believed had long healed begin to ache again. Or maybe I’ve simply been searching for a reason behind this lingering sadness, trying to understand why I feel so blue.

[etdiary]

Papa is genuinely happy today. He is so happy to be able to eat Pancit. The food he craves for awhile.

Mom is bound to travel to Switzerland. May God protect and guide her journey. May she also enjoy it. May good surprises finds her. Please it joy into her life. Amen.

[etdiary]

You are allowed to reach a limit.

Setting boundaries does not automatically mean abandoning people. It can mean:

✅ deciding what you can realistically contribute,

✅ stopping emergency-level support from becoming permanent dependency,

✅ requiring effort from them if they expect continued help,

✅ protecting enough money for your own survival and future.

You do not have to destroy yourself to prove you care.

A practical approach is usually better than one huge emotional confrontation. For example:

⬜ set a fixed amount you can contribute each month,

⬜ stop covering nonessential expenses,

⬜ give a timeline or expectation for job searching,

⬜ avoid rescuing every shortfall immediately.

The guilt may spike at first because you’re used to being responsible for everyone’s stability. But guilt is not always a sign you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s just the feeling that appears when you stop overfunctioning for others.

And if nobody has said this clearly to you lately: your exhaustion matters too. You’re not a machine that exists only to carry other adults indefinitely.

[etdiary]

Kuya missed the due date of dropping the raffle tickets. We missed the chances of winning 100k worth of trip but it's okay. I've checked the promo and it's not exclusive to our local branch. It is nationwide.

Insights & actionable solution: always check due dates then create or schedule a reminder on calendar right after.

[etdiary]

Around 12pm, I fainted for the first time in my entire existence. It was a total black out. Same feeling when you're going deep sleep. It happen on the presence of my entire immediate family. I gained conscious on my my mother's and kuya's embrace. While my lil brother is talking in panic and my father looks stunned.

[etdiary]

Why everytime I gain confidence I get crush twice of it. I may be lying I'm okay but I'm really not. I think I'm scam by rcbc. They took my money worth 49,700 and it's really breaking me apart. I feel like I don't deserve happiness. Being happy starts to scare me, like I have to anticipate something bad is about to happen and I'd rather not get my hopes high.

[etdiary]

10479

🎄Today marks the final day of the 9-day Christmas novena Mass. I’m proud of myself for seeing it through this year. Completing the novena wasn’t always easy—there were moments of fatigue, distractions, and the pull of everyday responsibilities—but I stayed committed.

💡We experienced a five-day power outage caused by a busted transmission line. During that time, something unsettling happened. Lola misunderstood big bro’s intentions, and kuya became frightened when he saw Lola sharpening a knife.

👶 20Dec - I attended Zion’s christening but arrived late. LB showed up an hour late and insisted on a different route, which led us to the wrong church—costing us extra money and making us terribly late. On my way home, I saw a familiar face: MADA. Thankfully, he didn’t notice me, and perhaps wouldn’t have recognized me anyway since I was wearing glasses. After parting ways with LB, I immediately checked online to confirm if they were back in the Philippines—and I was right. It was him.

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10459

Today is the last day of my longest weekend. I spent most of it decluttering. I didn’t finish everything I planned, thanks to a few spontaneous events, but the break still felt meaningful. I got to try new food, spend time with people I care about, and visit Benedict (+) and pay my respects to Tonio (+).

We also received wonderful news from Kuya—he was overjoyed about the progress in his employment. May God continue to bless and guide him.

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10419

It's been a while. a lot is happening but there is one thing that hasn't change, I still cry out of nowhere. I'm not certain of the cause. There is an unexplainable grief that would resurface from time to time. Then, while i was in that moment I heard Kuya leaping with hope as he got a response back from one of many employer he sent his resume. Although the job is contractual and good for 5 months, I still hope and pray he'll be able to get it.

on the other hand, I feel bad for Jaui. I can't help but feel like sooner or later pressure and doubt would starts to creep on him. I pray that may he not succumb to pressure and may he still be able to approach things with clarity and with divine guidance of God.

May these good things continue to flow in. Forgive us of our sins, continue protecting my family's peace and stability as we honor and praise you Dear Lord God. Amen

[etdiary]

10364

🍜 koya gave me bihon for breakfast and I shared it with jaui

🍚 jaui bought me a siomai chao fan for lunch

🥐 Koya bring home a croissant coming from ate Ritz and shared it with us

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10362

🍃 My leave on Dec 1 was approved. Hopefully, I get a slot too on comelec for BSKE.

📦 The tv stand we ordered arrived on expected date.

🎰 I won ₱1k on Kahoot game and ₱300 on raffle.

🥳 Monique gave us andoks chicken, 1L coke and slice of cake for her birthday.

🎞️ Jaui lend me his Canva

🧑‍💻 Koya got in to the python boot camp. Let it be the start and goes on.

[etdiary]

10361

I haven’t been posting much lately because I was trying to keep a video journal, but my uploads kept getting rejected. Since that doesn’t seem to work here, I’ll be returning to writing instead.

Today, I ended up watching the new K-drama Bon Appétit, My Majesty instead of finishing my basic Excel video modules. There was a scene where the King pities Yeonji for being unmarried at the age of 28. Hearing those lines felt strangely personal—almost as if he was speaking directly to me.

The scene stuck with me, and I began spiraling again—until I was in tears, questioning my purpose and wishing I were a man instead of a woman. I don’t know how much longer I can carry all of this, which is why I’m pouring everything out here.

Mom shared a picture of Dad checking out the latest iPhone models—something he could easily afford back then. So much has changed over the years, and with each passing day, the difference becomes more vivid and undeniable. We are no longer who we once were, and facing that reality feels heavier with time

I know I have to be tough, but I don’t know how long I can keep it up. People say that in life, you just have to ask and it will be given—but that thought brings me to tears. I remember the days I asked and received nothing in return. Asking for help has never been my strength; enduring in silence is what I’ve become good at. Maybe to challenge this belief, I need to start recording those moments—to see whether it’s really true, or if I’ve just been carrying this idea without questioning it.

[etdiary]

D10535

I tried taking the MBTI test today and I didn't expect the outcome. From INFJ, since college, to ESTP. It was a full flip! Ohlala I'm a change person. Indeed growth is invisible until measured, it becomes visible. I can't believe this 🥹

[etdiary]

D10352

🌾The rice we typically buy had a ₱100+ price markdown. We were able to buy more goods with our current budget.

🍈Tio Dong gave us Pomelo.

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D10351

🍽️ I have the means to buy food of my choosing.

[etdiary]

D10350

👼Happy 9th Heavenly Birthday Papay 🎂 It was raining again, and this happens everytime we visit you.

🚘Tio Tho was our ride for today. He took us (Lola, jaui, tia dhay and I) to the cemetery, St. Raphael church and back home.

🌦️Tonight, I'm not my usual self. My emotions are heightened, and my gut is not good. My emotions are uncontrollable that I had to cry for relief.