‘things overheard @ my school’ ask meme, pt. 2
“I fully intend to go to high school parties and tell everyone there that I’m so over high school parties.”
“My social life is pretty rough. My pillow pet went missing from my bed last night.”
“I’m drinking champagne from a wine glass. I feel like a peasant.”
“Stop being so attractive. It makes my ovaries hurt.”
“I hate tomatoes. They’re trying too hard to be water.”
“I’m pretty sure that dryer sheets are a conspiracy. Like, what do they even do?”
“I hate canoeing — but only because most of the time it involves a second person — and I hate people.”
“If 7th grade girls had nuclear weapons, everything would be over.”
“His Blood-Alcohol-Concentration was higher than his G.P.A.”
“It was very chaotic — like a caesar salad, only worse.”
“If I yell the word ‘FUCK’ loudly enough, will I burn calories?”
“How come when you have sex, bad things happen, like STDs? Why can’t you get sexually transmitted skills, like creativity? Or juggling?”
“I don’t do drugs. I AM drugs.”
“I’ll agree with whatever gets me laid.”
“I think having pizza in your hand is the trick to finding a boyfriend.”
“I just want to make some bad decisions and eat some rice.”
“Do you think my dealer wants to watch the presidential debate with me?”
“I go through napkins like I go through men.”
“I love her so much I would use her farts as oxygen.”
“Chinchillas are a medium-sized rodent whose main skill is being made into coats.”
“You think YOUR blind date was bad? I was set up with someone who was arrested for attempted murder.”
“Take my picture. I coordinated my outfit to complement my Starbucks cup.”
“Yo, save some of that tequila, though. I need it for my interview tomorrow.”
“I knew it! There is an actual statistical relationship between penile length and divorce rates.”
“I would totally be a pothead if I didn’t have so many responsibilities.”
“I blame Skrillex for everything.”
“I was going to ask if you wanted some, but I was too lazy to open my mouth.”
“No, dude, I was a badass in high school. I had a MySpace.”
“My butt is so boney that it hurts when I sit down on un-cushioned chairs. Help me.”
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