---TW: this is probably triggering to a lot of people I mention a lot of Ed things, it might seem as a meanspo but it wasn't meantfor that, it's just has a negative ending wich is a realistic view on the Ana stuff. Btw these words are more towards myself than anyone I've ever met or anyone that will read this post
Do you remember your starting days?
Everything is new, seems exciting, seems easy and a quick way to solve your problem. A quick way to solve yourself.
Do you remember the first few blogs and posts you read?
Do you remember how you didn't understood what did the letter combinations mean?
Do you remember the feeling of being scared while opening an Ana blog? Maybe you even used an inkognito tab just in case.
Do you remember your first plan? Planning the plan? Reading other people plans? A few cals for a few monts for a few kg/pounds.
Do you remember how you thought you could never do this or that? When you thought it's just isn't motivating for you isn't working for you?
Or when you thought that corps like figure was too much, and you wouldn't wanna go that far?
But now... Now your sitting in your room hungry or just binged, never anything else. Now the girls seem pretty and not too skinny more like ideal. And you lost weight but nothing has changed, your clothes don't fit you but your body "looks the same". You know all the meanings behind the letters, all the secrets, all the tricks, how to lie, when to lie, how to fake eat how to throw up and how to walk while everything is fading to black. You know everything by heart, front and back. Some bones are showing and you are so deep you don't understand why nobody noticed.
Ana coaches want you but they still don't like you.
Your clothes are big but you're still not skinny or dainty enough.
You use the tricks, all your knowledge but you still fail.
Everything is changed but you still feel the same. "Fat"
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