A C

I am a sunlit room in an isolated house, the relaxing balcony to your eerie days. I am the dandelion in a hazy meadow, the long lost clue to your maze. At times, a tornado wrapped in tranquility. Most times, felicity clothed with timidity.

[euphorliah]

Kahit kaila'y hindi kinakapos ang mapagparaya at mapagpalaya.

[euphorliah]

meet me halfway - black eyed peas

[euphorliah]

hulyo bente uno

•

sigaw ko ang pangalan Mo,

lingap ko’y bumubugso;

umaagos na tila silakbo

ang nagniningas kong puso.

[euphorliah]

Hundreds of hues cannot mimic the beauty of His creation. Even so, here is my simple attempt at immortalizing some of my favorite prayer walk sceneries. two of many 🫶

“You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. You have laid your hand on me!” Psalms‬ ‭139:5‬ ‭TPT‬‬

[euphorliah]

[euphorliah]

[soracities]

“The sea, the most unintelligible of non-human existences. And here is the woman, standing on the beach, the most unintelligible of living beings […] She and the sea.”

— Clarice Lispector, from “The Waters of the World”, Complete Stories (trans. Katarina Dodson)

[euphorliah]

maybe escapism is not the best way to relieve ourselves from unpleasant realities...

if you think about it, the phrases “back to reality” and “escape from reality” make little to no sense. i feel like we have gotten used to being treated so poorly by this life that we tend to evade the pleasure to live in the moment and charge ourselves guilty when life throws a party at us. i am not blaming anyone specific, nor am i exempting myself from it because i, too, fall into this trap. nothing is to blame but this wretched world that tries to brainwash us into thinking that our joys are undeserved. it is just sad to realize that we sometimes cling to our tendency to place on a pedestal the joyous moments of this life and label them fantasy; the best moments are overglorified because of how rarely we get to savor each one.

again, i don’t blame you, child.

i am convinced that we must put a halt to saying “back to reality” after a well-spent vacation. reality is not supposed to be escaped. it ought to be lived, or endured, or cherished. i believe it is time for us to recalibrate our minds to the idea that reality is not just the bitter detours, the deafening 7am alarms, and the stressful traffic jams. your best moments and fleeting adventures are your reality, too. your wins are equally as valuable as your losses. your greatest memories are not an escape from reality, but rather a part of it.

so, celebrate the reality that you, too, deserve a good cup of tea or a trip to the sea. the world is just so silly.

[euphorliah]

haha try lang :)

[gratitudechangesthings-deactiva]

Too many Christians carry malice and revenge in their hearts and hate. When you hate someone, you are a murderer at heart. Hating someone is cutting off their identity, their potential, and their destiny in your own heart and soul. It’s murder according to scripture.

Be merciful as He has been merciful to you. Do to others as you would have them do to you, not as they have done to you.

We say “I’m trying to forgive. It takes time,” but why do we have a grid for unforgiveness? When does love ever try to forgive?

[filmnoirsbian]

28/31 for may day bail out

[euphorliah]

this gives me tokyo x disney feels ~

[euphorliah]

"Time might separate us some day. But until then, let's stay together."

蛍火の杜へ

[skinhorses]

tender quotes:

1.  “The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.” (mikko harvey, from “for m,”)

2.  “I still feel like the world is a piece of bread, I’m holding out half to you.” (eileen myles)

3. “Wherever you are it’s okay. You can come back from it. Whatever happened to you down there, whatever the world looks like now, that’s not how it always looks. That’s not how it’s always going to look. There’s more. There’s always more.” (patrick ness, from “more than this”)

4.  “I was making dinner and I got a message. Go look outside, she said, go look at the sunset. My apartment is small, with four rooms and two windows that don’t see much light so I had no idea. I pulled my coat on and hurried out. I was running to this sunset, suddenly the only thing that mattered. I hurried past the taller buildings to the park and the sky was leaking shades of pink and purple. It was beautiful and fleeting, there one minute and gone the next. I would’ve missed it; I almost kissed it. And so I started thinking, how great it would be to get a nudge, a tap on your shoulder, a moment or two before your life changes. Stop what you’re doing and look around, you’ll want to remember this later. In a minute, you’re going to fall in love.” (kelsey danielle, from “unexpected sunset”)

5.  “Today is a day like any other: twenty-four hours, a little sunshine, a little rain. Listen, says ambition, nervously shifting her weight from one boot to another―why don’t you get going? For there I am, in the mossy shadows, under the trees. And to tell the truth I don’t want to let go of the wrists of idleness, I don’t want to sell my life for money, I don’t even want to come in out of the rain.” (mary oliver, from “black oaks”)

[dhomochevski]

when albert camus said "the sea; i didnt lose myself in it. i found myself in it" and when sylvia plath said "if i lived by the sea i would never be really sad" and when hozier said "love, when the sea rises to meet us" and when an anonymous writer said "and yet my heart wanders away, my soul roams with the sea" and when homer said "I’d rather die at sea"

[kafk-a]

and when marguerite duras said “there is one thing i am good at, and that’s looking at the sea” and when agnès varda said “it’s important to always be by the sea. the sea is the element of love”

[ailichi-deactivated20230730]

and when hermann broch said “those who live by the sea can hardly form a single thought of which the sea would not be part,” and when keri hulme said “I know about me. I am the moons sister, a tidal child stranded on land. the sea always in my ear, a surf of eternal discontent in my blood,” and iain pears said “being by the sea is like a permanent baptism; the light and air hypnotizes, and your soul is washed by vastness.”

[soracities]

and when julia de burgos said “the sea, the true sea, almost mine now” and when saadi youssef said “but to the sea, to this sea, i return” and derek walcott said “you want to know my history? ask the sea.”

[euphorliah]

and when edgar allan poe said “i was a child, and she was a child — in this kingdom by the sea, and we loved with a love that was more than love.”

[euphorliah]

I have fallen short of God’s best for my life several times. There have been instances when I wake up each day following a premeditated routine that does not excite me anymore. In those moments, I was like a clueless child looking for her mother at a grocery store, or someone waiting for a bus without knowing that it has already left the station. One may tell me, “you will find your mom,” or “there’s another bus, anyway.” While I considered putting my hope along the lines of these metaphors, the point is, I wouldn’t have gone lost and been left behind only if I didn’t stray my focus away from what truly matters in the first place. All that‘s left is an aimless, frantic, and lost heart that’s uncertain if it can still find its way home or not. At times, I am these two people.

I have had several experiences where I don’t decide to anchor my joy to the Source anymore. I charge myself with other things — my emotions, sentimentality, an unfulfilled longing — you name them. And after weaving the very fabric of my soul on my own without allowing God to choose the threads, I am always left with an unfinished garment. The cycle repeats. Whenever I falter, I always succumb in guilt and despair after having broken God’s heart. My guilt devours me and every time I feel it, it is as if my heartbeat is reaching my throat.

I hate it. It’s suffocating.

I listened to the pointless lies in my head that led me to condemn myself. I listened to the endless whispers that try to convince me that I am never good enough, that my thoughts will always haunt me like a broken record. Meditating on my thought patterns and unruly emotions, I realized that I fed more on satan’s lies than God’s promises.

It has to stop. It had to stop.

The very sins that caused my face to hide in the depths of my sheets at night are the same exact reasons why Jesus died on the cross for me. It is for that very reason that he saw my affliction and decided to deny His own will to follow His Father’s, focusing on the hope that one day, I will be His.

Looking back and realizing how much darkness Jesus redeemed me from, I realized that I must be unashamed and confidently look to Him, the One who breathed faith to me and brings it to completion. In the constant battle between my limited judgment of things and my heart, I removed God from the picture. But when I decided to reconnect to Him and experience the life He gave me, there flowed an endless spring of joy from my heart.

It’s a daily decision that I must make every day. It’s a decision that involves crying prayers and wordless groans. It is one that involves reading Scripture day and night so I will not lose touch with Him ever again. In my weeklong rest and reset with Jesus, I can say that I am free from the shackles of my guilt. I turned away from the things that put a barrier between my soul and the Light. I am joyful, and will continue to be. I will continue to seek Him and delight in His word and the gift of my salvation.

Are you stuck in the same abyss that I was in? Shoot me a message. I believe that you can have the same eternal hope, too, and I’d be happy to spend some time with you :)

[euphorliah]

s t a r s

The beauty of looking at the night sky lies in knowing that what lives inside us are as vast as what we see outside. As I ruminate about it, these countless stars are similar to the countless pangs of agony that we have inside — even the very skin that masks our deepest and darkest sadness screams its hints by exposing our very flaws. But the irony is, despite the many echoes and turmoils that plead to be let out, we feel empty. We feel nothing. We succumb in numbness.

I compare this to the universe, the stars. The manmade number line cannot constitute it. It’s just a line of numbers that the human mind can count, three dots, and the symbol of infinity. Does this show that the concept of infinity is just a result human laziness? Have we become tired of counting stars? Have we become tired of pointing one-by-one the thoughts that define our very nature?

After a few attempts of understanding the universe, of understanding ourselves, the easiest thing we can get a grasp of is seeing these in things outside of us.

Our inner thoughts and feelings are as countless as the stars, some of them are still yet to be named. Both can deeply overwhelm us. Our inner demons persist to exist despite them being forced to be purged from our veins, while the stars in outer space can also make us feel small because of their being immense. But free will leaves us to choose what we allow to consume our very thoughts, and I choose the latter. I choose the stars, looking at them reminds me that even after death, they still can give light.

I don’t know if everything I’m saying is making sense but what I’m trying to say is, whenever I have problems and my emotions are too immense to bear, the courage of stars teach me that the speck of dust that is my existence still has a constant sight that cares. The night sky.

dec 2, 2019 //